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AIBU?

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Original poster

It’s not my fault he didn’t knock?!

486 replies

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:31

We’re trying to sell our house and DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time. At 7.50am, I get a string of text messages from DP saying the valuer was coming between 8am - 9am. We have a 4 week old baby who was up all night and I hadn’t even got out of bed yet. The house was in no way tidy, clean or suitable for anyone to value or view! I asked if it was possible that the valuer could rearrange for later, DP said he could not.

I then start running around trying to tidy the house whilst having a screaming crying baby who wants feeding and a nappy change in between. At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

45 minutes later, I’m still running around trying to get things in the house sorted (thankfully baby is fed and changed by this point)! DP comes back from the school run and goes mad saying the valuer has been waiting since 8am and is very angry and annoyed… except he never knocked at the door! He didn’t knock when he arrived at 8am or any of the duration where he was waiting and getting annoyed. Apparently I was supposed to just let him in when I and the house was ready.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and it’s the valuers own fault for not knocking?!

OP posts:
whattodo22222 · 04/10/2023 07:58

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 09:35

Honestly I think the valuer and you should be angry with your partner. He arranged it for an inappropriate time, early morning with a newborn is an insane time to expect a perfect house and letting someone look around! If it was that urgent your partner should have been there to help and deal with the agent. He’s completely left you in the lurch and tried to shame you about his fuck up. I’d be telling him as much, but if it was me I’d have said ‘it’s not happening this morning’ to start with. There are other estate agents.

Just this. I'm annoyed for you. My partner also thought life would carry on as if we didn't have a newborn

Mumof2teens79 · 04/10/2023 08:02

He's valuing the house, not your housekeeping skills. It doesn't need to be tidy unless he was also going to take sales pics.

45 mins waiting is outrageous. You should have just got dressed and let him in while you sorted the baby.
He didn't knock because it was 8am and he text your OH who told him you would let him in.

partypant · 04/10/2023 08:04

concertgoer · 04/10/2023 07:45

@PottyPet

I DO NOT think you are being unreasonable!

Don’t open the door to no one there.

if he didn’t knock, that’s his problem. If your partner didn’t read the email/text, that’s his problem. I’d be taking fault with the estate agent office booking a midday apply for 8am!
…. I’d also use someone else to sell my house if they can’t work to agreements.

what if you hadn’t got a new born, but we’re actually out at work? (Or on the school run and your partner was at work) with plans to return late morning for a midday appointment?

failure to keep to a verbally agreed appointment is unreasonable (unacceptable), even if it’s been changed and confirmed in writing. We get billions of emails, I wouldn’t necessarily read them all when I’d agreed something else.

failure to knock on a door and complain about waiting is unacceptable!!

I don’t think you’ve done any wrong!

He didn't knock presumably because he was communicating with her DP. Her DP told her the guy was there and waiting. Why would he knock if he knew the householder knew he was there? The DP then went back to him and said the OP was going to be a few mins late and could he wait. So again the guy knew the OP was aware he was there. So again, why would he knock?

Once you know the person in the house knows you are there, constantly knocking would be rude.

The main idiot here is DP. But knowing her DP had made a dumb choice she should have mitigated by not expecting someone to wait nearly an hour. That's a dick move. Sort baby. Let him in. Apologise for making him wait. Make him a coffee whilst you tidy a bit. That's what a normal person would do

Saraneth52 · 04/10/2023 08:09

I mean, i see both sides. I think hubby was unreasonable thinking that you would be cleaning the house while taking care of the baby and so trying to host someone right as you open your eyes. I appreciate he as doing school run but was he at any point thinking cleaning was his responsibility too if he was inviting someone to potentially come to the house at 8am when he was not going to be home. Definitely not the valuers fault whatsoever, I'd be annoyed you left me outside an hour too when i was literally just doing my job. It's not his job to accommodate you. I do think it's weird he didn't knock or ring the bell though but that's the smallest issue here lol

jamjar3 · 04/10/2023 08:17

Well who else is going to do the school run looks like she was too busy laying in with a newborn while her DP done the school run.

She knew valuers were coming so make sure house is clean previous day not the morning of.

She knew valuer was outside but yet ignored him. I'm sure the full house wasn't a mess she could have let him in and told him areas to go check on first and while doing that she can feed and change which doesn't take long and a quick tidy up in the areas needed.

Shes an arsehole and even she knows it that's why she's here asking.

Gerrataere · 04/10/2023 08:25

jamjar3 · 04/10/2023 08:17

Well who else is going to do the school run looks like she was too busy laying in with a newborn while her DP done the school run.

She knew valuers were coming so make sure house is clean previous day not the morning of.

She knew valuer was outside but yet ignored him. I'm sure the full house wasn't a mess she could have let him in and told him areas to go check on first and while doing that she can feed and change which doesn't take long and a quick tidy up in the areas needed.

Shes an arsehole and even she knows it that's why she's here asking.

Well she was in bed after a sleepless night with a newborn and unable to do the school run due to still recovering from a c-section.

She had 10 minutes warning the valuer was on the way when the previous day she was told he was coming at 1pm. Her partner could have clean and tidied his own house the previous day as he’d made the appointment but failed to double check the times to avoid further strain on his recovering partner.

She knew valuer was arriving between 8-9am but he hadn’t made himself known and was sat in his car. Her partner had told her to ‘sort the house’ before he came in, which she was trying to do whilst also getting herself somewhat presentable and dealing with a hungry newborn (to which most mothers means a priority).

Her partner is an asshole for not being more organised or not cancelling when he realised the valuer was coming several hours earlier than he supposedly booked, and it’s a good thing she posted here so we can point this out.

There, fixed it for you.

LookItsMeAgain · 04/10/2023 08:30

I've only read the first 100 posts and I will go back and read the rest once I post this
@PottyPet - amongst all of the running around you were doing, were you not able to go to your front door, open it, see if the valuer was still there and apologise but that this time didn't suit, you were expecting an appointment around noon or 1pm and could the appointment be rescheduled please due to you having a very young baby but you would be ready for their visit at 1pm?

I can't understand why you didn't do that when you KNEW that he was there due to what your DP was telling you.

LookItsMeAgain · 04/10/2023 08:41

HotApplePiePunch · 03/10/2023 15:37

I think your DP arrangements weren't great.

However I'd have got dressed and and open door to see if anyone was there - I'd also have text back prior to DP either rearrange or take house as is as no time to tidy.

I wouldn't have expected someone to wait 45 minutes as I'd have assumed they'd have fucked off by then.

I have carried on reading and I got to this post.

I would have opened the door, noticed he wasn't there and texted DP back saying "There's no one waiting at the door. I've just checked. Can you arrange a different appointment please?" and be done with it.

It's the pair of you trying to sell this property so your contact details should be provided too. You could have a similar situation if you were out with the little one in the buggy/pram and the valuer shows up. Your details need to be provided to the estate agent.

concertgoer · 04/10/2023 08:44

There’s a VERY distinct difference between knocking continuously and not bothering knocking at all because you’re sat in the car down the road! 😂

spitefulandbadgrammar · 04/10/2023 08:50

jamjar3 · 04/10/2023 08:17

Well who else is going to do the school run looks like she was too busy laying in with a newborn while her DP done the school run.

She knew valuers were coming so make sure house is clean previous day not the morning of.

She knew valuer was outside but yet ignored him. I'm sure the full house wasn't a mess she could have let him in and told him areas to go check on first and while doing that she can feed and change which doesn't take long and a quick tidy up in the areas needed.

Shes an arsehole and even she knows it that's why she's here asking.

You’re supposed to lie in with a newborn and a C-section! Yes, many women don’t get that opportunity because of the way our society is set up, but let’s not act as though major surgery and newborn babies are a holiday in the Maldives. And while OP hasn’t to my knowledge specified, it seems likely the school run is for her partner’s children, not hers, so no reason why she should be doing it.

You have no idea how long feeding her baby takes. Mine would have happily settled in for hours at that age.

I’m quite clear on who the arsehole is here. ^^

MrsMorseEndeavour · 04/10/2023 09:14

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 13:13

Come on totally not the point that someone said ‘the asshole’ Reddit style rather than the equally annoying DP/DC/YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVU acronyms of Mumsnet. It’s easily deciphered.

Show quote history

@Gerrataere It isn't if you don't go on reddit, been on mn for a decade so used to the actual abbreviations and don't actually use asshole in any sentence ever 🤷🏻‍♀️

Gerrataere · 04/10/2023 09:22

MrsMorseEndeavour · 04/10/2023 09:14

@Gerrataere It isn't if you don't go on reddit, been on mn for a decade so used to the actual abbreviations and don't actually use asshole in any sentence ever 🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

don't actually use asshole in any sentence ever

Somehow I don’t quite believe you on that one, but abbreviations and mocking people on them is really not the point of the thread so let’s just move on?

Battytriker · 04/10/2023 10:08

porridgedilema · 03/10/2023 09:47

Some of these posts are unnecessarily harsh. The OP has a 4 week old baby, hadn't slept and got a text on the morning while still in bed. None of you remember the chaos and exhaustion of the early days? Your husband was inconsiderate and arranged it for a really silly time, he should have got the house ready for it. I would have asked the valuer to come back another time as it wasn't convenient.

Exactly this!

Bluela18 · 04/10/2023 10:16

I don't think you are being unreasonable here. As a new mum with 4 week old baby up all night, it's difficult anyway. For the house not to be ready and you running around whilst trying to look after a small baby sounds stressful. Your partner should have arranged a more suitable time, wouldn't do any harm for him to come by a bit later when you , baby and house were ready!!

partypant · 04/10/2023 12:27

@Gerrataere I agree with much of what you have said except this..

She knew valuer was arriving between 8-9am but he hadn’t made himself known and was sat in his car.

She did know the valuer was there because her DP told her he was there. The guy probably didn't knock because he HAD made it known he was there via the DP and the DP told the OP.
The valuer knew tge OP knew because the DP got back to him and told him she would be a few minutes and to please wait.

He would have been an arse to keep knocking when he knew the person in the house knew he was waiting outside.

partypant · 04/10/2023 12:30

@Gerrataere @MrsMorseEndeavour I use asshole all the time. Not as in an attack 'you're an asshole'. More like 'I would feel like a bit of an asshole if I did that...'

Katypp · 04/10/2023 13:00

jamjar3 · 04/10/2023 08:17

Well who else is going to do the school run looks like she was too busy laying in with a newborn while her DP done the school run.

She knew valuers were coming so make sure house is clean previous day not the morning of.

She knew valuer was outside but yet ignored him. I'm sure the full house wasn't a mess she could have let him in and told him areas to go check on first and while doing that she can feed and change which doesn't take long and a quick tidy up in the areas needed.

Shes an arsehole and even she knows it that's why she's here asking.

You crossed a MN line there @jamjar3 .
New mothers are NEVER to blame for anything, regardless of how ridiculous they are behaving.
They inhabit a very special uper plain and have a free pass on any unreasonable behavior for the first six months at least.

londonrach · 04/10/2023 13:06

Yabu. You knew he was outside. He being kind not wanting to wake up baby. You were rude

wayyour · 04/10/2023 13:24

I've lost your earlier post to quote, OP, but I think part of the problem is that you said there that your DP was insisting it had to be done now and wouldn't allow you to ask the valuer to come back at a more convenient time.

In your position I'd have thrown some clothes on and gone out to speak to the valuer to ask him to come back at a more convenient time as you'd only received 10 minutes notice of the appointment. I know your DP said not to do this, but really!

Gerrataere · 04/10/2023 13:49

londonrach · 04/10/2023 13:06

Yabu. You knew he was outside. He being kind not wanting to wake up baby. You were rude

If he was ‘being kind’ he would have used his brain to realise there had been a cock up with the time and should have come back later. He should have offered to rearrange and have a better chance of earning a commission rather than wasting his own time waiting around when he knew the op had a newborn and was running around the house like a mad thing trying to get it together for him and dealing with a baby whilst he didn’t even make himself known. I mean an ounce of common sense between the partner and the EA rather than thinking ‘this needs doing right this moment’ would have avoided the whole ridiculous situation.

Ladyvgc · 04/10/2023 16:43

I find it absolutely baffling that he wouldn't knock? Did he have religious grounds for it being able interact with you as a woman maybe? Maybe he can only deal with the head of the house and you were to leave the door open and not communicate with him at all?!

partypant · 04/10/2023 16:47

Ladyvgc · 04/10/2023 16:43

I find it absolutely baffling that he wouldn't knock? Did he have religious grounds for it being able interact with you as a woman maybe? Maybe he can only deal with the head of the house and you were to leave the door open and not communicate with him at all?!

Why would he knock. He and DP were communicating and he knew DP notified the OP. Knocking would be superfluous and could seem haranguing.

Ladyvgc · 04/10/2023 16:50

Because he wasn't home?? Sorry but if I was visiting someone's house and was communicating with someone not there, and felt it was taking a long time, I'd go knock on the door and just see how much longer to wait - ask the person whose actually going to see me!

SqueakyRadish · 04/10/2023 18:16

Ok I'm a seasoned avoider-of-people and have done some pretty extreme things in the past. I also hate things being sprung on me unexpectedly, but this is beyond even me!

Your DP told you he was there, and you said you needed a few minutes.
Forty five is NOT a few!

I honestly cannot believe that you didn't either tell DO to let the guy know that it wasn't convenient, or just open the bloody door and say "really sorry, but now isn't a good time, can we rearrange?"

No judgement here about the state of the house or whether or not you should have been up and dressed already... I know what it's like with a newborn.
But it's no excuse for poor manners.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 04/10/2023 18:50

But you knew he was outside at 8! You should have just let him in, he’s not there to judge mess, he wants to see size and layout. You left him outside for 45 mins? That’s ridiculous!