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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s not my fault he didn’t knock?!

486 replies

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:31

We’re trying to sell our house and DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time. At 7.50am, I get a string of text messages from DP saying the valuer was coming between 8am - 9am. We have a 4 week old baby who was up all night and I hadn’t even got out of bed yet. The house was in no way tidy, clean or suitable for anyone to value or view! I asked if it was possible that the valuer could rearrange for later, DP said he could not.

I then start running around trying to tidy the house whilst having a screaming crying baby who wants feeding and a nappy change in between. At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

45 minutes later, I’m still running around trying to get things in the house sorted (thankfully baby is fed and changed by this point)! DP comes back from the school run and goes mad saying the valuer has been waiting since 8am and is very angry and annoyed… except he never knocked at the door! He didn’t knock when he arrived at 8am or any of the duration where he was waiting and getting annoyed. Apparently I was supposed to just let him in when I and the house was ready.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and it’s the valuers own fault for not knocking?!

OP posts:
TibetanTerrah · 03/10/2023 09:45

The valuer didn’t knock or let me know he was there. I’ve no idea whether he was on the doorstep, in his car, in the cafe next door as he never made his presence known to me. All communication was via DP.

Use your legs. Walk to the window/open the door and see if he's there???

Did you do this deliberately because you were annoyed?

Lampzade · 03/10/2023 09:46

Op, yabu .
It is very rude to keep someone outside your house for forty five minutes. You knew that he was there so all this nonsense about him not knocking smacks of deflecting the blame.
The house should have been tidied up the day before.

porridgedilema · 03/10/2023 09:47

Some of these posts are unnecessarily harsh. The OP has a 4 week old baby, hadn't slept and got a text on the morning while still in bed. None of you remember the chaos and exhaustion of the early days? Your husband was inconsiderate and arranged it for a really silly time, he should have got the house ready for it. I would have asked the valuer to come back another time as it wasn't convenient.

Thebigblueballoon · 03/10/2023 09:47

I’d be getting myself another valuation if I were you. Because this one sure as shit knocked a few thousand off the price.
Insanely rude of you to do that.

Thewizardbinbag · 03/10/2023 09:48

He didn’t need to knock! He called. Your partner told him he’d let you know, and then told the guy you had the sort the baby so could he wait a few mins and you’d let him in. He waited. You pissed about for almost an hour.

You knew he was there. What were you waiting for? And seriously, why wasn’t the house sorted yesterday so it was ready? How old are you?

user1492757084 · 03/10/2023 09:48

I would never have agreed to the change in time.
Your partner should just have said - sorry but that is not doable.

SureWhyNotThen · 03/10/2023 09:48

You could look at it like you were unreasonable for leaving the guy outside all that time but on the other hand, your partner agreed to a time that was short notice and not suitable. Presumably knowing the state of the house and that you would struggle with a baby.

All this could have been easily solved by saying that time wasn't suitable and to arrange another time. Especially for something like a valuation, it could have been pushed back.

MaggieBsBoat · 03/10/2023 09:49

Omg your post said your DP said he was outside!
You should’ve let the poor man in!!! Knocking has sweet fa to do with it.

Babadook76 · 03/10/2023 09:49

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 09:35

Honestly I think the valuer and you should be angry with your partner. He arranged it for an inappropriate time, early morning with a newborn is an insane time to expect a perfect house and letting someone look around! If it was that urgent your partner should have been there to help and deal with the agent. He’s completely left you in the lurch and tried to shame you about his fuck up. I’d be telling him as much, but if it was me I’d have said ‘it’s not happening this morning’ to start with. There are other estate agents.

Literally all she had to do was open the front door. There’s actually no rule that a valuation can’t take place unless your babies changed and fed, and you honestly don’t need to deep clean the house either 🙄 I’d have opened the door, apologised for the mess, told him I’m up to my eyeballs with the baby, then just let him do his job. The ops blaming him for not knocking when she knew he was outside.
OP- would you have even answered the door and let him in if he’d knocked?

Olika · 03/10/2023 09:50

'At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.'

So you knew he was there waiting and you were to let him in.

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 09:50

porridgedilema · 03/10/2023 09:47

Some of these posts are unnecessarily harsh. The OP has a 4 week old baby, hadn't slept and got a text on the morning while still in bed. None of you remember the chaos and exhaustion of the early days? Your husband was inconsiderate and arranged it for a really silly time, he should have got the house ready for it. I would have asked the valuer to come back another time as it wasn't convenient.

Mumsnet is a different world at times. The op has given birth less than a month ago, it may have been traumatic, may have needed intervention, c section. Still healing, sleepless nights, that general feeling of being out of it and hormonal after having a baby.

But apparently she should have sprang out of bed at 7am to an already show home house ready to meet any appointments her partner had sent to the house. Lunacy.

Topseyt123 · 03/10/2023 09:51

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:43

When DP mentioned someone coming for a valuation, he said it would be around 1pm, so to get a text at 7.50am saying the valuer could be there in 10 minutes was a complete surprise.

DP just said he’d let the valuer know I needed more time and I was to let him in the house. The valuer didn’t knock or let me know he was there. I’ve no idea whether he was on the doorstep, in his car, in the cafe next door as he never made his presence known to me. All communication was via DP.

Now you are trying to backpedal. You said your DP told you that the valuer was outside.

You should have let them in and they could have got on with their work while you sorted the baby out. As it was you farted about for three quarters of an hour, which was ridiculous and very rude indeed.

You were bang out of order and you knew what you were doing. Rude indeed. You, not the valuer.

Janieforever · 03/10/2023 09:51

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:43

When DP mentioned someone coming for a valuation, he said it would be around 1pm, so to get a text at 7.50am saying the valuer could be there in 10 minutes was a complete surprise.

DP just said he’d let the valuer know I needed more time and I was to let him in the house. The valuer didn’t knock or let me know he was there. I’ve no idea whether he was on the doorstep, in his car, in the cafe next door as he never made his presence known to me. All communication was via DP.

You were literally told he was there and to let him in.

I’ve no idea why the two of you didn’t get the house to a reasonable state last night. Yes it’s a pain he turned up first thing and couldn’t come back later but you both knew it was today, I don’t believe you when you say it was firmly booked for after 1pm and pretending you didn’t know where he was is just silly.

Lightningrain · 03/10/2023 09:51

YABU. You said you had a text from DH to advise that valuer was there. Surely at that point you’d have gone to the door or at least looked out of a window to check? You could even have asked him yourself if he had time to wait while you finished sorting the baby rather than your DH doing the back and forth.

Valuers don’t care about the tidiness of the house. They’re in to check the condition of the fabric of the building, not your belongings. Yes, they will take photos but that’s as much to prove they’ve been inside the property as anything. They might be seen by the lender/whoever the valuation is for and that’s it. He will likely have had a full diary of appointments after yours so can’t wait around for an hour.

20cheeseomelette · 03/10/2023 09:52

Your DP should have had him come back at a better time not sprung it on you first thing in the morning with a tiny baby and when you’ve hardly had any sleep!

It probably would have been a good idea to see if he was waiting outside but I can completely understand why you weren’t thinking straight.

It’s also a bit dim of the valuer not to realise that making a last minute arrangement to come hours earlier than planned and early in the morning would throw most people. Surely it could have been valued another day.

Babadook76 · 03/10/2023 09:53

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:43

When DP mentioned someone coming for a valuation, he said it would be around 1pm, so to get a text at 7.50am saying the valuer could be there in 10 minutes was a complete surprise.

DP just said he’d let the valuer know I needed more time and I was to let him in the house. The valuer didn’t knock or let me know he was there. I’ve no idea whether he was on the doorstep, in his car, in the cafe next door as he never made his presence known to me. All communication was via DP.

Bollocks that you didn’t know he was there 😂 you were told he’d be there at 8, he was there at 8, and you left him outside for 45 minutes. Don’t pretend you didn’t peek out the window that entire time to see if he was there or not

Janieforever · 03/10/2023 09:53

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 09:50

Mumsnet is a different world at times. The op has given birth less than a month ago, it may have been traumatic, may have needed intervention, c section. Still healing, sleepless nights, that general feeling of being out of it and hormonal after having a baby.

But apparently she should have sprang out of bed at 7am to an already show home house ready to meet any appointments her partner had sent to the house. Lunacy.

Show quote history

It was 8am. They knew he was coming. All she had to do was open the door. Are you on a different thread to everyone else?

DresdenDoll · 03/10/2023 09:53

Assuming we're not talking hoarding/vermin/cat shit everywhere level, normal household untidiness wouldn't affect the value. You were totally out of order not letting him in.

Original poster
PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:53

I was waiting for him to knock. I assumed that as he hadn’t, DP either must have contacted him again or he was doing something else and it wasn’t urgent for him to come in ASAP. As he’d said between 8am and 9am, perhaps he didn’t mind waiting until closer to 9am?

My work involves visiting people’s houses, I wouldn’t just wait like a lemon for 45 minutes. I’d knock and find out what’s going on, failing that I’d be gone to my next appointment after 15 minutes!

OP posts:
Janieforever · 03/10/2023 09:54

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:53

I was waiting for him to knock. I assumed that as he hadn’t, DP either must have contacted him again or he was doing something else and it wasn’t urgent for him to come in ASAP. As he’d said between 8am and 9am, perhaps he didn’t mind waiting until closer to 9am?

My work involves visiting people’s houses, I wouldn’t just wait like a lemon for 45 minutes. I’d knock and find out what’s going on, failing that I’d be gone to my next appointment after 15 minutes!

Ok op, you didn’t know he was there. It’s his fault not yours. 😂

porridgedilema · 03/10/2023 09:54

I'm sure the valuer will get over it

Sensoria · 03/10/2023 09:54

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 09:50

Mumsnet is a different world at times. The op has given birth less than a month ago, it may have been traumatic, may have needed intervention, c section. Still healing, sleepless nights, that general feeling of being out of it and hormonal after having a baby.

But apparently she should have sprang out of bed at 7am to an already show home house ready to meet any appointments her partner had sent to the house. Lunacy.

Show quote history

How difficult is it to open a door and let someone in…?

It wasn’t a viewing. The house didn’t have to be pristine. It’s getting an idea of the condition and size of the house. OP simply had to open the door and let them in, and that’s it. Having a four week old doesn’t stop her from doing that.

Original poster
PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:54

@Janieforever When it was booked yesterday, DP said, ‘is it okay if a valuer comes tomorrow around midday - 1pm’. The first time 8am was mentioned was at 7.50am this morning.

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 03/10/2023 09:55

If Op is the one to show the house then she is the one who needed to make the appointment at a time that suited.

Why is the partner not there handling the guest and preparing the house for the time that suits him?

The real estate valuer must have plenty of clients who stipulate a time of availability. He can cope with honesty.

Aposterhasnoname · 03/10/2023 09:55

Well I’ve heard it all now. How on earth could your house be in a state so bad that it would affect the value, but that could be sorted in a few hours, single handedly, while also looking after a newborn. You should have just let him in, apologised for the mess, then left him to it while you sorted out the baby.

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