Page 11 | What happened to those people who never found a partner?

OnedayTwodays · 2023-10-02T17:48:39+00:00

What’s their lives like? How are they?

givemeasunnyday · 04/10/2023 21:02

Exmouthlady · 04/10/2023 19:08

I'm 57 and single. Kids have flown the nest and life has never been better. I love to travel and do so solo. I can do what I want, when I want.

You don't 'find' happiness. You create it yourself, took me a few years to get it. If love came along I'd go with it, but not actively looking.

I have single friends desperate to never be alone, but they miss so much in life as its all consuming. They don't live in the moment, enjoy activities etc as too busy looking for that 1 person. But happiness is there already, they just don't see it.

Learn to truly love yourself.

Well said. So many people seem to think happiness is some magical thing which happens to some, but not others. It's not, it's really not, you make of your life what you can and try to find joy. If someone can't create their own happiness then being in a relationship is not going to change them. I feel sad for people who have to rely on others for their happiness.

Catsmere · 04/10/2023 21:19

OnedayTwodays · 04/10/2023 20:24

It needs you to be content within yourself.

This is a funny thing.
And I don’t deny it.
Bug life is so very long, that I end up in these loops.
Sometimes I’m okey with how things went and accept it all.
But then times go on, and I start thinking.
And sometimes I am lonely, I don’t think that’s so wrong to say.
And then I pick myself up all over again.
And then it starts all over again.

enjoy doing what you want when you want without having to take someone else into account.

Done it for so long / always, that I’m bored with with 🤣😇!
There’s a big part of me that wants to take care of things, my dad visited me for a week awhile back, and man I was so happy to just run around get and make things for him/us. I had so much energy and it made me so happy.

The looking after someone else gets really tedious after a while when it’s full time. I am my mother’s carer. It’s a responsibility I could do without.

Karenaki · 04/10/2023 21:20

I’m single. Mother to 9 year old twins.
Have never had a long term relationship, never lived with anyone. I’m lonely and sad. Resigned to remaining on my own. Financially I’m ok for now. Worried that will struggle when retired. That, and that I’ll be eaten by Alsatians.

Original poster

OnedayTwodays · 04/10/2023 21:35

Catsmere · 04/10/2023 21:19

The looking after someone else gets really tedious after a while when it’s full time. I am my mother’s carer. It’s a responsibility I could do without.

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Yeah, balance is the key.
Neither extremes are good.

OP posts:

SpatulaSpatula · 04/10/2023 22:00

You're only single and childless right now. That could change any moment. I wonder though at how close you get to people if you think they majority of people around you are happy? I don't know anyone who I think of as uncomplicatedly happy. Those who seem like that, I just don't know them well enough to have got to the difficult stuff! Anyone who seems to have a perfect life... they always seem to be the ones pretending - hiding pretty bad stuff a lot of the time. Maybe try to speak to one of your friends about your regrets properly?

Catsmere · 04/10/2023 22:27

OnedayTwodays · 04/10/2023 21:35

Yeah, balance is the key.
Neither extremes are good.

Show quote history

Yes, exactly. Even with the support I have - we seem to be much better off in that respect than people in Britain - it's a role I would never volunteer for. Makes me extra grateful I am single, too, when friends talk about their husbands developing Alzheimers. That's a whole other horror story.

Whatafliberty · 04/10/2023 22:29

I think it depends on who they are. I am married but greatly treasure my own space. Fortunately my husband is the same, if I couldn't have found someone similar I could not have maintained a relationship. I would rather have stayed single.

Ted27 · 04/10/2023 22:50

@Karenaki

I used to worry that I would be eaten by my cat!

At the time I lived in a house with a door at the bottom of the stairs, I used to speculate what would happen if I fell down the stairs and hit my head on Friday because unless I had made arrangements, no one would really miss me until about 10.00 on Monday when work might start wondering where I was, by which time the cat would have started to chew me.

I think this is a very real and valid fear for any one who lives alone, regardless of whether or not they have had relationships, that you will fall, choke or otherwise fall ill and it could be days before anyone noticed.

I’ve become a lot more fatalistic in later years and having been in a number of potentially dangerous situations on my travels, I believe when your number is up, its up, so I dont really think about it anymore, but its a very reasonable thing to worry about

T1Dmama · 04/10/2023 23:31

Probably happier than those of us going through divorces!

Catsmere · 04/10/2023 23:47

Ted27 · 04/10/2023 22:50

@Karenaki

I used to worry that I would be eaten by my cat!

At the time I lived in a house with a door at the bottom of the stairs, I used to speculate what would happen if I fell down the stairs and hit my head on Friday because unless I had made arrangements, no one would really miss me until about 10.00 on Monday when work might start wondering where I was, by which time the cat would have started to chew me.

I think this is a very real and valid fear for any one who lives alone, regardless of whether or not they have had relationships, that you will fall, choke or otherwise fall ill and it could be days before anyone noticed.

I’ve become a lot more fatalistic in later years and having been in a number of potentially dangerous situations on my travels, I believe when your number is up, its up, so I dont really think about it anymore, but its a very reasonable thing to worry about

My worry in those scenarios is the health and safety of my cats, not what would become of my corpse!

MarvellousMonsters · 04/10/2023 23:50

OnedayTwodays · 02/10/2023 18:53

@Justifiedcheese

How did they find that happiness?
Do you know if it was difficult to accept not having love in their lives?
Was it difficult for them when everyone else is living very conventional lives?
How do/did other people react/treat them?

Or were they single from older age and did the marriage/kids thing already?

Edited

Because we are whole people. We don't need our 'other half' to complete us, that's a lie we've been sold by fairy tales and men who want a wife to look after them.

Being single isn't a curse, it's a great choice, and you'll find that those who are single by choice (stopped believing the hype that you must have a partner to be worthy) are deeply content, less stressed and not actually lonely.

Mamanyt · 04/10/2023 23:54

I am 70, and have been singIe for 30 years now. BIessedIy, bIessedIy singIe. The entire time I was married, it feIt Iike I was wearing a pair of shoes a size too smaII...they pinched, they hurt, they were never just right. And I "wore" them for 20 years. I do have severaI singIe friends my age who have never been married, and not one of them regrets it in the Ieast. They are happy, they are busy, they are out and about and doing the things that they want to do, not what is "expected" of them. I aIso know a coupIe of women my age who have never married, and constantIy bemoan their sorry Iot, focusing on things that they never had. We don't incIude those women very often, to be honest. They enjoy their misery, rather than Iooking to the opportunities that their freedom affords them.

I suppose what it comes to, so Iong as we are not in some dire situation, much of Iife is what we, ourseIves make of it. Either spend your energy regretting what you don't have, or spend it ceIebrating what you do have. And you can Iearn to do the second...it takes some practice!

As for hoIidays, I am aIways invited somewhere for Christmas, but rareIy go. I stay at home with my IittIe cat, fix a meaI with aII the trimmings (aIthough I don't buy a turkey, just the breast), watch Christmas movies, and having a grand oId time. I have Iearned to be my own best friend, and I adore those hoIidays!

MarvellousMonsters · 05/10/2023 00:06

Kaill · 02/10/2023 19:05

Many of us settled for someone we don’t love. You need someone reliable, especially as you get older and have various health issues. Obviously it’s devastating to know you never found love - our entire culture is based around it. Romantic movies used to feel hopeful to watch but now they’re just hurtful knowing you’ll never have that. But you console yourself that at least you have someone to drive you to hospital or make the dinner if you’re not well enough.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

I've had several relationships, and two children as a result, but never found 'The One' and I'm quite happy on my own. I definitely won't be 'settling' for anyone, I don't fear being alone despite having a significant chronic health condition, and I can't think of anything worse than having a partner that's basically a carer. When I'm no longer able to drive myself to Drs appointments I'll use hospital transport.

SamW98 · 05/10/2023 00:22

Exmouthlady · 04/10/2023 19:08

I'm 57 and single. Kids have flown the nest and life has never been better. I love to travel and do so solo. I can do what I want, when I want.

You don't 'find' happiness. You create it yourself, took me a few years to get it. If love came along I'd go with it, but not actively looking.

I have single friends desperate to never be alone, but they miss so much in life as its all consuming. They don't live in the moment, enjoy activities etc as too busy looking for that 1 person. But happiness is there already, they just don't see it.

Learn to truly love yourself.

I’m similar age, divorced, DS now an adult and I’ve been absolutely totally single since the first lockdown.

Maybe it’s luck or maybe I’ve created a life but I have a wide circle of friends and a big chunk are also very happily single. We socialise frequently, have holidays, weekends away and do spontaneous stuff together with no one to answer to.

As you say it didn’t happen overnight but I love my life now. I’ve had a few dates but no one who would enhance what I have right now.

If I did meet someone, I would never want to cohabitate again. Happy to have a pretty laid back relationship if it happens but I would still want my own life as well and r hey should have theirs.

With age cones contentment and I have honestly never felt as comfortable in my own skin as I do now.