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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s not my fault he didn’t knock?!

486 replies

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:31

We’re trying to sell our house and DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time. At 7.50am, I get a string of text messages from DP saying the valuer was coming between 8am - 9am. We have a 4 week old baby who was up all night and I hadn’t even got out of bed yet. The house was in no way tidy, clean or suitable for anyone to value or view! I asked if it was possible that the valuer could rearrange for later, DP said he could not.

I then start running around trying to tidy the house whilst having a screaming crying baby who wants feeding and a nappy change in between. At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

45 minutes later, I’m still running around trying to get things in the house sorted (thankfully baby is fed and changed by this point)! DP comes back from the school run and goes mad saying the valuer has been waiting since 8am and is very angry and annoyed… except he never knocked at the door! He didn’t knock when he arrived at 8am or any of the duration where he was waiting and getting annoyed. Apparently I was supposed to just let him in when I and the house was ready.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and it’s the valuers own fault for not knocking?!

OP posts:
caffeinepanic · 03/10/2023 10:15

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:43

When DP mentioned someone coming for a valuation, he said it would be around 1pm, so to get a text at 7.50am saying the valuer could be there in 10 minutes was a complete surprise.

DP just said he’d let the valuer know I needed more time and I was to let him in the house. The valuer didn’t knock or let me know he was there. I’ve no idea whether he was on the doorstep, in his car, in the cafe next door as he never made his presence known to me. All communication was via DP.

Open the front door, check if he's there. If he is, sit him down in the kitchen with a drink / biscuit while you explain and do a wizz around

Normalsizedsalad · 03/10/2023 10:16

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:54

@Janieforever When it was booked yesterday, DP said, ‘is it okay if a valuer comes tomorrow around midday - 1pm’. The first time 8am was mentioned was at 7.50am this morning.

There was no specified time

Oh come on.

Seaweed42 · 03/10/2023 10:16

It sounds like getting the house valued is part of a process you are not in favour of, would that be right?

Otherwise you'd do everything in your power to ensure the process of selling the house could go ahead.
You'd be running down the street to see could you see the valuer.

Bellaboo01 · 03/10/2023 10:16

Thewizardbinbag · 03/10/2023 09:48

He didn’t need to knock! He called. Your partner told him he’d let you know, and then told the guy you had the sort the baby so could he wait a few mins and you’d let him in. He waited. You pissed about for almost an hour.

You knew he was there. What were you waiting for? And seriously, why wasn’t the house sorted yesterday so it was ready? How old are you?

This is exactly what i was about to post!!

littlebopeepp234 · 03/10/2023 10:17

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/10/2023 10:15

Tbh at 4 weeks post partum me and the baby would have probably gone back to bed for a nap at that time so I'd not even have heard the text.

That sort of scenario is understandable but in this case the op was awake and up and about and well aware that a valuer was standing on her doorstep. She just decided not to bother opening the door and left him standing outside which I think is rude

HMW1906 · 03/10/2023 10:17

You’re both TA for different reasons.

YTA for leaving the valuer outside for 45 minutes. You knew he was there why does he need to knock for you to open the door to him.

Your DP is TA for arranging it for 8am without any advance notice when he was going to be out of the house when you have a 4 week old baby.

But really you should’ve opened the door to the poor guy.

porridgedilema · 03/10/2023 10:18

bohemianmullet · 03/10/2023 10:09

I feel your pain OP. But I wonder if because you are so tired and things feel a bit chaotic at the moment if you were too self-conscious about things like the state of the house. If you and your partner are trying to sell, then it just sounds like a massively bad communication between the two of you. Why was it such a sudden hurry? Why couldn't you arrange the valuation yourself if you wanted more time? But are you even sure it is such a mess that noone could come in? If it had been me I think I would have initially panicked like you maybe, but then maybe I'd have asked the valuer in and given them a coffee whilst I flew around throwing anything particularly embarrassing into cupboards. Or else let them look at the better rooms whilst I pushed things into cupboards quickly in the less good rooms. But if there was someone on the doorstep, I'd have communicated with them directly - either to explain I had a new baby and ask if they'd come back in an hour or whatever or to invite them in and manage best i could somehow.

I think the pair of you should cut yourselves some slack. You're both tired, got a new baby and trying to sell a house. That is a lot. You miscommunicated. That's not the end of the world. I'd try and sort it better for next time and not be too tough on yourselves over this. I doubt it'll make much difference to the valuation and I wouldn't beat yourselves up about it. Have a rest, try and laugh about it with hindsight. Just one of those things.

Completely agree. Very sensible advice. It really is not a big deal OP. Don't let some of the mad responses on this thread wind you up. said earlier mumsnet is another world at times and this thread has proved that point. Chat to your husband and agree you're both struggling/sleep deprived, rearrange it and move on. It's all good. Please don't worry.

Pinkdelight3 · 03/10/2023 10:18

HMW1906 · 03/10/2023 10:17

You’re both TA for different reasons.

YTA for leaving the valuer outside for 45 minutes. You knew he was there why does he need to knock for you to open the door to him.

Your DP is TA for arranging it for 8am without any advance notice when he was going to be out of the house when you have a 4 week old baby.

But really you should’ve opened the door to the poor guy.

What's TA? Did I miss a meeting and we're now in AITA?

Thewizardbinbag · 03/10/2023 10:18

megletthesecond · 03/10/2023 10:12

I was barely functioning with a 4 week old baby. I wasn't making sensible decisions at all.
It's a cock up but not the end of the world.

I was back at uni with a 2 week old baby at home.
Opening the door for a valuation really isn’t a hardship. Takes no effort at all.

BodegaSushi · 03/10/2023 10:18

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:43

When DP mentioned someone coming for a valuation, he said it would be around 1pm, so to get a text at 7.50am saying the valuer could be there in 10 minutes was a complete surprise.

DP just said he’d let the valuer know I needed more time and I was to let him in the house. The valuer didn’t knock or let me know he was there. I’ve no idea whether he was on the doorstep, in his car, in the cafe next door as he never made his presence known to me. All communication was via DP.

Ah yes, the DFWTAGYW. Drip Feed When Things Aren't Going Your Way.

Would have been a crucial thing include in your OP.

Mrsttcno1 · 03/10/2023 10:18

Of course YABU, why would you possibly be waiting for him to knock, you knew he was there and he knew you were going to let him in when you were ready as your partner had communicated this to both of you.

Why would he knock? He was told you would let him in once sorted.

You also weren’t just waiting around for him to knock, you have said you were still running around after 45 mins tidying. If he had knocked at 8, you wouldn’t have let him in?

SpareHeirOverThere · 03/10/2023 10:19

You knew he was there at 8.

It was both rude and strange to be tidying the house when you knew he was on the doorstep. And you did know, because your do told you.

Not ready for a valuation? Fair enough. Get out of bed, get dressed into anything decent enough to open front door. Put crying baby safe in cot. Answer door, briefly explain the situation and say you will be in contact to reschedule. Close door, attend baby.

Finteq · 03/10/2023 10:19

Have you let him in yet?

Thewizardbinbag · 03/10/2023 10:21

Finteq · 03/10/2023 10:19

Have you let him in yet?

😂

MrsCarson · 03/10/2023 10:21

He should have knocked.
Did he text your Dh thinking he was at home and would answer the door?

Mariposista · 03/10/2023 10:21

Surely if you know a valuer could come that day, you keep the place tidy?! Or at least tidy enough that you wouldn't be ashamed of letting someone in (doesn't need to be pristine).

XMissPlacedX · 03/10/2023 10:23

YABU like many pp have said. What's the point in the thread and asking other peoples opinions if you are going to keep ignoring them and justifying yourself.

Original poster
PottyPet · 03/10/2023 10:23

Regarding the time of the appointment - see my last post. DP says it was automatically booked for 8am and he didn’t see it himself until 7.50am.

I wasn’t ‘up and about’ either. The text woke me up, I was still in bed and at the same time the baby started fussing for a feed.

OP posts:
MargotBamborough · 03/10/2023 10:24

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 10:23

Regarding the time of the appointment - see my last post. DP says it was automatically booked for 8am and he didn’t see it himself until 7.50am.

I wasn’t ‘up and about’ either. The text woke me up, I was still in bed and at the same time the baby started fussing for a feed.

But why did he not sort the house out the night before?

Pokinganose · 03/10/2023 10:25

Next time make sure the estate agent has your number as a contact.

Namerequired · 03/10/2023 10:25

I think you are right to be annoyed at oh, but the valuer was right to be annoyed at both of you. From even how you have written it here I think it was obvious you were to let the man in. He was very good to say he would wait while you got ready. To leave him 45minutes is ridiculous.
I had similar last week. We had someone coming to put in new internet, the whole digging the garden/wiring etc so not simple but thankfully just downstairs needed accessed. They were due in the afternoon after 2. I was still in my pyjamas, place not ready, and oh messaged to say they were on their way, at about 8am. He told me they had just messaged him and it couldn’t be changed. So I sucked it up but was a little embarrassed. I apologised for not being prepared as I was expecting him much later. He told me that he had phoned oh and he had said no bother to come on early!! Ok for him who wasn’t there.

EaudeJavel · 03/10/2023 10:26

DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time.

YAB so U

then you translate it as first thing in the morning and you get everything ready the day before?

Mess etc doesn't change anything to the valuation. It's not pleasant for anyone to see, but it makes 0 difference on the price of your house.

Orangello · 03/10/2023 10:27

Guy tells your DH he is there. DH says wait, wife needs more time, but I've told her you are waiting.
Of course he would just wait to be let in. Would be rude to knock if you have been told that yes we know you're here, but please wait.

Taketurn · 03/10/2023 10:27

OP I can resonate. It's not easy with a newborn and your DP should have given you more than just a 15 minutes notice however I can't believe you let that man stay outside for 45 mins.?!!?

I would have just let him in and apologized for the mess. Valuers don't really care about a tidy house anyway, they know what they're looking for and it's not a spotless home. Also, given your circumstances I'm sure he wouldn't have even bat an eyelash.

grabitwithbothhands · 03/10/2023 10:28

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 10:06

I’ve never had a house valuation before, so I’ve no idea what is expected. All I knew was that I got a text at 7.50am from DP saying a valuer was between 8am and 9am and the house needed to be sorted.

DP said midday to 1pm yesterday. I’ve not had any communication or anything to do with these appointments.

Ok, now the story is changing as you've added in "the house needs to be sorted".
If your DP actually said that then I'm coming down more on your side of the fence, if you don't know what is expected of a valuation then it's a fair assumption that it needs to be well presented which, in reality, is not needed for a valuation at all.
But still, you could have just gone to the door and said "Really sorry, house is a tip, can we re-arrange?" and the value could have either said "Yes, OK" or "I really don't care if the house is a mess, I've seen it all before".