To think that most company menopause policies are an absolute joke?

[JenniferAnistonsHair2023]

I work for a FTSE100 firm, been there a long time. No historical performance issues. Mid 50s, senior role, quite high pressure.

At the start of this year I went down to 4 days in an attempt to slow down a little. I'm menopausal, anxious, permanently tired (insomnia) - you get the picture. On HRT which has helped but doesn't turn you back into the person you were when you were 30.

My last performance review I was pretty much told I'm underperforming. This came as a shock to me as I'm managing a full time workload in 4 days. Was given some areas to focus on which I'm trying my hardest to do, but part of me thinks I'm just not good enough any more.

Decide to contact HR today to discuss what constitutes 'reasonable adjustments' to my role because of menopause symptoms. (We have a policy published on our intranet). HR helpline pretty much just told me that I need to work things out with my manager. Made the point that my manager was the problem and I didn't feel comfortable discussing menopause with a 50 something male with no training on the matter. Still get a 'computer says no' response.

I mean, what's the fucking point of having a policy? I'm losing the will to live. On top of all that I'm asked to do a day of meetings which involves 3 hours of travelling either side next week, with no opportunity to take any of that time back. I refused on the basis that there was a dial-in option and that I wasn't willing to go massively over my 28 hours for the week (there are times when I have to travel when f2f is the only option and that's fine, I suck it up).

AIBU? Has anyone got experience of a workplace where they have a better menopause policy so that I can consider applying?!

No one? Should I move this to Menopause or Work?

🙁

Can you ask for an occupational health assessment?

Saw you have t any responses. I'm similar age and profile and an HR director. I think you need to be specific - what reasonable adjustments are you looking for? Have you spoken to your Manager to say that you are suffering these physical side effects of menopause ? If you are not explicit then they are not going to be able to identify something for you. Can you work out where you are struggling. Is it really worthwhile the 4 days per week in my experience staff always end up increasingly undertaking 5 days work in 4 and are then hugely resentful so it's a lose lose. (I'm also speaking for personal experience). If there is a risk to your role it is V worthwhile to get this formally flagged up up - you say it's a big firm - is there not an HR Business Partner assigned to the business area you are in that you could contact?

Argue it from the position of being paid less in reflection of less responsibility.

As a 53 year old still working 5 days a week, I don't know if these menopause policies will help women. In our 30s we had to face interviewers suspecting we might get pregnant, in our 40s we face interviewers suspecting we might have kids to be home for, and now in our 50s we have to face interviewers suspecting we are "slowing down".

I will not be saying the word menopause at work. Even if I have a hysterectomy (not planned) I'll say I had car trouble.

I hate all this menopause obsession. Why on earth do you need to have a policy to deal with a perfectly normal biological process ? It's a sure fire way to make women even more a target of discrimination in the work place.

I'm 50 and work full time. Sure, tired from insomnia , but no more so than the young parents I work with. Why can't age and experience be seen as a positive thing ? Why can't being in our fifties be seen as when our experience shines through? But instead you want a snowflake policy and to whinge about 'slowing down" like you're 80. Ugh.

YANBU but then about as effective as a maternity/equality/recruitment policy. Unless you're a white straight man you're lacking in workplace protection and it's amazing if any woman gets through with being unfairly treated in a career. Personally my only antidote has been finding a new employer when I feel like one isn't treating me well but not always so easy.

Exactly @Tara24 I completely agree. I've been lucky perhaps but I wouldn't want to contribute to a stereotype that 50 something women lose their confidence. If I need time of I'll get a doctor to send a certified sick note to the absence management team.

The policy is there for you and your boss to use to find something that works for you. It's not part of HR's role to manage you or your situation.

If you want reasonable adjustments of course you have to discuss them with your boss, whatever the condition is.

https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/our-work/news/equality-watchdog-supports-important-tribunal-hearing-alleged-menopause-discrimination - I don't know if this is any help to you, it's a ruling that has literally just gone through (2 days ago).

It's come too late for me but might help others like you. I wasn't in as high powered a job as you but had to give up working in an okay-ish, reasonably well-paid career when the menopause hit and I genuinely didn't know what was wrong with me. It took me over two years to even be able to function properly and as you say, I'll never be the person I was at 30 again. Or even 45.

Really hate this snowflake menopause obsession too. Like women undermining themselves in the workplace.

And those of you who are superior enough not to have experienced this or other major healthcare setbacks by the time you hit your mid 40s to mid 50s have been very lucky so far.

Snowflake menopause obsession? Really? I can only assume you haven't been through it, or you sailed through it.

My fundamental problem is that I don't have a manager who I feel I can approach about this stuff. I'm uncomfortable talking about it with someone who just doesn't get it. I've lost all confidence at work and the accusation of underperformance is only making things worse. I would honestly quit right now and get a low pressure job if I could afford to.

HR BP might be a good call. But the company I work for has made it very difficult to have a conversation with an actual person, not a call centre.

If you’ve had no issues, like most people, then bully for you. But be careful. Nobody in my family has had any problems with menopause at all. I certainly wasn’t expecting it. Then in the space of six weeks I had countless physical and mental problems like you wouldn’t believe. I hope for your sake you won’t have suicidal thoughts come out of nowhere like I did, to say nothing of the physical issues.

Op, what treatment have you sought from your doctor please, this should be your first port of call and if hrt isn’t working then speak to them again.

also what reasonable adjustments do you wish. Again you’ve not been clear.

im also not supportive of im menopausal so that’s why im underperforming make allowances. So you need to be clear. What medical support are you working with your doctor on and exactly what adjustments do you wish?

OP - move this to the menopause topic.

You'll get some experienced, qualified advice there.

AIBU is an awful topic for absolutely everything. If you were asking for adjustments because your head fell off you'd be told you are being a snowflake,

Really? You want 'reasonable adjustments' to be made for your menopause symptoms? How utterly ridiculous. Menopause is not a disability.

I think you will find it’s the same posters answering either way, we have all been through it or going through it, and with differing degrees of severity. You don’t get to invalidate our comments.

@MNHQ how do I get this moved please?

Agree, however I’m all for reasonable adjustments if the person can show they are under medical care for their symptoms and can articulate the reasonable adjustments they need and what impact that will have.

the whole I’m underperforming as I’m menopausal so need reasonable adjusments and can’t say what they are and am not really dealing with it with my doctor is not something I support. At all. This stuff gives women a bad name in the workplace.

articulate your needs, explain why and what you’re doing to help your symptoms. Then you can be taken seriously.

Cannot believe how nasty some of you are being to the OP.

im yet to experience menopause; but it doesn’t make me unaware that some women get a dreadful time of it.

I think this exemplifies why employers need to stop writing bullshit trendy-sounding "policies" they have no intention of following through on.

OP are you in a union and if not can you join one? This sounds like something you're going to need to robustly challenge. Effectively (regardless of whether a menopause adjustment policy is silly or not because that's actually irrelevant here) your employer offered you a thing and when you took them up on it, they blustered and bullshitted because they've no intention of giving you the thing they offered in writing.

That sounds like union territory. If you're not in an industry specific one I recommend joining Unite. They offer comprehensive legal advice. They also give you extra sick pay which it sounds like you might need if your symptoms are that bad.

Is there any time female can just be expected to work or do we need adjustments for every thing that happens to us?

I already said I'm under medical care for my symptoms in my OP. But HRT is not a magic wand.

It's things like this and bloody Davina and her pathologising the whole thing that will (and is) setting back women in the workplace by decades.

We fought to be treated equally, and be given recognition for our abilities, and now we're wanting special treatment again.

And we ask ourselves why companies don't want to employ older women.