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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s not my fault he didn’t knock?!

486 replies

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:31

We’re trying to sell our house and DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time. At 7.50am, I get a string of text messages from DP saying the valuer was coming between 8am - 9am. We have a 4 week old baby who was up all night and I hadn’t even got out of bed yet. The house was in no way tidy, clean or suitable for anyone to value or view! I asked if it was possible that the valuer could rearrange for later, DP said he could not.

I then start running around trying to tidy the house whilst having a screaming crying baby who wants feeding and a nappy change in between. At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

45 minutes later, I’m still running around trying to get things in the house sorted (thankfully baby is fed and changed by this point)! DP comes back from the school run and goes mad saying the valuer has been waiting since 8am and is very angry and annoyed… except he never knocked at the door! He didn’t knock when he arrived at 8am or any of the duration where he was waiting and getting annoyed. Apparently I was supposed to just let him in when I and the house was ready.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and it’s the valuers own fault for not knocking?!

OP posts:
littlebopeepp234 · 03/10/2023 10:05

The valuer could have done his job (or at least a lot of it) while you was running around! I’m sure the valuer has been to plenty of hectic households before! If you knew he was there why didn’t you open the door to at least ask him if he could come back later?? And if not why not just let him in and apologise to him and tell him you have a baby to sort out etc! I would find it extremely rude knowing that I had been left to wait on someone’s doorstep and completely ignored without so much of an acknowledgment! Why was your dp communicating with him on your behalf from a distance when you was at home and could have just opened the bloody door yourself and explained to him! None of it makes any sense to me whatsoever

MargotBamborough · 03/10/2023 10:06

I think you've all been pretty daft tbh.

Did you understand from your husband's message that the valuer was actually standing outside your house? If so it is completely unreasonable to not have let him in 45 minutes later. At most you should have spent five minutes clearing away any dirty nappies or anything really bad and then let him in.

At the same time, if I were the valuer I would not have stood outside for 45 minutes without knocking. I'd have given you 10 minutes max and then knocked.

Your partner shouldn't have arranged the valuation for a time when you said it wasn't convenient and he wasn't going to be there. Why did he not tidy up the house the night before ready for the valuation?

JustAMinutePleass · 03/10/2023 10:06

We sold our house when DS was a similar age. We got everything ready night before and as soon as the valuer arrived I went into the car with baby and fell asleep lol. The poor bloke was so sweet - left a note on my windscreen asking I call him for the valuation.

Dillane · 03/10/2023 10:06

LydiaTomos · 03/10/2023 09:32

I'm sure he knocked a few thousands off the valuation after you were so rude.

Don’t be ridiculous 🙄

Original poster
PottyPet · 03/10/2023 10:06

I’ve never had a house valuation before, so I’ve no idea what is expected. All I knew was that I got a text at 7.50am from DP saying a valuer was between 8am and 9am and the house needed to be sorted.

DP said midday to 1pm yesterday. I’ve not had any communication or anything to do with these appointments.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 03/10/2023 10:07

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:43

When DP mentioned someone coming for a valuation, he said it would be around 1pm, so to get a text at 7.50am saying the valuer could be there in 10 minutes was a complete surprise.

DP just said he’d let the valuer know I needed more time and I was to let him in the house. The valuer didn’t knock or let me know he was there. I’ve no idea whether he was on the doorstep, in his car, in the cafe next door as he never made his presence known to me. All communication was via DP.

I know new babies are overwhelming but the polite response was to go to the door, ask him of he's ok to wait for X whilst you do Y and then hurry up. I'm amazed he waited frankly.

Janieforever · 03/10/2023 10:07

porridgedilema · 03/10/2023 10:03

Some odd and overly dramatic responses on this thread. So OP was sleep deprived and didn't handle it in the best way but sometimes we don't think straight in those early days when we aren't getting enough sleep. Maybe she felt really anxious about someone coming into the house then. What she did is hardly 'astonishingly rude'. What happened to the valuer is not a big deal, he will go on and live another day and value many a house completely unscathed by the incident. All is not lost! Give her a break (she has a 4 week old baby remember!) as this has become a nasty pile on.

Oh cmon, the baby is four weeks not four days and all she had to do was open the door and let him in. Literally. She’s now pretending she didn’t even know he was outside.

id also have been annoyed if I was on the school run and my husband did this, and then pretended he didn’t know he was there.

DomesticElf · 03/10/2023 10:07

Op, I would have let him in, apologised for the mess, offered him tea/coffee, and let him crack on with the job while I sorted out the baby 🤷‍♀️

MargotBamborough · 03/10/2023 10:08

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 10:06

I’ve never had a house valuation before, so I’ve no idea what is expected. All I knew was that I got a text at 7.50am from DP saying a valuer was between 8am and 9am and the house needed to be sorted.

DP said midday to 1pm yesterday. I’ve not had any communication or anything to do with these appointments.

OK, you still shouldn't have left the valuer standing outside for 45 minutes if you knew he was there, but it is completely unreasonable for your DP to give you 10 minutes' warning and say the house needed to be sorted out.

He should have sorted out the house the night before or arranged a valuation on another day.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/10/2023 10:09

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:53

I was waiting for him to knock. I assumed that as he hadn’t, DP either must have contacted him again or he was doing something else and it wasn’t urgent for him to come in ASAP. As he’d said between 8am and 9am, perhaps he didn’t mind waiting until closer to 9am?

My work involves visiting people’s houses, I wouldn’t just wait like a lemon for 45 minutes. I’d knock and find out what’s going on, failing that I’d be gone to my next appointment after 15 minutes!

Ah, it's his fault for being kind enough to wait! What an arse he is 🙄

Fiddlerdragon · 03/10/2023 10:09

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 09:50

Mumsnet is a different world at times. The op has given birth less than a month ago, it may have been traumatic, may have needed intervention, c section. Still healing, sleepless nights, that general feeling of being out of it and hormonal after having a baby.

But apparently she should have sprang out of bed at 7am to an already show home house ready to meet any appointments her partner had sent to the house. Lunacy.

Show quote history

Oh behave making up a load of things that didn’t happen and things that not a single person has said to support your opinion 😂 the op’s also changing her story to suit herself. First she knew he was there as her partner literally phoned her and said he was there. And then she didn’t even know he was there. Also first they weren’t given any time for the appointment at all, and now she’s repeating that it was definitely meant to be between 12-1pm 🙄

Thewizardbinbag · 03/10/2023 10:09

OP, why wasn’t the house sorted yesterday when you knew this appointment was coming? That’s what’s everyone else would have done.

bohemianmullet · 03/10/2023 10:09

I feel your pain OP. But I wonder if because you are so tired and things feel a bit chaotic at the moment if you were too self-conscious about things like the state of the house. If you and your partner are trying to sell, then it just sounds like a massively bad communication between the two of you. Why was it such a sudden hurry? Why couldn't you arrange the valuation yourself if you wanted more time? But are you even sure it is such a mess that noone could come in? If it had been me I think I would have initially panicked like you maybe, but then maybe I'd have asked the valuer in and given them a coffee whilst I flew around throwing anything particularly embarrassing into cupboards. Or else let them look at the better rooms whilst I pushed things into cupboards quickly in the less good rooms. But if there was someone on the doorstep, I'd have communicated with them directly - either to explain I had a new baby and ask if they'd come back in an hour or whatever or to invite them in and manage best i could somehow.

I think the pair of you should cut yourselves some slack. You're both tired, got a new baby and trying to sell a house. That is a lot. You miscommunicated. That's not the end of the world. I'd try and sort it better for next time and not be too tough on yourselves over this. I doubt it'll make much difference to the valuation and I wouldn't beat yourselves up about it. Have a rest, try and laugh about it with hindsight. Just one of those things.

user1492757084 · 03/10/2023 10:09

But it's her mess and OP is allowed to feel uncomfortable showering or being half dressed with a stranger in the house.
It is poor form for any tradesperson to not give a fairly accurate time of arrival well in advance and be prepared for the time to need to be adjusted (that's why giving 24 hours notice of a probable time is sensible.)

OPs husband should have asked his wife what time would suit and he should have asked the valuer to come back after that.

Otherwise, if he knew he would not be home, he should have asked the valuer to communicate directly with his wife re a suitable time.

OlizraWiteomQua · 03/10/2023 10:10

I think it was clear that you knew the valuer was outside. The valuer knew you were dealing with a baby so obviously didn't knock because if you were trying to calm a fussy baby to sleep, a knock on the door could be a disaster.

It was unreasonable for an appointment this morning to have been made in the first place. It should have been made for a time when DH was at home and you coud be out with baby in a buggy, with any cleaning/tidying needed having been scheduled beforehand with whatever paid help for that as was necessary.

The valuer was not unreasonable. Both you and DH were unreasonable.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/10/2023 10:10

If dh had planned the valuer to come at any time today, why didn't he sort the house yesterday and ask you to be up and ready to greet the valuer any time from 8am?

Seems like he made plans without actually sorting any of the stuff required.

PhantomUnicorn · 03/10/2023 10:12

the only conversation that should have been had is the one between the valuer and your DP that went

valuer - i'll be there between 8 and 9

DP = sorry, that doesn't work for us, we weren't expecting you until the afternoon and we have a newborn in the house. can we rearrange for a more convenient time

NOT for the OP to have been expected to have cleaned/tidied the house in 10 minutes flat.

megletthesecond · 03/10/2023 10:12

I was barely functioning with a 4 week old baby. I wasn't making sensible decisions at all.
It's a cock up but not the end of the world.

TheUsualChaos · 03/10/2023 10:12

Well I think you've both been unreasonable. Your DP was very inconsiderate springing it on you last minute when you thought you had all morning to tidy up. However, in the circumstances I think you need to just let the guy in and say sorry this is much earlier than expected and been up all night with newborn and let him crack on.

Really if you both knew it was going to be today at some point you should have made effort to do most the of the tidying the night before to save all the stress on the day. It can't have been that bad surely? They aren't expecting show home standards.

porridgedilema · 03/10/2023 10:13

@Janieforever you don't know her circumstances. 4 weeks is really early on and some babies are terrible sleepers then. Many women are really struggling with exhaustion at that stage. Just try having a bit of empathy for the mother. It's al been blown out or promotion. It was an awkward situation that wasn't handled brilliantly. But honestly so what? Really it was the husband who made a mess of it by changing it last minute to early morning. Rest assured, the valuer will be ok.

littlebopeepp234 · 03/10/2023 10:13

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 10:06

I’ve never had a house valuation before, so I’ve no idea what is expected. All I knew was that I got a text at 7.50am from DP saying a valuer was between 8am and 9am and the house needed to be sorted.

DP said midday to 1pm yesterday. I’ve not had any communication or anything to do with these appointments.

So?? It’s the same with some delivery companies. I’ve had them give me a 2 hour time slot only for them to deliver a couple of hours earlier than the time slot given! You just open the door and sign for the parcel! You wouldn’t leave them waiting outside until the original time slot to sign for your parcel! The valuer himself might not have booked the time slot! If it was an inappropriate time you could have just opened the door and told him you was told he would be there between midday and 1pm and that 8am is not an appropriate time and asked if he could have come back! You don’t leave someone waiting on your doorstep for 45 minutes!! Maybe the valuer didn’t knock as he’d already told your dp he was outside

followmyflow · 03/10/2023 10:14

you were both being unreasonable....your partner didnt communicate with you properly about that valuation, and in my opinion 8 in the morning is an unreasonable time anyway, should start at 9, especially with a small baby. hes also unreasonable to be furious with you as its clearly just a situation that got out of hand and not you being purposely malicious.

however you are also being unreasonable, i think "the valuer is there and you should let him in" pretty clearly means you should open the door. valuations dont change if you have a bit of clutter on the floor do they? you probably should have just opened the door and then gone back to bed with the baby.

StorminanDcup · 03/10/2023 10:14

He should not have turned up at 8am if he had previously agreed midday / 1pm.

So for that he is wrong so your DP should have just said to him when he called at 7.50 - sorry now is not a good time so we will need to rearrange.

It all sounds very unprofessional and amateur tbh

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/10/2023 10:15

Tbh at 4 weeks post partum me and the baby would have probably gone back to bed for a nap at that time so I'd not even have heard the text.

Original poster
PottyPet · 03/10/2023 10:15

Spoken to DP again.

So yesterday, the valuer phoned and asked what appointment he wanted. He mentioned around 1pm. Then an automated booking system gave us the appointment of 8am. DP only saw the appointment at 7.50am
this morning and because their offices don’t open until 8.30am, there was nothing he could do to change it.

OP posts: