Can't stop crying how are you supposed to live without your mum? Forever?

[justneedmymum]

I think I'm going to vomit or pass out, I just can't stop crying and keep getting waves of nausea and dread.

It has been over 8 months since my mum died and I just can't figure out how this is it now forever? I am in my 30's she was in her 50's and there is too long left without her?

Waiting for genetic testing to come back to see what risk I have for the same cancer that killed her so I suppose there is a reasonable chance I won't live that long myself which is a whole other thing but even the thought of 10 more years without my mum is unfathomable.

Honestly don't think I'm ever going to be okay again, not really.

How did you manage when you had no parents left? How do you cope with feeling cut off and isolated if you don't have much other family? I have 2 other family members left who I'm close enough to ring for a chat every week or so but we live in three different countries now. See them a couple of times a year.

I feel so adrift.

There us no right or wrong way to grieve, but you do seem to be struggling acutely with this OP. I think you could use some help.

I suggest to ask your GP for a referral to a Grief Councillor, or contact Cruse.

Oh OP. I'm so sorry.

You just do, sweetheart. Same as your Mum had to, and her Mum...
Remember that nobody can take away the time you did have for her and the love you shared. She made you who you are, and you carry that around with you every day.

My df died when I was in my early 20’s. I think I cried virtually every day for 5 years. I also made quite a few really poor decisions in the year following too.

my dm died when I was 39. I ended up having 3 months off sick, I could barely function, but had too for ds1 & 2 who were both at primary school. Ds2 doesn’t even remember her.

it takes time. Be kind to yourself, you’ll be very fragile atm.

I'm so sorry. I don't get on with my mum, but I feel like this about my dad who died recently.

How can he not exist anymore. It feels impossible.

I am so so sorry for your loss @justneedmymum

Grief is incredibly difficult, but at the same point this is all very normal and natural, the loss is enormous.

My Mum died suddenly when I was in my 30s, just, and she early 60s.

Several years on it is still awful, but there is a numbness to it, in short it is never ok that this has happened, but after a few years pass you can accommodate it.

I have focused on DH, my father, mostly my DC.

Focus on yourself, what you need emotionally, psychologically, physically and keep your friends close to you if you don’t have family near. Bereavement counselling is really helpful.

Really empathise with what you’re going through. You aren’t alone. And there will be good times again beyond this. Just take it easy on yourself for now.

Huge hugs 💐

This thread has made me really sad for my best friend. In April she lost her mum very suddenly ( died 6 days after her diagnosis of cancer) she had moved back home after a breakup so it was just her and her mum. Only child so no siblings and her dad died 6 years ago. She's 33 years old, no children no other family other than some uncles that don't live nearby and not very close too. When her mum died everyone rallied around to help her with the cost of the funeral and myself and her other best friend took it in turns to be with her but after the funeral our lives all went back to normal, she went back to work and myself and her other best friend both have busy lives and with her working 45 hrs a week don't get to see each other daily. This week she confided in me that in the last few weeks the death of her mum has really started to hit her and how she's alone and feels abandoned. It must be an awful feeling I can't even imagine it, especially because I have my mum and I'm extremely close to her. I see bf once or twice a week and speak daily with her but this threads made me realise I need to create more time to spend with her so she doesn't feel so lonely 😭

There will be better days than this, OP.

I lost my mum over a decade ago, when I was in my early 20s in pretty terrible circumstances. My remaining family is not dissimilar to yours.

It gets less acute, less all consuming, less suffocating as time passes. Some days it comes rushing back, and when that happens I take comfort in reminding myself of the first line in my post- there will be better days than this.

I'm so sorry love, no wisdom just sending my love ❤️

I'm 3 years on from losing my mum in very traumatic circumstances. It felt like all the air had been sucked out of my body and for the longest time I felt like I was just going through the motions, surprised every day that I actually woke up.

How you're feeling right now is raw grief but you won't be in this place forever. The grief changes shape and at some point you'll once again be able to see a future. I still miss my mum every day and even today I had a stupid drama and I actually went to get my phone and ring her...and then it hit me. But at the same time I no longer feel suffocated by the loss, I just miss her but it's the kind of 'missing' that I can navigate my way through. I take a huge amount of comfort from carrying all her quirky traditions forward and asking myself 'what would mum do?' I can almost hear her voice in my head, wiling us to get on with our lives and not be sad.

Everyone processes differently. Do you have friends you can share it all with? If not maybe a bereavement group will help. Sending you a hug.

Time will help OP. The proportion of your day where your mind in overwhelmed with grief and missing your mum will reduce over time and you’ll find more space to think about other things in your life. The pain and sadness is never going to completely vanish but they will become one piece of your psyche among many, rather than occupying a huge part of your thoughts like at the moment.

My mum is 88 and failing. I live with the daily dread of her passing. Cant imagine a world without her in it. But I am lucky to have had her so long.
DS best friend lost his mum when he was just 18. He is now a talented dancer and performer but she never got to see it. My heart aches for him.

I'm so sorry. It's so hard
It's coming up to two years since I lost my mum and there are still days when the grief takes my breath away. It's my birthday this month and I've been swamped with a wave of sadness that neither of my parents are here.
I can see from DH that it does get better with time but I have no advice on how to get there.

Your post and this thread has made me feel so sad. My beloved mother died last year and I still cry a lot when I'm on my own. But I smile and laugh too when I remember lovely things about her. I was lucky. She was 85.

I'm so sorry for your tragic loss of such a young mum and I wish you well with your genetic testing.

In my religion when someone dies we say 'I wish you long life, may her memory be a blessing and may people talk of her often.' 🌻

Day by day, it's been 11 years for me xxx

Still have to catch myself before I dial home to tell her something about my day

Sending you hugs. I’m 5 years without my mum this month and it truly is a bag of shit. It’s still so raw for you but the pain does soften and the days seem less bleak. Allow the tears to fall, let it all out, you have done so well navigating these last 8 months. If you feel ready to,
see if you can access some therapy or reach out to someone. An impartial ear is worth its weight in gold. You have got this

I completely understand Op, I lost my mum when I was 25 and she was my best friend in the entire world. I’d say this is something you will never ever get over, there will always be days when you miss her something terribly and some days (Mother’s Day, her birthday, your birthday, the day she died, Christmas…) where you struggle more than others. Sometimes it still cuts me like a knife and my mum has been gone for over 15 years.
But having said that - those hours I spent inconsolable, the waking up in cold sweat and screaming, that kind of chest pain … that does fade. I will have small moments now but I’ve finally learned to talk about her and things we used to do.
A day doesn’t pass where I don’t think of her but at the end of the day it does give me comfort that her pain is over and I keep thinking … how much sadness would she want me to bear. She’d want me to live every day as if it was my last. So I have learned to do just that but it takes time and you just have to let it. Time is what you are focusing on - how long a lifetime feels without her. Time is also what will heal you. Give it time. ♥️

I'm so sorry that you lost your mum far too soon.

I have 3 really close friends who all
Lost their mums young.

They were all devastated but have, over time, learned to live and move forward. They've all made lives, found lovely people , got married and had babies. All big things that they wanted their mums to share in.

But they got through , they celebrated, they found and made love and families. They created a future. At every stage they talked about their dear mum and how thrilled she would have been to have shared it.

So sad , but the point is they lived on, just as their mums wanted them to.

Your mum would have wanted you to thrive, to find happiness. To remember her, yes, but for her kids to dwell and be paralysed ? No.

We mums want the best for our kids. Your mum would want you to move forward. She'd want you to live and be happy.

Please talk to your GP. Your levels of grief are quite profound and you need help to work through it all.

Sending hugs x

To the people who have lost a parent young...time really does go fast, the years that might seem daunting now will be gone in the blink of an eye. It is best to make the most of it. And of course...we don't know how long any of us have got left. I lost my dad at 27, nearly 28. There are also people who lost a parent in childhood 😪

I lost both parents within 9 months of each other nearly 20 years ago, when I was 39. You learn to live with it, but you never stop missing them. You just gradually accept that it is part of who you are and they are always with you, in your heart ❤️

I’m so sorry for your loss
When my mum died ( she was 61 , I was 41 ) it was awful , we all were devastated and I’m sure that I cried every day for 2 years
it will get better , you won’t get over it , but it will get better
my children don’t remember her , but I do , every day
I’m lucky in that I had a lovely mum ( as you did ) and I’m now older than she was , so I make damn sure I’m living my best life , for her too
💐

Both of my parents had died by the time I was 24. It gets easier.

I lost my brother, my only sibling, 2 years ago. We were very close. I still feel him alongside me, I still talk to him. I read somewhere that when someone dies they aren't gone, just in the next room, and that's what it feels like to me. That he's just there, all the time, keeping things going with me.

I'm so.sorry for the loss of your Mum.

The pain is unbearable some days. I am 14 months in after losing my Dad and I completely understand what you describe about living the rest of your life without them. Only last night this thought had me crying in my bed, again. I can't get my head around that either. Only last night I was thinking, I don't think I will ever get used to him not being here. Only yesterday, for a split second, I thought I would give him a call. The only positive thing I could say is that it does get ever so slightly easier as time passes. It still hurts, some days really badly. But I definitely have days where it doesn't occupy my mind all day. I have days where I smile, laugh & genuinely enjoy myself without feeling like I shouldn't. I don't know how to live life without our parents but all I do know is all we can do is take it one day at a time, slowly, bit by bit.