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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s not my fault he didn’t knock?!

486 replies

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:31

We’re trying to sell our house and DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time. At 7.50am, I get a string of text messages from DP saying the valuer was coming between 8am - 9am. We have a 4 week old baby who was up all night and I hadn’t even got out of bed yet. The house was in no way tidy, clean or suitable for anyone to value or view! I asked if it was possible that the valuer could rearrange for later, DP said he could not.

I then start running around trying to tidy the house whilst having a screaming crying baby who wants feeding and a nappy change in between. At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

45 minutes later, I’m still running around trying to get things in the house sorted (thankfully baby is fed and changed by this point)! DP comes back from the school run and goes mad saying the valuer has been waiting since 8am and is very angry and annoyed… except he never knocked at the door! He didn’t knock when he arrived at 8am or any of the duration where he was waiting and getting annoyed. Apparently I was supposed to just let him in when I and the house was ready.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and it’s the valuers own fault for not knocking?!

OP posts:
Docke · 03/10/2023 09:56

Are you going to leave viewers waiting for 45 mins?

Your boyfriend was stupid to have the EA visit so early, but you were astonishingly rude.

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 09:56

Janieforever · 03/10/2023 09:53

It was 8am. They knew he was coming. All she had to do was open the door. Are you on a different thread to everyone else?

Show quote history

She didn’t know he was coming at 8am on the dot. I know what I’m reading, it’s just I happen to think the partner messed up. He should have made sure the agent was coming at a more appropriate time or should have tidied first and not left the op feeling like she was in a chaotic moment and didn’t know where to turn first. This is his fuck up and hopefully he’ll be more helpful and on the ball when arranging these visits in coming weeks.

Janieforever · 03/10/2023 09:56

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:54

@Janieforever When it was booked yesterday, DP said, ‘is it okay if a valuer comes tomorrow around midday - 1pm’. The first time 8am was mentioned was at 7.50am this morning.

Then why didn’t he say I’m sorry it’s booked for 12-1? It’s clear it wasn’t booked for 12-1 or he’d not have fronted up at 8 with no warning

HippeePrincess · 03/10/2023 09:56

Your dp was massively unreasonable arranging for stupid o’clock in the morning when you have a newborn and doubly so for leaving you to make the house presentable.
You were unreasonable to have left the surveyor outside, I’d have opened the door and said it wasn’t convenient. Stop being such a survey doormat where your partner is concerned.

Sensoria · 03/10/2023 09:56

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:53

I was waiting for him to knock. I assumed that as he hadn’t, DP either must have contacted him again or he was doing something else and it wasn’t urgent for him to come in ASAP. As he’d said between 8am and 9am, perhaps he didn’t mind waiting until closer to 9am?

My work involves visiting people’s houses, I wouldn’t just wait like a lemon for 45 minutes. I’d knock and find out what’s going on, failing that I’d be gone to my next appointment after 15 minutes!

You were told he’s there…

Janieforever · 03/10/2023 09:56

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 09:56

She didn’t know he was coming at 8am on the dot. I know what I’m reading, it’s just I happen to think the partner messed up. He should have made sure the agent was coming at a more appropriate time or should have tidied first and not left the op feeling like she was in a chaotic moment and didn’t know where to turn first. This is his fuck up and hopefully he’ll be more helpful and on the ball when arranging these visits in coming weeks.

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Seems like you’re a lone voice there, 😂

Lampzade · 03/10/2023 09:57

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 09:50

Mumsnet is a different world at times. The op has given birth less than a month ago, it may have been traumatic, may have needed intervention, c section. Still healing, sleepless nights, that general feeling of being out of it and hormonal after having a baby.

But apparently she should have sprang out of bed at 7am to an already show home house ready to meet any appointments her partner had sent to the house. Lunacy.

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The issue I have with the Op is that she has focused on the fact that valuer didn’t knock which she is using as an excuse for keeping him waiting for forty five minutes .

twostraws · 03/10/2023 09:57

YABU, but your partner set you up to fail.

The only person who doesn't come out of this badly is the poor valuer, who was left to wait on the doorstep for what he probably thought would only be 5 minutes and turned into 45.

Topseyt123 · 03/10/2023 09:57

porridgedilema · 03/10/2023 09:47

Some of these posts are unnecessarily harsh. The OP has a 4 week old baby, hadn't slept and got a text on the morning while still in bed. None of you remember the chaos and exhaustion of the early days? Your husband was inconsiderate and arranged it for a really silly time, he should have got the house ready for it. I would have asked the valuer to come back another time as it wasn't convenient.

I remember it very clearly. But literally all she had to do was open the door to let him in and then leave him to get on with the job!

Valuations are not dependent on a pristine house, and she didn't have to run around hosting.

Babadook76 · 03/10/2023 09:58

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 09:44

The partner was dealing with appointment! He should have said ‘sorry 8am isn’t workable for us’, as it evidently wasn’t. Yes the house should have been presentable the day before, so why hadn’t the partner (who was so determined to have the agent around asap) done it?

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Yes her partner was dealing with the appointment. The appointment was made, the man let him know he was on his way, unfortunately her partner had nipped out at the time but he was clearly happy for him to value the house as it was as he was telling the op to let him in. All she had to do was open the bloody door. The ops made a mountain out of a molehill. I’d be furious if I was her partner who had arranged the valuation and the op refused to open the door because she wanted to feed her baby and do a bit of last minute housework. She wasted everyone’s time. I’d be embarrassed as fuck for the agent left on the doorstep that long. Hopefully the op does everyone a favour and arranges everything herself from now on as obviously everyone else is apparently getting it wrong!

DappledThings · 03/10/2023 09:59

It didn't matter that the house wasn't "ready". You just needed to let the guy in and chat to him a bit. And confirm you'll be tidying and decluttering before the photos are taken. The valuation is going to be affected by you feeding a baby.

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 09:59

Janieforever · 03/10/2023 09:56

Seems like you’re a lone voice there, 😂

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Probably but there we go. I feel for the op, yes she should have acknowledged the agent at least but since everyone else is focusing on the then I’ll point out her being rude is the least of the issue here. The agent will get over it I’m sure.

user1492757084 · 03/10/2023 09:59

No one has to let any person into their home with short notice at any time.

It is the prerogative of the home owner.

If I were OP I would want after 10:00 am and I would want some one else there.

MrsMorseEndeavour · 03/10/2023 09:59

YABU. You knew he was coming today. You didn't need to wait until he was actually outside before you started making the house presentable. I had a gas engineer out today. No specific time but knowing it could be from 8am I tidied up yesterday. Wouldn't dream of leaving someone stood outside while I'm feeding and dressing a baby!!

RandomButtons · 03/10/2023 10:00

Valuer is there to value the house, not photograph it for sale. Mess doesn’t matter.

Thewizardbinbag · 03/10/2023 10:01

He didn’t need to knock. He called the person he had arranged it with to let them know he was there; he wasn’t to know who was in the house and who wasn’t at that point. Your partner then told him no problem, I’ll let her know to let you in. So he waited.

What were you playing at? Just grow up.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/10/2023 10:01

Why didn't DH make sure the living room at least was reasonable before he left? If this was pending, why didn't he / you tidy up last night?

He's odd for not knocking.

You were bloody rude to leave him on the doorstep for so long once you knew he was there. You could have let him into the living room and disappeared with the baby to change his nappy. If you didn't want to breastfeed in front of him, him at least waiting in the living room whilst you went upstairs would be less rude.

DH is unreasonable to be verbally aggressive with you he didn't do anything to help the situation.

Cecilisacaterpillar · 03/10/2023 10:02

Who originally said 1pm OP? If it was the valuer then he was at fault for turning up 5 hours early and your DP should have told him to come back at 1. Or did DP just pluck a time from thin air when the valuer had said it could be anytime? Either way this is down to poor communication between DP and the valuer and certainly not something DP should be 'going mad' at you for. I hope you pointed out that you were told 1pm and not responsible for the valuer turning up 5 hours early, and that DP should have told him he needed to come back at the agreed time?

EyesOnThePies · 03/10/2023 10:02

It was just an omnishambles of bad communication all round.

Your DH should not have arranged an 8am visit without warning, and should have been explicit. The valuer should / could have knocked. You should / could have assumed that ‘he is there’ meant on your doorstep, and your msg to your DH ‘could be come back later’ implied that you knew he was on your doorstep.

Bad management all round.

De-escalate the bad feeling.

Valuations don’t require tidying. Professionals are assessing a property, not auditioning you for a house cleaning programme.

Danielle9891 · 03/10/2023 10:03

You knew the guy was outside and you let him wait 45 minutes. That's out of order. Why didn't you clean the house the night before? Could you not have just let him in then tended to the baby? You don't have to stand over him while he's looking at the house.
But still your husband should have known you were in bed as he was just dropping the kids off at school. He should have said you've got plans and could you keep the 12-1 appointment.

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 10:03

Babadook76 · 03/10/2023 09:58

Yes her partner was dealing with the appointment. The appointment was made, the man let him know he was on his way, unfortunately her partner had nipped out at the time but he was clearly happy for him to value the house as it was as he was telling the op to let him in. All she had to do was open the bloody door. The ops made a mountain out of a molehill. I’d be furious if I was her partner who had arranged the valuation and the op refused to open the door because she wanted to feed her baby and do a bit of last minute housework. She wasted everyone’s time. I’d be embarrassed as fuck for the agent left on the doorstep that long. Hopefully the op does everyone a favour and arranges everything herself from now on as obviously everyone else is apparently getting it wrong!

Show quote history

Her partner should have made the appointment for a time he could have dealt with it. If I make appointments with people then I don’t delegate them to other people, especially not to my partner who’s just given birth a month ago, first thing in the morning.

And sod the whole ‘poor men can’t do anything right, do it yourself in future’, he didn’t do it right so should be more thoughtful and plan better next time if he’s so determined to sell the house.

Pinkdelight3 · 03/10/2023 10:03

The knock is irrelevant. It's very likely he was being understanding, not knocking because he knew about the baby and didn't want to disturb. But you knew he was there because DP told you and in your own words:

He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

So the valuer is waiting and you're to let him in - when you're ready, not when he's ready. He was ready and waiting. The unknown factor was you, that's what he was waiting on, so there was no point at which it was safe for him to knock. if he'd knocked when you were running around stressing, you wouldn't have been happy. The onus was clearly on you to open the door. Though tbh, all this flap tidying up for a valuer is daft anyway, they're not valuing the tidiness and can see through to the bones of what's actually being valued. Inconvenient though it was, you could've let him in to start with and not wasted everyone's time.

porridgedilema · 03/10/2023 10:03

Some odd and overly dramatic responses on this thread. So OP was sleep deprived and didn't handle it in the best way but sometimes we don't think straight in those early days when we aren't getting enough sleep. Maybe she felt really anxious about someone coming into the house then. What she did is hardly 'astonishingly rude'. What happened to the valuer is not a big deal, he will go on and live another day and value many a house completely unscathed by the incident. All is not lost! Give her a break (she has a 4 week old baby remember!) as this has become a nasty pile on.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 03/10/2023 10:04

It would have been better to open the door and ask the guy to stick to the time originally arranged as it wasn't convenient whatever your DP had said. They guy was probably trying to do it on his way into the office, i.e. for his convenience.

Thewizardbinbag · 03/10/2023 10:05

user1492757084 · 03/10/2023 09:59

No one has to let any person into their home with short notice at any time.

It is the prerogative of the home owner.

If I were OP I would want after 10:00 am and I would want some one else there.

I wondered how long it would take before the mumsnet nonsense of, “I can’t possible have a professional in the house when I’m alone; I must have someone with me.”

Honestly, how do some people function. Won’t open their doors, won’t be alone in a house with a professional. Really… grow up.

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