Page 40 | Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

Anon39 · 2023-10-07T09:22:15+00:00

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post) I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage) no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

pikkumyy77 · 13/10/2023 12:38

Good decision OP—I hope you are considering individual therapy first rather than couples therapy, though. It is contraindicated where one partner is abusing and controlling the other. If you are ND and your partner is NT he may also be able to manipulate the therapist if the therapist is not very skilled.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 13/10/2023 13:06

pikkumyy77 · 13/10/2023 12:38

Good decision OP—I hope you are considering individual therapy first rather than couples therapy, though. It is contraindicated where one partner is abusing and controlling the other. If you are ND and your partner is NT he may also be able to manipulate the therapist if the therapist is not very skilled.

This is sound advice. It was touched on upthread a little when the OP revealed that they had already been in therapy as a result of the breakdown of the marriage. OP hasn’t said whether they went separately for therapy then but I would have hoped that a good therapist would have refused to counsel abuser and victim together.

Rosscameasdoody · 13/10/2023 13:07

Anon39 · 12/10/2023 18:52

@ImCamembertTheBigCheese im ok I’m still cross over it and in response to other posters not once did I say I enjoyed eating a few bites of the sandwich I said it tasted different but I thought it was chilli infused and as I’ve never eaten BP before I had no point of reference.

we are going back to therapy because this (I know some people think it’s trivial and that’s fine everyone has their own perspective) but for me it’s a massive trust breach and one I can’t seem to get passed.

OP, I’ve PM’d you.

ttcat37 · 13/10/2023 14:04

@Mothership4two “I wonder if you made a couple of initial negative comments and are going to stick to them come Hell or high water despite the actual FACTS or OP's updates.”

No, I just don’t agree with you. Your opinion isn’t mine.

Mothership4two · 13/10/2023 14:10

No, I just don’t agree with you. Your opinion isn’t mine.

Fine to disagree with me, but your opinion is not actually based on reality

Mothership4two · 13/10/2023 14:21

Mothership4two · 13/10/2023 14:10

No, I just don’t agree with you. Your opinion isn’t mine.

Fine to disagree with me, but your opinion is not actually based on reality

What isn't fine is gaslighting, belittling and/or name calling another poster especially one that has expressed her hurt feelings. You may not agree with the reason for those feelings, but negating those feelings in an unpleasant way doesn't paint you in a very nice light

toomanyboxes · 13/10/2023 14:31

My parents once gave me rabbit stew when I was a small child and told me it was chicken. I knew it wasn't chicken, tried to eat some but hated it, and made them tell me what it really was. I was so upset that they'd lied and tried to trick me.

Barrowgirl · 13/10/2023 14:33

ttcat37 · 13/10/2023 14:04

@Mothership4two “I wonder if you made a couple of initial negative comments and are going to stick to them come Hell or high water despite the actual FACTS or OP's updates.”

No, I just don’t agree with you. Your opinion isn’t mine.

Or indeed the overwhelming majority of posters in this thread.

Quite simply - you have a different standard when it comes to what we expect from a partner. I also note you said you’d tell your adult child “stop being silly” if they came to in same scenario as OP… so likewise, your approach to parenting seems very different to the overwhelming majority on this thread.

There’s no right or wrong answer but I am sure as heck happy I naturally fall on the side of thinking this is profoundly horrid behaviour from a partner, and you seem very happy to fall on the other side

ttcat37 · 13/10/2023 15:20

Barrowgirl · 13/10/2023 14:33

Or indeed the overwhelming majority of posters in this thread.

Quite simply - you have a different standard when it comes to what we expect from a partner. I also note you said you’d tell your adult child “stop being silly” if they came to in same scenario as OP… so likewise, your approach to parenting seems very different to the overwhelming majority on this thread.

There’s no right or wrong answer but I am sure as heck happy I naturally fall on the side of thinking this is profoundly horrid behaviour from a partner, and you seem very happy to fall on the other side

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Correct, and although I’m not uncomfortable with disagreeing with the majority, there are plenty of people who have commented sharing the same opinion as mine. And I expect plenty of others who can’t be arsed to get into a debate with those who want to stamp their feet until you agree with them.

My standard is normality, which I’m very grateful for…

Barrowgirl · 13/10/2023 15:33

My standard is normality, which I’m very grateful for…

this makes no sense

and there absolutely not have been “plenty” agreeing with you. To the extent I laughed when I read that!

why are you uncomfortable disagreeing with the majority?

Mothership4two · 13/10/2023 16:14

there are plenty of people who have commented sharing the same opinion as mine

Are there? Pretty sure no other poster gaslit OP and has said DH did it to help her and she enjoyed it or contradicted OP's version several times? Can't remember anyone else calling her a baby/toddler but it's been a long thread now!

My standard is normality

But not reality apparently

Anyone that disagrees with @ttcat37 gets accused of being a mean girl, frothy or they stamp their feet! 🙄😂

Mothership4two · 13/10/2023 16:20

@Barrowgirl

why are you uncomfortable disagreeing with the majority?

I have no problem with that actually. All for someone sticking their head over the parapet for something they strongly believe in. However it is deceitful to twist and make up facts lie basically to suit your own narrative.

Barrowgirl · 13/10/2023 16:32

I don’t have a problem with it!

But I am curious why. If you believe in something passionately as @ttcat37 seems to - why would you feel uncomfortable?

ttcat37 · 13/10/2023 16:41

Barrowgirl · 13/10/2023 15:33

My standard is normality, which I’m very grateful for…

this makes no sense

and there absolutely not have been “plenty” agreeing with you. To the extent I laughed when I read that!

why are you uncomfortable disagreeing with the majority?

I’m glad I have a normal relationship that is nothing like this warped sense of normal (does that make sense?)

If you read the full 40 pages you’ll see there are plenty. And is it any wonder there aren’t more when apparently it’s not ok to have a differing opinion? I don’t care if people disagree with me, but others don’t want to be drawn into a debate. I don’t have a problem disagreeing with the majority, I would have though that was clear.

Barrowgirl · 13/10/2023 16:42

I’m glad I have a normal relationship that is nothing like this warped sense of normal (does that make sense?)

oh dear. Best left

Barrowgirl · 13/10/2023 16:48

if your adult daughter was on the side of the majority @ttcat37 , and she came to you - you honestly would tell her “to stop being silly”

really? Honestly?

ttcat37 · 13/10/2023 17:04

Barrowgirl · 13/10/2023 16:48

if your adult daughter was on the side of the majority @ttcat37 , and she came to you - you honestly would tell her “to stop being silly”

really? Honestly?

Yep. There’s a lot in this world to cry about but eating food you enjoyed ain’t it

DotAndCarryOne2 · 13/10/2023 18:11

ttcat37 · 13/10/2023 17:04

Yep. There’s a lot in this world to cry about but eating food you enjoyed ain’t it

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And once again, please do tell us in which specific post the OP has said she enjoyed it. You can’t because she didn’t.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 13/10/2023 18:19

ttcat37 · 13/10/2023 17:04

Yep. There’s a lot in this world to cry about but eating food you enjoyed ain’t it

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A poster asked you a couple of very relevant questions upthread. You haven’t answered them. Because you can’t - you clearly either are being deliberately obtuse or your reading/comprehension skills are poor. You said you’re glad you have a normal relationship. How can you be sure it’s normal when you are so clearly incapable of recognising a dysfunctional one ?

NatashaDancing · 13/10/2023 18:28

ttcat37 Yesterday 17:28

Your worlds must be really boring to get so fired up about someone being fed a sausage. Which they enjoyed eating. I feel like I’m in a parallel universe

And yet here you are.

ttcat37 · 13/10/2023 19:28

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 13/10/2023 18:19

A poster asked you a couple of very relevant questions upthread. You haven’t answered them. Because you can’t - you clearly either are being deliberately obtuse or your reading/comprehension skills are poor. You said you’re glad you have a normal relationship. How can you be sure it’s normal when you are so clearly incapable of recognising a dysfunctional one ?

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Because I super can’t be arsed, in all honesty. I don’t care enough to spend my time acknowledging every question. I don’t agree with the points being made, but I’m not angry about other peoples’ opinions. Nor do I have to answer their questions no matter how much they stamp their feet.

Mothership4two · 14/10/2023 04:03

ttcat37 · 13/10/2023 19:28

Because I super can’t be arsed, in all honesty. I don’t care enough to spend my time acknowledging every question. I don’t agree with the points being made, but I’m not angry about other peoples’ opinions. Nor do I have to answer their questions no matter how much they stamp their feet.

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Because I super can’t be arsed, in all honesty. I don’t care enough to spend my time acknowledging every question.

But MAINLY because you can't. Can't be arsed/don't care doesn't wash because you have been arsed/cared enough to post and reply many times on here. You have even replied to the posts with questions but ignored them. Posters didn't stamp their feet they just asked you specific questions which you don't can't answer because you have made stuff up - you swerve those questions and make irrelevant comments about yourself/your life and continually point out that you don't have the same opinion (no shit Sherlock).

I'm calling BS. I don't believe you are a genuine poster. Someone who doggedly posts their different opinion wants to prove their point and usually will explain themselves/their reasoning and answers questions even if it is just to prove the other person wrong. You don't because you can't. Instead you insult the posters who disagree or say you don't have to answer their questions - you don't but why wouldn't you? If you can't back up anything you have said then it makes your argument meaningless.

Well done though, you achieved what I assume was your goal to irritate a few posters. Well it passed the time didn't it?

ttcat37 · 14/10/2023 05:30

Mothership4two · 14/10/2023 04:03

Because I super can’t be arsed, in all honesty. I don’t care enough to spend my time acknowledging every question.

But MAINLY because you can't. Can't be arsed/don't care doesn't wash because you have been arsed/cared enough to post and reply many times on here. You have even replied to the posts with questions but ignored them. Posters didn't stamp their feet they just asked you specific questions which you don't can't answer because you have made stuff up - you swerve those questions and make irrelevant comments about yourself/your life and continually point out that you don't have the same opinion (no shit Sherlock).

I'm calling BS. I don't believe you are a genuine poster. Someone who doggedly posts their different opinion wants to prove their point and usually will explain themselves/their reasoning and answers questions even if it is just to prove the other person wrong. You don't because you can't. Instead you insult the posters who disagree or say you don't have to answer their questions - you don't but why wouldn't you? If you can't back up anything you have said then it makes your argument meaningless.

Well done though, you achieved what I assume was your goal to irritate a few posters. Well it passed the time didn't it?

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I’m sorry if this is the first time someone has had the audacity to disagree with you and not relent to your foot stamping. I haven’t the time nor inclination to address every single point posed, because I’ve made my view clear and your bullyish methods to change my view are honestly really tedious and boring to read. If it makes you feel better to believe that I’m not a genuine poster simply because you can’t change my mind, well, that’s a you problem.
I don’t agree with you. Accept it and move on.

Barrowgirl · 14/10/2023 06:12

@Mothership4two

refer back to @ttcat37 posts and there is a detail in it which will go someway to explaining her approach to this thread

NatashaDancing · 14/10/2023 06:27

ttcat37 2 days ago at 17:28

Your worlds must be really boring to get so fired up about someone being fed a sausage. ....... I feel like I’m in a parallel universe

And yet here you are. Again.

Your lack of understanding of controlling and abusive behaviour and the concept of consent is frightening.

It's odd that you are unable to see anything wrong with what the OP's husband did yet you claim you are being bullied on here. You're not being bullied and you can step away from this thread any time you want.