What happened to those people who never found a partner?

[OnedayTwodays]

What’s their lives like?

How are they?

OP I have missed how old you are. Do you work? Have hobbies etc? Do you think anyone might envy you for your life too? You might be surprised.

My younger sis had the marriage and kids thing early on. Now late forties. Financially fine. Husband had a promotion. New house last year. Adult kids doing well. But she has no friends. Not one. And is insanely jealous of anyone with friends, blames others and is bitter and unhappy about that. Relationships are just one thing in life. A huge thing for many, yes. But other stuff matters too.

I'm 44 and I know about a dozen- single by choice, not in a relationship for a while or divorced/separated.

I work with two who are good friends to each other and haven't had a relationship in years and don't even consider one. They say it is very freeing.

Why does she have no friends? I feel that's more within our control than finding a relationship.

If I wasn't married to DH (we met when we were 30), I don't know that I would bother. I liked being by myself. I still do- I love being out by myself, having the house to myself. I'd like to do things alone that would really upset him if I suggested it : I'd like to spend Christmas Day alone just doing what I fancied but he'd be very upset, so would DC and PIL.

Is po was reffering to what I think they were, it was a story that said women 25-44 are expected to be single by 2030.
So it’s not actually happening. And the ’single’ just meant not married, so very much could be dating/be in a relationship.
And young people will do anything but calm a relationship an a relationship😅.
And it has to be the young one’s making the oercentage so high, different story for 40+ women, even in the future.

DB is single, I think he would like a partner but isn't seeking one anymore and admits it would be very difficult for him to change his ways to accommodate a partner now.

My sister in law is single, in her 40's and still looking, she has never had a serious long term relationship even though she is beautiful and very popular. She just wasn't that interested in men or romantic relationships in her 20's or early 30's and she says now most of the good men are taken. She is actively dating but she is very selective and would only actually be with a guy she really thought was great and she hasn't met that yet.

I had an aunt and an uncle who were both single and sadly now passed away. They were both attractive people who had admirers but they never reciprocated. I don't quite know why. My aunt ended up very bitter and unhappy and died very young and my uncle (who was a lovely man) had a pretty happy life he was very outdoorsy with lots of friends but I think he was a lonely as he got older and he must have drank a lot by himself as he died of an alcohol related disease in his 70's.

I have another aunt who always goes on about how sad it is if someone is single or someone is childless/free but I always think you never really know why that is, lots of people are ultimately making a choice to be single either by thinking I don't want to be married or live with someone, just not settling, or creating various barriers to a relationship which is their own prerogative and might be their happiest outcome. She acts like her life is perfect but she had to emigrate because she ran off with her best mates husband, he ended up having severe mental health issues which they almost divorced over and now they are both alcoholics but she is smug because she has a husband and kids. I have a husband too but it doesn't make me a better person.

Sorry I think I got that wrong. It's about childlesdness.

Everyday I wake up and thank god I am single when I am in the bathroom and I hear the kid next door having a mega tantrum! 😆Makes me really appreciate my peaceful mornings lol

I think reading MN will make most people realise that it is better to be single than in a less than perfect relationship.

And just to add, OP, that not only are there many happy single people there are also lots of happy couples who choose not to have children. It's not a natural progression, and there is a whole Childfree board in here to prove it. There is room in society for all sorts of choices, gay, straight, single, partnered, whatever.... maybe you need to widen your social circle and meet some new friends?

Your argument falls down as soon as you say you've had several partners. If the first was perfect.. you wouldn't have had a second.. or a third.. or a fourth.. or a 32nd. 🤣

Well I could give my opinion. I think it’s a combination of being too intense and needy from the start which puts people off. But I feel mean saying that.

How old are you OP?

I don’t think happiness comes from being in a relationship.

I know lots of single people and people in relationships who are happy and I know a lot who are unhappy.

I don’t think there’s any such thing as the grass being greener, as if you went back and got married etc you could have ended up miserable.

Be happy.
Then of a relationship happens you can decide either is makes you more or less happy and whether you want to continue with it or not.
Or if a relationship doesn’t happen then you’ll still be happy.

Vast numbers of them fill their day chatting on MN, apparently.

One of my best friends is single and has a great life. She’s free to do what she wants when she wants, without the restrictions of having to accommodate anyone else. She has her horses, cats and lots of friends. I have to say, I’m a little envious, although I wouldn’t ever say that to her. I know she would like to have met someone and of course she may still do, but she doesn’t compromise on her standards and I really admire her for that.

OP do you mind if I ask your age?

Tbh I'm still flummoxed by your question - but I do recall being in my 20s and my flatmate saying, quite tearfully "but you will HAVE to have a partner because everyone else will have one".

OP, I read this thread earlier and felt quite sorry for you because I don't think most people are hearing your situation.

It's very very different to decide to be single, as I am currently, when you have had several relationships, marriage and kids. Of course after 20 years odd of childrearing, you are done in and starting again less tempting.

That's not your situation though, I don't think, I get the impression you are not in a relationship, don't have children, and that is fading away as a life choice for you (I don't know about this last bit).

I have lots of childfree friends, but they are all in long-term relationships (they are 40's and 50's now). I have a couple of single friends, through being widowed or divorced, all have had children. Being single in this situation is indeed pretty desirable.

I think those saying love and marriage don't matter, or are just social conventions, are missing the point- you feel lonely and you say you don't have a loving family either. That is indeed a loss and something I think I'd talk through with a counsellor/therapist- to find out how you can move forward, attract more people in (whether friends, relationships) and so on.

Saying I've had three relationships, two kids and I'm single isn't helpful when that's not the situation of the OP!

I was widowed young with two young children. Was very happily married and we had everything going for us. Since my husband died I have dated (oh the joys of OLD!!) and I have been engaged but I called the wedding off (he changed dramatically after our engagement).

In the years that have followed I can honestly say that I have reached a point in my life where I am truly happy and content with my single life. Children are independent and I have the freedom and opportunity now to follow my own interests, and more or less do what I want without being answerable to anybody.

My life is good, very good.

BUT I have just spent a weekend with some old friends, all of whom are married and have been for many years, and who spent large parts of the weekend pondering my singledom. Asking whether I was truly happy, had I really given up trying to meet someone, surely my life would be a lot fuller if I was partnered up........? Perhaps I could remind them of how I'd met my late husband, it would be nice for me to share happy memories.......

Clearly they define me by my status 🤯

Grand, thanks for asking!

I’ve never had a boyfriend (or a date or even a kiss!), never walked down the aisle, never had children, etc. I’m in my late 20s so some say things could change - I doubt it.

I have lots of love in my life. My family are very close to me, my siblings are my best friends. My nieces and nephews are growing up knowing their Aunt is basically a third parent to them. Whatever they need, whenever they need it, I’m there. I have very special relationships with each of them, and love them just as strongly as I’d love my own.

I have a wonderful dog who is so sweet. Always by my side, currently snoring next to me as I WFH.

I have my own space, my own freedom. I have the comfort of knowing that I’m not being cheated on or abused. I know if I leave my quiet, comfortable house in the morning, I’m returning to the exact same space in the evening. Everything is as it should be, as I like it.

I pay my own bills and never have to argue or defend a purchase I make. I buy what I want for my space without having to get someone else’s input, cook what I want to eat, watch what I want to watch, etc.

Do I get lonely? Sure. Do I get sad? Yes. But that’s only 10% of the time. 90% of the time I’m just happy to be avoiding all those horrible threads that trend each day about relationship troubles

Exactly this. Some are very happy, others are very lonely. Just like people who are married.

I know several who are happily single. Older though.

@Mellowautumnmists I am quite shocked by that, it's downright rude. My friends just moan about their husbands.

I’m 33 and been single and happy for 4 years now.

Never truly been in love or had a proper partner. Was in a relationship for 10 years before becoming single, but it was a bad relationship.
Prior to that I had a boyfriend in school/late teens. Obviously didn’t last.

If I don’t meet anyone, I hope I’ll be one those at peace with my life when I’m older. I’m fine being single now and even cherish the single life, but I hope I don’t look back in 20+ years and feel like I missed out on something.

And that's the truth of it.

I think you should re-read what I wrote, you'll see what I wrote made perfect sense.