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Original poster

It’s not my fault he didn’t knock?!

486 replies

PottyPet · 03/10/2023 09:31

We’re trying to sell our house and DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time. At 7.50am, I get a string of text messages from DP saying the valuer was coming between 8am - 9am. We have a 4 week old baby who was up all night and I hadn’t even got out of bed yet. The house was in no way tidy, clean or suitable for anyone to value or view! I asked if it was possible that the valuer could rearrange for later, DP said he could not.

I then start running around trying to tidy the house whilst having a screaming crying baby who wants feeding and a nappy change in between. At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

45 minutes later, I’m still running around trying to get things in the house sorted (thankfully baby is fed and changed by this point)! DP comes back from the school run and goes mad saying the valuer has been waiting since 8am and is very angry and annoyed… except he never knocked at the door! He didn’t knock when he arrived at 8am or any of the duration where he was waiting and getting annoyed. Apparently I was supposed to just let him in when I and the house was ready.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and it’s the valuers own fault for not knocking?!

OP posts:
chalkup · 03/10/2023 14:34

MargotBamborough · 03/10/2023 14:20

OP says she has never bought or sold a house before, and they are not married.

So this house belongs to her partner.

Show quote history

Could be inherited or etc but regardless, EAs are happy to deal with anyone! Perfectly fine to pass on the phone number of whoever will be at the appt.

lydbyd · 03/10/2023 14:35

The way these threads turn is wild. How has this turned into how capable women are after a c section. 'Well i healed fast and drove sooner' ok and some dont? Some people heal fast, some dont. Some feel like shit. Some dont. Everyone has a different experience.

Husbands a div for thinking the house needed to be tidy. There was a miscommunication regarding the knock and who should tell who what. Its not a once in a lifetime opportunity and can be done again. Bit inconvenient but not a massive deal.

Cherry2010 · 03/10/2023 14:36

45 minutes!

MargotBamborough · 03/10/2023 14:41

chalkup · 03/10/2023 14:34

Could be inherited or etc but regardless, EAs are happy to deal with anyone! Perfectly fine to pass on the phone number of whoever will be at the appt.

Show quote history

I think the point being made is that if it's the partner's house, getting it ready for the valuation and letting the valuer in is his job. As things stand, if they were to split up she would not own any part of this house.

chalkup · 03/10/2023 14:48

MargotBamborough · 03/10/2023 14:41

I think the point being made is that if it's the partner's house, getting it ready for the valuation and letting the valuer in is his job. As things stand, if they were to split up she would not own any part of this house.

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Becoming a big reach I think. He could've put her name on the deeds, be planning on buying a new house with her based on profits from this sale, and so on.

Gillypie23 · 03/10/2023 14:53

You knew he was there. You didn't let him in. They aren't buying your house!

IveHadItUpToHere · 03/10/2023 14:53

Regardless of who owns the house, her DP should have been the one tidying it up anyway. She's had a CS and has a tiny baby.
He caused this entire situation and should be apologising to her.

MargotBamborough · 03/10/2023 14:58

chalkup · 03/10/2023 14:48

Becoming a big reach I think. He could've put her name on the deeds, be planning on buying a new house with her based on profits from this sale, and so on.

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He could have done.

But even if he hasn't, it's still his job to prepare the house for valuation because the OP has recently given birth and he hasn't.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 03/10/2023 15:00

MargotBamborough · 03/10/2023 14:33

"At least now I know the house doesn’t need to be pristine for valuations. As I said, I’ve never sold a house, bought a house or had valuations before. DP told me to sort the house out, so I was doing it in line with how I’ve done it in the past for viewings."

Show quote history

Ah, thank you – missed that part!

saffronsoup · 03/10/2023 15:02

I would say that it is now 100% on you to reschedule the valuation. given you sabotaged DH's effort out of your annoyance that he came at a different time than originally planned.

I am pretty appalled at your reaction to ignore someone outside your house indefinitely but like all jobs it gave the valuator a good story to tell about the sh*t he deals with at work!

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 15:07

saffronsoup · 03/10/2023 15:02

I would say that it is now 100% on you to reschedule the valuation. given you sabotaged DH's effort out of your annoyance that he came at a different time than originally planned.

I am pretty appalled at your reaction to ignore someone outside your house indefinitely but like all jobs it gave the valuator a good story to tell about the sh*t he deals with at work!

It’s amazing how some people on here can take given information and run a completely new narrative from it. It’s not for the op to sort and sell her partners house, especially when recovering from a c section and given 10 minutes notice. I’m pretty appalled the partner and EA couldn’t have sorted themselves and communicated better rather than wait on the op to deal with either of their requests considering her own situation. I guess it will be a story of ‘useless men’ she’ll be telling for years…

IveHadItUpToHere · 03/10/2023 15:07

saffronsoup · 03/10/2023 15:02

I would say that it is now 100% on you to reschedule the valuation. given you sabotaged DH's effort out of your annoyance that he came at a different time than originally planned.

I am pretty appalled at your reaction to ignore someone outside your house indefinitely but like all jobs it gave the valuator a good story to tell about the sh*t he deals with at work!

If she'd been 'allowed' to reschedule or talk to the valuer in the first place, it wouldn't have happened. This is on her DH. His only 'effort' was to forget to check the portal, then tell someone recovering from a CS with a screaming baby that they had 10 minutes to get up and tidy the house. Not a lot of effort there. Unless the 'effort' was going in to make OP feel stressed - in which case 10/10 to him - that was the only job he accomplished.

Skodacool · 03/10/2023 15:08

Gerrataere · 03/10/2023 09:35

Honestly I think the valuer and you should be angry with your partner. He arranged it for an inappropriate time, early morning with a newborn is an insane time to expect a perfect house and letting someone look around! If it was that urgent your partner should have been there to help and deal with the agent. He’s completely left you in the lurch and tried to shame you about his fuck up. I’d be telling him as much, but if it was me I’d have said ‘it’s not happening this morning’ to start with. There are other estate agents.

Agreed. The husband was being massively unreasonable in organising the valuation at such a ridiculous time. He should try doing what he was expecting OP to do. He had no business getting angry with her. As for it being rude to the valuer, that’s nonsense, the vendors are paying him, he should visit at their convenience, not his.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 03/10/2023 15:09

Cherry2010 · 03/10/2023 14:36

45 minutes!

Right? Imagine leaving your house in such a state for your appointment and expecting your postpartum partner to sort it out!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 03/10/2023 15:10

1month · 03/10/2023 12:01

I was just told he was there and to let him in - but DP had also said to him I needed some time to sort myself, the house and the baby.

YABVU and I expect intentionally didn’t let him in to be passive aggressive towards him/DH because you were annoyed that it was so early.

Your DH told you he was outside.
You then said you weren’t ready, so DH would have relayed this and the man give you time to get ready.

The valuer had no idea how long you’d be and so why would he think about knocking every 5 minutes to see if you were ready yet - that would have been rude considering that DH had already told him you weren’t ready.

You know that it was on you to let him know that you were ready, as that’s what he was waiting on.

If you didn’t know where he was then you could have texted DH to let him know to pass it on.

You were 100% in the wrong here.

Sorry but None of them were 100 percent in the wrong and certainly not OP. The DH was the one making arrangements and he messed up.

DH agreeing to bring the appointment forward to during the Monday Morning school run whilst instructing his wife to get the house ready. Telling the Valuer to give the OP time, but without fixing a time or giving them each other's contact details to communicate directly. And expecting it all to happen,.

Valuer, waiting parked down the road out of sight of the house for 45 minutes before alerting DH. - maybe.

OP trying to breastfeed a hungry FOUR WEEK-old baby and tidy the house for 7.50 - whilst listening out for a valuation appointment - I can't see why she's 100 per cent to blame.

but as I said, the two of them need to get their act together and perhaps the OP's DH needs to understand that he can't just leave orders and expect things to fall into place with a new baby in the house.

Askil · 03/10/2023 15:11

DP texts to say valuer has arrived
OP texts back, I'm not ready, i need a bit more time
DP texts back, valuer can't go away and come back but can wait. Once OP is done she should let valuer in.
OP carries on doing her tidying up, 45 minutes later she's still not done.
DP returns home and is very annoyed valuer has been kept waiting for what seems like 100yrs now!
OP responds, 'Well he didn't knock on the door, so how was i supposed to know they were here"

Confused
Skodacool · 03/10/2023 15:16

Docke · 03/10/2023 09:56

Are you going to leave viewers waiting for 45 mins?

Your boyfriend was stupid to have the EA visit so early, but you were astonishingly rude.

I would imagine viewers would be arranged for a time convenient to OP

partypant · 03/10/2023 15:18

Your said your DP contacted you to say the caller was there and to let him in. You the. Say you didn't know he was there. You then later go back to the first story and say your DP told you the values was waiting and that your DP asked him to wait a bit

Apart from your confusing and contradictions it's obvious you did know the baller was waiting as you've admitted your DP told you as much.

Are you always this scatty? You then think it was unprofessional for them to have waited 45 mins. Say what???? You think they were unprofessional????? Who the fell leaves someone who has an appointment waiting for 45 mins? They didn't know you would he taking 45 mins. Pretty sure no one on their right mind would think the person in the house would fart about for 45 mins. Are you always this unreasonable?

FrostiesToasties · 03/10/2023 15:21

The thread seems to have turned between your OP and the last page (which are the bits I’ve read), but if I were you this is something I would have done. My DH doesn’t think of the bigger picture so would have seen no problem having a valuer see the place looking a mess, where as I would have reacted like you - wanted to have it tidy even knowing there was a valuer outside that “I couldn’t hear” (I’m not saying you were pretending you couldn’t hear him, this is completely a failing with me, it’s what I would have done in the situation). It’s a wonder the valuer didn’t just leave though.

chalkup · 03/10/2023 15:26

MargotBamborough · 03/10/2023 14:58

He could have done.

But even if he hasn't, it's still his job to prepare the house for valuation because the OP has recently given birth and he hasn't.

Show quote history

If it was a house viewing I agree with you, but to be fair to him, I really don't think he was expecting a 45min tidy up for a valuation...

I know it sounds rather mean to blame it on well-intentioned OP for being OTT, and that's not my intention.

I think it was just miscommunication all round – both in terms of the level of tidying needed and in terms of what it means to have someone waiting to be let in.

If I was told that someone was at my house but could wait for a bit to be let in, I wouldn't leave them hanging indefinitely for over an hour!

I do agree with you though that partner who has just given birth should be #1 on the DP's priority list. I was a mess of anxiety and hormones after birth and my DP was very kind about not stressing me out with anything at all, even small appointments.

LorW · 03/10/2023 15:29

Lol. Only on here would it be a pp woman’s fault when she has a 4 week old newborn not the very capable man who made the appointment in the first place who should have been there.

Kisskiss · 03/10/2023 15:29

The surprise 8am appointment is annoying but nobody’s fault ( but the booking system) not yours , your Dh’s or that poor surveyor..
you were rude to leave him waiting for so long, in your own words you were to ‘let him in’
you knew he was there and u knew you were meant to let him in in a bit.. but you didnt. If that were you left waiting outside, I don’t think u would be particularly happy. Rude!

MargotBamborough · 03/10/2023 15:30

chalkup · 03/10/2023 15:26

If it was a house viewing I agree with you, but to be fair to him, I really don't think he was expecting a 45min tidy up for a valuation...

I know it sounds rather mean to blame it on well-intentioned OP for being OTT, and that's not my intention.

I think it was just miscommunication all round – both in terms of the level of tidying needed and in terms of what it means to have someone waiting to be let in.

If I was told that someone was at my house but could wait for a bit to be let in, I wouldn't leave them hanging indefinitely for over an hour!

I do agree with you though that partner who has just given birth should be #1 on the DP's priority list. I was a mess of anxiety and hormones after birth and my DP was very kind about not stressing me out with anything at all, even small appointments.

Show quote history

He shouldn't have expected any kind of tidy up though.

He should have done the tidying up himself the night before.
He should have told the valuer than 8am wasn't convenient and rescheduled.
He should have told the valuer that the house was a mess and told the OP that the state of the house didn't matter and that she could just throw some clothes on and let the valuer in.

He didn't do any of these things.

I wouldn't have left the valuer hanging for 45 minutes either, but the OP didn't create the situation.

chalkup · 03/10/2023 15:30

Oops sorry. Almost an hour. And it could have been longer if DP hadn't come home. I can understand why EA was hesitant to knock (maybe imagining breastfeeding etc as he knew there was a baby) but I don't think he expected OP to just ignore him for 45mins!

aloris · 03/10/2023 15:37

I think your husband was unreasonable for expecting you to clean the house this morning so you could be ready for a valuation at 1pm. If he wanted a valuation done today, he should have gotten the house in order last night before bed, so that the most you'd have to do today is tidy up the breakfast dishes. You have a 4 week old baby, it's the nadir of babyhood. Babies that age just feed or cry or poop 24 hours a day. There's no time to clean up a whole house in one morning. You might only get 10 minutes between feeds that last 1.5 hours, round the clock. You said he went on the school run so this isn't his first baby. He should know better. Your husband is an idiot.

That said, if he texted me "house needs to be clean" I would have texted back, "house will not be clean by 9 am or noon. I have a newborn. Reschedule for another day or house will be valuated as is."

After 3 C sections, I got tired of my health being last on the list. Do you think a man who'd had major abdominal surgery would put up with this? No, he would not. He would put on the dressing gown of doom and sit on the couch directing the woman to do all the work.

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