To not care about the little things that most women (and my mum) obsess about?

[KoalaChaos]

So there's some things that there is always posts about. Not just here on MN but as comedy posts and memes on platforms like Facebook that APPARENTLY as a woman I'm supposed to be infuriated by, but I just don't care.

I.e.

I live in a house where the toilet roll hasn't been properly replaced in the last 9 months.
The new roll sits on top of the holder leaning at an angle against the wall with an old cardboard tube still attached under it (there was clearly one put on at one point). I don't care though. I know women who rage and fume at the thought.
And when the roll is done, the empty tube sits on the back of the toilet and every other Wednesday we collect them all (recycling gets collected every other thursday).

And if the bed isn't made.... so what? I don't spin like a dog in the bed leaving bedding scattered everywhere. When I get out the duvet is roughly square, maybe uneven and rumpled but thats it. And when you get back in at night, your bed is designed to fit you from the night before. No shaking or jimmying the duvet to get it pulled up high enough and your pillow is still perfectly shaped to fit your head.

There's a whole collection of things like this that according to social media (and my mum) that are unacceptable but I just don't care.

Anyone else on my side here?
Or have their own things they know others go mad over that they just don't care about?

You know you can disagree with women without resorting to misogynistic language. Because a few replies on here agreeing with the op are very happy to tar women who disagree (on AIBU of all places) as ‘bitches’ without an ounce of irony about being ‘cliquey’. You’re honestly one step away from calling us all ‘K*rens’ and really showing your true colours about how you are fully into ‘othering’ women.

🤣 Well I've never seen it before but I like it!
I used to make rocket ships with the tubes as a kid. Or make a totem pole with a different face on each one. 🤣

When I was teens and twenties I largely thought that most people cared way too much about household things, tidiness etc. Me and my friends thought people like that were ridiculous and were wasting their small lives. My friends were men and probably thought these were mainly "silly women's" preoccupations. The term didn't exist then, but I was a "pick me" girl. My male friends told me I wasn't like other girls and this made me feel so validated and seen.

I'm more open minded now, I hope.

Years later I was at home with depression and I started following a social media cleaning routine. And it really helped my mental health! It gave me little dopamine hits that were missing in my life and I felt more in control. I totally got why people might be really house proud and particular.

My house would still be considered messy by most people I know - and, embarrassingly, dirty by some people as well. I'm basing that on how clean and tidy other people's houses are and the things that people say. One woman at my work was talking, one time, about how "there's no excuse for a messy house, I've Always had a tidy house, even when the children were little", she said. And lots agreed with her. People like that make you feel that you are subnormal if you don't clear your loo rolls, etc.

I find it heartening to hear that apparently this is just good old misogyny at play, and that actually lots of people just don't care about these things.

Some of the replies on here (not specifically this thread) are bitchy & hurtful for absolutely no reason & some are really really horrible. The thread a few days ago about the lady wanting advice on the rejection of her 12 year old being rejected is a prime example.

Well, this is awkward.

My house is properly actually dirty, the dog chewed the skirting boards when he was a puppy and it still has tape on it where I tried to stick shredded bits back down, I still have masking tape up from when I ran out of stream painting in 2016 and the tiled hearth that the builder smashed up in the same year still hasn’t been replaced so it’s just a dirty grey patch of grouting. We don’t change the loo roll because we don’t have a holder.

And here was me not giving it any thought and assuming no one else who came round gave a shit either because it’s my house, but no - apparently “most women” do, whoopsy!

OP, it’s ok to be pissed off with your mum but just because she’s judgemental doesn’t mean you need to be too. Time to break the cycle.

This! With knobs on! Or not...😁

I’m sure this thread will thrive throughout the night, despite people saying they have no interest.

Well finials are fascinating

See I don't get that. And that's what I'm wondering if I'm missing. People talking about how good it feels and that "dopamine" hit you're talking about.
When I do do a big clean and fix all those things I don't feel better or good or happy. I feel tired and uncomfortable like it's not my house and I can't relax.

I've started plenty of controvacy here already insulting collective groups of people today so why not add another group to the mix....
People who exercise say the same thing! I don't get it. They talk about a dopamine hit from that. I have never had any good or positive feelings regarding exercise, before, during or after.

Love of cleaning and order is not a female only trait, but if you think women are twats then fill your boots, if that makes u feel good

Well I don’t feel good after a workout or after a big spring clean but understand a lot of people do and if it makes them feel good about themselves then great!!

I just wish I could figure out where I can get my dopamine hit!!

I wouldn't worry about it, every one is different. I would try not to care about what other people do, and try to ignore your mums comments.

Generally we do the bare minimum cleaning, I can't remember the last time I ironed and we are a little messy....but it's our house so we can do what we like! It may seem to you that most women obsess about these things but honestly I don't know anyone in real life who does.

So you don’t make the bed and you don’t remove old loo rolls. And what that makes you some sort of cool chick, not just lazy or slovenly, and why is it just women who care about this stuff in your book?

Well that sounds equally awful. Mines just a pleasant homely house that isn't too tidy or too messy to put folk on edge and feel embarrassed about.

Mine has never flopped be careful you might end up invested in this 😀

🤣 I might! Sorry. I've wanted to know since I first saw them advertised but no one I know has tried them so I didn't have anyone to ask.
They are all still raving about those "who gives a crap" toilet rolls that come in decorative fancy individual wrappers.

They do a roll-less kitchen roll in the same brand too. 😂

I thought the days when women clamoured to be the ‘manic pixie dream girl’ ended in the 2000’s. Sadly it seems not.

I think the op’s post is really depressing . Sneery whilst perpetuating stereotypes and trying to set herself as apart from those ‘stupid, frippery obsessed women’

I’d hoped by 2023 we could all do better

You are extremely normal and no different to anyone else, mostly middling.

Teenage son and dh . I decided to o lyremove the tubes I replaced. I left them there. One day while they were out iglued them together like a Xmas tree used about 20 tubes and left them on the window. It was really funny to hear their reactions and it stayed there fir months!

Mmmm ... I was thinking the same. OK, I assume she knows her mum's attitudes, but her sample of women's opinions quoted is very unlikely to be random and unbiased.

This popped up on one of the pages I follow this morning. Most reactions were along the lines of "what a shame people don't take a pride in their surroundings any more" but a handful were "do we really hanker after the days when women grew old before their time thanks to relentless, unpaid skivvying?" It's true that having a clean front step was a matter of pride, but I suspect most people - i.e. women - only did it to conform, because it was expected of them ... and it's the modern-day equivalent of this mentality that I think the OP is rebelling against.

They are keen on it in New York, but aren't sexist about it. https://portal.311.nyc.gov/article/?kanumber=KA-02443

That's really interesting! There's a different motivation here, though - the threat of a fine rather than risking the opprobrium of your neighbours. I'd have no trouble cleaning my front step if not doing so meant parting with my hard-earned cash rather than just getting a few snooty looks from her at number 37... 😁

Is this supposed to be sarcastic? Because it actually sounds pretty ideal to me ...

'It’s because they’re all so eager to show they’re not like the girls who think they’re not like the other girls. '

Wrong. It's because MNers as a whole roundly reject gender stereotypes and particularly dislike the misogyny coming from inside the house.