FiL asked me to check his will

[EE1980]

I'm not a probate lawyer

FiL asked me to check that his will reflects his intentions. He'd got a probate lawyer to draft it.

I asked him if he was sure he wanted me to check it. I pointed out I didn't do probate and being married to his son means I'm not independent.

He said he was fine with me reviewing it.

So he has left everything to his eldest son (not my husband). The house and land and furniture. Not one thing set aside my husband - nothing sentimental.

They're all very close and loving so not fall out. My husband is hurt. Will never say he is. Loves his parents and wouldn't want anything from them (though happy to take from mine).

Was it a bit unreasonable for my FiL to ask me to review his will when my husband os left out completely?

@Oblomov23 my DH was sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea when I read and explained the will to DIL so he knows he was there and he said nothing. Just carried on chatting afterwards. He has mentioned it only once since - when he said he thinks his dad had got it wrong.

My mom has cut me out of her will in favour of my daughter I pointed out it was up to me to gift my daughter and it was unfair for my dd and my sister to inherit not me or my sons she isnt changing it so I said OK she gets to rely on my sister and my daughter (who left town years ago) to do the heavy lifting during old age (or her drunk boyfriend) she was upset by this but unwilling to reinstate the 50/50 split it used to be between my sister and I in her mind she is being fair cutting me and her grandsons off because my sister doesn't have children apparently she "might" change it to include my sons too but I'm cut out

I leave her too it tbh it has distanced us because I share everything with my children there is no way I wouldn't share this but her money her choice

OP - are you a lawyer, albeit not a probate lawyer? Were you expected to keep the contents to yourself?

Is this real? What do you want from this thread that you can’t get from talking to your husband and FIL?

You both know what it said. Fucking speak

Are there any other siblings? Any sisters?

I agree with the majority of comments saying it’s really odd, and especially to get you to check it in these circumstances.

@Thebigblueballoon i haven't told anyone IRL. My DH was with me. It was in my house and no discussion about confidentiality just asked to ensure will reflected his intentions

OK so if they're not farmers, your inlaws are just regular people with a home etc? Your husband is a loving son to them. The only thing I can get from this is that your FIL is into psychological warfare and is a horrible man who doesn't deserve his son.

Sorry to hear that @Theunamedcat

Fucking hell, stop being such a doormat. This will impacts your life as well, and your father-in-law is the one who flung the door open to give your opinion. So what if your husband gets upset if you challenge your father-in-law? He's as big a doormat as you are.

You say you are all "close." That is absolutely laughable because you clearly are not.

I didn't say they were. I was referring to what happened in my family's situation. However, my term "kicking off" may not have been accurate, I wasn't there and was a baby at the time, but I know he certainly questioned things, which is what others on the post are suggesting they do!

Why did he ask you to look at and check it? Are you a solicitor?
You should say something to your pil. It’s not right at all.

That was quite a passive-aggressive, nasty way of letting your DH know that his father thinks that little of him.
I would have blown a gasket at FIL. He blindsided you and that is just cruel.

Oh ok. At least you've told him. You hadn't made that clear before.

"he thinks his dad had got it wrong."

That's very naieve. Of course his dad hasn't got it wrong. 🙄

Is your DH not even going to ask why he’s been disinherited?? It all sounds frightfully English where no-one says what they feel.

Its not odd though, he was clearly trying to let your DH know without directly telling him, what was in the will. I would not have been able to help myself if I was your DH, I would have asked why I was left out. Seems pretty mean unless there is a reason such as his sibling really needs the money, or you and your DH doesn't need any. Even then I really don't think its a good idea not to split assets between your children.
I will tell you what I think, I think your FIL's probate lawyer suggested that it is a good idea to let your DH know what was in the will so as to minimise any shock or surprise post his death, that is what I think has happened.
Sorry but I think this is a cowardly way to deal with it.

If he was asking you to ensure the will reflected his intentions, then it would be appropriate for you to ask him his intentions, so that you could determine that the will reflected them. So, did you in fact ask him his intentions? And, in front of your husband, he said that his intention was that he would not leave your husband anything? Not even a single memento?

This was an immensely cruel thing for him to do. There's no good way for your husband to respond. Any option is bad, for one reason or another. For my part (as the wife), however, I don't think I could ever look at FIL again. I would just be like, it was such a cruel thing to do, I cannot be around you. It's worse than simply leaving your husband nothing, it's making sure your husband KNOWS he was left nothing, making sure your husband KNOWS it was intentional, but also expecting the relationship to continue on the same. It just seems like a cruel and manipulative thing to do. I don't know, I'm trying to think of another motivation than him wanting to be cruel towards your husband, but I can't think of one.

@Aquamarine1029 I know. However I would be ostracised and isolated if I did. Perhaps DH would even divorce me. Painted as greedy and grabby. I'm controlled. I can't say anything in these circumstances hence I'm telling Mumsnet.

This thread is a fucking wind up. OP in her latest update has just admitted she's already told her DH.

but she never made clear in any of her other posts before. so this is just a joke.

Well at least you know what FIIL has planned. I know of two families, each with two siblings where the first one sibling knew that they were disinherited was when the will was read following the death of their parent.

I think I would step back from the relationship and tell them why, they put you in an incredibly uncomfortable situation where you effectively had to tell your DH he is disinherited.

They are not nice and kind and loving people, they are driving a wedge between their sons and letting your husband know he is not worthy.

All in all I would massively scale back any time and effort I gave them.

It seems you come from a culture where everything goes to the eldest son. That’s fine if the caring in old age responsibilities also go to the eldest son. If not then you can use your own culture against fil quite legitimately

Luckily, I am close to siblings, we have had a chat and if everything was left to one sibling we would split it equally anyway.
No point having bad blood as we are a small family anyway.

You paint a toxic family with a horrible dynamic.

this really doesn’t make any sense OP.

dad taunts son over disinheriting him. Son pretends he doesn’t care. Wife can’t say anything or her husband would divorce her.

Everyone pretends this is a close and living family.

I would be ostracised and isolated if I did. Perhaps DH would even divorce me. Painted as greedy and grabby. I'm controlled. I can't say anything in these circumstances hence I'm telling Mumsnet

hang on. I thought you said this was a loving and close family. If it’s not just leave eh?

Controlled by whom?