To not care about the little things that most women (and my mum) obsess about?

[KoalaChaos]

So there's some things that there is always posts about. Not just here on MN but as comedy posts and memes on platforms like Facebook that APPARENTLY as a woman I'm supposed to be infuriated by, but I just don't care.

I.e.

I live in a house where the toilet roll hasn't been properly replaced in the last 9 months.
The new roll sits on top of the holder leaning at an angle against the wall with an old cardboard tube still attached under it (there was clearly one put on at one point). I don't care though. I know women who rage and fume at the thought.
And when the roll is done, the empty tube sits on the back of the toilet and every other Wednesday we collect them all (recycling gets collected every other thursday).

And if the bed isn't made.... so what? I don't spin like a dog in the bed leaving bedding scattered everywhere. When I get out the duvet is roughly square, maybe uneven and rumpled but thats it. And when you get back in at night, your bed is designed to fit you from the night before. No shaking or jimmying the duvet to get it pulled up high enough and your pillow is still perfectly shaped to fit your head.

There's a whole collection of things like this that according to social media (and my mum) that are unacceptable but I just don't care.

Anyone else on my side here?
Or have their own things they know others go mad over that they just don't care about?

I literally have no clue what you're talking about @KoalaChaos We must move in different social circles!

Perhaps you aren't really a woman. Have you checked just to make sure you definitely aren't sporting a penis?

No not sarcastic at all! Some women are really happy to tell themselves that they really don’t want anything that would be considered a fuss or in any way ‘extravagant’ or just simply ‘extra’ at all. As long as they’re telling those around them about what an easy and agreeable woman they are.

It’s not about enjoying simpler or cheaper comforts, it’s about making sure everyone (especially men) around them know they’re ‘not like other girls’ who stupidly like indulgence, going out, spending money or expect some human interaction from their other half. They’re easy going, you never need to worry about this one moaning you never do the washing up, or leave your filthy socks on the floor, or go out and switch your phone off for hours! Just bring her back a cheap kebab and she’ll be sweet. Life is so much easier when a woman isn’t a miserable nag with expectations.

@KoalaChaos loving that you’re not getting drawn in to the goady/snarky replies! Good for you! 😁

Ah - so it was sarcasm. Well, I still aspire to be that easygoing person. Life would be better for everyone if we were all a little more zen.

I promise you it wasn’t. And yes, many people would be happier in this world of women were more… ‘zen’. As I said previously no one likes a difficult woman. It’s simply not right for us to have expectations.

You’re so crazy🤪

I have to go into people's homes as part of my job and some of them are very bad and there's nothing cool, creative or quirky in having a home that's a dirty tip. I actually feel sick sometimes and it takes a lot to do that. These aren't socially deprived areas either. People aren't supposed to live like feral goats.

Goodness, now who’s being ‘cliquey’….

Serious question OP….

would you describe yourself as “quirky”?

My issue is bitchy & mean replies. I explained it earlier.

This thread has gone far better than the usual ones where the mean & bitchy replies pile on & the op answers them as it seems to fuel it & it ends up awful.

This poster is not answering the goady replies(unlike me but this is my last!) & it’s worked!

Also, you know it’s possible to be easy going & have expectations too, right?

YABU for saying 'most women'

Although I'm not one for complete laziness and a dirty environment there's nothing wrong with a bit of mess or a less than perfect toilet or whatever. I think some people (mostly women) revel in their self-imposed homely virtue and shudder at the idea of unmade beds or the odd pile of washing not put straight in the laundry basket. It provides a moral highground from which to judge other people (women usually) as less virtuous than they are. Strange world, TBH.

Yes more judging of women.

I once posted on my local Facebook group asking

"does anyone know which bus number goes towards location in the mornings and what time it stops outside the tesco? Im starting a new job next week and need to work out my daily route ahead of time"

and I got over 50 replies in one evening. 3 of them were people actually giving helpful information about local bus routes. The rest were either; insults about how I can't drive whilst living in a rural area, people laughing and saying "GOOD LUCK, NOT HAPPENING", people ranting about the government and bus service, adverts from local taxi companies promoting themselves instead or people saying I shouldn't bother. 1 person even told me I'm probably lying and if I'm taking a bus then I'm probably not working and on benefits trying to scrounge money from people (I never figured that one out or how it would work).

I'm used to the general public response to any conversation being fairly unhelpful and people running with it to make themselves feel better. I just ignore them and converse and interact with those who are up for the conversation I initiated. 😊

@Spacehopperno1 but it's true. Tell me you've not experienced this or someone you know hasn't felt the haughty judgement of another woman because of their less than perfect housekeeping.

NB I'm making a point here that women, within society as a whole, are held to such high standards to be perfect housekeepers, to the point where some of us are being raised to believe that unless someone reaches these impossibly high standards they are "less than", which of course is completely ridiculous. As if we don't as women have enough to contend with.

I am very much a stereotypical woman. My home is super pretty and clean, and I love flowers and decor, baths and candles, I'm like a 5 yo when I see something sparkly. I love an organized pantry, my fridge is organized.

I also have ADHD and a child with complex special needs. I'm a single mom and being clean and organized not only makes me happy, it saves me time and creates less stress for me and ds.

Because of ds's challenges I am very laid-back. At times too laid back.

I have friends who live in chaos and friends who live more like me and I don't really see the connection between leaving the loo roll and being chill?

I have had friends who were always stressed and exhausted and lived in mess. I have friends like myself who are laid back with sparkling homes.

These are habits. I love having a pretty home. I'm not stressed cleaning.

I think the attachment of stereotypical feminine desires as " high maintenance" is dangerous.

My home having flowers and fresh loo rolls isn't a personality type. It's what I like doing. It's what feels good for me. I have enough women in my life to know we are not all alike.

I am not impressed with the continued societal assertion that these things are frivolous and unimportant. That feels like another way to demean women.

Not that I remember, no. But then I’ve never watched an episode of Love Island, don’t have Instagram etc so maybe it turns out I’m atypical and hadn’t realised that I was. I think most people (and most women!) are a mixture of things and they may well surprise you.

I’m finding this a bit of a strange thread though, anyone commenting that in this context to say ‘most women’ is a bit sexist appears to be viewed by the OP as outside the parameters of the conversation. However, as there appear to be a lot of women who feel they are being judged then hopefully they’ll find some reassurance that it’s not universal.

I haven't experienced this. My house is a complete chaotic tip, but I don't really have friends who might judge me on this. I grew up in an untidy house, too, so was never conditioned to think that tidiness confers moral superiority on anyone. I'm a bit suspicious of tidy houses, really.

I am not impressed with the continued societal assertion that these things are frivolous and unimportant. That feels like another way to demean women.

Because that's exactly what it is.

We’re all different.
Male/Female makes no difference.

Some of the things you mention bother me, some don’t. But I suspect you’re bothered about things I’m not.

I don’t even have curtains.

Essentially, your thread title should say that you’re not bothered by things your Mum is.

"I think some people (mostly women) revel in their self-imposed homely virtue and shudder at the idea of unmade beds or the odd pile of washing not put straight in the laundry basket. It provides a moral highground from which to judge other people (women usually) as less virtuous than they are."

Absolutely. And it IS women. And it's women who bore on about housework and have an opinion other people's houses. It just is.

Why are people so passive aggressive on threads these days? I see it on every thread, little digs at the OP to try and make themselves look stupid. I really hope people don’t treat people like this in real life. It’s like some weird woman v woman one upmanship.

OP - the toilet roll thing, nope I can’t bear that one! I do leave the empty rolls in the bathroom sometimes though, and I’ve not got much excuse being in a flat and not far from the recycling/ bathroom!!

Why are people so passive aggressive on threads these days?

the whole thread was passive-aggressive to start with!

I am surprised all the replies have been so mild, when you read the tone and content of the OP, and all her next posts. She's free to post whatever she wants and have such a grand opinion of herself, but posters are allowed to find her funny and tease her, or infuriating and reply accordingly.