To think that most company menopause policies are an absolute joke?

[JenniferAnistonsHair2023]

I work for a FTSE100 firm, been there a long time. No historical performance issues. Mid 50s, senior role, quite high pressure.

At the start of this year I went down to 4 days in an attempt to slow down a little. I'm menopausal, anxious, permanently tired (insomnia) - you get the picture. On HRT which has helped but doesn't turn you back into the person you were when you were 30.

My last performance review I was pretty much told I'm underperforming. This came as a shock to me as I'm managing a full time workload in 4 days. Was given some areas to focus on which I'm trying my hardest to do, but part of me thinks I'm just not good enough any more.

Decide to contact HR today to discuss what constitutes 'reasonable adjustments' to my role because of menopause symptoms. (We have a policy published on our intranet). HR helpline pretty much just told me that I need to work things out with my manager. Made the point that my manager was the problem and I didn't feel comfortable discussing menopause with a 50 something male with no training on the matter. Still get a 'computer says no' response.

I mean, what's the fucking point of having a policy? I'm losing the will to live. On top of all that I'm asked to do a day of meetings which involves 3 hours of travelling either side next week, with no opportunity to take any of that time back. I refused on the basis that there was a dial-in option and that I wasn't willing to go massively over my 28 hours for the week (there are times when I have to travel when f2f is the only option and that's fine, I suck it up).

AIBU? Has anyone got experience of a workplace where they have a better menopause policy so that I can consider applying?!

@UncleOrinocosFlow I'm sorry you had that experience, but that's not a normal part of menopause. You were presumably able to get signed off sick as you would for a mental health criss under any other circumstance. You do not need a menopause policy for that. I just think all this rhetoric about how awful menopause is and how much you fall apart is incredibly damaging for women.

What medical care? Hrt is not the epitome of being under medical care. What are you doing for the anxiety , for the insomnia , the only two symptoms you mention , and the most common.

I don't have a view on menopause policies but I do think that employers need to get menopause covered under their health insurance policies, there are so many carve outs for anything relating to having been pregnant in the past/ageing/menopause it makes medical insurance a joke for women over 45.

As soon as you said you'd been there a long time I thought that's it. You really will find it difficult to get the result you want. Look into moving jobs you may find you're actually underpaid for your skill set.

So what's the alternative? Those of us who are having an awful time just pretend that everything is rosy and push on through?

Something tells me you're not posting from a position of knowledge.

Some menopausal symptoms for some women DO meet the definition of 'disability' in the Equality Act, for example severe anxiety. As such, there's a legal requirement to make reasonable adjustments.

The reality is that without these adjustments some women drop out of the workforce altogether.

It's hardly setting women back to acknowledge this. Surely it's better to make it possible for women to stay in work rather than let them drop out entirely.

nonsense. Reasonable adjustments will differ by person due to their symptoms. No policy can define that, just like a reasonable adjustment for disability doesn’t. The indivual needs to request and explain what reasonable adjustments they need and why. Not just ask for some and not say what they are. No union will support that.

Menopause can be so awful for some women. People really do not have a clue as to how debilitating it can be for some women. I hope you get some adjustments made OP. Explain your symptoms and back this up with a doctor's note.

Come back in another five years. Possibly whilst blessed with sciatica from sitting in an office chair full time for 35 years and see whether slowing down is more appealing then.

OP see you on the menopause topic - the ageism is doing its usual over here

So many people are missing the point. The OP was offered something as part of her employment package that she is now not being given when she's asked for it.

No one is missing the point. She needs to say what reasonable adjustments she wants, so far she’s unable to articulate it.

@JenniferAnistonsHair2023 what adjustments do you think would help? Genuine question. Later starts to help with insomnia? More home working?

Reasonable adjusstments are made for pregnancy, quite rightly. That is also not a disability and its also just a biological process.

I'm 50 and female so yes I am posting from a position of knowledge. Most women do not need any special adjustments made for a normal biological process. In much the same way we didn't when we had periods.

There will be some women whose symptoms impact them , in which case they can take the same steps they would for any other medical issue which affects work ie time off sick or reduce hours.

All I am saying is we do not need a specific policy for this normal biological event, which prior to Davina and co was a bit of a pain in the arse for most women , but no more than that. It's now turned into yet another way to bash women down.

I'm not giving any more detail because people are just pulling apart everything I've said. Wish I hadn't posted tbh.

Would it help if we pat you on the head, give you a cookie, and say "you win" in front of other people? Can the grownups talk about the actual issue in the post now please? Or do you need more points? Have a zillion so the people actually trying to help the OP can move on, there's a dear.

Honestly if you think posting condescendingly will scare posters off your3 wrong. Might work in real life. But not on here. Pipe down there’s a dear.

You're completely right. I just wanted to talk to someone other than a male line manager about what I might need. I don't need to articulate here what adjustments I'm expecting. That wasn't the point of my post.

OP have you actually told your manager you're experiencing menopause and the side effects are impacting you? I can understand it may be difficult but I think that is an important first step and it's not clear from your post if you've actually spoken about it at all. To be honest if he's a typical 50 something male he may be absolutely desperate not to talk about it and may agree that e.g. you can develop a plan of reasonable adjustments with HR instead of him (do you have a union rep who might be able to help?)

OP sorry you're having a hard time here. There are some really unpleasant posters here today. I think you're saying that you've reduced your hours and pay but there is no reduction in work and you're now being criticised for not doing more and that this is all happening at a time when you are physically and mentally far from ok. That's a really rough place to be. I work for the NHS and have to say that I find most of our wellbeing initiatives tokenistic - menopause policies included. I don't think your workplace is unusual and I expect their lack of care extends to people who can't work 60 hour weeks for other reasons. Is it time to look for a new job?

@Tara24 I disagree. Despite what you might know there's still plenty of people out there who don't know about perimenopause, what happens amd how it can be treated. For example I didn't know severe anxiety could be caused by perimenopause. A policy can be educational and it can be practical. For example it could set out potential adjustments that the company may consider (specific to circumstances obviously). It may allow a budget for private menopause advice (blood tests/HRT prescription).

Yes, the specific issues falls within 'disability' but surely you can see there are benefits in a properly thought out policy.

I'm sorry this is happening to you when you asked for advice and needed support. Please do consider your options with regards to a union, or you could always ring ACAS if you really don't want to join one. I think getting proper legal advice on your position from people knowledgable about employment law would really help you know what next steps to take.

This thread has basically been taken over by people saying "you're wrong because I say you're wrong and anyone trying to actually help you is also wrong because I say so times one thousand can't say it back I WILL KEEP POSTING UNTIL YOU FLEE BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE YOUR THREAD." Some people are like that.

@Octonaut4Life no, I haven't and I don't want to. I tried that approach with a previous line manager and he shat himself. They literally have no clue what to do.

But the policy will be to talk to your manager in the first instance, so you haven't followed the policy and he can't if he doesn't know that's what you need.

But take heart from the kind posters on here because there are more than a handful, they're just being drowned out by a few people who can't catch themselves on.