It’s not my fault he didn’t knock?!

[PottyPet]

We’re trying to sell our house and DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time. At 7.50am, I get a string of text messages from DP saying the valuer was coming between 8am - 9am. We have a 4 week old baby who was up all night and I hadn’t even got out of bed yet. The house was in no way tidy, clean or suitable for anyone to value or view! I asked if it was possible that the valuer could rearrange for later, DP said he could not.

I then start running around trying to tidy the house whilst having a screaming crying baby who wants feeding and a nappy change in between. At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

45 minutes later, I’m still running around trying to get things in the house sorted (thankfully baby is fed and changed by this point)! DP comes back from the school run and goes mad saying the valuer has been waiting since 8am and is very angry and annoyed… except he never knocked at the door! He didn’t knock when he arrived at 8am or any of the duration where he was waiting and getting annoyed. Apparently I was supposed to just let him in when I and the house was ready.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and it’s the valuers own fault for not knocking?!

I think YABU…… you knew the valuer was coming that day the night before. Surely it would have been common sense to have a power tidy then?
your partner told you the value re was outside, why would he need to knock?

also, as mentioned he wasn’t there to take photos, just a valuation. The house didn’t need to be spick and span, 45 mins seems extreme?

Your DP should have told them that this wasn't a convenient time to call, or at least checked with you first. Another day should have been arranged if the valuer couldn't manage that.

It's really inconsiderate behaviour on his part.

While I think it's rude to leave someone waiting, and you could have opened the door door to say "now isn't a good time, I only found out about the appointment 10 minutes ago" etc, he's a total doughnut for not knocking on the door even once (!!) and waiting 45 minutes.

I don't get this at all. Why were the messages going through the husband ?

When you are told he was there why couldn't you have opened the door and said, "sorry I could you come back in half an hour, I wasn't expecting you so early? "

Also what happened to the days when someone would knock on a door and then the person just answering it. Why are people texting now instead of knocking? the whole thing is bizarre

definitely get a new valuation now.

Valuers often wait in their car. I think it comes from the fact they're often meeting people at empty houses, so they wait in their car until the person is very obviously there. So the valuer didn't act oddly.
Your DP was an arse though. He's the one who didn't check the portal. And he's the one who put himself in the middle of the communication instead of letting you speak to the valuer. And he's the one who told you to tidy the house - with 10 minutes and a screaming baby. Is he usually a bit of a selfish idiot or is that out of character?

He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

That sounds to me that the valuer will wait until Op opens the door when she's ready.

So a just sling some clothes on/have a wee wait-not for a house tidy!

Why did it have to be done that morning though?

Their system messed up!

They should just have been told that it wasn't happening.

If they want the business they'll be OK with that.

Grow up. Do you want to sell your house or not? I'd have been furious if I was the valuer.

This is what I wondered too. If it was meant to be at 1 pm, then the morning would have just been a quick tidy ?

Why were the messages going through the husband ?

Because it’s his house, he will be the vendor and the client of any estate agent. He didn’t arrange the visit adequately so was scrambling for the op to sort it for him. If it was the op’s house the messages would have been sent to her.

Don't know where the OP lives but I've never heard of an estate agent wanting to do a valuation at 8am or indeed making an appointment for early in the day. They don't usually open till 9am.

I don’t know why you’re trying to sell a house with a 4 week old. Can’t it wait til the New Year?

I'm actually more surprised that the 8am slots aren't snapped up by people who work during normal office hours.

Perhaps less of an issue now we live in the WFH era.

Ok, so I do think YABU for not letting him in when you were told he was outside, I won't embellish further as you've had more than enough comments about this!

However, I think your DP is most at fault here. When he found out at 07:50am about the appointment being brought forward, he should have called the company to say "sorry, it was arranged for noon - 1pm, now doesn't work for us". He knew you'd just had major abdominal surgery only 4 weeks before, so not having your back with this and TELLING YOU to sort the house was completely unreasonable of him.

When he arranged it the previous day, HE should have sorted the house, as again, you're recovering from major abdominal surgery. Some people really don't get that c-sections are major abdominal surgery, they just see it as another form of child birth and don't even think about the impact it has on women's bodies. Over exerting yourself after any surgery can really impact on your recovery, so you should be taking it easy, not running around like a headless chicken tidying a messy house that really your DP should have done the previous day.

I'd be annoyed at your DP for putting this on you. Is it really so necessary to have the house valued now? Can you not wait a month? I just think your DP isn't considering your needs and well-being right now, and I'd be really fucked off about that, if I was you.

This is all on your DP. He owes you an apology.

People keep saying this but did OP say it or is it made up?

Of course having flexibility is a useful approach, but DP should never have agreed to such an early visit on OPs behalf.

It's not your fault, your DH shouldn't have arranged it so early and at no notice. You did try and tell him - and the valuer should have been more accommodating. He sounds very pushy. I'd forget him and arrange a different company to value at a convenient time. Definitely not early morning!

Or…crazy thought…how about they not arrange to put their house on the market when they’ve just had a baby? Is anyone buying anyway?

OP says she has never bought or sold a house before, and they are not married.

So this house belongs to her partner.

One of my DDs had an emergency CS last year and was told not to drive for “ at least 6 weeks”
My DSD was told the same thing the previous year.

She says “our house” in the first line of the OP, and only that she’s never had a house valued before, not that she’s not bought one.

Page 8 - NHS recommendation for no driving until 6 weeks post C section: https://www.enherts-tr.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/M-After-Your-C-Section-c-section_infoleaflet2014-1.pdf

Just to stop that part being a debate, because it isn’t one.

"At least now I know the house doesn’t need to be pristine for valuations. As I said, I’ve never sold a house, bought a house or had valuations before. DP told me to sort the house out, so I was doing it in line with how I’ve done it in the past for viewings."

The reality is you could have just let him in. The house doesn't need to be tidy for a valuation.