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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that 14 year olds don’t need educated on sex positions?

462 replies

fourelementary · 03/10/2023 07:42

My dd doesn’t want to go to school this afternoon as she is embarrassed to go to her sex education lesson. I spoke to her about how it was good that young people were being taught about sex and she went into more detail about why she is uncomfortable.
Last week they discussed sexual positions and different ways to have sex including anal. She was mortified and said she doesn’t mind knowing about sex (we’ve always been honest about the birds and the bees from a young age anyway) but she finds this awkward and far too much information about which she has absolutely no interest currently.

I am no prude, but was quite shocked at the detail being discussed and agree with her it’s unnecessary for this age group.

OP posts:
CatherinedeBourgh · 03/10/2023 07:45

There is considerable evidence that the more matter of fact discussing sex becomes from as early an age as possible the better the outcomes are.

Everything should be discussed, with a focus on consent. The more informed teenagers are, the more they can stay in control when they begin to become sexually active.

MissingMoominMamma · 03/10/2023 07:50

I hope the risks involved with anal were what was being discussed.

Young people, and possibly more young males than females, have access to some hard core porn. It would be very easy to normalise anal, therefore putting pressure on girls to accept it. I do think these conversations need to happen at an earlier age now, sadly.

For context, I work in education and know of boys as young as 10 who have watched this stuff.

DinnaeFashYersel · 03/10/2023 07:52

Some of that age group are already having sex.

Better to hear the facts educationally than from porn, YouTube or mates.

Nicole1111 · 03/10/2023 08:12

There are a number of young people having anal sex to maintain their virginity (yes really) with little understanding of the possible risks so it really is necessary unfortunately. I’m not sure about the necessity of discussing sexual positions but if it came from a need to highlight how unrealistic porn is i’d be supportive of that

thirdfiddle · 03/10/2023 08:14

My DS would be mortified too. Safe sex info fine and good, positions is a step too far at that age. Just because some kids are having illegal sex doesn't mean it's appropriate to inappropriately sexualise all the rest. (And yes I'm also hoping any info on anal included "girls don't do it, there's nothing in it for you and it could injure you.")
Can you engineer her having an afternoon off today, then arrange for her to be properly excused from sex education in future? You can do this till she's 16 still I think if you're in the UK. You could find her a more age appropriate book to read at home so she doesn't miss out on actually appropriate content.

Iloveavocadoes · 03/10/2023 08:17

A lot of young girls are growing up with pressure to have anal sex because porn has normalised it. This is causing injuries to their bodies, so it's important that they are taught about it and what the consequences can be

BorisIsACuntWaffle · 03/10/2023 08:19

It's important education yabu.

CakeInAJar · 03/10/2023 08:20

I’m with you OP.

Im pleased to hear that sex education is no longer “This is sex but it’s terrible don’t do it” - but it’s grotesque to teach a child about anal sex. Anal sex is painful and dangerous and it’s shocking that any child would be taught about this

CakeInAJar · 03/10/2023 08:20

BorisIsACuntWaffle · 03/10/2023 08:19

It's important education yabu.

Why is it important to teach children about anal sex?

BorisIsACuntWaffle · 03/10/2023 08:21

@CakeInAJar some of these children will be having sex already.

Some of these children will be asked for anal sex. They need to make informed choices regarding risk.

MammaTo · 03/10/2023 08:32

It is mortifying at that age but I do think it’s really good to be educating kids on the intimate side of sex rather then just the technicalities of the birds and the bees.

Kids do start having sex at 14/15 so it’s good to have some objective information.

DinnaeFashYersel · 03/10/2023 08:39

Are they actually teaching anal sex is a great thing as some posters seem to be suggesting?

Or are they informing and educating?

Startingagainandagain · 03/10/2023 08:42

''@CakeInAJar

Why is it important to teach children about anal sex?''

it is important that teenage girls understand that they are no way required to do anything they feel uncomfortable with and that they know that anal sex has the potential to cause damage to their bodies,

It is also important that teenage boys understand that porn is not real life/how sex has to look like and that they should not pressure girls to replicate everything they might have seen online.

Also not all kids will turn out to be straight/heterosexual and it is important for them to understand the importance of sex safe and so on.

Discussing anal sex in their class, and sex education in general, does not mean the message is that they should go out and do it...

It is about giving teens better knowledge and support so they can make the right decisions and hopefully build healthy relationships.

thirdfiddle · 03/10/2023 08:43

Are they actually teaching anal sex is a great thing as some posters seem to be suggesting?
It depends where they got their resources from. We've likely all seen some of the inappropriate resources that are in the market from external organisations with no qualifications in child development. The line of thinking seems to be 'we've taught about PIV sex in human reproduction section of biology so we need to teach about anal for LGBT equality, oh and whatever it is lesbians do - ah, that's lots of things, better tell them about every sex act we can think of then'.

inloveandmarried · 03/10/2023 08:53

It's important they know. Yes it's embarrassing.

Mine all knew at 14 how to get to the contraceptive clinic, what to do and what ask for. They also knew that I would take them should they need.

I remember my daughter's doctor being surprised when I told her all my children knew this at 14.

My 16 year old son took himself off and got contraception sorted when he started having sex.

Information keeps them safer. It's the unknown that poses the most risks. Even if all they know is that it's normal or not normal for them, that's a good base to start.

whattttttodo · 03/10/2023 09:01

If the discussion was around safety, consent, feeling comfortable and what's normal. Then I'm all for it. Otherwise teens are essentially being educated by porn.

margotrose · 03/10/2023 09:03

CakeInAJar · 03/10/2023 08:20

I’m with you OP.

Im pleased to hear that sex education is no longer “This is sex but it’s terrible don’t do it” - but it’s grotesque to teach a child about anal sex. Anal sex is painful and dangerous and it’s shocking that any child would be taught about this

Isn't that precisely why it should be taught?

Dayhee · 03/10/2023 09:03

Im all for it to be honest. The sex education when I was at school was horrendous.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 03/10/2023 09:03

It’s awful isn’t it. My 9 year old came back telling me the girls were talking about ‘69’ in her class.

VikingVolva · 03/10/2023 09:03

She's 14, not 4.

How many of her class do you think have watched porn?

How many are already or will become sexually active within the next 3 years?

Is it better that they know about a range of sexual activities that are mainstream? Remember that gay boys need sex ed too. Also it's important for a class to be told both that it's OK to say no to what you don't want, and (crucially) that when someone says no, then you stop. Risks of anal aren't really covered in porn - the other source of info for the vast majority of teens - and they need to be said.

Also, if this helps reduce her awkwardness about discussing sex (which it seems to have done, as she's talking about it to you) that can only be a good thing for her future health and wellbeing.

You say she's not interested now - but I'd bet good money that most of the class are. And unless you home ed, you have to go with age appropriateness for the year group.

Khvdrt · 03/10/2023 09:06

@CakeInAJar perhaps they’re being taught that you can see no to this and not everyone is having it etc
Knowledge is power and lots of teenagers start having sex at 15/16 so this is the right time to reach them, before they get into that situation. There’s a lot of misinformation that teens get from each other and online so it’s better to have factual information.

Please don’t remove her from the class and please don’t find her a book to read about it; no disrespect to the poster who suggested that but it reminds me of the approach 20 years ago and that clearly didn’t work out that well.

Spendonsend · 03/10/2023 09:07

I hope they are covering the risks and safety issues.

Oliotya · 03/10/2023 09:07

YABU. At 14 they will already know most of it anyway, or will do soon. It's better it gets talked about in school than left to porn and tiktok.

AgnesX · 03/10/2023 09:08

CakeInAJar · 03/10/2023 08:20

Why is it important to teach children about anal sex?

Show quote history

So that they know what it is, why, the risks, and, I hope, to refuse it if they don't want it.

Universalsnail · 03/10/2023 09:08

Have all the people being like OMG don't teach teens about anal sex or just tell them not do it forgotten that some teens are gay and do really need to know this information.

Not telling teens about anal sex won't stop them having anal sex it will just stop them having it safely.