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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is a fairly normal/chilled weekend?

295 replies

mrsm43s · 03/10/2023 16:23

DH had a gentle huff about always having stuff to do on the weekends. When I raised an eyebrow at him, he back tracked and just muttered about being tired and grumpy.

I'm genuinely surprised that he raised this, as I thought out weekend was pretty normal, and actually, if anything, I think we have a pretty easy time of it now.

To set the scene, during the week, we both predominantly WfH with max 1-2 days each in the office, and we tend to work approx 8-4, with an hour lunch break. As a result most day to day washing, cleaning etc is kept up to date as we go along, as they are frankly short days, and we have plenty of time to keep on top of stuff during the week. We have 2 "children" - one is away at Uni, and the other is in Sixth Form, both good kids and pretty independent without much input required from us apart from the general parental support and guidance. Kids can drive, so not having to run them round to activities and social life any more. Household stuff is shared pretty equally, we tend to work well as a team.

So this weekend:

Friday evening - popped to see friend in pub for a drink straight from work at 4, then went for an early meal out with friends. Back home by 9.30ish and an early night after a lovely evening.

Saturday- lay in til about 9, went together to do a small supermarket shop, got back had a light lunch. We then did some decorating (repainting Uni teen's walls with a fresh coat of emulsion - so nothing taxing and room is already prepped and ready to go, first coat already done) from about 12.30 til about 3.30. DH then met his sibling and niece for a dog walk, whilst I prepped dinner. Sibling and niece joined us for dinner, then left about 9. DH and I chatted for a bit over a glass of wine, and then headed up to bed by around 10-10.30.

Sunday - lay in til about 9. We both took dog out for a leisurely walk, followed by brunch out together. Back home by about 12.30. Then we put teens newly decorated room back to rights, cleared up all the decorating kit, hoovered, dusted all surfaces and cleaned the carpet in that room. I stopped about 4pm to cook a roast dinner. DH finished up and was done by 5.30. We sat down with teen for a family roast. Cleared up jointly after the roast - all done and dusted by about 7pm. The evening now our own for back to work stuff, chilling, listening to radio, reading etc. Both headed up to bed about 10.30ish.

Is this a particularly busy or taxing weekend?

To my mind it was really chilled and lovely. A good balance of social, family and couple time, some jobs done (and nice rewarding ones where you can see the difference!), but plenty of downtime.

I'm generally more assertive than DH and not one to sit around, so I just want to sense check that I'm not working DH into the ground or not listening to his needs! DH is very mild natured and easy going, so even a grumble from him is pretty unusual. If it is too much work, too busy, I want to hear that!

We're late 40s/early 50s, and generally fit and healthy. I'd say we have a pretty great relationship and enjoy each other's company.

OP posts:
margotrose · 04/10/2023 07:57

Karwomannghia · 04/10/2023 07:47

Im surprised so many people consider that a busy weekend! Really interesting actually!

If this isn't busy, what do you consider busy?

Normalsizedsalad · 04/10/2023 08:01

Sometimes people need a nothing day. He sounds like he does

Noicant · 04/10/2023 08:05

The socialising would be fine but the decorating would feel like one long chore.

Noicant · 04/10/2023 08:06

Tbf though I do like a few hours to sit around and just read, maybe he needs at least half a day to do absolutely nothing.

Zanatdy · 04/10/2023 08:08

Not chilled, but not exactly mega taxing on him either. I like to have a day where I don’t have plans but doesn’t always happen.

mondaytosunday · 04/10/2023 08:13

It seems fine, a bit on the full side, but presumably you are not redecorating every room in the house? So next weekend along similar lines without the decorating and cleaning (though why it took you both half a day and him an extra hour and a half to put a bedroom back together is beyond me).

Wolvesart · 04/10/2023 08:22

It’s sort of hectic without highlights. The decorating Sunday day is busy and like a working day. The socialising is not event based and - if it was me - that would wear me down a bit. But everyone is different.

Original poster
mrsm43s · 04/10/2023 08:25

flustereddriver75 · 04/10/2023 06:52

Do "we" have a continual list or do you have a list and insist things get done at a particular time?

Your weekend sounds nice but busy ish to me but then I do need a few hours where I stop and rest and have a bit of headspace to recharge.

Show quote history

Well "we" have a continual list, because we both own the house and are both equally responsible for keeping it maintained and in order.

I'm more proactive at making sure things on the list get done.

OP posts:
akkakk · 04/10/2023 08:28

Is it possible that your husband is actually a social introvert rather than an extrovert?

it is what I am - I love entertaining and seeing people but it is draining and I need time out to balance it…

I also find that having a structured and full timetable is very tiring even if without the same work or things would be done…

my wife (extrovert) is very sympathetic and so we divide days into morning / afternoon / evening and always aim to have at least one empty where possible or two empty for a more relaxing day - so if we are entertaining in the evening we will pootle for the morning / afternoon etc

WinchSparkle80 · 04/10/2023 08:34

I would absolutely love this weekend, productive and social, my DH however, would hate it. He manages one thing at most a day at the weekend, as likes to really rest and zone out ahead of another bonkers week at work. We do however have 2 pre teens and work 40 odd hrs each a week.

I wouldn’t call it chilled, but I would call it a good use of the weekend.

Normalsizedsalad · 04/10/2023 08:37

Do you ever have a weekend day doing nothing from the list or chores?

Original poster
mrsm43s · 04/10/2023 08:43

PuggyInTheMuddle · 04/10/2023 07:04

I think it's the fact that we have a continual, never-ending list of things that need doing in the house/garden that bothers him - but that's normal for middle aged homeowners, no?

Not really, not all the time. The first thing I thought while reading your OP was why on earth does Uni Ds’s room just need a fresh coat of emulsion? How bad could it be? How house proud and perfectionist are you? And had the prep been done last weekend?

DDs room needed redecorating, because she'd stuck up A-level revision notes all around her walls with parcel tape 😬and it had pulled lots of the paint off and looked a real mess. Plus the room was last decorated when she was about 11 and was baby pink, which she's grown out of, and generally was dirty/tatty anyway due to the time passed since last decoration.

We have guests coming in 3 weeks who will be using her room to stay in, so sensibly we took the opportunity to get her bedroom (and her bathroom) cleaned up, a fresh coat of emulsion all round, deep clean etc whilst it was clear and mostly empty of her stuff as she had a big declutter/clear out before heading off to Uni. We prioritised this over other jobs on our list because we wanted it done before the guests come, and also so it's lovely for when DD comes for her first stay back home.

We don't just pick jobs out of the air for the fun of it! They're all things that need doing.

OP posts:
Middleagedmeangirls · 04/10/2023 08:49

I couldn't cope with seeing people 3 days in a row. I also think that doing a supermarket shop, decorating, quite a lot of housework, entertaining relations for a cooked meal and then a family roast dinner is also way too much to be considered chilled quite apart from the other socialising and dog walking . I'd need a day off on Monday to recover from that lot.

For me to consider a weekend 'chilled' it would have to include the gym or a yoga class, a few hours free to drink coffee and read the papers and at least one evening kicking back in front of the tv.

I would have done an online supermarket shop to avoid one chore and definitely got a takeaway for either the Saturday or Sunday meal. Perhaps you could consider getting a cleaner - that would free up a chunk of the weekend.

Dulra · 04/10/2023 08:57

Sounds lovely to me I am jealous I have 3 kids 11, 13, 16 and all very involved in sport, I also don't wfh so my weekend is catching up on laundry, cleaning shopping, etc and bringing kids to matches all over the city (Dublin) I am wrecked on a Sunday night (as is dh, load is shared).

The only thing I would suggest to change would maybe have one evening when you don't meet up with people so you just chill. We are also just over a house renovation and like you there is still a list of to dos. I got completely jaded from it all and needed a break from it so maybe agree weekends when you are going to work on the house but make sure it isn't every weekend because that can get really tiresome

GOODCAT · 04/10/2023 09:03

Sounds relaxed to me. Good mix of social, family and getting necessary but not overly taxing jobs done.

margotrose · 04/10/2023 09:03

Well "we" have a continual list, because we both own the house and are both equally responsible for keeping it maintained and in order.

That's not really what PP is asking.

Is the list essential or is it just stuff you feel needs to be torn by a certain time in order for you to be able to relax?

ZenNudist · 04/10/2023 09:07

The decorating would ruin the weekend for me. Meals out and cooking a roast, good. Decorating and cleaning, bad.

Original poster
mrsm43s · 04/10/2023 09:08

Normalsizedsalad · 04/10/2023 08:37

Do you ever have a weekend day doing nothing from the list or chores?

Yes, of course, if there's nothing pressing to be done. Things quite often are needed to be done by a certain time though either due to seasonality (e.g. certain home and garden tasks needing to be done a particular times of the year) or because things are in preparation for, or needing to be done by a particular event - such as room decorated before guests etc.

I think we've had a run of busy weekends from results day through til now, and DH is just a bit tired. He's had a promotion at work too, so I suspect he's mentally more tired than usual.

We're having a weekend "off" next weekend though. I gave him the choice of what he fancied doing - no "jobs", and we're going to have movie night on Friday evening with some friends, a day trip to the beach with the dog followed by a meal out (and hopefully catch up with some friends who live nearby if they are available) on Saturday, and either a roast cooked at home with our friends on Sunday or a pub roast out followed by some board games. So still quite sociable, and with plenty going on - just minus the jobs!

OP posts:
margotrose · 04/10/2023 09:14

See, I don't actually think it's normal to constantly have a list of jobs that need to be done by a certain time, especially when you don't have young children and neither of you work especially long hours.

If my weekends were continually taken over by jobs I would begin to feel quite resentful, to be honest.

LaurieStrode · 04/10/2023 09:14

Why does so much have to be planned and booked in advance? I'd lose my mind with such a full schedule on weekends.

CaptainClover · 04/10/2023 09:17

You had a lie in every day, you didn't have any late nights, every evening there was some quiet time for relaxing/reading/watching tv. How can this be considered exhausting??

I think you might have added the reason for redecorating, and the condition of the room, to your original post because they do shed a different light on it. You def. needed to get it done, you had a plan for doing it, it got done. Now you can relax about it and look forward to your guests coming rather than having a horrible, grubby room in your house that's not really usable.

I don't know OP, everyone is different and I'm sure you will work this out with your husband but, for me, your working week and weekends do not sound remotely too taxing.

margotrose · 04/10/2023 09:20

CaptainClover · 04/10/2023 09:17

You had a lie in every day, you didn't have any late nights, every evening there was some quiet time for relaxing/reading/watching tv. How can this be considered exhausting??

I think you might have added the reason for redecorating, and the condition of the room, to your original post because they do shed a different light on it. You def. needed to get it done, you had a plan for doing it, it got done. Now you can relax about it and look forward to your guests coming rather than having a horrible, grubby room in your house that's not really usable.

I don't know OP, everyone is different and I'm sure you will work this out with your husband but, for me, your working week and weekends do not sound remotely too taxing.

It's interesting how different we all are as OP's update makes me think it wasn't remotely essential 😂

notanothernana · 04/10/2023 09:22

We're all different but your weekends are too full of people for my liking. I work with people so by the weekend I have had enough. My see friends every 2-3 weekends.

I like to get a chore or two done, a lovely walk and reading/TV time.

washrinse · 04/10/2023 09:25

I find this thread and the split between votes really interesting. This doesn’t sound busy to me at all either. The only bit of this I wouldn’t like would be the lie ins, the thought of all that unproductive time lying in bed makes me shudder 😂

megletthesecond · 04/10/2023 09:37

I wouldn't consider pub or dinner with friends as downtime.

I'm having my second night out this year soon and it's already stressing me a bit.