To not care about the little things that most women (and my mum) obsess about?

[KoalaChaos]

So there's some things that there is always posts about. Not just here on MN but as comedy posts and memes on platforms like Facebook that APPARENTLY as a woman I'm supposed to be infuriated by, but I just don't care.

I.e.

I live in a house where the toilet roll hasn't been properly replaced in the last 9 months.
The new roll sits on top of the holder leaning at an angle against the wall with an old cardboard tube still attached under it (there was clearly one put on at one point). I don't care though. I know women who rage and fume at the thought.
And when the roll is done, the empty tube sits on the back of the toilet and every other Wednesday we collect them all (recycling gets collected every other thursday).

And if the bed isn't made.... so what? I don't spin like a dog in the bed leaving bedding scattered everywhere. When I get out the duvet is roughly square, maybe uneven and rumpled but thats it. And when you get back in at night, your bed is designed to fit you from the night before. No shaking or jimmying the duvet to get it pulled up high enough and your pillow is still perfectly shaped to fit your head.

There's a whole collection of things like this that according to social media (and my mum) that are unacceptable but I just don't care.

Anyone else on my side here?
Or have their own things they know others go mad over that they just don't care about?

I never understand adult women getting upset when they don't get the birthday or Christmas presents they want. I don't care

I bet OP's friends are mainly guys as well.

I can't imagine being so cool and carefree, I'm in awe.

I know right! Some vile posters on Mumsnet

Neither did their supposed loved ones apparently….

Same! And DH DOES CARE about his matching socks. So he matches his socks. Mine live loose in a big drawer I only care that 2 I grab are of similar warmth. 1 big winter thermal sock and 1 thin trainer sock doesn't work but beyond that, more colors is more fun! 😁

I don't think it's a gender thing, I think it's more that women post about shit like that.

I only give a shit about empty toilet rolls on the back of the loo if my mum is coming over 😂 I put them in the recycling when I do my Saturday morning clean. The only time I do housework. My exh hated things like that, he was far more fussy than me - and I've got a clean and tidy house. Friends comment that my house is always tidy, it's not I just have monika cupboards and don't give a shit about arranging them.

I couldn't care in the slightest either OP. Some people stress themselves too much. The toilet roll being 'wrong' is irrelevant to life. Don't care at all. I never make my bed. My teen makes his 🤣 I always think how lovely his bed looks but it never makes me want to make mine.

So, if I’ve read your OP right, you either don’t clean your bathroom or clean but still leave empty toilet roll tubes for almost 2 weeks? There’s not fussing about minor things but that’s just lazy.

I dont care about a lot of things, if its me that has left them and me that has to sort them out.

I leave my bed unmade? Not a problem
My kids make a mess of it? Annoys me.

I use all the loo roll and leave the empty roll to replace later? Not a problem
The kids do it and expect me to change it, or pick the dead roll up off the floor where they threw it? have a problem.

Dirty plates on the side i've left to put in the dishwasher later. Don't care.
Kids leave theirs there? Annoys me.

I'm their mum, not their maid. People need to clean up their own mess.

As for the meme worthy stuff.. i dont give a toot about matching furniture, labelled kitchen storage, or fancy skin care routines.

I am a scruff (As someone put it earlier lol)

Ironing. At school drop off this morning one mum said she was going home to do her ironing. This prompted 3 others to talk about how long they spend doing the ironing. I have about 3 things that need ironing, which I don’t wear very often.

Ffs society needs to stop pitting women against women.

And the women who buy into it need to stop.

The amount of posts I see criticising women who have had cosmetic surgery/use fake tan/have breast implants/any other random 'improvement' which the patriarchy tell us we need - and the amount of women who proudly post 'not me!' as if that's some kind of trophy of their worth.

Its the same with the 'women always complain about xy or z' posts, trying to shame us for 'moaning' about things that actually we have every right to fucking moan about.

If the toilet roll doesnt bother you, thats fine, but start seeing this crap for what it is - another tool used to pit women against women, and keep us in our place.

I'll bite.
I always think I'm not like other women.
I hate love island, I'm not into Instagram or any bloggers, not bothered about interior designs and can't be bothered with cliques of school mums.
I also see most women have amazing nails these days. I can't be arsed!

I also don't washing the bedding very often 😳

I guess that's what I'm asking ultimately (though clearly asking very badly and with a poor choice of words based on the responses)
Are the expected standards by the surrounding community so prevalent that they are the norm, and so as a member of that community should I give in and do those things that no one in our house cares about? Am I not prioritising elements of my life correctly and so somehow doing this whole 'life' thing wrong?

And I assumed there was plenty of men who did care about things like that. But by posting here on MN most of the people i would be talking to (though not all) would be women so tried to tailor it to the majority (clearly a mistake).

Not sure why people should care what YOU think?

You are clearly missing the point, it's not about toilet roll, and dirty lawnmowers. It's not about making a fuss about birthdays or not.

It's about respecting the person you live with. If you care about someone, you make an effort. If you can't be arsed, you don't live with them. Simple.

it's also about a too high number of men who believe that anything house/ chores/school/kids related belong to women. Being a slob by nature is grim, but no one has to live with a slob, it's a choice. Once you decide to have children, you have to make an effort, or don't have kids.

Being a slob only because you believe someone else is here to pick up after you is the problem.

Is it not a lot of effort purposely not putting a new roll on the holder?

If someone accidentally replaced it would you be annoyed?

Absolutely this. You live your life how you want op, but this whole ‘urgh, women am I right’ spiel is boring. You want to be seen as a bit easy going/not naggy/bit quirky or whatever else is going on here (and it certainly sounds like very pick me behaviour) you go right ahead.

But I would say you have fallen into the ultimate patriarchal trap of making sure you’re not seen as A Difficult Woman. Because that’s the worst type of Woman. The Right Woman doesn’t expect, doesn’t fuss, doesn’t nag, doesn’t hold contrary opinions, doesn’t like an argument. The Difficult Woman has Expectations. And that simply will not do. Enjoy your easy life of not being Difficult op. I hope it brings you all the happiness one could manage from it.

Are the expected standards by the surrounding community so prevalent that they are the norm, and so as a member of that community should I give in and do those things that no one in our house cares about?

do you honestly believe anyone gives a damn if you make your bed in the morning or not? I can't remember ever discussing that with anyone in real life.

Well yes. Who cares. And who cares about MY house???

I hadn't considered that. I guess there isn't a "dadsnet" for them to post complaints of the same kind on.

• que somone telling me there is but I've not read it so as far as I've seen these posts have come from women.

There is a local "dads babies get together group" near me i have tried to encourage DH to go to but he says it's 'weird'

Maybe housework pet hates is one of the 'things that men just don't talk about' you always hear. I know there is various bits of research out there talking about how men are less likely to visit a Dr or to talk about abuse and other serious topics that need to be addressed. Maybe encouraging them to start by posting about housework complaints is the opening and gateway to allowing them to feel safe addressing the more serious issues.

I'm with you OP and I think you've had a hard time here. You only have to dip in to mumsnet for a week or so to understand just how very important these things are to lots of other people. I hear it all at work too.

Make the bed - nope.
Ironing - absolutely not.
Dusting - sporadic.
Wash towels - whenever.
Clothes on the floor - hell yeah.

God I loathe housework. There is nothing more mind-numbing and thankless to do. Bare minimum required for hygiene and that's your lot. Dh does an equal amount.
I wasn't installed with the house-proud chip. I always thought I would grow out of it...but I'm 48 and it hasn't happened yet.

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How many times are you planning on getting married then @Sconehenge ?

We clean. And when we get to the empty toilet rolls we fold and bend the empties so they are all inside of 1 tube and we pick them up, clean under them, and then put them back down for more to be put inside the master one before the next recycling day.
Rather than cleaning half the bathroom, getting to the empties, taking them downstairs, going outside and putting them in the cardboard bin, going back upstairs and finishing the bathroom.
We normally give the bathroom clean and tidy before a bath so we aren't planning on going downstairs for an hour or more and it just gets forgotten / left there.

What your mum a housewife/SAHM?

I definitely think that many women, especially those that were/are housewives can be very particular about the home.

Their job was to keep the home up to certain standard and they’d be judged if their standards slipped.
They also relied on their DH’s and couldn’t risk their DH’s not being happy.

I think this has been passed down to some of their children and it is the women who their mum ‘teaches’ about proper housekeeping.

My grandmother was very particular about her home and so was her mum.
My mum got severe OCD and anxiety over cleanliness and germs which was awful.
My sister has picked up on it, whereas me and my brothers are clean/organised but not obsessively.

It’s because they’re all so eager to show they’re not like the girls who think they’re not like the other girls.

Some women do care about the stereotypical things and some don’t. I don’t know why people need to be so nasty on here.