Regret being older mum

[Oldermumhum]

We started having kids quite late, first conceived at 31, born at 32, planning second DC at 34, probably would be born at 35. DP would be 40.
I really regret looking back that we kept worrying about money, buying house, career and delayed starting family so much. I want to have a third DC as well but we will be older 37, 42 by then.
Has anyone been in the same boat, how did you overcome regret?

I had three children in my early 20s and then my last one when I was 36.

Being a parent at 36 was more tiring but I had so much more patience, was much more settled and secure. I was a much better parent because of this. He's just gone off to university and I still see years of good life ahead of me.

@Alika Having babies at 31 and 32 does not make you older..

That's not older Mum. Is is just a fake post to call women in their 30's old?

Back in the real world 31 is not old, you are just boring old average.

I find your post quite insulting to people who are genuinely older parents or those who have been pushed into having children much later due to fertility issues. What the hell must women in their late 30s, 40s be if you are old.

There really is no perfect time 🤷‍♀️

Its very unusual to have children under 30 if you are a graduate where I am.

I don’t get what the issue is really, the only downside imo is you get less time to spend with them.

You're not an older mum, op.

I was also the youngest or second youngest in my nct group, I had dd when I was 31.

Very strange that you would think you are, is it your mum or mil who say so? Or your dh acting older than his age, making you feel old...?

I had my first at 35 and don't consider myself an older Mum tbh. I've never really thought about it

You're not an older mum. You're the average age, if not a little younger.
I had my DC at 42. Don't regret anything about waiting. DC has friends with parents who'd have been late teens right through to people my age and a year or so older.

You had your children at about the average age. What do you think would have been the advantage of having them younger?
Having some financial stability sounds like a good thing. I'm not sure what your regret is about.

This is not old to be starting children. 31 is the average age.

You chose to be financially secure and married before starting a family in order to give your children the best chance of a financially secure upbringing. This is the best for the child.

if you feel that you should have just had children first, go on to any of the threads where people start having children really young, have no career in their twenties at all, smaller pension, and then wonder why they cannot afford to buy a house.

having the children before you were financially secure assumes you think you could have achieved the same as you have with children. Could you have really? Could you have spent the same amount of time on your career? The same hours? Trips? Climbing the ladder? Could you have saved for a house when paying childcare costs? While also earning less as childcare providers don't cover the amount of hours you needed to work? Or would you have had to sacrifice your career progression and pension contributions so your dh could work all hours?

OP this is a good reason to wait in having children, I'm struggling to understand what you are regretful of?

Very similar situation here. Waited for the same reasons, very comfortable family life now which I am more than grateful we did giving the cost of living crisis right now.

We had kids when I was 31 and 35 but I wouldn't class myself as 'older'. My friend is pregnant with her second now and she's about to turn 40.

I'd say 31 was a young-ish mum these days. Older mums are over 40.

My regret is that I feel low on energy and I feel I don't have a lot of time left to TTC the second and third DC I want.

Where are you from OP? The youngest in my NCT group of 8 was 34. Average age of mum’s at the hospital I had DD in was 38. Most of DD’s nursery pal’s parents are late 30’s and above. However I’m not born & bred around where we live now and a lot of my friends from home would be utterly aghast at having a child over the age of 31.

You’re not an older mum I would say you are on the younger end. I was 28 32 and 36 and in no way do I consider it my old. I would say my 28 was too young.

Ahhh 31 isn't an older mum. Live on with no regrets.

I had my kids in my 30s; 31,35,37. I was born when I was financially stable and emotionally secure.

It sounds like you’ve done exactly the right thing then.

If you’ve got no support system to fall back on what would you do if it all went tits up at some point. Not to say it would, but you never know. Redundancies, illness etc - you need to have a solid life built before having kids otherwise the kids wouldn’t know if they was coming or going.

31 older mum?!

In my area i was 29 and roughly younger by a decade than everyone at mum and baby groups.

Do you have health issues, no one thinks 31 makes an older mum, its totally normal but I do think that you should investigate low energy as that isn't the norm for early 30s mother's imo

at 34 my central london antenatal appointments the nurses always used to call me a young mum. Of course I was in that context, but it made me chuckle.

Low energy? How bizarre, seems you might need your iron levels checking

You are right that is important. It’s wonderful you prioritised that for your children.

now that you have both it’s easy to say one doesn’t matter. But parenting in financial insecurity is REALLY hard on the whole family.

you did the right thing. You have time.

i had my two at 36 and 41. Lots or reasons mostly didn’t find the right man to do it with before that. But an added bonus is we are financially not just secure and well off so we can afford the things we need (great childcare) to make it work for us.

im also settled and happy in myself. I’d only say it on an anonymous forum but im a great mum, and a much better one than I would have been younger. I’d had to face my greatest fears and resolve my destructive patterns during the long hard single years.

now I can reapply what I’ve learned to parenting well. And im very grateful for what I’ve got.

If you're tired with a single child at 32 you should get checked out. That's not normal.

Me and my friends all had our children 36+. None of us are low on energy.

Is this thread a joke? None of those ages classify you as "old" parents!