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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My 5 year old injured a child

384 replies

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 09:28

Posting for traffic. Name changed. Feeling sick.

My 5 year has injured another child at school. Other child has required urgent hospital treatment and is requiring ongoing treatment.

I don't know who the other child is and I imagine that the last thing the parents want is anything to do with us.

I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do? My child "lashed out". We are a caring family, lots of opportunities, not exposed to anything like violence or substance, travel around the world.

What do I do? Will anything happen to my child?

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/10/2023 09:30

if the other child was so badly injured I struggle to believe this came out of nowhere

Flickersy · 04/10/2023 09:42

You'll need to speak to the school about whether there will be any suspensions / fixed-period exclusions.

You need to be proactive about ensuring this doesn't happen again so work with the school.

It's hard to believe such a serious incident came out of the blue. Have you truly never noticed any unusual or aggressive behaviour in your child before? What does your child say about the incident?

anon0007 · 04/10/2023 09:42

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/10/2023 09:30

if the other child was so badly injured I struggle to believe this came out of nowhere

Agree

EsmeSusanOgg · 04/10/2023 09:43

anon0007 · 04/10/2023 09:42

Agree

Show quote history

Agree. Though to add it might be there was unseen provocation.

Sirzy · 04/10/2023 09:45

When you talk to school drop the air of “we are better than everyone” which comes from your comment about home.

talk to school find out what happened and what can be done all around to avoid anything happening again. Incidents so severe at this age are rare so don’t try to play it down

cocksstrideintheevening · 04/10/2023 09:45

Agree with this.

Also what does 'travel around the world' have to do with anything?

Did this happen today, has your child been sent home?

Maryamlouise · 04/10/2023 09:46

What exactly happened? My DS are about that age and have started a bit of pushing and hitting with each other (which we are obviously trying to stop) and I can see how a push at the wrong time/place could end up in a bad injury without that intention at all. What does your child say happened?

Dramatic · 04/10/2023 09:48

Without knowing full details it's hard to answer your questions. Obviously I understand you might not want to say on here but people can't reassure you without knowing the full situation.

Octonaut4Life · 04/10/2023 09:49

Come on - it's easy for a child to do something careless that can cause serious injury to another child. When I went to pick up my DS from preschool yesterday he was so excited to see me he threw the (heavy) toys he was holding backwards over his head and narrowly missed hitting another child in the head. Obviously as they get older they should become more careful but it's totally possible something non malicious or something that wouldn't normally be a huge deal could cause a serious injury. In this instance for example if one child gives another child a small shove but the other child is near the top of some steps and loses their balance, then what would often be a minor act of 'lashing out' could become more serious.

OP I think it will be hard for people to help without slightly more detail. Was your child the sole cause of the injury? Have you spoken to your child about what happened?

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 04/10/2023 09:50

Nothing will happen to your child, as he or she is only 5 they're classed as not having capacity.

Did your child try to hurt the other deliberately, to injure them, such as stabbing with a pencil or was it more "accidental" like pushing or snatching something and the other child fell and hit their head?

If it's the former you may be in for a bumpy ride.

PipersDream · 04/10/2023 09:51

I can see how a push at the wrong time/place could end up in a bad injury without that intention at all. What does your child say happened?

Exactly this situation ended in a broken bone here. What does your DS say happened and what are school reporting? Did he intend to injure the other child, or was he just being a 5 year old?

fr4zzledmum · 04/10/2023 09:52

Just because you're better off, doesn't mean it's not possible your kid could be horrible.

Bellaboo01 · 04/10/2023 09:52

What does 'travel around the world' have anything to do with it?

My Children travel with us but, even if they didn't i wouldn't expect them to injure a child so badly that they needed hospital treatment plus ongoing care at the age of 5.

What on earth did your child do? If he pushed a child and unfortunately the child hit his head badly for example would be a totally different response to if your child took a knife to school!

IveHadItUpToHere · 04/10/2023 09:53

As a PP said, it's easy to accidentally injure another DC eg a shove that results in an awkward fall or a fall down steps.
Speak to your DC to find out what they think happened and talk to them about what they should have done instead. Speak to the school OP. Arrange a formal meeting. Be proactive. Ask them if the other parents would appreciate a letter or any contact. Tell the school how you are supporting your DC to avoid a repeat. Ask them what they are going to put in place to protect your DC and the other DCs - from a repeat occurrence but also from any bullying that may result from the other pupils blaming your DC.

NerrSnerr · 04/10/2023 09:54

What actually happened? Was it a quick shove which caused a broken bone/ teeth or did they drag them around the floor by their arm or something?

Original poster
Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 09:55

I'm not downplaying my own child's involvement. School knows my child, never shown any aggression before. Could have been provoked. I don't know. My child has shouted before but never been physical. I out child in time out. Maybe I did not deal with the shouting adequately. I feel sick for the other parents. I don't know how things got that bad.

OP posts:
ohdamnitjanet · 04/10/2023 09:55

You don’t seem at all fussed about the injured child, or offering an apology.

IveHadItUpToHere · 04/10/2023 09:58

It doesn't really matter if your DC was provoked if they acted in a way that would definitely result in a serious injury. As everyone is saying, there's a difference between a 5-yr-old pushing someone and it having unintended consequences. And a 5-yr-old stabbing something in someone's eye or throwing an object at someone's head. Although 5-yr-old's don't understand consequences and cause and effect yet - so it still isn't the same as an older DC doing those things. What will happen next will depend on what actually happened in the first place.

Original poster
Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 09:59

ohdamnitjanet · 04/10/2023 09:55

You don’t seem at all fussed about the injured child, or offering an apology.

Oh gosh, I have absolutely! Through the school for now, and I have asked if I can contact directly.

OP posts:
anon0007 · 04/10/2023 09:59

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 09:55

I'm not downplaying my own child's involvement. School knows my child, never shown any aggression before. Could have been provoked. I don't know. My child has shouted before but never been physical. I out child in time out. Maybe I did not deal with the shouting adequately. I feel sick for the other parents. I don't know how things got that bad.

You seem very focussed on how the other parents perceive you. You're focussing on the wrong thing.

Going by the things you're saying it sounds like your child hurt the other child on purpose? Everyone's advice will change depending on the circumstances of how this severe injury came about.

Namechange20100 · 04/10/2023 09:59

Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 09:55

I'm not downplaying my own child's involvement. School knows my child, never shown any aggression before. Could have been provoked. I don't know. My child has shouted before but never been physical. I out child in time out. Maybe I did not deal with the shouting adequately. I feel sick for the other parents. I don't know how things got that bad.

So what happened then? And what is the extent of the other child's injuries?

AdoraBell · 04/10/2023 10:00

Talk to the school and ask who/if anyone saw what was happening at the time, as in leading up to the incident.

Original poster
Soworriedtoday · 04/10/2023 10:00

IveHadItUpToHere · 04/10/2023 09:58

It doesn't really matter if your DC was provoked if they acted in a way that would definitely result in a serious injury. As everyone is saying, there's a difference between a 5-yr-old pushing someone and it having unintended consequences. And a 5-yr-old stabbing something in someone's eye or throwing an object at someone's head. Although 5-yr-old's don't understand consequences and cause and effect yet - so it still isn't the same as an older DC doing those things. What will happen next will depend on what actually happened in the first place.

It was rough play with a much older child. So maybe provoked. Not downplaying it at all. My child should not have engaged.

OP posts:
curaçao · 04/10/2023 10:01

The severity of the injury does not necessarily correlate to the severity of the intent.
Having said that, you need to consider the feelings of the other child, and whether it is fair for them to have to see the perpetrator every day

NeedTheSeaside · 04/10/2023 10:01

@Soworriedtoday

I get that you're worried, but can you answer some of the questions?

what does school & DS say actually happened? Why don't you know which child it is (not that it matters too much)

when did this happen?

what do you mean by ongoing treatment (like for life, or a few visits for something like a broken bone??)