What happened to those people who never found a partner?

[OnedayTwodays]

What’s their lives like?

How are they?

This, 100%.

Also, all the women strong, need no man (always said by women who have partners, never been long term single themselves) has made it impossible to even little bit admit that I’m not happy being single / childless.
Because some badly made study how single women are the haappiest people.

Yet if you state you are happiest when in a relationship, you get criticised for being weak and somehow letting the side down?

Everywhere I look/read/listen to, literally everything is covered in finding or having love.

Sounds like you need to broaden your reading matter, OP. Why be so fixated on this? It is, as PP have pointed out, conditioning, particularly aimed at women.

I never partnered up and never wanted to. Catch me gambling on a relationship. Much too big a gamble of my future, my happiness, indeed my physical safety. Nor did I ever want children - no way! I'm more than content to have friends and my sweet cats.

I'm not denying many people are happy being single but my single friends are not.
One of my friends gets very teary every now and then and wonders what's wrong with her that she was never able to find a partner (there's nothing wrong with her! Just unlucky in the men she was attracted to)
Another friend really wanted children and a family and is sad she never found it. Too late for children for her.

This isn't constant though and they do have a social life and enjoy their time.

I gotta say that reading this thread is like stepping into an alternative universe.

Posters enjoy telling OPs they're wrong. If you'd posted saying how happy you were and you don't understand how married women could be happy you'd have an onslaught of women telling you how happy they are and how wrong you are. Many get a kick from kicking others. It's weird.

Sorry you’ve had some rude replies on here.

OP are you unhappy about not having a partner or not having children?

As I think there is quite a big difference.

Many women I know will choose to be single as they get older (and now the stigma of being single isn’t as bad).

I think having a partner shouldn’t determine how happy you are.

But if you want children then that is a different story and I could understand why you’d have feelings of sadness and regret.

Can I ask how old you are?

How come you’ve never had children?
Have you been in long term relationships before?

I have not found love yet (early 30s) but I have a child from a fling when I was very young and so I’ve just not had the time to find one.
I don’t really have any desire to find a partner as I enjoy my life as it is and I’d be happy if one comes or not.
I do have that child though which I’m probably makes it different, as I don’t need to find a partner for that reason.

I do think this is a bit like the kids/no kids debate. When you're not in it, it's hard to imagine the opposite experience.

I would say this: although I am glad I met my DH and I love him, and I am glad he gave me the chance to have children, if he died or left me I would not spend any of the rest of my short time on earth on a romantic relationship.

I'm not sure how old you are OP, but there are lots of options if you want children. Actually the majority of my adult female friends are single and three have had children solo (two by sperm donors and one by a gay single friend)

Is OP a writer?

My "grandmother " (obviously not actual but in every way that matters). She lost the love of her life at 18 during the 2nd World War and never married (though I understand she was not celibate).

I know I met her when the heartbreak of not having a partner and children was something she'd dealt with in the past.

The woman I knew had designed her life exactly as she wanted it. She had a long and fulfilling career. She was a passionate activist. She lived in a gorgeous country cottage surrounded by books she loved, her garden and her pet. She had incredibly strong friendships and travelled all over the world regularly with her friends.

One of those friendships was with my parents - that's how she became the mother my mum (when my mum was in her 30s) had always needed and my grandmother. She was the centre of our world for the first 16 years of my life, we were not the centre of hers but she loved us very much.

You're on Mumsnet, you know that isn't anyways true. Partners can be abusive, violent, absent. Kids grow up and can be estranged. Extended family can be vile, no contact. My father doesn't have it all, he's lost his kids and his marriage is a lie. My friend, like you an only child of only children, her parents have died now, she has a much fuller and happier life than him with extended friends who are now family

Huh? What's there to wonder about?

It’s bloody marvellous thanks, you definitely don’t need to feel sorry for us!

Never said I did.

They live alone on the edges of society, not included and rarely noticed. They walk amongst us- look carefully, you may spot one in Sainsbury's, they often look well-dressed, sparkly-eyed and full of energy. They drive clean, tidy cars with no clutter in the back. Their trolleys are full of healthy food because they have time cook. They occasionally pair-up with another like them so as not to appear conspicuous but the tell-tale signs are there. You can see them out taking long walks, in bookshops stocking up. If you look very closely the lizard skin they keep so well hidden may peep from beneath a long sleeve or show at the back of their neck.🙄

Obviously everyones experience is different, but I have a colleague in her 40s. Been in a few relationships, but never too long. She single now, living on her own. She seems like she has a bit of a hole in her life. She confessed the other day to having a bad week, her cat died etc and he had this overwhelming desire for someone to give her a cuddle. You know for the security it brings and the endorphins. But she can't have that because she's single. Obviously I'm not saying you can't live a fulfilled life, but from anecdotal experience (and I guess this is corroborated by our biology, we're social creatures) people do seem to yearn for a shared life.

Its very different for someone who has been married, had kids and are now happily divorced. Enjoying the single life. It's not the same than someone who've never had that shared intimacy, goals and dreams. So stop commenting!! It's like saying 'I'm 22 and loving the single life'. Shut up Barbara, not the same tna being 45 now is it.

Why would anyone voluntarily deprive a child of a father?

RTFT OP is not being rude or feeling sorry for anyone who is single.

I find exactly the same with my friends.

Even some friends who like to deny it, really feel the same, but don't like to dwell on it.

Because people are lying. Like you said, vast majority of people want a partner.

You just lead a very sheltered life!

I am mid forties - own my own house, car, crazy busy job, friends, family, holidays.

I don’t live under a rock crying 😂😂

They are trying to avoid people like OP who assume that people without a partner must be incredibly sad and who OP likes to feel sorry for.
Presumably OP has a fairytale relationship of many decades with her soul mate with whom she has never had an argument in the billion years they have been together yadda yadda

I’m one of those together decades. I know plenty around us probably think we are so happy and content. We aren’t. Actually I’m really really unhappy and I’m sure he is too. We just don’t go around with it tattooed on our head. Have you ever actually asked these people if they are happy, really happy? And don’t go by sm. It’s my experience that the more perfect couple they seem on sm the worse they are.
I realise it’s different because I have had my children, and I am very happy to have had them, but I don’t see too many really happy relationships around me tbh. All just women putting up with men because they think they should. Of to check if I won the lotto last night so I can walk free

DD is single by choice and very happy. She has other single friends and an active social life and a fulfilling career. As for not having love in her life - she is a treasured and much loved sister, daughter, niece and aunt. In fact, she is much happier than several of her married friends.

OP yes most people are in relationships, or at least that’s the goal for most young people.

And nearly everyone I know is in a long term relationship or marriage with kids. Those of us with decent (not perfect) long marriages whose kids have left home and we are getting on ok, don’t post on MN complaining about our menfolk. In my anecdotal experience we are the majority.

So I completely understand your sense of isolation. Both from being single (I get the impression you would like a partner) but also from not knowing anyone in your position. It must feel quite lonely.

But I am sure most of us know at least one single woman. One of my close friends is almost 60 and single. Had a few flings. Never anything serious and no kids. She is a university professor, travels the world and has a very close relationship with her nephews and nieces. She would quite like a partner but it in no way defines her. And there is so much that’s good in her life.

None of us is leading a perfect life. But it’s hard when things don’t work out as planned. I guess all I can say is that there are definitely single women out there who are fulfilled and content. Even the ones who would quite like to have a partner.

I think the yearning for kids is something different. And experienced by women in relationships too.

I hope you find contentment OP. Your feelings are valid.

I'm long term single, was married but been divorced many years. Several short term relationships but nothing for several decades now.

I have friends both coupled up and also long term single or always been single and although most of my friends husbands/partners are nice enough,, not one of the couples has made me feel envious that they have someone and I don't.

They have all sorts of problems with their partner/husband, various relationship issues, health issues, children issues, grandchildren issues, in-law issues, work issues and I don't have any of those at all. They seem to have worries most of the time.

My life is relatively calm and stress free all the time. That's definitely worth a lot to me.