WIBU to ask them to pay

[treaclepumpkin]

My son has come home from Reception today very upset and with a large (unfixable) hole in his trousers. Another child had pushed him over for no reason and then proceeded to laugh about it. This was all witnessed by their teacher, who did apparently tell the boy off (but he just kept laughing).

The trousers that ripped are for PE and I only have one other pair, so will need to buy another from the school shop, as they use them 2/3 times a week, including to go to forest school.

Would it be unreasonable to reach out to this kid's parents and ask them to pay for/replace the trousers? For context (if relevant) they cost £22. There is no issue here though about affordability for party. It's more the principle, especially as the trousers are barely 6 weeks old.

Schools can't insist on expensive branded items so if you want to make a stand about something, I'd make it that. I wouldn't ask the parents, these things happen when children are 6.

I'd sew it or patch it.

If it's a private school, there'll be a second hand shop or a selection of abandoned lost property you can access to look for a replacement - ask the school.

You can't really ask the parents to cough up for a replacement, though.

No just sew and patch them up

It sounds as though you are wanting to ask the parents to pay as a way to try and get them to take some responsibility for their DC’s actions and do something to get him to behave better?

And I understand that if it seems the school are doing nothing about it, but your understanding of what is being done may be somewhat limited and, in any case, approaching the parents is unlikely to have the impact you want. It’s the school that need to take action as they are the ones in charge at the time of the behaviour.

Meet with the school and pressure them to ensure a peaceful, respectful and non-violent environment for your DC to learn in. Refer to any policy documents they have and don’t seem to be adhering to. If other parents have concerns then acting as a group may give you a more equal status in discussing things with the school.

i wouldn't ask or would I pay if I was asked. Needle and thread or a patch

If you bring it in to an alterations shop, they will fix it for you. Definitely do not ask the parents for the money.

He must have been quite badly hurt for the fall to make a big hole in his trousers?

Second hand shop, OP. Unclaimed and un-named lost property often ends up there too, so you might get lucky.

For £22, a pair of trousers should last for several children, so I'd be a bit fed up with that - but I always tended to go down the second hand route anyway. If you have no luck with second hand, patch them up with a bit of similar coloured fabric.

Horrible behaviour, but parents will be made aware and they are either the type to teach their child to behave or they are not. Paying for the trousers won't make a difference to how they deal with their child. Hopefully they are mortified and work on it.

Also if other parents hear of this without full/true story you may look unreasonable.

As it is a private school, you could ask the school to get you some more-even if it’s just from unclaimed lost property. That would be what would typically happen at most private schools.

Having battled with private school uniform vs kids (and had friends with same dilemma)

• don’t ask the other parents to pay. It’s not about the money: but it’s that you have to mix with these people for 7 years, even longer if they all go to same secondary and people have very long memories. Very long…
• do put the onus on the school to manage the situation and complain to them if you’re not happy with response
• Stock up on second hand uniform. Befriend the second hand uniform volunteers. Become a second hand uniform volunteer!

I’m really surprised. Why shouldn’t the parents pay for their little shit’s handiwork (presuming the kid isn’t sen, and if he is he should be better managed).

He's 4 🤨

@treaclepumpkin I think if it was deliberate you could ask. My Foster son had new glasses which Boots had to send away to a specialist lab to get glass thinner as his sight is +8.5 in one eye and +6.25 in the other eye. We paid £80 on top of his NHS voucher to get these for him. 4 days later a child in his special school class pulled them off his head threw them on the floor and jumped on them. This was witnessed by his teacher and several in his class. We took the receipt in and asked parents to replace them. The receipt had the date bought on them so they could see they were new ones and we had to beg at Boots for a new NHS voucher replacement as he literally can't see much without them. They kindly gave us a second voucher but said if it happened again within the year we would have to pay the full replacement charge. The boy's parents did pay and apologised but this boy had previously broken lots of other things.

My preschooler's PE joggers cost the same, and I'd be annoyed if they were ripped, but no way would I ask to be reimbursed. I'd be more annoyed to be the parent that someone demanded money from because my son did what children that age do sometimes (and that's assuming I believed their account).

No. Parents should not approach other parents about issues which arise at school. The right process is to contact the school if you are concerned and they deal with the issue.

It’s likely to be too simplistic that this other child was totally responsible. A 4 year old who knows his mum might be cross about a hole in his trousers isn’t likely to be able to totally accurately describe what happened. And these kind of damages happen all the time. Kids spill things in themselves and others, they fall over and damage clothes and they play football and other games where clothes get damaged. You will need to repair or replace countless items. It’s just what happens. Sometimes others are invovled and sometimes they aren’t. Damage to school clothes is an occupational hazard of being a small child at school. Any parent who has had kids at school for a few terms will tell you this. It’s new to OP.…but pretty soon it won’t be!

Honestly, I’m amazed at how few people have even thought to wonder if how the child described events is 100% accurate. Don’t we all know that small children struggle to give entirely accurate accounts of this kind of stuff for all kinds of reasons. Older kids also are often selective in what they describe….but on MN many people instantly 100% believe a third hand account of events.

This is just one of those learning experiences…school clothes get damaged and lost. You choose whether to buy new or 2nd hand to replace them or whether to repair them.

And if you’re concerned about a child’s behaviour, you speak to the school about it…not the parent of the child.

Put colour pic on here - someone will be able to find a colour match. Fruit of the Loom do loads of plain colours.
Cut badge off old pair and sew onto cheap replacement.

Our private school has a second hand uniform shop - maybe suggest it if they don't have one. Really good for PE / Dance / Drama items that don't get much wear.

Yes you would be unreasonable and perhaps remember they’re 4.

Jesus you're in for a tough slog if this is how you are starting out: no I wouldn't to answer your question!

Very odd to have the same trousers for pe and for Forest school. For Forest School they need old but warm stuff with a waterproof pair on top. They will be scrummaging around on the floor, in the dirt, in wet patches and having fun, not getting their logged special coloured trousers irredeemably mud stained.

Logo ed not logged. Though they will be well logger after a few Forest school sessions!

No I wouldnt expect the other parent to pay. If I couldn't afford a new pair I would patch them up. Or replace them with a cheap pair if that can't be done.

Logged .

Why on earth is it the strange? Ours have the same uniform (a tracksuit and polo shirt) for both. For forest school they add wellies, waterproof trousers and their coat. I wouldn't be impressed if the school expected us to buy two different tracksuits!

No, of course you can't do that. They're very young, it might be your son pushing someone else next week. You risk alienating yourself and your son from the other parents and kids if you go in all crazy pants asking for them to pay for new trousers.