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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not care about the little things that most women (and my mum) obsess about?

247 replies

KoalaChaos · 04/10/2023 17:20

So there's some things that there is always posts about. Not just here on MN but as comedy posts and memes on platforms like Facebook that APPARENTLY as a woman I'm supposed to be infuriated by, but I just don't care.

I.e.

I live in a house where the toilet roll hasn't been properly replaced in the last 9 months.
The new roll sits on top of the holder leaning at an angle against the wall with an old cardboard tube still attached under it (there was clearly one put on at one point). I don't care though. I know women who rage and fume at the thought.
And when the roll is done, the empty tube sits on the back of the toilet and every other Wednesday we collect them all (recycling gets collected every other thursday).

And if the bed isn't made.... so what? I don't spin like a dog in the bed leaving bedding scattered everywhere. When I get out the duvet is roughly square, maybe uneven and rumpled but thats it. And when you get back in at night, your bed is designed to fit you from the night before. No shaking or jimmying the duvet to get it pulled up high enough and your pillow is still perfectly shaped to fit your head.

There's a whole collection of things like this that according to social media (and my mum) that are unacceptable but I just don't care.

Anyone else on my side here?
Or have their own things they know others go mad over that they just don't care about?

OP posts:
Holly60 · 04/10/2023 18:28

AnnunciataZ · 04/10/2023 17:22

Tell me you're not like the other girls without telling me you're not like the other girls.

Facebook memes aren't real life.

😂😂😂. I read the first line and thought 'I'm just not like other girls...'

WomanHereHear · 04/10/2023 18:30

AnnunciataZ · 04/10/2023 17:22

Tell me you're not like the other girls without telling me you're not like the other girls.

Facebook memes aren't real life.

Exactly 👏

ssd · 04/10/2023 18:31

This thread is confusing me.
Has the op picked up on the so what vibes yet?

Original poster
KoalaChaos · 04/10/2023 18:31

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 04/10/2023 18:13

But you must make the bed sometimes? I mean, how often do you change the sheets, once a week? So you ‘make the bed’ then. Doesn’t there come a point say four days in when the ridges on the bottom get a bit too pronounced…..

never mind.

if you don’t hook your curtains into the ring on the other side of the pole support, they won’t fall off. In the lack of a finial ( posh word for it) you could stick a bit of plasticine under the end ring. This also works with rails.

Just trying to be helpful here….can’t grasp the loo roll installation neglect at all, though, that’s just self defeating as it must be harder to pull a sheet off when the roll is not being held firm by internal support and gravity. And the fish agrees

Yeah we make the bed when we change the bedding but it takes twice as long to fall asleep those nights (or when something else has happened in the bed and rumpled the sheets).

And we do pop the ring back on when it falls off. Or rather DH does. I had a stick to reach before DS was born, but it had to be removed as part of baby proofing and I can't reach without. So if I open the curtains in the morning then the ring is hanging off until he gets home from work. We just have a very cheep basic wooden pole right now and I keep meaning to pick up a new black metal one from B&M with something decorative on the end but every time I've looked I realise I don't know what length I need and so just think I'll do it next time.

And the fish once accidentally tried to eat himself when he didn't realise his fin was his own and it scared him. He's not that bright. 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
KoalaChaos · 04/10/2023 18:32

BristolBlueGlasses · 04/10/2023 18:12

I live in a house where the toilet roll hasn't been properly replaced in the last 9 months.

Was that when you replaced the Santa decorated toilet roll?

🤣 we bought the house 9 months ago 😁

OP posts:
WomanHereHear · 04/10/2023 18:32

theduchessofspork · 04/10/2023 18:11

You’re such a cool girl OP 👧❄️

Or not.

I hate to break to you but most women don’t give a shit about these things. Social media isn’t real. If every other women you know does, you need to widen your social horizons.

👍

BristolBlueGlasses · 04/10/2023 18:33

Ohhh the absolutely, pure luxury of getting into a freshly made bed with clean sheets. The best night's sleep EVER.

PurpleRadish · 04/10/2023 18:34

Hi OP. I also don't care much about such things. Im not fully sure why people are so pressed about you discussing this topic.

IDoughnutKnow · 04/10/2023 18:34

EffortlesslyInelegant · 04/10/2023 17:26

You use toilet paper! Now there's posh.

Grin

Nobody who uses the word 'toilet' is posh (though 'posh' isn't 'posh', either).

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 18:34

It was rude of your mother to keep going on about those little things. Now it would bother me to have the cardboard roll just sitting there, I throw it in the trash or the recycle bin right then. I like to make my bed and I like for the house to look neat and visually pleasing. But it’s your house and it’s not a big deal. I would not want to have to live with a Martha Stewart type who is so particular about everything. I think that’s nuts.

Thomasina79 · 04/10/2023 18:36

I’m not madly houseproud but some things are about comfort, clean sheets, dry towels, hygiene about loos and food preparation. Other than that I used to find my late mil annoyingly obsessive about housework and I think disapproved of my more relaxed approach even asking if I did any housework any more when I was working full time and my DH had retired! still her heart was in the right place.

MyPurpleHeart · 04/10/2023 18:37

I don't match socks, can't be arsed, as long as they are both clean I'm happy

Sometimes I swig milk straight out of the carton

I'll wear the same pjs for 2-3 nights

Not everyone is Instagram perfect 😃

verabarbleen · 04/10/2023 18:38

I'm like you and I don't care about these things.
The funny thing is though I've met more men that care about these things than woman 😂

Bruisername · 04/10/2023 18:39

The more you say though the more these things make your life harder rather than easier.

I try and make life as easy as possible!

EveryOtherNameTaken · 04/10/2023 18:40

I'm not bothered by most of that stuff either. I don't care if the toilet seat is up. There are two us so it's 50/50. Isn't that equality? 😏

But maybe because DP is considerate generally.

AngelinaFibres · 04/10/2023 18:41

BristolBlueGlasses · 04/10/2023 17:44

I like the toilet roll on the holder so that I don't knock it down the lav when I turn around in my tiny bathroom. (has happened)

I like to air the bed after I've been in it all night so that it's nice and fresh the following night.

Before now I've never thought of these things as feminist issues.

My husband's father was in the navy during WW2. He brought his children up to be tidy. Some are still tidy. Some have gone a long way the other way. My husband is incredibly tidy ,as am I. Whoever leaves the bed last sorts it out. Whoever uses the last sheet of toilet paper changes the roll. Whoever uses the last of something in the cupboard adds it to the shopping list. These aren't sex based jobs. They are just the jobs of people who live in a tidy house and wish to spend time doing nice things rather than having periodic big blitzes of a messy house. Mess isn't clever or cool, it's just mess.

therealcookiemonster · 04/10/2023 18:42

I feel you OP. the other cookiemonsters are always going on about cookies this, cookies that. but I also like biscuits... and cake... and all those cream filled concoctions - what are they called now?

RecycleMePlease · 04/10/2023 18:44

I make the bed because the cats have long hair and bring twigs and debris in the house, and will leave them in my bed if I don't.

I change the loo roll because otherwise the kids unwind loads on to their hands, or it falls on the floor and gets covered in spiders webs/dirt/unwraveled by the cats.

I don't have the end doodads either, but I've just sorted my curtains so they don't stretch off the end either.

Basically, I do most things because it saves me some other effort or hassle.

The house is nicer, I do feel calmer when it's fairly tidy though.

It's nothing to do with being a woman, and just basic adulting.

Hummingbird233 · 04/10/2023 18:44

Ironic that the first set of posters seem to mock OP for acting like the cool girl, when their comments are trying to do just that!

Stop policing people's threads. And grow up.

OP - all of the things you describe would annoy me! I hate mess though, and the curtains would be the biggest issue for me. When I drive past houses with windows that have curtains falling down or shoddy blinds, I often assume they're on the poverty line as I can't imagine being happy with a crappy looking house. To many they may not care, but to me, curb appeal and nice interiors are important (note not meaning a Stacey Solomon style house, just a clean and tidy house).

I suspect it has a lot to do with how people are raised?

Original poster
KoalaChaos · 04/10/2023 18:44

Boomchuck · 04/10/2023 18:19

Well for starters, OP isn’t actually worried that she ‘isn’t like other women’. The post is smug and condescending, and people tend to react to that kind of ‘pick me’ energy.

Show quote history

I'm more worried that the rest of the world is like my mum and I'm doing something wrong.

You read so often how a 'messy house' is a sign of depression and whilst I don't in any way think that I'm depressed and don't feel that way, you never know what's under the surface.

But my lack of drive or care to do anything about it does worry me. SHOULD I care about it?

There is things I DO care about and act on. Making sure DS is happy and healthy, making sure we have food to eat and things like that. But it feels like others tell me these minor things should be on the list of things to care about and I don't see why.

OP posts:
Vvvvvvvvv · 04/10/2023 18:45

BristolBlueGlasses · 04/10/2023 18:17

Also just thinking that every one who uses an unfettered toilet roll handles the thing with both their bummy hands, but then the roll is handled pre wipe, so perhaps not bummy hands.

Argh, I've turned into one of 'those' women who obsess about toilet rolls.

Bummy hands 🤣🤣🤣 you've made my night!

WomanHereHear · 04/10/2023 18:45

I think there are as many men who care about this stuff too, just that it’s the that women are expected in your circles to do it so they are the ones going on about it because they’ll be the ones who will be judged and not the men who cause half most of the mess. I come from such a culture so I guess I rebelled and my Dh is the one the does most because he cares the most. Nothing wrong with giving a shit about your surroundings I wish I cared more then I’d be able to find my stuff and would mean by Dh doesn’t have to do as much as he does more than his fair share. But the problem is when there are other grown adults in rhe house and the woman is martyring herself over it but not expecting others to do it. I don’t think women would care half if there weren’t men or community around them expecting certain standards.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 04/10/2023 18:50

Next time she comments on the bed - slight head tilt and look of distaste, 'But don't you air the bed in the morning? How unhygienic'

Wisenotboring · 04/10/2023 18:52

It's a bit depressing that this is what some women think all other women are like. It's a lazy, tired stereotype. Different people choose to care about all sorts of different things. Let them be and work on not being so bothered by what others and your mother think.

Zola1 · 04/10/2023 18:53

AnnunciataZ · 04/10/2023 17:22

Tell me you're not like the other girls without telling me you're not like the other girls.

Facebook memes aren't real life.

🤣🤣🤣

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