Regret being older mum

[Oldermumhum]

We started having kids quite late, first conceived at 31, born at 32, planning second DC at 34, probably would be born at 35. DP would be 40.
I really regret looking back that we kept worrying about money, buying house, career and delayed starting family so much. I want to have a third DC as well but we will be older 37, 42 by then.
Has anyone been in the same boat, how did you overcome regret?

I find this thread extremely insulting to actual older Mums. I had my one and only DC at 37 and sadly we couldn’t seem to conceive a second. I’m now 43 and would love to have what you have.

You're not old

So you did that. And your're not an older parent.

So what is your problem? You wish you hadn't bothered to have stability of be financially ready before you had children? That makes no sense.

On what plannet is this old?
This isn't the 1970s
People don't meet their hubby's at the local dance and marry at 21

Oh no not this again. Please no more mum wars.

You are not old.

Now we have older mums insulted because they must be ancient by your standards.

And others are trying to make them feel better by inadvertently knocking younger mums.

What is the obsession with age of being a mum on this site? Everybody just live your own life.

I had my first at 37 and my second at 41. I don't regret it for a second-except briefly occasionally when I think I might have had more children. What do you regret?

Also depends on where you live. In London, we were not the oldest parents by a long shot. Everyone was around the same age as us or even older. Now we live in the country, I feel ancient at the school gates and regularly bump into people around here in their early 50s with 17-18 year old grand kids!

Some of us don't have a choice. I met DH when I was 31 and he was 40. We were infertile and had our one-and-only via IVF / ICSI when I was 38 and DH was 47. It was hard, but the upside is that DS is now 23 and living his best life with his dream job. He hasn't suffered from being an only child and has friends from all over the world. I don't mean this as a stealth brag, but DH is retired while I'm semi-retired, we're mortgage-free in a high-value house and we're healthy and active with many interests and enjoy travelling. DS is making his own way in the world but what is ours is his and he will get a good inheritance. Although we would have loved to have another (I still sometimes think about his failed-twin and failed-triplet siblings), we are lucky to have him and we're still a family. Sorry, but I don't understand your problem.

This too. I had my first at 30 and friends didn't start until a few years later. I was one of the younger mums at the school gates. I live in the South East not far from London - maybe it's a demographic thing?

Not old at all
if any consolation, I'm glad my parents waited, mum was 38 when she had me and i still had to share a room, be very very careful with heating bills etc

31 is young to start having kids IMHO.

No need to apologise OP, you don't have to align with other people's ideas of "older". It's personal and you've had a bit of a pile on. Some people will feel mid-thirties is older, some won't. It isn't insulting to have differences of opinion.

Get your iron checked OP and your thyroid. And I think most people with young dc are knacked all the time at whatever age, but is there anything proactive you can do - does dp pull his weight, can you improve your diet, up your childcare, reduce work hours, get a cleaner? And ignore everyone taking personal offence because they had their kids in their 40s. You can regret your own decisions for yourself without judging other people's.

Maybe you'll be lucky and have twins :)

It's not normal to be feeling so old and low of energy at your age though. Have you had you thyroid checked? Are you generally healthy and a healthy weight?
I didn't have my first DC until I was 38, and I wasn't the oldest at my NCT group by a long way (she was 46).

I had mine at 33 and 36, they are 22 and 18 now, both at home still.
I never thought twice about being an older mum because even then 20 years ago l wasnt.
But what l will say is l am so glad l stuck at two, because l am exhausted. I feel more tired now than ever before and everyone l know my age is saying the same. What with work, menopause, elderly parent and two young adults it's non stop. I am also a lone parent. I have kept very fit and active it was never a problem in my 30s and 40s but l had no idea life would be this busy at this stage of my life. There is no way l could have managed with a third.

I had my DS at 44. So no, you're not old!!😆

"Some houses"!!!

You're also REALLY young. Stop worrying.

I'm interested what part of the country you live in as most in London seem to be mid 30 for first

You’re not an older mum at all. I’d say 40+ is an older mum now days.

It would be unusual round my area if you’d had your kids any younger tbh.

DH was 50 when we had our second too.

Had mine at 40 and 42. It was considered old, I think it’s more normal now.

I am in Midlands.

I had mine at 35 and 37. We prioritised getting careers on the right track and buying a decent house before we had kids. No regrets at all

I'm late 50s and most of my friends didn't have children till their 30s or even early 40s. None of my 20 something colleagues have children. The colleagues that do started having babies in their 30s, other than one outlier who became pregnant accidentally at 18, 30 years ago.

It's totally normal as far as I'm concerned. Last I heard the average age for a first baby was 29 and that is skewed by those who get pregnant in their teens / early 20s. It's harder too to get on the housing ladder these days so it's quite natural to wait until you have. My friends and were able to buy as singles in our mid to late 20s but that's far less likely nowadays.

You can still easily have a 3rd child.

First baby at 32 is quite late? The average age of a first time mother in the UK is 30 yrs and 9 months so you're not exactly aged having your first at 32.

And have you ever read posts by people who are paying for nursery fees whilst also trying to save for a deposit for a house? Sounds bloody nightmarish. So stop with the 'boo hoo I regret waiting until we were financially stable before starting a family'

Splash your face with cold water and give yourself a talking to.

You're not an older mum. I don't think you would have been considered an older mum by most, even if this was 80s.