As a man, should I post on MN

[Dadfromthesea]

I love the MN forums. More often than not I just read them, as they’re useful from a parenting point of view and often very funny to boot. I occasionally comment. I’ve started one thread ever, before this one.

Saw a thread this morning about a perceived rise in ‘women hating’ men posting on here. I’m definitely not one of those, and would be mortified to come across as one. But before long the thread started talking about men in general, and whether or not they should be posting at all on a forum called Mumsnet that’s predominantly aimed at women.

I get the need for women-only spaces, and would hate to intrude on one unintentionally.

So as a man, as a dad, am I being unreasonable by posting on Mumsnet? If the consensus is that I am, then I’ll stop.

I thoroughly enjoyed the "Indiana Jones tarpaulin" thread. Didn't even consider your sex, just thought it was an entertaining thread.

I post mainly on 'the litter tray', I pointed out that I'm male after I was told to 'woman up' by someone on a thread, as I have no intention to mislead. I'm hoping I've never offended anyone here by behaving like an arse.

Post away, but please never ever start a post with “Man here” 😂

Or 'So', or 'Right', especially 'Right '.

I get the need for women-only spaces, and would hate to intrude on one unintentionally.

Really?

I'm also not a mother so I tend not to comment on parenting threads.

No I think it's absolutely fine, agree with poster above who says that it's good to get a range of perspectives including men!

You've started a thread to announce you are a man and are posting on Mumsnet. Why do this. You as well just say 'man here'

Most of the time on most of the threads the sex of a poster is irrelevant.
If men want to offer a contribution there's rarely a need to do so 'as a man' you can just say what you have to say and no one need be any the wiser, so its a bit of a non issue most of the time.
Where it becomes an issue is when men on MN feel the need to 'other' themselves by declaring their sex for no apparant reason. This always comes across to me as courting some sort of special treatment, attention, reassurance, authority that sets them apart.
The interesting thing for me is how often they get it too. A man posts something sensible and supportive 'as a man' and recieves a lot more positive reinforcement than a woman would get for the same. So there is mileage in presenting oneself a 'nice man' on here I suppose.

May as well

I loved your other thread and didn't actually notice the user name either.

I agree with a pp - fine to post as it's an open forum but agree with not telling posters they're wrong on female specific things like birth, breastfeeding etc. Same goes for the feminism topic as well.

I think this is a good summary OP.

And to add another view to the "man hating" which has been referred to up thread the reality for me is that - this is a predominantly female parent space and as such when I see so many examples on the world on how much women and kids are harmed by other men/boys (yup I know NAMALT but fat too many are) this is a place I come to express the pain, fear and to be honest, occasional rage I feel at this. Which is then jumbled on by some daft posters as "man hating ".

But yes OP provided you continue to read the room, so to speak, then please hang around. It's great here.

> off to find your other thread <

OMG my 2-year-old DS has started beginning every sentence with 'well actually'...

I quite liked on the other thread how everyone assumed OP was a woman. I have no problem with men being on here, but it's so rare to be in a situation where being a woman is the default.

I always find that the ones starting by saying they are a man are very strangely written.......in that you could tell they were a man without them telling you if you know what I mean🤔 I read your other thread and didn't guess and it was amusing so please carry on posting👍

This.

I welcome your input (and that of most intelligent men) and think it's refreshing.

It does grate, however, when men tip up with the expectation that their views will automatically be more relevant, more authoritative and that people will listen with more rapt attention. And this happens a lot, albeit mostly unconsciously.

The only place I’m not comfortable with men posting is on the sex threads. They always seem to congregate there and enjoy telling us all about their techniques and how their DW loves xyz. It just comes across a bit pervy tbh on a female dominated site.

But in general, I assume the poster is a woman, and when a DW or female DP is mentioned I’ll often assume it’s a lesbian couple unless it’s stated otherwise, which is a refreshing difference from the rest of the world where the default ends up being man/hetero. If someone’s user name suggests a male poster that helps to give a mental picture of who we’re engaging with and where it’s relevant I appreciated a heads-up, but if it’s just a regular thread then I don’t see why it matters tbh. Unless matters of biology or eg dating experiences, most other topics are fairly unisex and viewpoints vary across posters regardless of age, sex, background etc.

Yes. There’s definitely style of “witty repartee” that suggests male before you even get into the details!

I find the idea that men couldn't get parenting advice from a forum aimed at parenting just because they have the wrong chromosomes quite regressive. Sex is irrelevant when discussing school appeals or potty training or car seats or mobile phone use for example.

Other boards on here are aimed at female discussion rather than parenting discussion so probably should be avoided.

I don’t mind whether you’re male or female if you’re having the same parenting or life issues as me! Or if you give good “adult human” advice and know the answer to something. Or if you’re funny.

I never look at usernames anyway, you’re all just people, I don’t care what’s between your legs.

Thanks everyone.

I hadn’t considered that there might be a problem until I saw that other thread this morning, which was trending so obviously generating a bit of heat.

The responses are generally positive so I feel like I can carry on should the need arise.

And frankly, I have so many issues, personality flaws and general life inadequacies that the need will almost certainly arise frequently.

Thanks all.

PS - shroud situation stable.

Yes, it is regressive. Obviously, dads shouldn't expect brownie points vs mums just for being engaged and responsible parents (or indeed, for being a Brown Owl)

This.

Don’t be put off.

@Dadfromthesea after the Indian Jonesing thread.... don't you dare fucking leave us! 🤣

Youre very welcome to post. And you don't need anyone's permission. Enjoy the site!

I think it's fine for you to post, I am finding the sycophancy a bit nauseating though.

This ⬆️

You as much right to post as anyone else, there is no stipulation you have to be either a female or a parent