Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why say thank you?

267 replies

OfcourseitsaNC · 06/10/2023 21:17

A man stopped on the wide pavement and stood to the side to allow me to pass. He didn't need to. I didn't say thank you, as it was a pointless act. I heard a very British mumbled sarcastic comment "Well THANK you".

Yesterday, a woman pulled the very long lead on her dog in so that there was no longer a cable across the width of the path. I didn't say thank you to her either.

I'm done saying thank you to people who either do something pointless which was never needed, or who are correcting incorrect behaviour.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 07/10/2023 00:48

melj1213 · 07/10/2023 00:04

YANBU - tbh if someone stepped to the side on a wide path I would not assume they were "letting me past" and so it would not occur to me to say thank you - for all I know they have a stone in their shoe that they are trying to work out; or need to stop and check their phone and want o make sure they're not in anyone's way; or they're just stopping for a breather.

If I had noticed they had stopped and were looking at me/in my direction I would be thinking that they were going to try and get me to stop for some reason (not so much of an issue in a busy town centre but more so on a quiet country path) and so I would either totally ignore them intentionally (so I could feign ignorance if they tried to engage me in conversation etc) or challenge them as to why they were watching/waiting for me to pass rather than just continuing on like a normal person.

I had weight loss surgery last year and before it I was very, very conscious of my weight and the space I took up - if the whole "path wide enough for 4+ people to walk on but a man stood to the side to let me pass" thing happened to me pre-surgery I would have assumed the man was trying to humiliate me by implying that because I was so large he needed to step out of the way on a wide path as there still wasn't room for us to pass comfortably. A sarcastic "Thank YOU" or "You're welcome" would have finished me off and I probably wouldn't have gone out again alone for a very long time - he may not have intended it to be meant that way but that's how it would have appeared to me. Now I am 10st lighter I still struggle with my you self in image but if someone did the same thing then I'd probably just make a no point of saying something like "How bad is your spatial awareness to think I need that much room to get past you on a path this wide?"

🙄

Seeleyboo · 07/10/2023 01:10

This sounds very similar to another post. The amount of head space and time you're using up would give you 100s of thank yous to give away. Stop being rude and just be nice.

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 07/10/2023 01:20

I mean saying “thank you” does more good than harm so IMO I t’s not really something to get worked up over. Thanking people for unnecessary things is quite a uniquely British thing though. My DP, who did not grow up in a British household, also gets quite annoyed in a similar way to OP because he feels it shows entitlement when you’re expecting to be thanked for something no one asked you nor needed you to do, which I guess I get. Very much a cultural thing. I wonder if your experience is similar, @OfcourseitsaNC?

Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 07/10/2023 01:25

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 07/10/2023 01:20

I mean saying “thank you” does more good than harm so IMO I t’s not really something to get worked up over. Thanking people for unnecessary things is quite a uniquely British thing though. My DP, who did not grow up in a British household, also gets quite annoyed in a similar way to OP because he feels it shows entitlement when you’re expecting to be thanked for something no one asked you nor needed you to do, which I guess I get. Very much a cultural thing. I wonder if your experience is similar, @OfcourseitsaNC?

No, it's just ignorance and the entitled ones aren't those being humble.

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 07/10/2023 01:31

Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 07/10/2023 01:25

No, it's just ignorance and the entitled ones aren't those being humble.

Show quote history

But you’re not being “humble” if you’re expecting acknowledgment, are you?

Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 07/10/2023 01:42

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 07/10/2023 01:31

But you’re not being “humble” if you’re expecting acknowledgment, are you?

Show quote history

You are certainly being humble, polite and thoughtful if you are thinking of other people. If you do not say thank you, as you think the former is being entitled, then you're the one with the lack of manners. Not you, personally.

erlangshen · 07/10/2023 02:14

If people are so "considerate" to let others pass, why say something like "well thank you" or "you are welcome" in such a sarcastic way when they didnt get a "thank you"?

Is it to express their anger?

Is it to make the other people feel embarrassed?

Is it to teach them a lesson?

I just dont understand their intention.

The people they let pass may have not expected the "help" or not noticed the "help", they may have been preoccupied, in a hurry or for whatever reason, but you dont know whether they are deliberately being rude for not saying "thank you".

And even if you think they are not polite enough to say thank you, whats the big deal? Just let go, there is no need for sarcasm.

MiniBossFromAus · 07/10/2023 03:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MiniBossFromAus · 07/10/2023 03:03

Lol. Ignore previous post I got the vote the wrong way round. Thought 80% agreed with OP.

Relieved that it is the other way round.

SuperNewMe · 07/10/2023 03:12

You sound rude.
I've been brought up to believe manners cost nothing.
Seriously, how hard is it to say please or thank you?
Takes seconds and makes for much more pleasant interactions and society instead of rude, insular twats grumping about everywhere.
Massive YABVVVU

tootsweetss · 07/10/2023 03:42

It is a bit annoying when someone steps aside for you when there is loads of space and they actually don't have to. I'd probably still say thanks but I kind of get what OP means.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 07/10/2023 03:59

@MiniBossFromAus
"So rock on you miserable cunts."

Made my night! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Kay286 · 07/10/2023 04:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

mealplan · 07/10/2023 04:29

I just feel there is very little manners these days And this post proves it.

It costs you nothing but good manners to say thank you, nod or smile. This sort of behaviour then transpires to generations below, which mean we will all be as just as miserable as OP.

HelpMeGetThrough · 07/10/2023 04:41

The chap on the pavement, I would have acknowledged him.

Dog lead woman would have got nothing,, because what she needed to do was common sense.

elenabenjamin · 07/10/2023 04:46

I think saying 'sorry' is more questionable and completely overrated in most cases. People "apologise" for everything and anything...basic trivial things, things not in their control, for their own existence and on behalf of others ... sorry this... sorry that .. it's actually funny if you stop for a second to thing meaningfully about what is it you say 'sorry' for ...

Ididivfama · 07/10/2023 05:25

It’s not about whether it’s needed. It’s about someone doing something for you. Are you in the uk? It’s cultural.

Original poster
OfcourseitsaNC · 07/10/2023 07:03

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 07/10/2023 01:20

I mean saying “thank you” does more good than harm so IMO I t’s not really something to get worked up over. Thanking people for unnecessary things is quite a uniquely British thing though. My DP, who did not grow up in a British household, also gets quite annoyed in a similar way to OP because he feels it shows entitlement when you’re expecting to be thanked for something no one asked you nor needed you to do, which I guess I get. Very much a cultural thing. I wonder if your experience is similar, @OfcourseitsaNC?

British from day one until the present, so not from a different culture.

And I'm not annoyed about it either. If someone else wants to behave like a prat around me, then that's on them.

I'm not going to thank them for it, that's all.

OP posts:
DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 07/10/2023 07:08

OfcourseitsaNC · 07/10/2023 07:03

British from day one until the present, so not from a different culture.

And I'm not annoyed about it either. If someone else wants to behave like a prat around me, then that's on them.

I'm not going to thank them for it, that's all.

Show quote history

Ok I tried to find a logical reason you’d be so grumpy and rude about it, but it seems that you are just grumpy and rude!

I wouldn’t say someone stepping to one side on a wide pavement is them “behaving like a prat” - it’s an unnecessary act but hardly warrants name calling.

Original poster
OfcourseitsaNC · 07/10/2023 07:18

I talk to strangers all the time too @Hangonaminutethere .

On my runs and walks i'm often the one initiating the morning /hi when I pass someone.

I talk all the time to staff in restaurants/bars/banks/shops.

I've been known to have randoms end up joining our table/group of friends in pubs/restaurants or being that random that joins anothers.

Interestingly, your post has made me reflect that if either of the two people in my original post had said good morning to me, I'd have had no problem replying.

OP posts:
Original poster
OfcourseitsaNC · 07/10/2023 07:26

I wouldn’t say someone stepping to one side on a wide pavement is them “behaving like a prat” - it’s an unnecessary act but hardly warrants name calling.

So what is it then @DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz if someone does an unnecessary act, it's ignored so they mumble a sarcastic comment at you for not thanking them?

I call it that person behaving in a prattish way.

I find that far better than telling someone they are grumpy and rude.

I do love MN where someone believes they're calling you out for doing something when they're doing that exact thing in their own post.

OP posts:
AllUmder · 07/10/2023 07:27

If you didn't want to thank them, why not have acknowledged them by saying good morning?

It's as though you wanted to punish them by not saying thank you or good morning because they did something you disapproved of.

But at least they were being considerate, which often doesn't happen. So it does make you seem like a rude and unpleasant person.

Like I said, if you don't want to say thank you, I don't understand why you wouldn't say good morning if that's what you say you normally do?

Original poster
OfcourseitsaNC · 07/10/2023 07:30

AllUmder · 07/10/2023 07:27

If you didn't want to thank them, why not have acknowledged them by saying good morning?

It's as though you wanted to punish them by not saying thank you or good morning because they did something you disapproved of.

But at least they were being considerate, which often doesn't happen. So it does make you seem like a rude and unpleasant person.

Like I said, if you don't want to say thank you, I don't understand why you wouldn't say good morning if that's what you say you normally do?

Because he was all the way over on the other side of the path. Too far away for a good morning, and then he went even further away when he "let me pass"!

OP posts:
yogasaurus · 07/10/2023 07:32

I live down a country lane which has room for two cars to drive on either side, all the way. There are people who are driving, see a car coming in the opposite direction, pull to the side and stop, then get aggrieved when the other driver doesn’t thank or acknowledge that they’ve done this.

The lane is wide enough for two cars, I’m not going to thank you because you can’t drive.

Hummingbird233 · 07/10/2023 07:32

You're rude.