It’s not my fault he didn’t knock?!

[PottyPet]

We’re trying to sell our house and DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time. At 7.50am, I get a string of text messages from DP saying the valuer was coming between 8am - 9am. We have a 4 week old baby who was up all night and I hadn’t even got out of bed yet. The house was in no way tidy, clean or suitable for anyone to value or view! I asked if it was possible that the valuer could rearrange for later, DP said he could not.

I then start running around trying to tidy the house whilst having a screaming crying baby who wants feeding and a nappy change in between. At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

45 minutes later, I’m still running around trying to get things in the house sorted (thankfully baby is fed and changed by this point)! DP comes back from the school run and goes mad saying the valuer has been waiting since 8am and is very angry and annoyed… except he never knocked at the door! He didn’t knock when he arrived at 8am or any of the duration where he was waiting and getting annoyed. Apparently I was supposed to just let him in when I and the house was ready.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and it’s the valuers own fault for not knocking?!

Sorry, I'm with the valuer on this one. They had an appointment made with your husband. They arrived as agreed and contacted your husband who let you know. You said Eeek, I'm not ready...husband relays message n he says he'll wait a bit.
In the valuers position I'd expect to wait 15mins, maybe 20 if you poked your head out half way and yelled Nearly there, just getting dressed.
He could have knocked. ...at 810....or 820 but you still would not have been ready.
Tbh though the fault is with your husband who's arranged something at an unsuitable time with no discussion.
The surveyor is the injured party.

Another person who hasn’t bothered to read the full thread. The husband booked the appointment for 1pm. The estate agent put it in for 8-9am. The husband didn’t bother to look at the email they sent to confirm the time and assumed it was still on for 1pm. The estate agents who can’t book in a client properly sent the agent around for 8am. The husband who can’t read an email properly then involves the op in both their cock up, wants her to sort the house and show the man in (who hasn’t made himself known at any point to the op) despite recovering from major surgery, being sleep deprived and dealing with a newborn.

So of all the people involved, no one is perfect but the husband and the agent are both inconsiderate twits who couldn’t arrange anything sensible or reasonable between them.

But you aren't the OP and you didn't have her surgeon, who she's quite rightly, listening to

Just so you know, the estate agent gives you an estimate of the value. You can tell them that you disagree and you want to put it on at whatever you like. Obviously if you suggest an insane value they might not bother with you as a client, but if you think they have lowballed it because the valuer was annoyed with you, add on 5 %.

I have read the whole thread and still have the same opinion. She’s literally typed that her DP said the agent would wait a while and she was to let him in when ready. The agent was told ‘can you wait a bit and she’ll let you in when she’s ready.’ OP is saying it’s the agent’s fault for not knocking. Why would he knock when he was told she wasn’t ready and would let him in when she was?

Yes, we can wax lyrical about what her partner did wrong and how the agent shouldn’t have offered such an early appointment at short notice, but that’s not what she’s asked.

Why would he knock when he was told she wasn’t ready and would let him in when she was?

Well it seemed more reasonable than buggering off to his car down the road. If I could see someone stood outside my door I probably would have opened it to say come in/sod off. If I couldn’t gather there was someone physically stood outside, didn’t have a number for them and had a baby to attend to, looking out for the agent would be the least of my cares. If he really needed to come in and I hadn’t been opening the door hoping he’d be nearby enough to see me, he would have knocked. But of course if he had any sense at all he’d have realised there had simply been a miscommunication about the time and rearranged the appointment instead of waiting 45 minutes without making any attempt to make his presence known.

The agent definitely showed a lack of initiative and common sense, if I was his boss I’d certainly be questioning what exactly he was doing for 45 minutes and why he hadn’t made any attempt to knock or call the house owner in that time…

I think ball was in your court to tell him when you were ready. You knew he was ready and waiting because he was already there, outside. Was he meant to knock every 5 mins with a “Ready yet?”.

@Gerrataere ok your posts are getting increasingly ridiculous... At some point you have to leave it, instead of twisting yourself into contrived fits of logic to absolve all new mums from any form of fault whatsoever.

Faced with possibly unreasonable circumstances (early last min appointment), she panicked and did something stupid and rude. We've all been there. No need to maliciously twist it into the other person's fault.

It's very typical for EAs and other house-related professions to wait in a car, so take it up with those entire industries I suppose?

Plus, I imagine the EA was also on the fence about physically going up there and knocking (given what he'd been told about her needing time for the baby etc). If he had knocked, no doubt you would have said he was harrassing a poor new mother. You would have said he had already been told she was getting ready, he has no idea how busy a new mother can get, she was possibly undressed... How dare he harangue and pressure her physically, the male bully!!!111

I (as an ordinary guest, am not an EA) would wait in the car too, rather than hanging outside their door like an idiot, if someone told me they needed some time to get ready.

And I have often texted/called rather than knocked – very odd thing for you and others to nitpick about. Who cares as long as the message has gone through? I really don't expect people to be that literal – "you texted that you're outside my door, and I said I'd need a bit of time then would let you in... But then the lack of knock knocks magically invalidated our entire previous conversation"???

Actually if you actually read my posts I’ve said more than once that I think the op should have opened the door. I actually am more inclined to have done what another poster said and told my partner to fuck off the moment he told me to sort the house and open the door, but that’s neither here nor there…

The EA was partially at fault. He was getting second hand information from the home owner who wasn’t even in, had no contact number for the person supposedly in the house and made no attempt in 45 minutes to either knock or contact the actual home owner to find out what the delay was. He was parked down the road as the op has said, so not even in direct view. Nobody is perfect in this situation, but this whole ‘poor agent’ line is nonsense. He didn’t contact the op at all, and she was the one who needed to know if he was immediately outside or not.

Seems you didn’t bother to read the thread yourself.

The husband booked the appointment for 1pm. The estate agent put it in for 8-9am. The husband didn’t bother to look at the email they sent to confirm the time and assumed it was still on for 1pm. The estate agents who can’t book in a client properly sent the agent around for 8am. The husband who can’t read an email properly then involves the op in both their cock up,

PottyPet · Yesterday 10:15
Spoken to DP again.

So yesterday, the valuer phoned and asked what appointment he wanted. He mentioned around 1pm. Then an automated booking system gave us the appointment of 8am. DP only saw the appointment at 7.50am
this morning and because their offices don’t open until 8.30am, there was nothing he could do to change it

Apologies, I missed where the op said she couldn’t do light housework and open the door. ……Oh hang on, she didn’t say that.

Her surgeon told her not to drive. She has not said she was physically unable to do light house work or not open a door, other posters have decided she can’t.

I’m finding more and more people don’t knock or ring the bell, instead text to say they are there. Technically he told you he was there so you should have opened up. You’d NBU if he then wasn’t there.

@Gerrataere "and she was the one who needed to know if he was immediately outside or not."

Well, he had already said he was. I think it's always easier to take what people say at face value. If a guest tells me they're outside my house waiting to be let in, I assume they are, and I don't replace it with my own wishful narrative. Even if he was in a cafe nearby, I wouldn't assume he was OK with waiting for 45mins.

I also agree he could have knocked. But frankly as a guest, I don't tend to want to harass homeowners in/outside their own house like I'm some Jehovah's witness slash door to door salesman.

In his position, given what the DH said, I would be hesitant to physically demand to be let in and find a harried mother mid breastfeeding session or something. He had already let her know he was waiting to be let in, and that she was to let him in when she was ready. You can simultaneously feel it's more decent to give a new mother time than physically intrude on her, but also get annoyed/angry.

The logic goes both ways. Like I said, I can understand his not knocking to an extent, but equally is it not weird to not poke your head out to obviously look up and down the street for someone in a car at some point? It's a bit ostrich in the sand isn't it? Even if you accept that everyone was BU, surely between OP and the EA, the host/person in the house is being far more U here.

Both yabu and should have sorted this out before the baby arrived. Now is not the time for constant tidying up for viewings. Look to sell in a few months instead.

Who comes to anyone's house at 7.50am especially on a weekday when a family could have children and in the middle of dressing and feeding and rushing to schools. I would be massively annoyed with this agency and would put in a complaint about the unprofessionalism.
However, you need to work on your communication skills also OP, either tell dp when he rang you to cancel valuation as it not suitable Time or go straight to the door and tell the man that this wasn't a good time and to please reschedule. Leaving him there for 45 minutes ignoring him is strange

If he's waited that long he must have patience I'd have left as soon as you made it clear you couldn't be bothered to open the door. Valuers are there to check the structure of the home not the tidiness and they really don't care whether you are half asleep, tired or have a screaming baby but wasting their time is pathetic. With a bit of hope they value below it's true value and you'll see the value of being polite and honering an appointment.

OP, I’m sure you can find a valuer with more common sense than the idiot that stood outside your house for 45 minutes! Don’t worry about it and ignore these posters who are desperate to tell you how very unreasonable you were. Sounds like you’ve got more important things to deal with than make up for the shortcomings of these men around you.

I think it's weird he waited 45 mins in his car down the road. I think your partner probably knew he was coming between 8-9am before he said he did. If the office didn't open until 8:30am and the guy had to be up and travel from wherever he lives to you for 8am it was definitely pre-arranged.

OP I know you have probably moved on from this by now but I couldn’t read and not say something.
I’m shocked at the some of the replies here. Yes, I think a lack of communication all round between you and DP but: newborn, lack of sleep, being surprised in your PJs with house a mess - this is my idea of hell. I would be completely jangled. Thankfully you got a couple of replies from some people with empathy. I hope you are okay X

I think your partner should’ve made clear to estate agent that there was a newborn in the house and mornings were off limit!
Anyone arriving at someone’s front door at 8am though is unreasonable…. Most people are rushing around that time getting kids ready for school etc!…
Also if your husband was able to contact him and say you needed time to feed baby or whatever then why couldn’t he just message and say it wasn’t convenient?!

You don’t arrange a valuation first thing in the morning with a new baby in the house!

How was she rude? She didn’t even speak to him. He didn’t knock end off.

So hang on, DPs focus was on having the house ready. At what point where you supposed to feed the baby?! Or is 4 weeks old enough to get itself a bowl of cereal on MN now?!

Valuer is a dick for not knocking....even just a "Spoken to your DP, what time shall I come back?" would have helped. DP is a dick for demanding the house be sorted for the valuing....you have a 4 week old and major surgery recovery, why didnt he do it himself last night instead of waiting for you to do it today? And an even bigger dick for baving a go at you.

You are a dick for not telling your DP to wind his neck, do the fucking cleaning himself and then going back to bed.

Your partner was the one in the wrong ! Knob not consulting you about the timing and if the house was presentable !

I think people are being pretty nasty to someone who's just had a baby. Our brains aren't exactly functioning 100% after going through all that and then having no sleep and a screaming little baby. Yanbu because your partner should have rescheduled. He should have said there was clearly a mistake with the time slot and they needed to come back at 1pm another day as arranged.