To think that most company menopause policies are an absolute joke?

[JenniferAnistonsHair2023]

I work for a FTSE100 firm, been there a long time. No historical performance issues. Mid 50s, senior role, quite high pressure.

At the start of this year I went down to 4 days in an attempt to slow down a little. I'm menopausal, anxious, permanently tired (insomnia) - you get the picture. On HRT which has helped but doesn't turn you back into the person you were when you were 30.

My last performance review I was pretty much told I'm underperforming. This came as a shock to me as I'm managing a full time workload in 4 days. Was given some areas to focus on which I'm trying my hardest to do, but part of me thinks I'm just not good enough any more.

Decide to contact HR today to discuss what constitutes 'reasonable adjustments' to my role because of menopause symptoms. (We have a policy published on our intranet). HR helpline pretty much just told me that I need to work things out with my manager. Made the point that my manager was the problem and I didn't feel comfortable discussing menopause with a 50 something male with no training on the matter. Still get a 'computer says no' response.

I mean, what's the fucking point of having a policy? I'm losing the will to live. On top of all that I'm asked to do a day of meetings which involves 3 hours of travelling either side next week, with no opportunity to take any of that time back. I refused on the basis that there was a dial-in option and that I wasn't willing to go massively over my 28 hours for the week (there are times when I have to travel when f2f is the only option and that's fine, I suck it up).

AIBU? Has anyone got experience of a workplace where they have a better menopause policy so that I can consider applying?!

The Leicester City Council tribunal mentioned above has only just started; the case is being supported by the Equality and Human Rights Commission, but still underway- worth keeping an eye on.
There was a case at the start of the week where a woman was awarded £37k for unfair treatment when affected by menopause. - her employer was appalling.

World menopause day is in a couple of weeks - 18 October.
We're having tea and cake in the office.

I appreciate it, thankyou.

I think you'll find if you talk to a male manager about it he's more likely to take it seriously, even if only because he's scared not to. From the responses here, I don't think you can automatically expect a sympathetic response from a woman.

Are you sure this is a menopause issue. The issue is that their expectations are unreasonable, that they want you to do a 5 day workload in 4 days.

I’m shocked by some of the responses here. Total lack of empathy for the OP. Why can’t people be a bit more supportive. If you don’t agree, there are diplomatic ways of saying so.

May I ask, have you gone through the menopause?

I have every sympathy for you @JenniferAnistonsHair2023 as I'm right in the thick of peri myself. I'm also a corporate employment lawyer so high pressure work plus awareness of the legalities.

Your manager can't do anything if he doesn't know. Think of the adjustment you need (you don't have to tell us on the thread) arrange a meeting with your LM, tell him the issues and your proposed adjustments. HR don't have a magic wand in these situations.

Yeah, I'm all up for the policies and workshops and work 'education.' If nothing else, it's helped normalise a biological process that many men and actually quite a few women know little about until it whacks you in the face.

I've spoken to wonderfully confident, brilliant women at my work who have been really impacted by a sudden loss of confidence in their abilities because of crippling anxiety or forgetting their train of thought in a sales pitch. Without the education, it can really undermine their careers. With the awareness and support, employers can help colleagues work through it and continue to access the wealth of experience and knowledge they bring.

I don't understand half these posters honestly, OP.

There’s some depressing responses to this - “snowflake” - ffs!

The menopause can be really debilitating for a lot of women and thank god we have more discussion and public figures discussing this. Telling other women that they need to just crack in with it like they’re just shaking off a cold is shockingly unsympathetic.

Most of us do still carry on - despite some pretty shitty symptoms. We do try to manage it but there does need to be some recognition that it does affect you ability to work at the rate you could do if you weren’t going through it.

If it puts women in the workplace back, then that’s a problem with the system, not bloody women. Same with how having children can be perceived as putting you on a back foot with your career.

Women are fifty percent of the workforce and they come with a valuable skill set - minor adjustments to help them continue to work and to do that well is beneficial all round.

Honestly, some of the responses on here!

I agree with this. Menopause is not an illness in the same way that puberty isn't either. I've fought so hard to be treated as an equal in a man's world. We can't have it all ways.

I'm self employed so just have to get on with it. And that's as is should be.

An employer doesn't need "a menopause policy". If any individual employee is unwell then they should consult their GP and take sick leave, as appropriate. Plenty of middle-aged women (like me) would take the view that singling out menopause as some sort of "disability" simply makes us less employable and perpetuates potential discrimination. It's bad enough when women are of childbearing age - now we're saying that we can still be treated unfairly when we're in our 50s? No thanks!

Definitely this.

What did women do before? Millions of women went through the menopause without the circus there is today. There’s a menopause cafe at work - meetings with other women going through the menopause to chat blah blah. Ridiculous.

I'd try talking to your manager first tbh. When I was pregnant I had hyperemesis the whole time, morning and night. Meds helped somewhat but my iron was also so low the hospital said they had no idea how I was still walking. I had to go to work (care home management) so was just working in between vomiting tbh!

It was a male director which helped me with how to continue my job (they needed me and it was in their interest) such as being able to use any bathroom, not covering the floor etc. I initially approached a senior female manager and was told she didn't know why I needed special treatment when pregnancy wasn't q disability and she was never sick through her 3 pregnancies.

I also have endometriosis and I am im pain constantly but also have stabbing pains out of nowhere. However I've had that since I was a teenager so know how to suck it up and live with it. Whereas menopause is totally new for you and you're still trying to work out how to manage your symptoms.

I can't really comment further as it is a while off for me yet. But if they're going to have a policy they need to carry it out rather than it being a box ticked for them. We aren't asking for special treatment, just to be treated equitably according to our biology.

We have a menopause/andropause policy at work. It basically covers having a fan in case you get a hot flush and being allowed to take a 5 minute break to get a drink of water if you need it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Completely agree. It's a normal part of life as we get older.

There are some really unpleasant replies to your post! A real lack of empathy amongst some people.
If it were me I would set out in a really clear email what the issues you are having are, and what adjustments you would like making to your role.
Send it to your boss and ask for a call in a couple of days. It gives him a chance to digest it and give you a reasonable response (hopefully). He probably feels out of his depth with 'women's issues', and a an email gives him a chance to get over himself before having a conversation with you
Good luck

Which world do you live in where women are treated equally to men in the workplace at 50?

I don't get the argument that menopause awareness sets women back any more than we are already set back frankly, sorry.

Well fuck me @JenniferAnistonsHair2023 I'm sorry you have had such awful people answering. I think there are a lot of 4chan scum etc posting these days. They post multiple times. They're really easy to spot, for example the use of snowflake repeated really quickly in several posts in relation to a completely unrelated topic. Ignore them, there just angry that they still have to live in their parent's spare room and do what their mum tells them. The dark triad of personality traits is often on show.

Anyone who know anything at all about menopause, understands that some women suffer devastating menopause symptoms that make them feel like a changed person, anxiety, insomnia, loss of libido, loss of motivation . Of course companies should know how to deal with this, however as this thread so aptly proves, it doesn't matter how bad things get for women, we're just meant to be quiet about it. It's all very well saying young parents get tired, but they chose to have kids and can deal with it because they are younger. Women don't choose menopause.

I wish I had some advice. I don't at all. Society is becoming worse for women daily., even basic considerations for serious changes to our bodies and health are met with derision.

However I thought this might raise a wry smile, an NHS trust are giving men going through the menopause up to a year of work. Yes men.

Says it all really, doesn't it?

You use the phrases 'My last performance review I was pretty much told I'm underperforming' and 'the accusation of underperformance'. Do you mean there was no actual evidence given to back this up? It sounds like your manager is trying to get you to quit by undermining you and making it a difficult working environment, rather than there being an evidential decrease in performance.

That could be constructive dismissal, especially if they put in no effort to help you perform better. It may be good to get things confirmed on paper including your health issues. This may make them more careful regarding possible disability discrimination. Are you in a union you could ask for advice? Perhaps you could use the phrase 'health issues' instead of menopause to make them pay attention.

Has your manager bullied you or other people before?

I’m surprised about some of the ‘snowflake’ type comments on here, I imagine they are from women who either weren’t supported in the workplace if they needed to be when going through menopause or they ‘sailed’ through as many women do. I work in HR and there is a lot noise about menopause at the moment and menopause policies. As a thirty-something year old woman I was fairly uneducated in the topic until recently. Symptoms and length of menopause vary from woman to woman and some really do suffer awful symptoms for years. The reason you need this type of policy is not only to make reasonable adjustments if needed it is also to protect woman from being discriminated against if they are in a job that is also being carried out by male colleagues who would not be affected by menopause (let’s not get into the andropause).

We give out free sanitary products at work for women who need them being caught short or may not be able to financially afford them - the first thing some male colleagues piped up with ‘what are we getting? What about free condoms?’ As if having to bleed for 30+ years isn’t enough you also are paying for the privilege not to bleed everywhere and men still have an issue with businesses trying to support women where they can. It feels like you can’t make it up sometimes.

OP I suggest you go through your BP and occupational health at work to get reasonable adjustments made if necessary.

However I thought this might raise a wry smile, an NHS trust are giving men going through the menopause up to a year of work. Yes men.

Fucking hell. I have no words.

It doesn't set them back at all @NoPrivateSpy , you are absolutely right.

It gives them equity. The heart of feminism.

A system that recognises women are different from men, rather than riding roughshod over them.

But patriarchy and it's aunt Lydia's will always find an excuse why women can't be treated as human beings.

This thread is full of witches that think they are sounding feminist, but are missing the point. They seem to prefer women over 50 leave the workplace due to their symptoms than have a few adjustments when they have previously been OK and will be after menopause. Very strange......I doubt these men people are speaking from experience.

It is helpful to sit down and work out adjustments that work for you. I have a later start as getting up is hell. I'm allowed to wear less formal clothing as I'm so hot.

I have never even heard of a menopause policy. Is that really a thing? I was so lucky through mine. I felt for women that had issues.