So upset about dp prospects

[Desperatetime]

I don't know what I wish to achieve by posting here but I need it off my chest.
Dp came from another country several years ago and was granted work permission last year I helped him get work through an agency in a factory setting but it's only minimum wage and he has relatives back in his home country who are always looking towards him for financial help due to extremely low wages there.
Dp attended school in his home country but he left at age 14 to work and help his family who where quite poor.
Dp said there was no such thing as leaving school with grades etc and he was never able to release any potential.
What I've found is that dp is actually very clever and appears to pick things up very quickly and is very capable but we are stuck we can't afford training and he is working full-time so no time and I've helped apply for jobs but we are finding his cv is very tricky as hardly any work history here in the uk and no UK education.
He is never selected on any job application rejection after rejection and he is 46 now.
His current employer is so happy with him thinks he's great etc but it's minimum wage and he can't increase his income or learn new things. Please go easy on me I'm upset about this.

Because as a PP said they are greedy and entitled. They just want more, more, more.
I don't know why you keep harping on about this point and being affected. Greedy, selfish people are never satisfied. You can give them the moon and they'll stil complain.

This attitude is very prevalent in South Asian communities.

And I highly doubt his relatives are actually STRUGGLING. They probably just can't live a luxurious life like they'd hope. But struggling? Nah.

Lentilweaver
I see him upset about this alot he is quite sensitive to what anybody says about him.

Not read the full thread, but I'd suggest construction/roads as there's industry certificates that employers pay for that have nothing to do with maths/English (as long as you've got the basics) and they don't care about school based education. Start with a basic CSCS (can save up and get it yourself) and work up to new tickets depending on what he's good at. Even bricklayers get paid more than minimum wage and he might find he has a knack for certain parts of construction.

My husband drives a road sweeper and is contracted out to roadworks jobs where he works with a lot of foreign workers who have very basic English, really, but work hard and work well together (and shared their KFC with him last night!). Working nights, they get paid pretty well.
Driving helps, does he have a driving licence? If not, will depend where you are in the country as to how easy it would be to get work on a crew. Probably have to start with agency.

Also, don't think his age is a huge barrier. My husband only got his HGV licence last year at 43, after years of low paid self employment then a few years off with mental health issues. He basically had to start from scratch.

That's not your problem. It's his.
And he might not even be that upset. It's just a way to get the money to send home.
He needs to choose between your welfare and his 'feelings'.

Because OP - your problem will never end. You think him getting a better paid job will mean he can send more and they will stop saying things but they won't. Why would they? They have successfully gotten what they want from him, more money by saying these horrid things.

He can earn 5K a month but you'll still be in poverty because he chooses to send half of that back to Pakistan.

And you know people will come crawling out of the woodwork... a distant relative will want something.... pretty soon you will be supporting the whole village.

You think I'm exaggerating but I have person experience of these things.

16% of your joint income is going to people abroad per month

How much is going to your son per month ?

Admittedly I have mentioned to dp that considering how much they are meant to be struggling they always look well dressed and well although dp reckons they are under the debt.

We had similar in ME. DH actually questioned what the money were needed for and got "just in case" at the end. So agreed that if "just in case" happens he will happily help

Not sure need to work it out but my ex does pay him a weekly amount as well.

Besidetheriver
Between me and ex ds is getting £320 a month

But if they're taking on debt they can't afford and expecting him to pay, it's not his problem.
The narrative of 'starving to death' is starting to look less and less likely, as was dramatically discussed at the beginning of this thread.

They just want a nice life without having to work for it.

Plus ds gets his playstation passport, phone and Spotify paid for.

Pass not passport

Also OP I re-read and it's ridiculous your DP is 'supporting' NINE people. NINE.
Think about it.
HIs siblings, and own adult kids. Who in turn will have kids of their own so really he's supporting several families on this wage.
Why do you think one person should be supporting that many people? When they are adults capable of earning their own money.
They live in Pakistan and not the UK, that's an accident of birth. Maybe he owes some money to his kids but only what he can 'afford', as a gift.

Not the responsibility for their ENTIRE welfare.

It looks like you come last in this equation. All these strangers on the other side of the world come first.

PikachuChickenRice
It may be debt for essential living though I'm not entirely certain

PikachuChickenRice
You have given me a level head in many ways so thank you

That is not a huge amount, whereabouts is he, does he get SF? Is he working alongside to top it up? He may have a point if you are prioritising the wants of people you have never met, are not related to, over him.

Debt? I’m sorry but debt is not a normal thing over there unless you are wanting to live well above your means like many do here when they misuse their credit cards. Why would you want to enable and encourage that behaviour further. I don’t even believe it tbh I will bet you he’s lining his own pockets and using them as an excuse to contribute less. Maybe I’m being naive but as greedy as some people are over there, they won’t get themselves into debt, they just wait for right person they can use and in this case it’s you. It’s you who is being used. Please stop listening to his emotional blackmail. I think you need to work on yourself and boundaries. Please listen to us here, we are from the background so know how people are. Just stop giving them money and see his reaction. If he really loves you he will still love you without you funding his whole family.

He is sending 29% of his income abroad
Or just under one third of his wages per month

Ds has never said I'm prioritising them over him not sure where you get that from.
Yes he gets student finance and a bursary as well.

You're welcome. I think this is difficult to understand if you haven't experienced it,
If you are a true partnership that £400 is your household money. You need to know what it's for. If they are well-dressed it doesn't look like they need 'essential living' money.
Currently you don't know anything, people beg for 'urgent money' and your DP happily sends it.
But again, you have no way of finding out - as you'll only know what your DP tells you. Unless you know other Pakistani people it's not the sort of thing you can Google.

The only thing you can do is stop sending the money and let them sort themselves out. Or, if your DP is that concerned, he can stop his pension and send the extra to them instead.

If you also think how is this going to work... He's been here for years so he's sent his adult kids + siblings money for a while. That's two generations of people he's been supporting.

It hasn't made a difference has it? The kids are adults and now still needing 'support'. So he will be paying for them all their lives... and it will never end.

I'd have some sympathy if they said money for school fees, kids to grow up and get good jobs, that they can then support themselves. Or start a business. buy some property but this doesn't seem to have happened. They just want handouts.

I have sent money back, my own family got help from other growing up but the money was 'seed' - to eventually improve ourselves to the point where we are comfortable now. That's how it's supposed to be but many other families just think the person abroad is meant to support them forever and they should just sit around eating, drinking and bragging to their friends, spending the money mindlessly.

If God forbid he gets ill and unable to work what are they going to do???

Ds isn't working due to studies taking up his time I do send extra amounts occasionally if he's short I always help him out when needed.

What exactly do you get out of this arrangement OP

But you spending more on them than him! What outgoings does your p have if he has no ready cash to spend? He cannot afford the £400 himself. I suspect he has given the impression of earning more, having a flash lifestyle and a white British partner willing to house him.

You last sentences is spot on!
OP is worried so much about his feelings. but he doesn't give a fig about hers.
He never 'asks' for money directly but of course there's a reason why he dramatically 'gets off the phone' with them, and then tells OP there's been another 'urgent phone call' that is indirectly asking and manipulating.
If he didn't want to, she wouldn't even know about the calls.

WomanHereHear
Apparently alot of people take advances from there employer who cuts it gradually from wages