Colleague taking too much time off for baby illness?

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My close colleague (shared workload), has been back from maternity a few months (working full time), but this is the 4th time she’s taken time off because her DD has a bug and can’t go to nursery. Employer is generous and so it’s paid time off, her DH is self employed so ‘can’t take any time off as he won’t get paid’. But it’s a flexible trade so he could work the weekend etc to make up any time/lost earnings, they just want to keep the weekends free.

I have 2 young kids, so understand it’s difficult, but when mine were at nursery DH and I would share the absences, emergency pickups etc, and juggle work to cover each other? I’d also work over the weekend to make up time if had time off during the week. My colleague doesn’t do that.

AIBU to think her DH should be covering some of these sicknesses, at the moment it’s having a real impact on my workload as I’m having to cover!

her DH is self employed so ‘can’t take any time off as he won’t get paid’. But it’s a flexible trade so he could work the weekend etc to make up any time/lost earnings, they just want to keep the weekends free.

Tricky. My DH is also employed in a flexible trade, but his customers are unlikely to want him to work at the weekend and the other self-employed flexible tradesmen who are integral to his job don’t work weekends. Bring self employed is not as flexible as people always think

Yes yes and yes.

Butt out op. And that’s putting it mildly.

This is such a needlessly nasty thread.
OP, your business is clearly under resourced and you are trying to take that out on a junior (or whatever, someone you manage) colleague who has issues with an ill child/childcare.

You are a manager, it's your job to manage these situations, if you think the best way to manage this is to make your colleagues life more difficult then I really don't know what to say.

Explore every option, before hitting the self destruct button that is removing their sick pay. If you have to do it then you have to do it but it should be the very last thing you think about, not the first.

I had a colleague who did this a lot. Bosses were seemingly ok with it, but she got managed out in the end.

Absolutely agree. The very existence of this thread just highlights the fact that we are a long way away from seeing a world where working mums can thrive.

We have a fair few couples that have young children, both paid the same salary but in different departments & it’s always mother that takes the (unpaid) time off for those I manage.

Interesting, was talking to a colleague today. We have 9 paid carers’ days off annual, after which I don’t know what happens (say you have an elderly parent/appointments for a small child who is frequently sick). Can’t take leave, it’s a school.

If your work allows unlimited paid dependent leave, then I envisage a large proportion of people would utilise this, rather than “share” with a partner who is self employed.

I am self employed and it’s not always the case you can cover and work at the weekend. You may lose that job and that may lead to less recommendations.

However, despite all the above I guarantee (like most families I know) this is nothing to do with who is paid/who is self-employed, but in fact the assumption Mum will take off time when a child is ill. As I say, I’m self-employed (I’m also the high earner), and my husband is in employed and has good family policies; however, I still cover the majority of illness, appointments. My DH is terrible at forgetting to take time off for appointments and gets really stressed and grumpy if it is suddenly suggested he has to take a day off. So I run round like a headless chicken and cover or get emergency childcare. Unlike your work colleague though I do then work evenings and weekends to try and make up the work (although I have had to cancel work). I would say my situation is very common among friends (middle class, professional jobs).

Ultimately in terms of what you can do it all come down to your policies. If ultimately your policy is she can take as much paid dependent leave (and there is no requirement to make us hours) there is nothing you can do.

@DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz working Mums will thrive when men equally share childcare responsibilities. part time Horus, flexibility for women, are based on the need for women to do all the childcare and work as well.

My dh was away a lot and I had zero family to help so I was constantly having to not send them in because they were ill. No one to cover. That's just what happens.

It's not fair on you but she has two choices:

Take paid leave herself and have DH around on the weekend

Have her DH take unpaid leave and make up for it by leaving her alone for the weekend

It's a no-brainier when you have a generous leave policy

And taking away paid dependent leave is another way to make mums choose between career and motherhood.

This isn't a "needlessly nasty thread". Working mums could "thrive" if their partners did half the actual work involved in having a baby. The existence of the thread shows men shirking and women - including the OP! - being expected to suck it up.

People haven't read the OP which stated it's a shared workload and the colleague's DH could work more flexibly. Personally I would be mortified to be knowingly pushing more work on my colleague with whom I share a workload while my husband doesn't help and gets to keep his weekends free.

When/how she catches up isn't your problem, but don't take the burden of covering extra work that she's missing, unless YOU are paid overtime to do so.

*People haven't read the OP which stated it's a shared workload and the colleague's DH could work more flexibly. Personally I would be mortified to be knowingly pushing more work on my colleague with whom I share a workload while my husband doesn't help and gets to keep his weekends free.

This - dads need to share the load properly.

It must be difficult for you if you're picking up her workload, but honestly that's a problem for your employer to sort, not her. If you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to your boss. Other than that, I'm not sure why you're bothered about her home situation and who looks after her children? It is sad that you couldn't be there for your children when they were younger and I'm sorry you went through that. We sadly live in a world where we expect parents to just forget about their children while they're at work and it's heart-breaking that you experienced that. Don't let your personal experiences cloud you against her. From a practical perspective, self-employed people can't always just drop their work - doing so usually leads to unhappy clients and a loss of work. If she's the one getting paid time off, then of course she's going to take it.

It really is none of your business how they cover their child's sickness.

Parents should absolutely share the load, and the fact that they don't is part of the reason for the gender pay gap and glass ceiling.

@DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz and that’s really sad, because it shouldn’t be unless a Mum has paid dependent leave she can’t work. There is never a suggestion of men having to choose between work and fatherhood if there is not flexibility/dependents leave. I’m not saying that’s not what happens and the reality is in this country is a lot of women feel that that is their options. I just think society’s focus needs to move from focusing on what measure can be done to make sure women can work and do all the childcare, and more equality so men and women equally share childcare responsibilities. Many Scandinavian counties have focused on this and they have a much lower gender pay gap.

OPs post has generated lots of comments about self employed ability to take time off. As I say, my own experience is it wouldn’t matter who was employed/self-employed she’s probably taking the time off because in the vast majority of relationships thats what happens.

Having a flexible trade does not mean you can work weekends instead of weekdays as I said above.

Anyway as I've (also) said above, if she didn't get paid childcare leave, she'd just take annual leave until she ran out, but probably she won't as her child will have got over the worst of the bugs by then.

If you have a workload issue that needs discussing with your manager. Like I said their domestic arrangements are none of anyone elses business full stop.

This is not her issue to resolve.
this is with your manager.
it will also help, when you approach your manager, to state exactly the workload effort you are picking up, how many hours extra work is required , a clear explanation on why it is not reasonable for you to simply (magically) absorb this. And a clear explanation of exactly what you will do. Check your contract make sure you follow that. And end with “ so with that in mind, what do you want me to drop if I’m picking this up? YOU need to prioritise” and smile sweetly at them 😉

the manager is then the one to talk to colleague, not you.

your manager needs to do the one thing that a lot of managers seem to not realise it’s their job to do:Prioritise. They, and only they, need to make the decision of what work in the team should be done with the resources available due to the absence. They need to determine what needs to stop. And they need to determine how they will them deal with the work that cannot be done. It doesn’t necessarily mean hiring someone as temp, it means understanding the peaks and troughs in workload and matching to capacity.

managing team work capacity is not an art. It is very predictable at a macro level how much absence and holiday a team will need over a year. And workload vs headcount should be based on that adjusted capacity (demonstrated) and not assuming 100% of each empLoyees time is productive. 🤦‍♀️

you can follow this through with your new “no, you choose” appraoch , if your colleague asks you to pick up stuff directly. Say to her, “I do not have the resources to do that, you will need to speak to manager to prioritise your work “ and not enter into further discussion. .

Having a flexible trade does not mean you can work weekends instead of weekdays as I said above.

@enchantedsquirrelwood totally agree

Absolutely this.

@GreenMeanMachine I do see what you're saying, but unless we know why the father doesn't take the time, I don't think we should assume dad's reasons for not taking the time off. Regardless of gender, logic dictates that if one parent is going to get paid for the time off but the other is going to lose money and, potentially, future custom, then the parent who will be paid takes the time off.
If the shoe were on the other foot and the dad who could take leave was forcing the mum too, I would 100% agree this came down to gender.