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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

1000 replies

Anon39 · 07/10/2023 10:22

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

OP posts:
Catza · 07/10/2023 10:47

pikkumyy77 · 07/10/2023 10:41

This may be the stupidest thing I will ever read. Give yourself a good shake.

Show quote history

Funny enough, I feel the same about the comment I was replying to. If you care to explain the difference between adults regularly doing it to children and another adult doing it to an adult and why one is more abusive than the other, I am all ears.

Begsthequestion · 07/10/2023 10:49

Catza · 07/10/2023 10:47

Funny enough, I feel the same about the comment I was replying to. If you care to explain the difference between adults regularly doing it to children and another adult doing it to an adult and why one is more abusive than the other, I am all ears.

Show quote history

You really can't see the difference??

Wow.

Lost cause.

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 10:49

It's a dick move but not sure it's worthy of divorce

TomatoSandwiches · 07/10/2023 10:49

He is cruel and thinks of you with contempt.
I would no longer want to be married to such a person.

ElliePhillips · 07/10/2023 10:50

OP your husband sounds childish and mean. I’m sorry you are married to someone who treats you like this.

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 10:50

Ugh my dad did similar to me recently.He offered me a bacon sandwich but he had smoked bacon and I don't really like it, I prefer unsmoked so I politely declined.Then he made a roast and kept asking me if I like the stuffing. Turns out he had put smoked bacon in it.

The stuffing was lovely but I was just pissed off that he was being so crafty and acting like he had one up on me coz he had got me to eat amd say something was nice that I said I don't like. Such a weird thing to do.

I had a go at him and told him it was a weird thing to do. I wouldn't have declined the stuffing due to the bacon I just would prefer not to eat a smoked bacon sandwich.

This is a little extreme!

Inertia · 07/10/2023 10:51

You’re supposed to be able to trust your spouse.

Not only does he break your trust, he’s contemptuous of your distress.

Not a nice man.

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 10:51

I don't think anyone is going to miss out nutritionally if they don't ever eat black pudding.

sausages aren't particularly nutritious

IncompleteSenten · 07/10/2023 10:51

That was fucking cruel of him. What a twattish thing to do to you.

literalviolence · 07/10/2023 10:51

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/10/2023 10:31

Would people feel so strongly if this were, say, gooseberries rather than black pudding?

Yes if the OP had previously repeatedly expressed that she did not want to eat gooseberries. It's not the specific food. It's the lack of respect.

PoliticallyIncorrectHitchling · 07/10/2023 10:52

Catza · 07/10/2023 10:33

Shall we report Jamie Oliver to the authorities for his tricks on how to hide more veggies in a sauce when cooking for kids?

Show quote history

OP is not a kid! Her "D"H know she doesn't eat a black pudding sausage yet he fed it to her and mocked her.
Are you always this silly or did you decide to be deliberately obtuse today?

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 10:52

Someone said it was comparable to tricking a vegan into eating meat. It isn't remotely comparable. Nor is it like tricking someone into drinking proper coffee when they wanted decaff or anything.

I'd say it was akin to giving someone Pepsi when they wanted Coke, annoying but not the end of the world.

WhatNoRaisins · 07/10/2023 10:52

Does your DH have any good qualities because he sounds like a right dick here.

itsallforyouandmee · 07/10/2023 10:53

roarrfeckingroar · 07/10/2023 10:30

I really don't get it and agree with your husband

Glad I'm not the only one. I think YABU. It was a obviously a joke and he didn't mean to upset you

NetZeroZealot · 07/10/2023 10:54

Black pudding is delicious though.

And ethically no worse than any other meat product.

Jk8 · 07/10/2023 10:54

Messing with people's food & changing ingredients behind there back is a pet hate of mine so your right to be pissed!!!!!
Nothing to add though, just sorry it happened

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 10:54

People would actually divorce over this?

Passepartoute · 07/10/2023 10:55

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/10/2023 10:31

Would people feel so strongly if this were, say, gooseberries rather than black pudding?

For an autistic person, this is simply a totally irrelevant question.

CorylusAgain · 07/10/2023 10:56

Catza · 07/10/2023 10:47

Funny enough, I feel the same about the comment I was replying to. If you care to explain the difference between adults regularly doing it to children and another adult doing it to an adult and why one is more abusive than the other, I am all ears.

Show quote history

Adults control many if not most aspects of their child's life. It's called parenting.

A spouse controlling their spouse is abusive.

The OP is an adult and has made an adult decision not to eat black pudding. A fact her husband is fully aware of. His tricking her is him controlling her.

HTH

Dizzydeers · 07/10/2023 10:56

If he did it by accident I would think YABU but he did it on purpose and thought it was amusing, he’s cruel.

theduchessofspork · 07/10/2023 10:56

He was being a twat, mocking your partner is not cool.

Does he normally take pleasure in upsetting you- I think this is the key thing, because obviously pork is pork - so (while appreciating you are autistic and have issues around food), if it was one off idiocy, it’s not in a level of tricking a vegetarian into eating meat.

TomatoSandwiches · 07/10/2023 10:56

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 10:54

People would actually divorce over this?

He laughed at her and then when he realised she was upset treated her with contempt. I don't know if you understand what that means but it usually signals the end of any romantic feelings or respect.
You don't treat people you supposedly love this way.

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 10:56

For an autistic person, this is simply a totally irrelevant question.

Perhaps the DH doesn't understand this though?

willWillSmithsmith · 07/10/2023 10:57

ElleCapitaine · 07/10/2023 10:27

Why do people do that? Do they get a kick out deceiving others? A ‘told you so’ moment? It’s such a dick move to deliberately feed people food you absolutely know that don’t want to eat.

Yes, I couldn’t be happy with someone who thought giving me ‘gotcha’ moments was funny or acceptable.

It was nasty, unfunny, immature behaviour. He should apologise and be a better person in future.

theduchessofspork · 07/10/2023 10:58

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 10:56

For an autistic person, this is simply a totally irrelevant question.

Perhaps the DH doesn't understand this though?

They’ve been married for 20 years

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