As a man, should I post on MN

[Dadfromthesea]

I love the MN forums. More often than not I just read them, as they’re useful from a parenting point of view and often very funny to boot. I occasionally comment. I’ve started one thread ever, before this one.

Saw a thread this morning about a perceived rise in ‘women hating’ men posting on here. I’m definitely not one of those, and would be mortified to come across as one. But before long the thread started talking about men in general, and whether or not they should be posting at all on a forum called Mumsnet that’s predominantly aimed at women.

I get the need for women-only spaces, and would hate to intrude on one unintentionally.

So as a man, as a dad, am I being unreasonable by posting on Mumsnet? If the consensus is that I am, then I’ll stop.

Thank you for also proving my point.

You ask why I hide that I am a man, but I have already explained why I do it. I initially gave 2 reasons. The first being I received gratuitous abuse and the second that I thought my points were often discounted. You have confirmed that because you have to ask about something I have already explained. If you thought I was a woman you at least would have read and understood what I said before disagreeing with it.

I didn't say that only men were called liars. I said I was abused by being accused of lying. Being wrongly accused of lying is abusive. In the many posts I have made when my sex is assumed to be female, that has never happened to me. I am often disagreed with, but never have I been accused of making something up.

Maybe I should have been clearer.

Do you think women are allowed boundaries?

Do you think it's acceptable to breach those boundaries by deception?

Of course post - whoever you are. It's the internet! Why some women seem to think they own the internet, I've no idea.

Mate, if you can't cope with women calling you out on your bullshit, don't post on MN. I don't think there's a poster on here who hasn't had their arse handed to them at some point. If you find that 'abusive' this is not the place for you.

And by the way, claiming to be the victim of "abuse" because someone called you out after you admitted that you lie about your sex and pretend to be a woman is actually offensive.

Edited to add: this is in response to @Pretendordrown

@Pretendordrown
Do you understand that there are some topics where a woman may post assuming (rightly or wrongly) that posters are female - because although this is not a women's only site it is, unusually vs the rest of the web 'default female'. And on such threads, they may feel very betrayed if they do subsequently realise that someone engaging on the thread is a man?

This is why, in general, some of us find it preferable for there to be some clue if a poster is male.

A 'decent man' will hopefully have some idea as to whether a topic is one where it'd be better for him to stay out of.

Thank you for showing how you twisted my words to suit your narrative. Saved me the bother.

@Pretendordrown I can see why your posts have been ignored in the past.

@Pretendordrown - if you think you're being abused, have you reported such posts to MNHQ?

*"I'm a man therefore, I'm a liar. I post on MN therefore I can't be a decent man."
*
Also you accused the poster of calling you a liar because you are a man.

You clearly have a real chip on your shoulder with women. Why do you go to such lengths to be in a predominantly female chat group?

Pretendordrown spraying all over thread is a classic example of why its never wise to engage with men here. Arguing with women online/wanting input into womens' conversations🚩🚩🚩. Leave it to the fangirls to dialogue, although they seem a bit quieter just at the moment...

How I had to twist your words.

You said: I think it's clear that most decent men wouldn't dream of posting on MN in any capacity.

I said, according to you, I post on MN therefore I can't be a decent man.

In effect I replaced your 'most' men with 'all' men. How I twisted your words. What a bullshitter I am.

🚩 is the perfect emoji for posters like that. I think they're best ignored as they seem to thrive on arguing with women and getting attention. Something very off.

@Pretendordrown
I think that anyone that might have been sitting on the fence about the OP's question, will have been persuaded by your input so far!

When I am openly male on MN all sorts of grief follows. When I'm not it doesn't.

My first post was me suggesting to the OP that it might be wise to hide his sex.
I stand by that advice.

Anyway, good luck OP. I've had enough of being a man, far too stressful. I'm out.

Thank fuck for that.

Although soon to pop up in threads as a 'woman'. 🤮

• My first post was me suggesting to the OP that it might be wise to hide his sex. I stand by that advice.*

The OPs first thread, in which he didn't hide his sex, went absolutely fine. Of course, it wasn't a sensitive subject where sex might be expected to be relevant.

I don't agree with
I think it's clear that most decent men wouldn't dream of posting on MN in any capacity.

But there are definitely some threads where a decent man wouldn't dream of posting, and many where anyone with an ounce of emotional intelligence would know that doing so without being transparent about his sex would be problematic (to put it mildly)

Hi all

We promote our site as being 'by parents, for parents' and we'd very much hope that included all parents. (It was just that, when we were choosing a name for the site, 'Parentsnet' didn't really trip off the tongue in the same kind of way.) And, actually, we do have a fair few members who are not parents at all, either because they are pregnant or hoping to become pregnant soon. Or because they are interested in our discussions and wish to reflect their own viewpoint.

Please do keep this thread civil and post within guidelines - thanks.

@LilyMumsnet 30% of voters think that men should not be able to post. That's an alarmingly high figure that contradicts quite a few of the guidelines. Shouldn't more be done to address this? For example, why are you allowing a debate on this?

@SpicyTomatos the question isn't 'should men be allowed to post', it's 'should men post' - the 30% are saying they're prefer men didn't, not that men should be banned.

The value of community spaces is in the common connection between people. The wider the scope gets (and we see this with all types of companies), the less valuable it becomes.

It seems as though mumsnet are happy to encourage all types of people to post - fine, its their brand direction to experiment with.

However, the more men post on women's issues or in a space where mothers are looking for other mothers' advice, the less valuable the space becomes and the less people will engage. You only have to look at reddit to see how valuable a women's only/mother's only space is.

@ilovemydogmore I guess the question is WHY can’t a male parent answer a parenting question like a female parent can?

@Tetchypants maybe they can - but that's not what I'm here for.

See, I just don’t understand that logic at all.

Hopefully Giggle will better suit those who aren’t happy to take advice from male parents. In the meantime, it’s good that MNHQ have clarified that this site is not, and never was, solely for women.

Men should post here. Just as people who aren't parents should as well. The more different voices the better as far as I am concerned. Echo chambers are never productive.

Where guidelines are broken they should be punished like anyone else would be.