To still let 4.5 year old have dummy

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4.5 year old ds still has his dummies at night. He would have them all day if we let him. He loves them and they bring him great comfort. I know that ideally I should take them off him. I’ve tried talking to him about it and said about the dummy fairy and a new toy but he’s adamant that he doesn’t want any new toys and wants to keep his dummies.

I also have a 3 month old baby and ds is really struggling with the adjustment. He’s lashing out a bit and nursery have even mentioned that he’s seeking a lot of 1-1 attention and comfort.

I just don’t know if this is the right time to take away something that gives him huge comfort when he’s already struggling.

I guess I’m just looking for advice on what you would do in this situation?

I’d let him have it.
I was very anti dummies until a very new dd had 3 months’ colic and it was the only thing that seemed to give her any relief or comfort. TBH it proved a godsend later - she’d happily go to sleep anywhere if she had her dummy and bit of blanket.

She didn’t give it up entirely until she was nearly 6, though in later years it wasn’t often, and always in the privacy of home.

Her teeth were always perfect (she’s long grown up) and her speech was certainly never affected.

I’m old enough to remember when dummies were looked on very disapprovingly as a decidedly lower-class/common thing, and I’m sure some of the ‘anti’ that remains, stems from this.

IMO thumbs are a lot worse! Another dd sucked her thumb from day one, didn’t stop altogether until after she’d learned to drive! - and yes, her teeth were affected to some extent.

There’s a really lovely picture book,BTW, about a monster finally giving up his dummy - it’s called The Last Noo-Noo - very funny and the illustrations are brilliant.

@sunglassesonthetable Thank you. The end of the year is my cut off point. I'll try a more gentle approach until then and then we will go cold turkey if necessary.

I read that (secretly) pricking a hole in the dummy with a pin makes the sucking less satisfying and can help with giving up.

But the damage has already been done!
The longer you leave it, the harder it will be on him. Tell him now that he's a big boy and big boys don't have dummies. Take it off him and swap it for a squishmallow. He’ll cry a bit but he wont be traumatised.

Interested to know if there are any adult thumb suckers or dummy users on here?
Maybe more thumb suckered than dummies....

Yes, you should get rid of them.
Yes, you should have done it before the baby arrived.

Frankly, there's never going to be a GREAT time to do it, so you might as well start now.
Start throwing them away, one by one, until there's none left. Yes, you'll probably have a week of rough nights, but it'll be done.

To everyone suggesting stuffed animals as a replacement, he has loads but literally has no interest.

Because of his epilepsy I never let him sleep with anything soft in beside him as I was afraid he would have a seizure and suffocate. He even has an anti suffocation pillow as I didn't want to risk him having a normal one.

That means that his comforter has alway been his dummy.

Buy him a blankie, taggy or one of your t shirts and give it to him when he has his dummy, slowly but surely widen the gap between giving him the comforter and his dummy, start at a minute then work up to 5 mins, same when you take it off him take the dummy first then the comforter starting at i min and then make it longer. After Christmas cut a hole in his dummy so it doesn't feel the same in his mouth.

My God the replies. OP please don't make this thread make you feel bad. One of my twins had a dummy (other one had no interest but had a raggy). We struggled to get her to give it up. Got down to one and said when it was lost, that was it. No more.. One day she just gave it up all on her own.

For what it's worth, a relative who never had a dummy was a thumb-sucker and has more dental issues as a consequence. At least you can remove / limit a dummy. Can't do that with a thumb!

Kids seek comfort. Mine are now happy and healthy with no lasting dependancy on their dodi or raggy 😂

Omg! You have put his future at risk by doing this! That can affect his jaw, his teeth, his speech..... not to mention his emotional well-being! I would take it away NOW. It's not the ideal time but goodness! I wouldn't give new baby dummy either!

You could cut off the tip and don't give him an uncut one. Do it for like 3 nights. It will be difficult but it won't last forever. Have the mindset that this can't continue anymore. It's not good for his health. Say that dummy fairy does that with all the boys she can tell are ready to be "big boys". Act excited that he is ready to be a "big boy". You could prepare him and say the dummy fairy takes dummies after 3 days. Next day you could excitedly say something like "oh my gosh, 2 days until you are a big boy, I am so excited for you"..... something similar. Last day you could say "tomorrow you will be a big boy, let's draw a pic for dummy fairy". Maybe the last day you could tie it to some balloons and "send" it off to dummy fairy so you may have to adjust wording thru the process. You could pick out some balloons together on the last day if you choose to go that route 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP I'm a long term lurker & have never commented on here before but I'm so appalled by the comments I'm adding my 10 pence worth. My son loved & took great comfort from his dummy at night and had it until he was about 4.5 years old & he was at school. He just naturally became less reliant on it (with a bit of coaxing from me). He's now 16 with no teeth, jaw, speech issues so rest easy & let your boy take his comfort ❤️❤️

I used the pin-prick method (oh dear let’s throw it away) and ‘can’t find it’ to whittle down to one remaining dummy. Over a couple of weeks. Then for the last week or so it was just the one dummy which sometimes could be found and sometimes couldn’t so he had to go without.

Then we just ‘never found it again’.

Seemed easier than complicating things by introducing a dummy fairy and having him anticipating (and dreading) the cut off date.

The way we did it, he just learned to cope with the situation of no dummy in the moment (with us comforting him) without building it all up and a big dramatic ‘handover’.

I haven't read all of the comments but wanted to say that, realistically, you should have taken the dummy away as soon as you knew you were expecting a new baby. While a 4 year old shouldn't have a dummy (for the reasons already mentioned), it's probably not the best time to take it away given he's already going through a big adjustment.

Sooner rather than later is definitely necessary though. I taught an 8 y/o who sucked their thumb (not the same, I know). He was facing dental surgery to break his jaw and try to correct the problems caused. Obviously this is a very extreme case; I suppose my point is that these things are better nipped in the bud earlier.

I'm sure it'll have already been suggested but, in case it hasn't, I've heard good success stories when the dummy is 'broken' (parents cut the top off). Apparently children don't get the same comfort and just stop. I don't know how true this is as mine never had dummies but I'd say it's worth a shot!

My ds had his right up until we took him to school on his first day! No ill effects from it whatsoever.

The old baby stories got brought up in our house when we were pregnant and I found out from MIL that FIL was strict when DH was a baby and wouldn't allow a dummy at any age. So by the time he was 6 months he used to stuff his blanket in his mouth to suck on in the night. And then as he grew bigger more and more blanket went in until he was nearly 6 and in the morning they were pulling over 2 feet of soggy dense curled up blanket out of his mouth. 🤣
Point here is that if its overnight and he wants to suck on something you aren't going to stop him necessarily. What are you supposed to do if he swaps the dummy for a blanket or pillow corner? Take his bedding away?

I’ve been there (single mum of two). I just couldn’t stand the idea of weaning kids off dummies as that seems a whole lot of bother in itself and I never had one myself as a baby/child. My oldest son had a comfort blanket he was very attached to but that doesn’t hinder speech, teeth, mouth health.

Just seen a previous post, luckily my son didn’t try and put the whole blanket in his mouth.😁 The only issue I had with it was that he wanted to take it everywhere, even school! I had the bright idea of cutting a corner of it off for him to put in his pocket so he could still feel he had it with him, which luckily worked.

I let my child have a dummy really late due to close family bereavement, then Covid, then a stressful event.

One dentist said it was AOK until age “4 or 5” (which I thought unreasonable because there’s relatively a huge difference between 4, or 5), another dentist said it was quite late, but it would only be one clear whether there’d been any orthodontic impact when their big teeth started to come through.

My child came off their dummy at 4 and 5 months. Everything seems ok. They did have a bit of a lisp - r/w I think, I forget - but at 6 and 5 months it’s now cleared up. They don’t suck their thumb or fingers or anything now.

You could aim for Christmas / NY for removing it? Lots of excitement and distraction, lots of family time & cuddles Schedule a special just-for-him Hogmanay present for the Ending of the Dummies?

@Happyholidays78 Thank you so much. I really appreciate it ❤️

OP, he is too old for dummies, you probably know this, but what annoys me is that if you said he was sucking his thumb, would the replies be so blunt/unkind? I'm not sure they would be! My DDs' dentist said thumb sucking is just as bad as dummies, and he he actually said to me (when it was time for DD1 to give up hers) that he's had way more success stories with giving up dummies than thumb sucking! It's also seen as more socially acceptable for kids to suck their thumbs for some reason. Anyway, I digress...

I agree, going cold turkey would be tricky for your son. Could you start limiting it? DD was the older side of 3 when she gave up hers, and we did it very gradually! Worked really well.

And I echo some of the other PP - dummies better than thumb sucking. Unfortunately I had orthodontic issues myself from late thumbsucking!

(In my view there’s too much focus on the visible aspects and not on the aspects of emotional self-soothing, reducing cortisone levels in the brain, etc. So don’t worry, but do act. x)

Yes the child is already 4.5 will be over 5 by next August.

You are in charge here, a few nights of grumbling now will hopefully save years of painful dentistry work in a few years time. Sometimes parents have to be the bad guy, yes you'll feel bad but imagine how much worse you'll feel in a few years when he's living in painful braces for years.

My son had his until he was 7 . No harm was done , he's now a strapping 17 year old young man . No teeth problems from overuse or anything so try not to worry too much

There’s a kid at my middles school who is 7 and still has one, you should get him off it ideally as it can be bad for their teeth. My eldest was 4 when he gave his up, he gave them to the baby animals at the petting zoo. Might be an idea! Gave them to the farmer in a bag, and we let him choose a toy (my kiddo, not the farmer!)

You are not going to damage him emotionally. You are his comfort not the dummy.
Don't overthink it, he'll complain for a night or two then he'll be fine.