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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband fed me a food he knows I have never eaten and never willingly will

1000 replies

Anon39 · 07/10/2023 10:22

I came back from taking our son to training and as I walked back in my husband asked me if I wanted a sausage sandwich I immediately said yes

started eating it and he said do you know what those sausage are? And I replied in the negative and he started to chuckle and said “do you like it?” So my hackles were up I stopped eating and asked for the package of sausage

he started getting defensive and I just knew it was black pudding (which I do not eat and have never eaten and he knows how I feel I have no feelings if you do eat it and that’s not the point of my post)

I found the package and it was black pudding sausage I was so upset he knew I would never have willingly eaten black pudding. I feel so betrayed and I’ve ended up crying and he has basically told me to grow up and stop being so dramatic he can’t understand why I’m so upset

it’s not really about the food it’s about the breaking my trust I would never think to question him about what type of sausage they were because I trusted him

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

yes you’re being unreasonable and should have checked (after 20 years of marriage)
no - your partner deliberately betrayed your trust

OP posts:
Catza · 07/10/2023 10:33

IClaudine · 07/10/2023 10:26

That is disgusting and actually abusive.

Shall we report Jamie Oliver to the authorities for his tricks on how to hide more veggies in a sauce when cooking for kids?

Lavenderosa · 07/10/2023 10:33

It was an unkind thing to do when he knows you are autistic and would never eat it but even worse is his reaction to you crying about it. He should be apologising and comforting you not telling you to stop being dramatic.

TibetanTerrah · 07/10/2023 10:34

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/10/2023 10:31

Would people feel so strongly if this were, say, gooseberries rather than black pudding?

not to drip feed I am Autistic so I am aware I have issues around food

HTH.

FOJN · 07/10/2023 10:34

It's not about the food, it's about trust and boundaries. You have a right to choose what you do and do not want to eat.

Your husband is a disrespectful dickhead.

ironorchids · 07/10/2023 10:34

That he did it knowing that you also have issues with food due to autism is even worse.

NoNoHellaNoNoHellaNoNo · 07/10/2023 10:34

No, you’re not being unreasonable. Your husband is a massive arsehole.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 07/10/2023 10:34

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 07/10/2023 10:24

He's a massive fucking dickhead.

First comment nails it.

roarrfeckingroar · 07/10/2023 10:35

@bumtrumpet if she was vegetarian I would understand but I just can't see the problem with serving a different type of sausage that she wouldn't usually eat. She might have liked it.

roarrfeckingroar · 07/10/2023 10:35

Ah. Big drip feed.

Nanaof1 · 07/10/2023 10:36

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/10/2023 10:31

Would people feel so strongly if this were, say, gooseberries rather than black pudding?

The POINT is, he deceived her. It was something he knew she would not ever eat it, so he tricked her into eating it. I looked up blood pudding and to be honest, it looks so disgusting. I wouldn't ever eat it either but my DH would never try to trick me into it either.

Most people wouldn't say, I'll never eat gooseberries because they are disgusting. But, if someone didn't like them and were tricked into eating them, the trickster would still be an asshole.

listlovers · 07/10/2023 10:36

Ilefttownonsaturday · 07/10/2023 10:26

Did it not taste different to you?

Missing the point entirely

FOJN · 07/10/2023 10:36

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/10/2023 10:31

Would people feel so strongly if this were, say, gooseberries rather than black pudding?

If I say I don't like something or don't want to eat something for any reason at all I would expect the person I should be able to trust most to respect that so yes I would be furious even if it was water.

It is not about the food.

greyandwindy · 07/10/2023 10:38

Ugh my dad did similar to me recently.
He offered me a bacon sandwich but he had smoked bacon and I don't really like it, I prefer unsmoked so I politely declined.
Then he made a roast and kept asking me if I like the stuffing. Turns out he had put smoked bacon in it.

The stuffing was lovely but I was just pissed off that he was being so crafty and acting like he had one up on me coz he had got me to eat amd say something was nice that I said I don't like. Such a weird thing to do.

I had a go at him and told him it was a weird thing to do. I wouldn't have declined the stuffing due to the bacon I just would prefer not to eat a smoked bacon sandwich.

Netcam · 07/10/2023 10:40

I thunk it's disrespectful. I eat most things but even the idea of eating black pudding is disgusting to me and if my DH did that I would be really offended. I don't think it's the same as hiding veggies in food. I finely chop courgettes into all sorts of things because my teens don't like them, although I do tell them I do that sometimes and they don't mind if they can't taste them. But hiding vegetables is because we want the people we care about to get enough nutrients and eat healthily. I don't think anyone is going to miss out nutritionally if they don't ever eat black pudding.

I also think it is abusive to try and force someone with autism into a situation unknowingly that the other person knows will be deeply upsetting for them.

pikkumyy77 · 07/10/2023 10:41

Catza · 07/10/2023 10:33

Shall we report Jamie Oliver to the authorities for his tricks on how to hide more veggies in a sauce when cooking for kids?

Show quote history

This may be the stupidest thing I will ever read. Give yourself a good shake.

Teaandbiscuits60 · 07/10/2023 10:41

Well that’s the kind of mean stunt a puerile, childish and spiteful young man would pull!! I would not accept what he said! I’d tell him that I needed to consider if I could stay with him and then refuse to talk whilst I considered it.

DappledThings · 07/10/2023 10:42

roarrfeckingroar · 07/10/2023 10:35

@bumtrumpet if she was vegetarian I would understand but I just can't see the problem with serving a different type of sausage that she wouldn't usually eat. She might have liked it.

This. Someone said it was comparable to tricking a vegan into eating meat. It isn't remotely comparable. Nor is it like tricking someone into drinking proper coffee when they wanted decaff or anything.

Mariposista · 07/10/2023 10:42

This is awful. Autistic or not, it’s abuse. You have the right to eat what you want. I don’t condone being fussy but it’s perfectly fine to be against eating foods that have been produced using controversial methods like black pudding, fois gras or certain meats that aren’t culturally ‘acceptable’ (like horse meat in the UK).

Lwrenagain · 07/10/2023 10:44

I was vegetarian for almost 20 years and my family knew.
My gran once tricked me into eating chicken (soup she'd made, said it was leek and potato) and when I'd finished it was like, "you've missed it haven't you, my chicken soup!" (It was blended and full of tatty and leek so chicken wasn't noticeable) and to her it wasn't a big deal because it wasn't a thing she'd care about, eating meat, but to me it was massive and I simply didn't eat anything she made again.
Very sad but she broke my trust with food and like your dickhead of a husband, felt gleefully about it.

I'd look at his other behaviours and decide if it's a relationship I'd want to continue tbh

Coralsunset · 07/10/2023 10:44

He doesn’t like you very much does he? 😟

PTSDBarbiegirl · 07/10/2023 10:45

Hate to point out but your DH sounds like an insensitive arseholes. That's abusive in my book. If I'm a vegan and my DH for a laugh feeds me meat extract I'd be gutted. It's the duplicity, it's so deceitful. Sorry OP. Ltb.

WandaWonder · 07/10/2023 10:46

Omg call the police, sure it's odd amd i would probably have used the word twat but no need to be dramatic about it

And yes I am well aware people will say 'you need to get out and call a solicitor adap, well if he did that to me I would get my ducks in order and divorce him'

Simonjt · 07/10/2023 10:46

RandomButtons · 07/10/2023 10:33

It’s not comparable tbh. People don’t like gooseberries, but it’s not the same thing.

Its more comparable to feeding a vegan meat.

Show quote history

Not really, if OP is eating sausages, we already know OP is more than happy to eat pig.

crumpet · 07/10/2023 10:46

It was a nasty mean trick. It would not have hurt him to respect your wishes.

ExtraOnions · 07/10/2023 10:46

How is Black Pudding produced using a controversial method ?

I’m guessing is was “Black Pudding Sausage” rather than Black Pudding. It’s a regular sausage with bits of black pudding in, so that taste might not have been hugely different, maybe a bit more spicy.

That said OP has a right to decide what to eat, and what not, for any reason she chooses. Husband was being a dick

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