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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DLA Payments

184 replies

6Cactus · 04/10/2023 17:12

Hi

My son is in full receipt of DLA both components. (Emotional Issues, PTSD and OCD)

I was just wondering am I doing this right? Every month, I allow him to spend the money on whatever he wants. He is 12 years of age (Year 8) and the money is usually spent on Lego, games for his games consoles, art supplies, books etc.

Due to his diagnosis of OCD, the cost of living is very expensive. He will only eat certain foods and the food he likes is pretty expensive, not to mention how much clothing, trainers, underwear, socks and bedding I have to buy for him. To be honest with you, it is really hurts my pocket.

I work, but I’m a single parent, my son has no contact with his father, due to him being the reason why my son has emotional issues and PTSD.

So I don’t get any additional financial support.

Am I doing the right thing by letting him spend his DLA on whatever he wants? AIBU for thinking that slight percentage, perhaps 15-25% should go towards his cost of living?

If you are in receipt of DLA for your child(ren) what do you spend monthly payments on?

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
owlsmummy · 04/10/2023 17:15

I don't think there is a right it wrong answer. You can spend it as you see fit and as it benefits your DS. We get HRC/LRM for autism and severe learning difficulties and it goes all into the household pot. I had to give up work recently and it enables us to keep paying the mortgage and put food on the table. Do whatever is right for you and your DS.

ShutTheDoorBabe · 04/10/2023 17:17

Spend it as you see fit. We save some for my ds, spend some on food and clothes etc and then he gets the rest.

Lougle · 04/10/2023 17:18

DD1 gets pocket money and the rest is spent on anything she needs and household bills. I can't work because she can't be left unattended, so it helps to reduce that deficit.

rose69 · 04/10/2023 17:19

Giving. 12 year old that amount of money is not helping him or you. Spend it on the extra costs associated with his disability.

Brendabigbaps · 04/10/2023 17:19

We use it for extra curricular activities that she benefits from and the cost of buying things we wouldn’t need normally (fidget toys, multiple screen protectors, branded foods)
if I allowed my child to spend it on what she likes she’d have a lot of robux and sweets. So for you it depends if he’s buying sensible things. Although dla isn’t awarded as fun money, it’s there to make both your lives more manageable and letting him use it as spending money isn’t doing that, it’s just spoiling him

Thewizardbinbag · 04/10/2023 17:20

He doesn’t need all that money and you actually do need it to help support him, more so than other parents as there are additional things you need to buy for him due to his needs. That’s what it is for; to help support his needs. When he is older, he can buy those things for himself but right now, you’re buying him the extra things he needs so you can use the benefit money.

3WildOnes · 04/10/2023 17:20

I would give him the whole amount. What rate does he receive? If it is middle rate then that is £250 a months, if lower I think just £100. I would probably give him £25 and then use the rest on his expenses.

BronnauMawrion · 04/10/2023 17:21

You can spend it how you like, but personally I would be using it towards every day living costs - as you say, life is expensive with a child with extra needs.
I wouldn't be using DLA for "pocket money" but that is my choice. There is no right or wrong.

nothingcomestonothing · 04/10/2023 17:21

No! Spend it on the extra expenses involved because of his extra needs, it's not his pocket money! Good grief. It's not meant to be for him to spend as he sees fit, he's a child.

Needmorelego · 04/10/2023 17:22

My daughter's just goes into the family pot. I don't keep track of what £s are spent specifically on her or which ones are spent on general household stuff or which £s are - shock horror - spent on me or my husband.
We have one pot - husbands wages, the DLA, carers allowance and child benefit are all just added together.

Crunchymum · 04/10/2023 17:22

As I suck up DC3's expenses as and when I tend to put her DLA in the family money pot. It's more work for me to calculate exactly what are her expenses but it roughly evens up (private therapy / travel costs are regular but other things are more ad hoc)

Sonolanona · 04/10/2023 17:23

When my son was younger it simply went into the household pot... anything he needed came first, but the rest was just used on food, life etc!

Now he's older the same applies really (Has autism, OCD not that's relevant) His needs come first.. he eats his clothes so they have to replaced every few months, and his biggest interest is musicals so it pays for tickets (I can often go free as carer as he can't go by himself) .
The rest is either saved or used... for example we are going on a long haul holiday next year and his contribution is from his PIP. Other times, yes it goes towards household bills, because if he were able to live away from home (he would need supported living) he would have to pay heck of a lot more in rent!
I might add that he understands and agrees with this!

it has never been spent on anything that doesn't benefit him, but actually, it's ok to use it for things that benefit him but don't just give him fun... if you are struggling with bills, keeping a warm house in perfectly reasonable!

If he has good understanding I would suggest talking to him and setting aside a reasonable amount for lego or whatever, and saving some, with a small contribution towards his food/bills.

mimp · 04/10/2023 17:24

We get DLA for our youngest son who has autism and learning difficulties. We spend it on extra tutor sessions for him.
I personally wouldn’t give him the money to spend as he’d waste it and I thought the whole purpose was to benefit the child.
If your son requires certain foods that are more expensive then use his DLA for that.

1daughterand3sons · 04/10/2023 17:25

For DD most of her DLA is used for home schooling because she can't cope in main stream school and doesn't meet criteria for special school.
Without her DLA we couldn't afford to home school.

For Ds his DLA is mainly used on things that help him and replacing clothes and toys he's bitten.

funinthesun19 · 04/10/2023 17:26

You can choose how best to spend that money. It’s for the benefit of your DS. If Lego, games, art supplies and books soothe him and make him happy then what has that got to do with anyone else? It’s benefitting him which is what the money is for!

My son receives DLA (both care and mobility) and it goes towards food, bills, his swimming lessons, clothes. Basically it just goes in to the pot with other household income and it makes it easier to afford these things that all benefit him. And yes sometimes I will spend his money on things like toys, an ice cream, a trip to the play centre, a game etc.. I never ring fence his DLA for anything truly specific. It just pays for stuff. Sometimes stuff that people think it shouldn’t be spent on but it’s not up to them how I choose for DS’s life to be made easier by it.

Emeal123 · 04/10/2023 17:29

I use my son’s DLA for things like his swimming lessons and football training, along with any additional items he needs to support him. I put some in savings for him and give him a small amount of weekly pocket money. The rest I set aside and helps towards taking him for days out in the summer holidays etc. I also don’t have much disposable income and we have discussed the possibility of him having an iPad or something similar for homework and to play games on so will use his DLA to go towards that. He is 10 years old so I don’t think he should receive all of that money to spend on what he wants - he would buy a lottttt of crap 😂

Etihad · 04/10/2023 17:31

Totally your choice how you spend it - my child’s DLA goes into normal household account, but I make sure all her extra needs and costs are met. Only slight possible issue could be how you manage their expectations in the future? As when an adult, your child might not be able to afford that much money for ‘nice’ things, when they are in supported accommodation, living independently etc the DLA/PIP might be needed for bills and it could be upsetting having to adjust to this?

Lougle · 04/10/2023 17:31

I wouldn't allow this. It should be for his benefit and the extra clothing, bedding, etc., should come first without putting you in financial distress. He doesn't need to spend £600 per month on toys.

TiredMamOfTwo · 04/10/2023 17:33

Dla is for his disability, so food if he's fussy, bedding, clothes, sensory items etc etc.

Not to go on toys.

Original poster
6Cactus · 04/10/2023 17:37

Thanks for the replies, I’ve read each and every one of them.

He is in receipt of high on both components which is just under £690 per month, whatever he doesn’t spend is saved in his bank account.

OP posts:
TiredArse · 04/10/2023 17:39

Is this a wind up?

That would be £182 a week!

surely it would be better spent on therapy than on Lego?

Tinkerbyebye · 04/10/2023 17:40

The spa is there for him but covers costs etc. I have a family member with a child in receipt of dla. Some if it is used to cover costs some used by the child for whatever. In this case is they are doos restricted then use some of it for that. If they were an adult the money would have to bused to cover costs

3WildOnes · 04/10/2023 17:41

There is no way I would be giving a 12 year £690. I might give him £100 at most.

HauntedStencil · 04/10/2023 17:42

I would save whatever you don’t need and give him some cash for treats. I don’t trust governments not to make cuts in the future so I would save as much for him as you possibly can now.

CatOnAMushroom · 04/10/2023 17:42

This is bonkers!!

A 12 year does not need that amount of money!

Use it for the additional cost of his disabilities e.g. extra food, household costs and for goodness sake use it for some specialist counselling so he can improve and not suffer for the rest of his life