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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

1000 replies

Anon39 · 07/10/2023 10:22

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

OP posts:
OneLittleFinger · 07/10/2023 11:24

My sister and BIL did the same to me years ago - served me a curry with oyster sauce in when they knew I don't eat shell fish. For all they knew I could be allergic. They thought it was highly amusing, I didn't.

RandomButtons · 07/10/2023 11:24

DappledThings · 07/10/2023 10:42

This. Someone said it was comparable to tricking a vegan into eating meat. It isn't remotely comparable. Nor is it like tricking someone into drinking proper coffee when they wanted decaff or anything.

Show quote history

Ah total ignorance.

Black pudding is a bigger deal - many people are utterly mortified at the thought of it. Some people won’t eat it for religious reasons.

Giving caffeine to someone who asked for decaf can be dangerous. There are many people who can’t tolerate caffeine - if can cause palpitations, bowel reactions etc. So sorry, your example is even worse as caffeine makes some people very ill.

OP clearly states she’s autistic and has issues with food. So totally comparable to feeding a vegan meat. It won’t physically hurt them but will cause emotional distress. Totally a knobish thing to do.

Guesswho88 · 07/10/2023 11:25

I'm going to go against the grain a bit here. Yes it was annoying but I get the feeling that your husband just wanted you to try it and was being a bit cheeky in the hope that you would like the taste and he could be like I told you so.

Redmat · 07/10/2023 11:26

I think it was a silly joke and not something to be proud of. But you actually liked it! Don't get ending a marriage over it .

jannier · 07/10/2023 11:27

Those who think it's no big deal, Would it be okay if it was rabbit being passed off as chicken or horse being given as beef?

CurlewKate · 07/10/2023 11:27

@SurpriseItsMeHorseyNeighNeigh

Of course she doesn't have to give a reason, and as I said he's a dickhead. But I was just wondering whether the OP had misunderstood something about black pudding and she could be reassured at least about not having been tricked into eating something like fois gras. It would my make her feel better about her dh- but it might make her feel better about why she had actually eaten.

loupiots · 07/10/2023 11:28

I never understand wanting to trick people into eating something they dislike - it's such a weird thing to do. Why are they so triggered by someone else's preferences?

He needs to stop trying to get one over on the OP. It's the sort of dickish behaviour you really grow to resent.

DappledThings · 07/10/2023 11:28

Giving caffeine to someone who asked for decaf can be dangerous. There are many people who can’t tolerate caffeine - if can cause palpitations, bowel reactions etc. So sorry, your example is even worse as caffeine makes some people very ill.

You missed my point. I was saying tricking someone into caffeinated coffee is comparable to tricking a vegan into eating meat. I totally agree that would be a terrible thing for anyone to do. But getting someone to eat one kind of sausage instead of another kind of sausage isn't comparable to either of those other situations.

IslaWinds · 07/10/2023 11:29

YANBU. I hope this is a one off grevious mistake by him because a partner who makes you the butt of their “jokes” by manipulating you into things they know you’d never consent to is an abuser. He should be giving you a grovelling apology and know this sort of behaviour a second time would be the end of the relationship.

Millybob · 07/10/2023 11:29

Well, it hasn't killed you, has it? Massive over-reaction though your husband is clearly a twerp.
Did it taste good?

loislovesstewie · 07/10/2023 11:31

What religious reasons would there be for not eating black pudding? What Christian sect would eat pork but not pigs blood? What other religion would eat pork but not pig's blood?
And, no, I don't think it's funny to give anyone a food they hate. I'm just puzzled by the comment.

literalviolence · 07/10/2023 11:32

NetZeroZealot · 07/10/2023 10:54

Black pudding is delicious though.

And ethically no worse than any other meat product.

How is that relevant?

SurpriseItsMeHorseyNeighNeigh · 07/10/2023 11:33

@loislovesstewie there are over 4000 religions in the world. One could be forgiven not knowing the specific rules of each.

Sugargliderwombat · 07/10/2023 11:33

Horrible, nasty thing to do.

Deathraystare · 07/10/2023 11:33

Serve him up a shit sandwich..with a smile.

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 11:34

What a stupid comment. The majority of people don't have the same issues with food that the OP has, so of course they wouldn't cry in this exact situation. They might well cry at a situation that hurt them the way this hurts the OP.

And they might not cry which was my point..

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 07/10/2023 11:34

jannier · 07/10/2023 11:27

Those who think it's no big deal, Would it be okay if it was rabbit being passed off as chicken or horse being given as beef?

I think what he did was 'a big deal' more due to disrespect.
I am not sure what point you are trying to make with the different meats though, because meat is meat, and unless you don't eat one/some for religious reasons they are all animal flesh. I wouldn't choose to eat rabbit, but if I ate it accidentally and couldn't differentiate it from chicken, then there would be no issue. The reality is that I can tell meats apart fairly easily, I wish I was able to differentiate less!

DysonSpheres · 07/10/2023 11:34

DappledThings · 07/10/2023 11:28

Giving caffeine to someone who asked for decaf can be dangerous. There are many people who can’t tolerate caffeine - if can cause palpitations, bowel reactions etc. So sorry, your example is even worse as caffeine makes some people very ill.

You missed my point. I was saying tricking someone into caffeinated coffee is comparable to tricking a vegan into eating meat. I totally agree that would be a terrible thing for anyone to do. But getting someone to eat one kind of sausage instead of another kind of sausage isn't comparable to either of those other situations.

Think of it this way.

If I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome and I request only decaffeinated coffee and you deliberately ignore my request and trick me by giving me caffeinated and I end up with painful stomach cramps and rushing to the loo all day, that would be an awful thing for you to do.

The OP has a medical condition. She has Autism. Certain foods are massively anxiety producing. It is triggering a physical response, albeit mentally.

Do you get it now?

Redlarge · 07/10/2023 11:34

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/10/2023 10:31

Would people feel so strongly if this were, say, gooseberries rather than black pudding?

Probably, if that was the food OP has explicitly stated a dislike for and her husband knew about it and tricked her into eating it for pleasure. Yes.

Redlarge · 07/10/2023 11:35

Catza · 07/10/2023 10:33

Shall we report Jamie Oliver to the authorities for his tricks on how to hide more veggies in a sauce when cooking for kids?

Show quote history

Nothing like this situation.

Redlarge · 07/10/2023 11:36

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 10:51

I don't think anyone is going to miss out nutritionally if they don't ever eat black pudding.

sausages aren't particularly nutritious

Its the trust and the ridicule thats the issue not the food item.

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 11:38

Those who think it's no big deal, Would it be okay if it was rabbit being passed off as chicken or horse being given as beef?

I ate rabbit in France not realising that was what the hosts served me & obviously I was too polite to question why it didn't quite taste as expected. It was fine & we are great family friends.

@MeriCatfished your post is very sensible, there is nuance to these situations.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 07/10/2023 11:38

roarrfeckingroar · 07/10/2023 10:35

@bumtrumpet if she was vegetarian I would understand but I just can't see the problem with serving a different type of sausage that she wouldn't usually eat. She might have liked it.

But it was the OP’s choice to decide whether she wanted to try it. The arsehole husband knew exactly what he was doing.

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 11:39

@Redlarge but I was responding to a point about nutrition & sausages are particularly nutritious.

panelbottle · 07/10/2023 11:39

aren't

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