It’s not my fault he didn’t knock?!

[PottyPet]

We’re trying to sell our house and DP organised someone to come and do a valuation today. There was no specified time. At 7.50am, I get a string of text messages from DP saying the valuer was coming between 8am - 9am. We have a 4 week old baby who was up all night and I hadn’t even got out of bed yet. The house was in no way tidy, clean or suitable for anyone to value or view! I asked if it was possible that the valuer could rearrange for later, DP said he could not.

I then start running around trying to tidy the house whilst having a screaming crying baby who wants feeding and a nappy change in between. At 8am I get a text from DP saying the valuer is there (there was no knock at the door, only DP letting me know). I ask DP if the valuer can come back a bit later as the baby needs sorting out and the house is in no way ready. He says the valuer needs to do it this morning but will wait a bit and I’m to let him in.

45 minutes later, I’m still running around trying to get things in the house sorted (thankfully baby is fed and changed by this point)! DP comes back from the school run and goes mad saying the valuer has been waiting since 8am and is very angry and annoyed… except he never knocked at the door! He didn’t knock when he arrived at 8am or any of the duration where he was waiting and getting annoyed. Apparently I was supposed to just let him in when I and the house was ready.

AIBU to think this is ridiculous and it’s the valuers own fault for not knocking?!

I think your DP arrangements weren't great.

However I'd have got dressed and and open door to see if anyone was there - I'd also have text back prior to DP either rearrange or take house as is as no time to tidy.

I wouldn't have expected someone to wait 45 minutes as I'd have assumed they'd have fucked off by then.

I half agree and half don't. Having moved a lot, in my city appointments are usually last minute. But he could have put his foot down for the sake of his post birth partner, I agree.

If he was expecting a big tidy done in 10 mins, then yes he was BVU and he should have done most of it. But he wasn't expecting a 45 min tidy, so maybe he was expecting a few minute job, the kind you do before opening the door to guests. Like straightening 1 or 2 cushions that had gone wonky during the night, or placing the just used breastfeeding stuff in the sink. Total 5 mins max.

I think "OP shouldn't have to lift a finger because she'd given birth a month ago" is militantly unreasonable. Presumably both husband and OP know what she can and can't do, so this is for OP herself to chime in on.

But let's say for sake of argument you're 100% right on DP's neglectful actions. Even then, once it had got that point, then either check in with the poor EA ("still not done yet") or send him away at the 15 minute mark, or 20 min mark at a stretch! OP knew the guy was waiting. I really can't understand the "he didn't knock so it's not my problem" mentality. You specifically told him you were busy with baby etc so of course he was trying to be considerate but still waiting.

So both OP and her DP BU at different times.

OP trying to breastfeed a hungry FOUR WEEK-old baby and tidy the house

With this in mind and him knowing this because the DH already told him OP wasn’t ready, you still think it’s ok for him to keep knocking on the door to see when she’s ready?

Obviously he’s not a mind reader and had no idea when OP would be ready.
The only way he would know is by knocking on the door every 5/10mins.

If OP had said she wasn’t ready and he was knocking on the door every 5/10mins that would be rude and stressful for OP and everyone would have said the valuer was in the wrong.

DH let OP know 10mins before (not good at all but OP still agreed).
She told DH to let him know she wasn’t ready yet, so he respectfully didn’t knock and waited in his car.

All she had to do was get changed and if the valuer wasn’t outside, text DH and let him know she’s ready now.

I think it’s mad that they didn’t clean the day before.

But not even attempting to let DH or the valuer know she was ready was very passive aggressive and it’s obvious she was trying to get it to 9am to miss the appointment.

Are you always this horrible to four week postpartum women or is this a special occasion?

I doubt it's a special occasion. They're obviously skilled at leaving out any parts of an OP that make a man sound UR whilst ramping up criticism of a woman. The fact it's a new mum is just an added bonus for them.

Considering it was a valuation not a viewing I don’t see why you just didn’t let him in to walk round himself whilst you sorted the baby. A valuer isn’t checking if you vacuumed or put the toys away. No wonder he was annoyed!

@spitefulandbadgrammar I don't think I've been horrible at all. The op came on here first saying she knew he was there then no doubt to make herself look better in the face of people telling her she was rude, she changed the story to say she didn't know he was there. Then later admits she did know. What died she want? Sympathy? Why has she posted? Her DP should have cleaned up the night before or in the morning but as he didn't she should have just dieter baby and let the valuer in. He's trying to do a job. Who leaves someone they know is outside waiting for nearly an hour? Rude

What a horrible way to talk to anyone, let alone a woman who has a 4 week old. Check yourself!

Was responding to this (but others have used such aggressive language too!)

The op has a 4 week old, if you had a baby you might remember how that's like. Sorry but my house wasn't tidy most of the time at that stage. Could that house have been tidied the night before yeah, but if the the DP said the valuer would be there at 1pm, its completely OK to have thought that the tidying up could be done on the day during nap time. Being told 10min in advance that the valuer would be there and expecting the OP to take care of it is fucked up.

Also, for those of you who say it doesn't matter what the property looks like when the valuer comes in, you are in fact completely wrong, and it probably explains why when you look for a new home online, so many houses look like complete shit heaps. We all make up our mind about a house in the first few seconds, and if your first impression is poor, the price of the property immediately goes down in your mind. An estate agent is the same, as for all they know, if you present it in a mess to them, you'll do the same when people come to view, which means they are far less likely to sell it for top dollar.

@UpaladderwatchingTV, valuers are professionals, and do their valuations an awful lot more scientifically than you suggest. If House A is valued at £150K and House B of the same size, in the same condition and in the same road is valued at £140K, the valuer needs to be able to explain exactly why. An explanation along the lines that "House B was untidy when I looked round having brought my visit forward without notice" would get them sacked.

valuers aren’t looking at tidiness

Omg! Yanbu.

6 weeks wait between having a c section and driving is pretty standard, it's a large wound that takes time to heal and even an emergency stop without collision could result in it rupturing. But also omg for anyone asking why you're not doing the school run yourself 😡

It is completely unreasonable to expect anyone to be ready for 8am!! Especially with a 4 week old baby and with 10 mins notice.

Also in my experience the valuation is done by the estate agent who wants you as their client so they should be accommodating you. They're not doing you a favour by valuing your house, you're potentially giving them a 1-3% cut of the asking price of your property when you sell. They're meant to be schmoozing you at this point not waking you up and inspecting your house.

Also totally agree the estate agent should have knocked.

@chalkup

🤣🤣🤣 ROFL that you think most people with a 4 week old baby just need to straighten one or two cushions that went wonky during the night.

But also lolling about the just used breastfeeding stuff in the sink. Do you mean...her breasts?!!

@Wheredothestarsgointhedaytime hahaha oh yes it is quite funny I suppose! Your total lack of self awareness I mean, lol.

It's clear you have the same fundamental misunderstanding as OP had! I don't blame OP as she couldn't have known then that a valuation is not the same as a house viewing. But it's been said probably almost 100 (no exaggeration) times on this thread, and in the posts literally above you as well. Maybe you were too busy howling with laughter at your own illiteracy/ignorance to read though!

So yes, straighten cushions if you'd like, put your breast pump etc in the sink (or don't, as you've either never heard of such a contraption or don't clean yours, ew)... And let the poor sod in to do his valuation based on factors like property size, number of rooms, structural integrity, neighbouring sale history, topography and so on. He won't even notice the fact that you never wash certain equipment ;)

Of course it was rude to leave a person standing on the front door step. OP should have told him that it wasn't a suitable time of day, sorry, and to make a later time.
(Though her partner should have pre empted that necessity and had the same discussion with the agent when he first found out that the time was unreasonably early.)

No way should a lone woman, or a lone anyone, HAVE to let anyone into their home, at any time unless they are comfortable.

So why did OP not talk to the valuer outside?

1/ She was used to her partner over powering her decision making. She did ask for him to postpone the time. She should have spoken for herself and cancelled.
2/ The valuer did not have her number - thus further proving that OP was down on the pecking order in being the one to communicate with valuer.
3/ She was tired and listening to other demands of her baby, her need for a shower and not understanding the level of tidiness that was required - so much so that 10 minutes turned into 40. (Lack of proper information about presentation needed was the fault of the partner.)

The only fault that can be attributed to the valuer is that of his company in having an an appointment app that books in times very different and even way before a time that is requested.

The partner can take most of the blame for the mix up. He should have checked the time; then he should have changed the time, then he should have listened to his partner who wanted to cancel or change the time and most of all he should have been more sensitive to his partner in the whole process ie.
Together discussed presentation and who does what, time of inspection, whether he should also be there etc.

Unfortunately the valuer was put out and rudely treated, the OP was distressed and the partner was angry at OP instead of himself. All live to live another day.
OP and partner have learnt much and valuer possibly has seen it all before.

@chalkup ah you meant pumping. Fair enough, yeah you should wash pumping equipment.

I think there's a misunderstanding about valuations, when you're preparing to sell it's normally the estate agent who values the property. Then once you have buyers they arrange a valuation.

The OP said DP arranged the valuation which suggests to me it was the estate agent.

I agree - you knew he was there. You also knew he was going to be arriving on that day, so why didn't you get a bit organised the day before and get up earlier? A valuation isn't dependant on the state of your house btw, you didn't have to have the place pristine before letting him in.

You knew the valuer was outside and he kindly agreed to give you time to sort your self out, I am sure he thought this would be five maybe ten minutes, unbelievably rude to leave him standing outside for forty minutes. All you needed to do was open the door and put your head outside if need be, of course he was not going to go to the cafe down the rude you are just making silly excuses now.

And I honestly cannot even imagine why you needed this long. Meh was there to value, not take the marketing shots. I am sure I could run through my house and within five minutes have chucked things into cupboards and had the house looking reasonable.

So the appt was booked. You would have had notice a day or two before I'm guessing this is not the valuers fault. He has a job to do. A job that you asked.

All of this.

And as for caring about estate agents being left hanging around I really couldn't care less. Why the hell do they book appointments at a time when their office isn't even open and well before the client informed them is a suitable time? Rather than sitting there seething, he should have just rung the doorbell. And how many times have I rung estate agents when they haven't actioned something they promised to do, only to hear they have 'just stepped out of the office'. My heart absolutely bleeds...

Maybe read the damn thread instead of guessing.

I would get a better agent op. One, which isn’t online. The cheap ones do not tend to negotiate well on your behalf. They just want a sale You may lose more money than you save from the agency fee.

@PottyPet

I DO NOT think you are being unreasonable!

Don’t open the door to no one there.

if he didn’t knock, that’s his problem. If your partner didn’t read the email/text, that’s his problem. I’d be taking fault with the estate agent office booking a midday apply for 8am!
…. I’d also use someone else to sell my house if they can’t work to agreements.

what if you hadn’t got a new born, but we’re actually out at work? (Or on the school run and your partner was at work) with plans to return late morning for a midday appointment?

failure to keep to a verbally agreed appointment is unreasonable (unacceptable), even if it’s been changed and confirmed in writing. We get billions of emails, I wouldn’t necessarily read them all when I’d agreed something else.

failure to knock on a door and complain about waiting is unacceptable!!

I don’t think you’ve done any wrong!