As a man, should I post on MN

[Dadfromthesea]

I love the MN forums. More often than not I just read them, as they’re useful from a parenting point of view and often very funny to boot. I occasionally comment. I’ve started one thread ever, before this one.

Saw a thread this morning about a perceived rise in ‘women hating’ men posting on here. I’m definitely not one of those, and would be mortified to come across as one. But before long the thread started talking about men in general, and whether or not they should be posting at all on a forum called Mumsnet that’s predominantly aimed at women.

I get the need for women-only spaces, and would hate to intrude on one unintentionally.

So as a man, as a dad, am I being unreasonable by posting on Mumsnet? If the consensus is that I am, then I’ll stop.

I worried about commenting on here because I'm not actually a mum, unfortunately. (I'm an oldish widow.)

Your other thread gave me the courage to comment and also cheered me up a great deal.

Having a dick = fine
Being a dick = not fine

And further to my last...

Posting, by contributing to or starting threads, is fine. As is wanting to know if XYZ is OK here (learning how the community works by asking)

Repeatedly asking the same thing is getting a bit dick-ish

Wanting validation is not just a male trait though - women can be just as dogged in seeking validation, so MN is stuffed with it (for their appearance, their parenting, their work relationships, their housekeeping standards, their ILs)

@KidneyWarrior Fair enough. Personally I think it's so difficult to AVOID the male viewpoint on practically everything that Mumsnet is a refreshing change.

@ilovemydogmore but it’s not a forum for women

its for parents

your issue is you’ve wrongly assumed otherwise

Agree. There are women on here from literally every demographic you could wish for. Huge variety of ages, ethnicities, social backgrounds, beliefs, attitudes, political persuasions. I struggle to see what a man could add to that just by virtue of his sex.
Plus 'As a man...' is largely meaningless given that just like women, a man will be speaking from a perspective informed by his own life stage personality and circumstances, so gives no great insight into 'men' as a whole.
There may be some shared characteristics, but just because Bryan from Slough didnt change nappies because he felt overwhelmed by the responsibility of fatherhood, doesnt mean Steve from Sidmouth isnt an idle wastrel who'd rather be in the pub.

I don't have an issue I'm just sharing my opinion. I don't really engage in posts from men

@ilovemydogmore you literally put ‘I wouldn't dream of joining a site for dads and start sharing my opinions 'as a mum'. It's a very male thing to do to be honest.’

thats not what men are doing by posting on MN. As it’s not for mums.

Then why in the fuck is it called mumsnet

There is no point in reading any of the blurb either as that can't even get beyond the idea of Gender .

If it doesn't sound too pompous we think the concept of “mumming/mothering” goes beyond gender so don't feel Mumsnet is too exclusive.

Personally I come to MN to listen and talk with other women.

The fact that you've posted for reassurance and validation - and got it in spades - is a bit sick making, imo. One of the things I love about MN is that usually the women here are great at picking out when someone is being self-serving, and have no fear about calling them on it. Okay, sometimes it can be a bit mean, but it creates a culture in which we don't have 'stars' or posters who can't be challenged or subjects that can't be talked about. It keeps egos in check and everyone a bit more down to earth.

Then a man turns up and half of MN swoons and rushes to give validation and support.

Imagine if a woman had posted this. Comments would be along the lines of "attention-seeking much, OP?" and "Why do you need so much reassurance? Are you always this needy?" and "Is this a TAAT? Reported."

I value that it is primarily a female space and hope it stays that way. It’s a good place for sensible safe intelligent advice informed by life experience and thought provoking opinions etc. Not coloured by male bias. I don’t mind the odd man here (how gracious lol) mumsnet describe it as by parents for parents, if they wanted it women only surely they’d describe it as by mums, for mums?

I enjoyed OP’s other thread and did think it was a woman at first, but I agree it became a bit self-congratulatory overdone quips towards the end.

Agree. And no less than five times I have engaged with a thread, where we are all meant to fell safe, only to then receive lecherous PMs from various posters afterwards. I had no clue they were men.

Not to disagree entirely, but overall, aren't we kind of inundated with men's opinions in general? I'd personally like to hear viewpoints from other women.

You're fine to post on here these days.

Years ago, I would have said it's for mums i.e. women who have or raise children. But it's not now. It's a general, worldwide forum for anyone, with a big bias towards parenting, but loads of other corners.

It's good to have all views. i don't think echo chambers are healthy.

@CurlewKate that makes sense too, tbh - I guess we're all here for different reasons x

If a "balanced view" means men's views in a women's group it's no longer a women's group.

It is then the same as Reddit, Twitter, Facebook etc.

(I don't feel strongly either way, but the points raised in this thread have given me food for thought).

I mean, it’s not a crazy assumption to make, being that it’s called mumsnet 😂
How remiss of the poster to think the content would reflect the name eh?

Yes, this has happened to me, too.

Stupid women, thinking mumsnet would be for mums!
I always go on webuyanycar.com when I’m looking for property.

I always assume that anyone, just as anywhere else on the internet, may not be what they seem.

Mumsnet would be a real statistical anomaly if a significant number of female presenting posters were not male. That will be true of the vocal feminists as much as the Not My Nigel crew

It's really up to you if you post or not, your choice. I imagine some people might not like that though.

You can typically tell male posters, and even when they don't disclose their identify. There are certain traits, of which most are perhaps blissfully unaware :) I typically ignore most of them since I've seen little of value. All of the insightful posters on my radar are women.

@OneTC (as a software developer) it's very easy to do a content analysis on a poster and determine gender. It's not 100%, but for an account with several posts over time, I'd consider it accurate (unless the poster is using tools to obfuscate)

I passed your message through a text gender analysing tool and it shows as male.

Absolutely!