DLA Payments

[6Cactus]

Hi

My son is in full receipt of DLA both components. (Emotional Issues, PTSD and OCD)

I was just wondering am I doing this right? Every month, I allow him to spend the money on whatever he wants. He is 12 years of age (Year 8) and the money is usually spent on Lego, games for his games consoles, art supplies, books etc.

Due to his diagnosis of OCD, the cost of living is very expensive. He will only eat certain foods and the food he likes is pretty expensive, not to mention how much clothing, trainers, underwear, socks and bedding I have to buy for him. To be honest with you, it is really hurts my pocket.

I work, but I’m a single parent, my son has no contact with his father, due to him being the reason why my son has emotional issues and PTSD.

So I don’t get any additional financial support.

Am I doing the right thing by letting him spend his DLA on whatever he wants? AIBU for thinking that slight percentage, perhaps 15-25% should go towards his cost of living?

If you are in receipt of DLA for your child(ren) what do you spend monthly payments on?

Thanks for reading.

You can spend it however you like but... 'you don't get any additional financial support' because this IS the additional financial support.

This is to pay for the extra or more expensive food, clothing, therapy etc etc, that he needs that a kid without his disabilities would not need.

Good luck taking that amount of money off a kid of his age now though - that's going to go down like a lead balloon I bet!

My son is only 9 and gets about half what your son does- it just goes into the general pot of money with everything else. He gets pocket money (£20 a month). The rest goes towards his tutors/hobbies/educational stuff (he is home educated but goes to a private school once a week) and then general costs of life.

My son is 10 and we get HRC and LRM, about £500 per month. I wouldn't consider giving him the money to spend on toys etc - for us it is about topping up the family pot to make up for the extra costs involved in having a child with extra needs. A tutor to help him keep up with school, a cleaner so we can spend more time with him, physio sessions, car payments so we can get him to all his appointments etc.

But I think people are being ridiculous if they think the money shouldn’t be spent on things he enjoys.

There's a big difference between using some of it for those things, which everyone would understand, and allocating the whole £690 a month for that, and that making out that you have no additional financial support.

This.

Yes, I understand the criteria. I've just never known anyone to get higher rate unless they have incredibly complex needs such as needing, medication, turning, suction etc at night . I worked with quite a few families who had non verbal children with asd who would wake for hours in the night who still only received middle rate. I'm surprised a child who understands money, who draws and plays lego etc receives such a high rate.

This would be a terrible idea. This is not a good strategy for dealing with EBSA.

Have those parents requested a MR and then appealed? They should. Understanding money, drawing, lego etc. doesn’t prevent a child being eligible for HRC, but some need to appeal for it.

Indeed and the High rate mobility
My son gets it under SMI rules but he's 13 non verbal goes to.a school for children with severe and profound learning disabilities,,very limited understanding of the world around him etc etc.

@YellowRosesWithRedTips I sometimes filled in the supporting statements but I didn't fill in any the rest of the form and wasn't part of the whole process.

£250 is a lot of money for anyone any age to spend any way they like every month! It's certainly not going teach him how to manage his money as an adult.

I think you misunderstood mee. I might not have been clear. I suggested she give her son £25 a month to spend, not £250. I mentioned £250 as that is roughly what middle rate DLA pays.

Ah, ok, that makes sense! Sorry.

I’m back again.

I tried to speak to him this evening, he said that he wants to whole of his money and if I don’t give it, he is going to call the police because it doesn’t belong to me.

As you can imagine, I am very taken back by this. He has no idea, how much out of my own money I spend on him on a monthly basis, it is at least £120 per week.

What do I do now?

What would you do with any other child who is throwing a tantrum? He doesn't understand. That's ok. If he calls the police, they'll respond accordingly.

What does he think the police will do? Arrest you?

Your son gets HRC and HRM. Why does he even know what DLA is, why he gets it and how much he gets? He’s 12. I have no clue why he even needed to know all of this information when he’s literally a kid.

There’s absolutely no reason to not spoil him each month and buy him treats out of the money but why does he need to be given the whole value each month? Or have I read it wrong because I’m truly confused.

My son’s DLA goes into the house to cover travel too and from his appointments

He is 12. The police won't take any notice. The government give you the money for him but you are in control of it - it goes directly into your bank account.
He probably is genuine in not understanding but the police will not do anything.

*I tried to speak to him this evening, he said that he wants to whole of his money and if I don’t give it, he is going to call the police because it doesn’t belong to me.

As you can imagine, I am very taken back by this. He has no idea, how much out of my own money I spend on him on a monthly basis, it is at least £120 per week.

What do I do now?*

You explain it isn’t his money, it’s money to help you care for him, you explain you’ll give him some for him to choose what he spends it on and you parent your child. If he’s old enough to understand money and claim it as his own he’s old enough to understand that housing him, clothing him and feeding him also costs money.

What do you think the police would do?*

He's 12 🙄. I'm sure the police will tell him that mum is looking after his best interests. Stick with it. You can't go on like this, it's madness and he will grow into a really entitled person. It needs to stop for both your sakes.

Give him a breakdown of the electricity, gas, food, clothing, fuel for vehicle, vehicle costs, plus the time you spend cooking, cleaning, doing things for him.

Ask him where he thinks the money for all these things comes from - find the PIP/DLA stuff online and show him that, that it is to pay for his extra needs that are above and beyond what most people have to pay for.

If he wants to call the police, hand him the phone and point out its 101, not 999, and let him crack on.

Thanks for the advice.

I suffer from depression and anxiety myself, but I’m very good at hiding it.

I give him the money to spend of whatever he likes, just for a quieter life, I hope some people here understand?

He went to school today, but also had a bad day. I also find it extremely difficult to punish him.

I certainly don’t understand.

Not giving him access to the full DLA amount is not punishing him at all. All of our kiddies who receive DLA face difficulties whether this be at nursery, school, college or health wise. The list goes on for many children but I don’t see how giving him the full amount is benefiting him?

You’re better off giving him £100 a month (IF THAT!) as play money and you handle the rest responsibly. If he’s upset then he’s upset. He’s 12. What happens at renewal if the award changes to HRC LRM or MRC HRM (if under VUW). Will he be kicking up a fuss because there’s less money?

Good luck but going by the comments I don’t think anything’s going to change!

Your short term 'quieter life' is going to bite both of you on the arse long term. Your son needs to understand that this is not pocket money, this is money to cover the extra costs associated with his extra needs.

He also needs to understand that you are in charge, and you will decide what is best to do. That's not punishing him, it's parenting him. He's not going to like what he will see as you taking his money, but you need to fix this before he gets any older, bigger or stronger. My DC don't even know they get DLA, it's meant to cover the extra expenses from having extra needs, and it's me who has to cover them, not the DC, so it's me who spends the money. Parent your child.

Yes I am very confused too.
I thought it was blooming obvious that DLA was used to bear the extra costs of disability.
Not to buy your son whatever he wants!
Fair enough if the Lego was something that helped his issues, but you said it's just stuff he wants.
If he cannot get his basic needs like food and clothes met how is Lego going to be of any use. Am I getting something wrong here?