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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to ask them to pay

154 replies

treaclepumpkin · 04/10/2023 16:32

My son has come home from Reception today very upset and with a large (unfixable) hole in his trousers. Another child had pushed him over for no reason and then proceeded to laugh about it. This was all witnessed by their teacher, who did apparently tell the boy off (but he just kept laughing).

The trousers that ripped are for PE and I only have one other pair, so will need to buy another from the school shop, as they use them 2/3 times a week, including to go to forest school.

Would it be unreasonable to reach out to this kid's parents and ask them to pay for/replace the trousers? For context (if relevant) they cost £22. There is no issue here though about affordability for party. It's more the principle, especially as the trousers are barely 6 weeks old.

OP posts:

YourNameGoesHere · 04/10/2023 16:35

No I wouldn't be asking them to pay but nor would I be buying another pair of these trousers which in all honesty sound unfit for purpose. I would be buying a cheap replacement pair for him to wear.

Lavender14 · 04/10/2023 16:36

I personally wouldn't, they're still little at that age and learning how to behave socially and manage relationships, sen aren't always picked up by that age etc and they won't always get things right. I'd not care about the trousers but I would care about the teachers response and how they dealt with it and if you feel satisfied with the schools response.

Motomum23 · 04/10/2023 16:39

No just sew them up and accept that kids can be mean sometimes... one day it may be your son on the pushing side. Cest la vie.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 04/10/2023 16:40

Just put a patch/fix the hole.nonneed to buy anymote. And also i would never pay £22 for a pair of trousers for primary achool. £4 pair from a supermarket will do fine

PipersDream · 04/10/2023 16:40

This is why stick on patches were invented!
(and don't send expensive stuff into school)

user1483387154 · 04/10/2023 16:43

No I wouldnt be asking for financial assistance, at this age this is perfectly normal.

FloweryName · 04/10/2023 16:43

YABU.

It’s just part of life that clothes get ruined at school. If this is your first child in reception then you may as well let go of any idea of being precious about school uniform now.

Gerrataere · 04/10/2023 16:49

I’m sorry your son has had a horrible day, I hope he’s ok and not injured at all.

However..

£22 for PE trousers??! I can only assume they’re lined with silk (or made really naff to rip so badly and the school are laughing all the way to the bank). Not a chance I would buy those, especially for a 5 year old. Parents around my parts would probably start a riot if they were expected to pay that. I hate to think how much the actual uniform costs….

And Yabu to ask the parents for the money. It won’t come to any good. Or payment.

NotSoCoolCarrie · 04/10/2023 16:51

Good luck with that op. Why are you paying £22 for trousers to get wrecked in person and forest school? Madness.

NotSoCoolCarrie · 04/10/2023 16:51

That should say in PE

LIZS · 04/10/2023 16:53

Just fix them. They will get tatty again soon enough.

PomPomChatton · 04/10/2023 16:53

I think you have to let the teacher decide on the appropriate sanctions, and that's not likely to include asking for money. These things happen, sadly.

KenIsAnAccessory · 04/10/2023 16:55

I don't why people are laying into the OP about the cost of the trousers. If they have to be purchased from the school shop, they cost what they cost and no getting round it.

That being said, I wouldn't ask them to pay.

Mrsttcno1 · 04/10/2023 16:56

Yes you’d be unreasonable to ask them to pay, at that age it won’t be the last time something comes home broken by a long shot.

It’s very normal.

YourNameGoesHere · 04/10/2023 16:56

KenIsAnAccessory · 04/10/2023 16:55

I don't why people are laying into the OP about the cost of the trousers. If they have to be purchased from the school shop, they cost what they cost and no getting round it.

That being said, I wouldn't ask them to pay.

Because you don't actually have to buy these items. The school cannot force you to buy them unless it's a private school.

Fluffyc1ouds · 04/10/2023 16:57

I would be annoyed but wouldn't ask them to pay (and I'd buy a cheaper pair of trousers to replace them with).

Wendysfriend · 04/10/2023 16:59

I wouldn't tbh. I get this would not have happened if your son had not been pushed over but these things happen. There'll be many incidents like this. I'm currently dealing with DDS 2 X jumpers that cost 45 euro each now covered in a paint the school decided to try out and is not washable and fucking glitter that stains like crap. Unfortunately shell just have to go to school looking like she was dipped in a barrel of arts and crafts.

Testina · 04/10/2023 17:00

A primary school with specific PE trousers that are ordered from a school shop - sounds like a private school?
In which case I’d be taking up the quality with them.
Being pushed over is horrid, but shouldn’t cause a large hole.

KenIsAnAccessory · 04/10/2023 17:01

YourNameGoesHere · 04/10/2023 16:56

Because you don't actually have to buy these items. The school cannot force you to buy them unless it's a private school.

Show quote history

Maybe it is a private school?

Or perhaps a state school with an annoying rule- at my DC school they can wear the branded school PE kit on PE days but if you don't buy it they have to take their kit in and change at either end of the lesson, with no private changing facilities available, essentially forcing parents to purchase the school kit or hugely inconvenience and embarrass their DC. Probably not lawful but I don't have the time or energy to challenge it so I just buy the kit.

ASCCM · 04/10/2023 17:03

God no, asking the other parent would just make me so embarrassed on your behalf. Just buy a new pair and move on!

pictoosh · 04/10/2023 17:09

No I wouldn't.

ColleenDonaghy · 04/10/2023 17:12

No, I'd just stitch them up (very badly ) and move on.

towriteyoumustlive · 04/10/2023 17:13

Either the child pushed him over with significant force to rip the trousers, so the teacher should have written up the incident and informed you of it (and done more than just telling off the child), or the trousers are not fit for purpose because they ripped when he fell over, meaning they weren't very good quality and not worth the £22 you paid.

MamaGhina · 04/10/2023 17:19

I would also sew them up and chalk it up. If they don’t mix classes this child could be with yours for the next 2 or 3 yrs minimum. You probably don’t want him as an enemy or his parents.

Janieforever · 04/10/2023 17:22

Op is he at private school?

anyway, no,like the others I would not ask this, the child didn’t deliberately cut a hole in them. They are young and he just pushed him over.

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