To not care about the little things that most women (and my mum) obsess about?

[KoalaChaos]

So there's some things that there is always posts about. Not just here on MN but as comedy posts and memes on platforms like Facebook that APPARENTLY as a woman I'm supposed to be infuriated by, but I just don't care.

I.e.

I live in a house where the toilet roll hasn't been properly replaced in the last 9 months.
The new roll sits on top of the holder leaning at an angle against the wall with an old cardboard tube still attached under it (there was clearly one put on at one point). I don't care though. I know women who rage and fume at the thought.
And when the roll is done, the empty tube sits on the back of the toilet and every other Wednesday we collect them all (recycling gets collected every other thursday).

And if the bed isn't made.... so what? I don't spin like a dog in the bed leaving bedding scattered everywhere. When I get out the duvet is roughly square, maybe uneven and rumpled but thats it. And when you get back in at night, your bed is designed to fit you from the night before. No shaking or jimmying the duvet to get it pulled up high enough and your pillow is still perfectly shaped to fit your head.

There's a whole collection of things like this that according to social media (and my mum) that are unacceptable but I just don't care.

Anyone else on my side here?
Or have their own things they know others go mad over that they just don't care about?

Quite, the original post was passive aggressive

DH would care about that more than me.

I never make the bed.
I rarely hoover, there is dust/debris/hair everywhere (dogs)
We don’t have loo roll holders, it sits on the window sill.

I don’t care.

I care about these things, I also care when I hoover and mop and then walk through the kitchen and feel the floor covered in crumbs AGAIN because it's me that has to fucking do it again!!! Guess I'm just basic 🤣.

Oh for heaven’s sake, it has nothing to do with homely virtue! It has to do with the fact that in a lot of homes, once things get busy with work and school and multiple kids over the age of 5, a lot of the skivvying is left to the woman as a default. Two adults living and making mess and cleaning up after themselves is one thing. 4-5 people is different. No matter how chill you are, at some point, SOMEONE has to put aside their personal agenda and do the dishes/wash the bedding/clear up the mess. Women are quite rightly pissed off that people in their households see things that are gross or that need to be done and just walk on by, subconsciously assuming someone else (read: the mum) will eventually sort it. That anger at being the default skivvy builds, and it finally manifests in women snapping over something insignificant like nobody replacing the loo roll. It’s not because she is house proud or even that she actually gives a flying duck about the loo roll on its own, it’s about the fact that the other people in the house tacitly expect her to be the one to sort it.

Newsflash, people care about different things. One poster on here told me I was like a 1950s housewife when I said it was depressing not to open the living room curtains during the day!

Why don't you make the bed?

It takes about 60 seconds, and it looks nice when you go to bed that night.

I'd rather air it so chuck back the covers as I get up.

Well that sounds awful,and pobably explains a lot. But just as your mother shouldn't be judging you by her own standards, you shouldn't judge all other women by yours.

Women are all individuals. I say this as someone who was a bit of a "Not like other girls" up until my mid twenties. I still cringe at myself and how uncharitable I was to other women, and think about good friendships and interactions I probably missed out on.

Aargh! Meant to quote OP's post about growing up in her mother's house there! ^^

That attitude and the "not like other girls" shtick are two sides of the same coin. It's wrong to be judgemental, full stop.

I know this is in response to someone else but the reason I don’t make my bed is there’s no point. My kids don’t have tvs in their room but there is one in mine. My younger son tends to sit in my room and the duvet stands no chance of being all nice (and crisps/crumbs free 😑) ready for bedtime. But it does avoid two autistic kids going to war over what to watch, maybe one day I’ll have a lovely made bed to get to at night but it won’t be soon…

I'm impressed you actually have curtains OP. That's a level of attention to domesticity that surpasses mine. We've lived in our current home 18 years and we still don't have curtains (or even curtain rails) in the living room or dining room. I would say I haven't seen anything liked enough yet but the truth is I haven't actually tried to find any. The rooms aren't overlooked at all so I CBA.

Surely your bed is at its most comfortable in the state it's in when you wake up. Why else is it so hard to get out of it?

@DerekFaker I don't judge other people for their decision to have a perfect house or not to have a perfect house. But I have been judged plenty of times for my loo having limescale or whatever and it is this that I object to because the judgement clearly exists. Pointing it out isn't "judgemental" FGS. It is making an observation.

I wasn't saying it was. I meant the people judging you on a less than perfect house. Essentially I was agreeing with you 😊

I’d have been dead impressed if you didn’t bother with toilet paper at all.

Your mom sounds a tight bore, and you obviously haven’t been taking the MN lessons on flouncing or deflecting!

Now I’m just disappointed 🤦🏾‍♀️.

@KoalaChaos When my mental health has been problematic, I've struggled to get dopamine hits anywhere, including exercise. Once I went to the gym with the hope of feeling better - felt worse afterwards! But I think that just showed that I needed to look after myself consistently for a bit. The once off didn't feel great but it was still good for me and exercising regularly always gets me feeling better with time.

So I would say if you get plenty of satisfaction from things in your life - you feel you're achieving milestones, good self esteem, satisfying sex life, excited about the future, etc., then don't worry about it!

If you're not feeling fantastic about some of these areas then maybe try to engineer some dopamine hits in your life, they're great! (One of my favourites is listening to a music that Really makes you want to dance, loudly, with headphones and go for a power walk in a park. Fast as you can. Smile like a loon and imagine you're dancing like a pro 😁😁😁 Works magic, I swear)

@EmptyWineGlass

😁 not a big fan of dancing like mad but I can totally see why it would make you feel good if its your taste. Definitely some freedom powers in it. I prefer music that's harder (though not impossible) to dance to ❤️ weird slow acoustic covers of already weird songs.

My dopamine hits come from the big reveal of planning something nice for someone else. Christmas presents are my big goal every year and tailoring things as perfectly as I can to exactly what they like and seeing the amazement because they didn't know I knew. I keep a memo going all year and update it after every conversation to make sure I can keep track of what people actually like rather than the generic stuff. Doesn't have to be big or expensive. But somone who keeps their love of bees hidden from most people so as to not be a stereotype getting something cute with bees on is awesome for me.
And planning suprise parties. I've got a friend trying for a baby now and even of it takes her years to conceive I've got a suprise baby shower all planned for her. I even found a fake reason last month to get her sisters phone number so when the time comes I can invite people without her getting suspicious. 🤣

Do you live in my house?:D

😂🐶🐶🐶

But see, I could say that keeping a memo through the year of Xmas shite so YOU can get a hit of dopamine, makes you a total cliche.
It depends on what tiktok or insta your algorithm sees really.
Id rather stick pins in my eyes than keep a xmas memo and I'd probably consider rolling my eyes all the way into the new year if someone told me they did that.
But I don't. Cos I dont actually care.
No more than I care who puts their big roll where.
You ain't that quirky love. As my teenagers say.