WIBU to ask them to pay

[treaclepumpkin]

My son has come home from Reception today very upset and with a large (unfixable) hole in his trousers. Another child had pushed him over for no reason and then proceeded to laugh about it. This was all witnessed by their teacher, who did apparently tell the boy off (but he just kept laughing).

The trousers that ripped are for PE and I only have one other pair, so will need to buy another from the school shop, as they use them 2/3 times a week, including to go to forest school.

Would it be unreasonable to reach out to this kid's parents and ask them to pay for/replace the trousers? For context (if relevant) they cost £22. There is no issue here though about affordability for party. It's more the principle, especially as the trousers are barely 6 weeks old.

Fab idea about saving the material I was going to suggest that as I’ve done it myself when my DD was small.
I’ve also bought bright patches online. For my DD they were flowers or her favourite tv shows. Think Tweenies and Teletubbies (this was 18 /19 years ago) but I’m sure there must be some of dinosaurs, animals, or cars that you could buy today.
Of course it also depends on the age of your DS. The younger they are the more likely they are to wear a patch like that. You never know it could be the start of a trend.

Your complete lack of empathy for a child that is clearly struggling is deafening.

how lucky is your kid that the worst thing that’s ever happened to him is a hole in his expensive trousers at his private school.

You both need to get a grip.

As everyone else has said, do not spend £22 on trousers!!! My DDs were £7 from Sainsbury’s. Her summer dress got paint on the first day of wear in reception. It won’t come out. I was so annoyed but I’ve come to accept it’s part and parcel of it and to buy cheap uniform.

i know what you mean about asking them to pay but I think that is quite unreasonable. As everyone has said the school need to manage the behaviour.you also don’t know for sure that he didn’t provoke the behaviour. I’d probably let the mum know what happened (if you know her) and see how she wants to handle it.

Private school is a different world for most people that’s why!!

Another kid was pushing your kid for sport and you want to talk to their parents about paying for the trousers?!?!?!
Am I the only one thinking that’s weird

Guessing this is your first child?

They weren't intentionally ripped, yes the boy pushed him over but things happen.

More odd that 5 year olds trousers are £22 to be honest 🤷‍♀️

Ah you know OP personally do you? You know for a fact that this is the worst thing that's ever happened to her child for a fact do you? Interesting.

OP, if it was my child that caused the damage I would offer to pay, but I wouldn't ever ask others to replace my items iykwim.

I'd be fuming on the inside though. I'm cross enough that my PIL fed my DS spag bol while he was wearing his white school top. Needless to say that top is now a painting top...

I'd put in a complaint to the school, in writing, directly stating that you want the school to replace them and asking for a meeting to go through their bullying policy, ask how they followed it and what the next steps are if the other child dies it again.

They won't replace the trousers but it starts an evidence trail and it will mark you out as a parent that will be inconvenient to them if they arent on top of protecting your boy.

Yes then don't comment on it. It doesn't affect you presumably. Everyone's lives are different. I don't get all the hate re private schools and what they choose to do re uniform, trips, 2 week half terms etc. So much unneccesary vitriol.

@CatamaranViper Re - the Spag Bog stain:

A spray of Vanish, some biological washing powder, and a 60 degree wash would get that out easily.

Firstly I wouldn't go to the parents asking for money. Secondly I'd be keeping an eye on the situation with the other boy. I get they are little and still learning but this is the time to push kindness so if he got told off and was still laughing he's not really been dealt with so will do it again. Thirdly I'd be quite concerned that a pair of £22 trousers can't survive a push in the playground. How the hell are they supposed to survive the forest?! Also I don't spend £22 on my own work trousers so I certainly wouldn't be spending it on a growing child!

I tried that as it's my go to solution! I even tried bleach in the end but it reacted with some suncream and turned the collar pink

God no, it's a hole, sew it up and move on. Honestly OP if you get worked up over a tear, then the poor little mite will be petrified of ever having fun or larking about incase he rips his trousers!

Do not ask the other parents to replace the trousers. How about a year down the line, their kid is wearing expensive glasses and he pokes your kid, who then swipes him away, knocking off his glasses which then end up stepped on. And they ask you to replace the glasses for £££. Just buy new trousers, that isn't the issue. The issue is whether your kid is in a class with a badly behaved bully. Pushing people over for no reason and laughing is a bit unhinged, even at reception age.

YABU, you just need to suck up the cost, these things happen at primary school. It would be completely lacking in any class to ask for payment from the parents. Is your child in private school? State schools don't have £22 PE trousers! If you've chosen to spend that much on trousers for PE, then don't, there's really no need. If your child is in private school, surely this is not a big deal to you? Just buy more trousers and stop overthinking it.

@treaclepumpkin most private schools have a second hand uniform shop so see if they’ve got some that you can buy .

Rtft

And to address the bully, if the child is that badly behaved I'd be complaining massively. I'd threaten to withdraw my child unless the school do something. In my experience private schools can be quite slow to act, and I know parents who have had to withdraw their children from schools because the schools didn't take appropriate action. If there is a reason why this child is badly behaved, they should have one to one supervisions at all times. State schools manage this, given all their financial constraints, so a private school should be able to too. If they aren't adequately addressing the behaviour, ensuring that this situation can't arise, I wouldn't hesitate in moving my child to a different school. Their behaviour isn't going to get better without appropriate support. If there's no reason for the behaviour, the school should permanently exclude. Just reacting to it is not good enough.

All right bossy boots. Why does it matter? Everything I said still stands, imo.

In your situation, I would be more concerned about your son's feelings rather than his trousers.Was he upset because he was shocked or is this a bullying issue?That is the real issue.

No one with perspective would post this.

Patch them, at reception age he’ll have grown out of them soon anyway. £22 for PE trousers is obscene but I guess private schools can do what they like and it’s what you sign up for. So no, I would absolutely not be asking for money. I would though be wanting to know what plans are in place for stopping my child being deliberately pushed over.

It's annoying but I think you'd be unreasonable to ask the parents to pay.

They are little and these things happen.

If its PE and its not too bad patch it up, or buy another pair if you can afford it, or buy a cheaper pair (you can buy much cheaper pe trousers than £22) and if you feel the need to explain why they aren't from the official school shop drop his teacher an email saying you did have school shop trousers but given they so easily rip you've gone for another brand hope that's OK.

You will have years of school clothes that get lost, stained, ripped, outgrown. It's expensive and annoying but it's just the way it is.

I really hope your DS is okay now. That child sounds like he needs a close eye keeping on him.
However! Yes, you absolutely would be.

Honestly, let go of the idea that uniform will last.
Don’t buy expensive stuff.
One if the most irritating parts of parenting is destroyed school uniform that’s barely a day old.
I have jeans literally older than my child 😂