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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why say thank you?

267 replies

OfcourseitsaNC · 06/10/2023 21:17

A man stopped on the wide pavement and stood to the side to allow me to pass. He didn't need to. I didn't say thank you, as it was a pointless act. I heard a very British mumbled sarcastic comment "Well THANK you".

Yesterday, a woman pulled the very long lead on her dog in so that there was no longer a cable across the width of the path. I didn't say thank you to her either.

I'm done saying thank you to people who either do something pointless which was never needed, or who are correcting incorrect behaviour.

AIBU?

OP posts:
RenegadeMasterx · 07/10/2023 07:33

Of course you'd say thank you? Yeah you sound like a knob OP.

Oysterbabe · 07/10/2023 07:36

yogasaurus · 07/10/2023 07:32

I live down a country lane which has room for two cars to drive on either side, all the way. There are people who are driving, see a car coming in the opposite direction, pull to the side and stop, then get aggrieved when the other driver doesn’t thank or acknowledge that they’ve done this.

The lane is wide enough for two cars, I’m not going to thank you because you can’t drive.

Edited

Whether you felt it was necessary or not, they've put themselves out for your benefit. How does does it harm you to raise a hand to acknowledge that?

There really are a lot of miserable fuckers around.

bagpuss90 · 07/10/2023 07:37

Manners cost nothing

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 07/10/2023 07:38

OfcourseitsaNC · 07/10/2023 07:30

Because he was all the way over on the other side of the path. Too far away for a good morning, and then he went even further away when he "let me pass"!

Show quote history

Too far away to say “good morning” to but not so far away that you couldn’t hear his sarcastic “thank you”? 🤔

AllUmder · 07/10/2023 07:45

OfcourseitsaNC · 07/10/2023 07:30

Because he was all the way over on the other side of the path. Too far away for a good morning, and then he went even further away when he "let me pass"!

Show quote history

Give over, you know he'd have heard you. You heard him say something sarcastic afterwards didn't you?

And the other lady wasn't too far away.

How I see it, it just costs absolutely nothing to smile and acknowledge someone, it's easy, and it can make a real difference to someone's day.

It's nice to be nice, rather than having a chip on your shoulder. People are just living their lives, they're not out to annoy you...

Funderthighs · 07/10/2023 07:45

It’s called “being polite” and it costs nothing. You accompany it with a smile, then both parties continue in their way knowing that they’ve completed a pleasant social interaction.

Trickofthetrade · 07/10/2023 07:57

OfcourseitsaNC · 06/10/2023 23:00

Have you talked to your husband about why he feels that way? What does he say?

I had a blinder the other day. A pedestrian signaled thank you to me in my car whilst they crossed at the pelican crossing I'd stopped at. It was a red light. I had to stop!

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God. . Maybe it was an automatic response to you stopping ! Jesus.

Ollifer · 07/10/2023 07:59

Gosh I'd just smile and say thanks and get on with life. Really op?? Is this the most you have to worry about? People are trying to be courteous, just stop being rude or carry on being miserable and crack on.

ReadtheReviews · 07/10/2023 08:06

I'm assuming you're upset about other things, OP.

GarlicGrace · 07/10/2023 08:12

I met one of these last week! Older man in a mobility scooter, facing towards me but stationary. I walked past him. He yelled, very loudly, "THANK YOU!" so I looked, wondering what he was on about. "I STOPPED FOR YOU! THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS THANK ME! RUDE BITCH!" Since I'd already walked past his scooter, there obviously had been room for both of us anyway.

He was still spitting venom as I continued on my way. I don't think I'm the one with bad manners.

DilemmaDelilah · 07/10/2023 08:12

Saying thank you takes no effort, it is polite to do and makes people feel good.
Are you also one of those people who wouldn't say thank you for a gift they didn't ask for, or one they didn't like? The principle is the same. They have done something for you which they need not have done, so you should say thank you.

Pretendthatwearedead · 07/10/2023 08:13

It's up to you. You are within your rights to be rude. Why would you want to be?

Rosebel · 07/10/2023 08:19

MrsMiddleMother · 06/10/2023 23:33

OMG YES! YANBU. It annoys me so badly when someone stops when there is plenty of space, either forcing me to say a thank you that is unnecessary or don't say anything and leave myself open to abusive comments. I have, on multiple occasions, turned round and said well you didn't have to stop? There's loads of space to get past'.
But most people will say yabu but honestly, fuck them.

Wow you sound really unpleasant. Why do some people find it so hard to say one bloody word?
Unless you are trying to piss people off why not just say thanks? And saying you sometimes feel forced to say thanks is ridiculous. It's not as if it's a hard word to say.

Original poster
OfcourseitsaNC · 07/10/2023 08:21

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 07/10/2023 07:38

Too far away to say “good morning” to but not so far away that you couldn’t hear his sarcastic “thank you”? 🤔

Show quote history

I good morning people within a reasonable passing distance. He wasn't. He would have got a smile and a nod had he not pulled over. I was processing the pulling over and the why in the split seconds in which I walked past him.

And I have extremely good hearing. My children and partner hate how much I can hear when they think I can't. The man may have thought I wouldn't be able to hear him. But who knows?

OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 07/10/2023 08:24

Is this like psychopath school or something? Why do people say please and thank you? Why do other people matter? Why isn't life just all about what suits me?

Sumtimesiamgreen · 07/10/2023 08:25

YANU and rude to not acknowledge someone who is clearly acknowledging your presence. A thank you is not always a gift of doing something for someone, it is an acknowledgment that you see them. That is nice.
If you see someone without a smile, give them yours.

Oblomov23 · 07/10/2023 08:32

No. I'll say thank you to someone letting me pass.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 07/10/2023 08:32

Yanbu op. The man was being rude and demanding of your attention not being considerate because there was no issue to consider and the woman should not have been using an extendable lead in that situation. Wasn't a husky by any chance was it? Though I think she's learned her lesson since the incident of the dog being on the opposite side of the road.

HelpMeGetThrough · 07/10/2023 08:33

I had a blinder the other day. A pedestrian signaled thank you to me in my car whilst they crossed at the pelican crossing I'd stopped at. It was a red light. I had to stop!

I do that, around here, people try to race the light at crossings and drive through, have had a few near misses.

Oldgreyjumper · 07/10/2023 08:36

Yes I find it annoying when people dramatically step aside when they don’t need to and expect thanks. It’s weird!

If there isn’t room and people step aside I always say thank you.

I also hate it when you are walking behind people and they make a show of letting you pass (even though you are not in a rush). You then have to walk faster to get away from them!!!!!

LlynTegid · 07/10/2023 08:36

I thank people in the hope that they will be kind to someone who will really benefit from their kindness being repeated. Yes good manners as well.

BananaPalm · 07/10/2023 08:39

I think I do (!) get you OP 🙈 Sorry you're receiving a bit of a beating here...

I'm afraid you're applying logic to something that's really ingrained and automatic for many people. I do that too and usually it doesn't end well...

Janieforever · 07/10/2023 08:40

Why are you so insecure about it you need to ask on mumsnet. Seriously, you do you. If you don’t wish to thank folks for paying a common courtesy to you don’t, but why over think it so much then have to start a thread about it.

what do you want cheer leaders, validation, permission? No one really cares what you do. You don’t need support permission or validation for your lack of common courtesy or judgement of others. Stop being so insecure.

SmurfCody · 07/10/2023 08:40

YABU, and rude. "He didn't need to", yet he did it anyway. That's thoughtful/courteous and such acts deserve acknowledgement. I'm one of those "very British" people who loudly say, "you're welcome" when someone doesn't thank me for me holding a door open for them, etc. It's basic manners!

SoupDragon · 07/10/2023 08:43

Yes, YABU and rude. Saying "thank you" for a common courtesy is just the same as moving out of the way or reeling your dog in. All are just good manners and should be equally automatic.

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