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AIBU?

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Original poster

FiL asked me to check his will

462 replies

EE1980 · 01/10/2023 22:17

I'm not a probate lawyer

FiL asked me to check that his will reflects his intentions. He'd got a probate lawyer to draft it.

I asked him if he was sure he wanted me to check it. I pointed out I didn't do probate and being married to his son means I'm not independent.

He said he was fine with me reviewing it.

So he has left everything to his eldest son (not my husband). The house and land and furniture. Not one thing set aside my husband - nothing sentimental.

They're all very close and loving so not fall out. My husband is hurt. Will never say he is. Loves his parents and wouldn't want anything from them (though happy to take from mine).

Was it a bit unreasonable for my FiL to ask me to review his will when my husband os left out completely?

OP posts:
Tbry · 01/10/2023 23:28

EE1980 · 01/10/2023 23:25

@BarbieKew it's all those things. Again - DH happy to take money from my parents and for me to know my parents are splitting everything equally and we're open with each-other about everything but I think he thinks his family are better than mine.

I personally think you parents need to make sure your inheritance goes to just you and not your husband.

Original poster
EE1980 · 01/10/2023 23:28

@Somanycats thanks but not going to challenge. I've not an issue with no money or assets coming our way - I don't want or need anything. As I said at start happy it's his assets to do as he wishes. I've no expectations and never have. It was just the whole asking me to read the will with DH sat next to me that was odd. Odd way to do things. He couldn't just said x is getting everything rather than asking me to review his will. Heh ho.

OP posts:
Tbry · 01/10/2023 23:29

EE1980 · 01/10/2023 23:23

@Aquamarine1029 Ive my own money and property. I work in a professional job but at home with DH and his family there are things you don't say or talk about and that includes money and people you don't like.

That’s a controlling environment not a happy family.

Ratlingbow · 01/10/2023 23:29

I think it's weird you didn't say anything.....the only reason I can SEE for asking you to read it, was SO you could say something. Maybe he's being forced into something or maybe he has a reason but I can't see why you wouldn't ask. Normal parents split everything equally unless there's a good reason not to. And if there is some reason they hate your dh do you really want to continue spending so much time with them?

Codlingmoths · 01/10/2023 23:29

Ok so you’re not close at all, and actually you’re totally controlled by your dh if you do or say something your dh disagrees with he will probably divorce you? This doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship at all. On the bright side, if you leave him, you won’t be missing out on any inheritance!

jlpth · 01/10/2023 23:30

Sorry, but you are deluded if you think this is a close family.

The FIL is playing games by making you read that will. Is he so fucking stupid that he can't understand his own basic will? It's not like he's got 49 children and his stuff is being divided up based on the number of beard hairs they each have, is it. He's leaving it all to one person, his favourite kid. And your dh is a very silly mug if he doesn't say anything.

And if it's some sort of test - well, sorry but that's not what a close family do. Fucking manipulate and be weird? No, just say it as it is and behave like a person.

There's a phrase that gets trotted out on here a lot: something like when someone tells/shows you what they are like, believe them. Well, translated for your dh, his father likes his sibling more and he's happy to rub this straight in your dh's face. Given that there's no reason for this, your FIL is horrible.

Original poster
EE1980 · 01/10/2023 23:30

@Aquamarine1029 I know.

Mil has a mirror will to FiL so think that it says the same (had to review that too)

OP posts:
Original poster
EE1980 · 01/10/2023 23:31

@Codlingmoths ha true!

OP posts:
TextMeToro · 01/10/2023 23:32

Well, if OP is not bothered about the contents of the Will, and her DH isn’t either, and everyone in the family is happy, I’m not sure what the point of this thread is? If everyone is fine about things and can read the Will together there’s nothing else to say.

dannyufcfan · 01/10/2023 23:32

This thread title is one letter off being really dark.

SemperIdem · 01/10/2023 23:32

Can I ask why you posted?

You must have suspected that your FIL will was going to get a lot of questions.

What were you hoping to gain from this thread, if you have no desire to raise it with your FIL? Just a general, across the board validation you are right in being taken aback?

HoHoHoliday · 01/10/2023 23:33

I can't believe you read the will and said nothing at all about it's contents, and your husband sat next to you heard what was in it and also just sat there saying nothing. What is wrong with both of you?!
And you say your husband is the best possible son to a loving father - but that father has completely cut him out of his will in favour entirely of his other son.
That's not a loving father/son relationship, that's disfunctional.
When you read the will out you could have clarified, "so, just to confirm you are leaving everything to son1 and nothing to son2?"

jlpth · 01/10/2023 23:33

dannyufcfan · 01/10/2023 23:32

This thread title is one letter off being really dark.

Actually I think that OP checking FIL's willy would be less weird than FIL making OP read a will that specifically cuts her dh out.

givemeasunnyday · 01/10/2023 23:34

Wow! I'm all for leaving your assets to whoever you want, but that is just mean. As for getting you to check the will, I'm flabbergasted. I don't think I could stay quiet on this, but can't imagine why anyone would do it.

FrenchieF · 01/10/2023 23:34

I think he wanted you to question it , he maybe regretted the will and wants it changed.

Mari9999 · 01/10/2023 23:35

It is amazing that people have such varied ideas about entitlement to someone else's money. Most people would not appreciate their parents telling them how to spend or appreciate their money, yet they have no qualms in thinking that they should have a say or be a recipient of their parents resources.

anon12345anon · 01/10/2023 23:36

TextMeToro · 01/10/2023 23:32

Well, if OP is not bothered about the contents of the Will, and her DH isn’t either, and everyone in the family is happy, I’m not sure what the point of this thread is? If everyone is fine about things and can read the Will together there’s nothing else to say.

Exactly this ⬆️

Op, what are you asking?

Do I think it's weird - absolutely....

But if neither of you care, what's the problem??

If you do care, why don't you sit down and ask the in laws to explain why they aren't leaving anything to your husband??

Original poster
EE1980 · 01/10/2023 23:37

Sorry yes @SemperIdem

I can't mention this irl to anyone.

I can't comment on it or refer to it on passing so I just needed to say it here - that it was odd.

I'm hurt for my DH

I'm angry I can't say to FIL that I think he could've handled this differently

I'm angry DH has no balls with his DF to say he is hurt but has balls to challenge me and so it's a no go area.

I'm angry and I can't tell anyone in irl.

Sorry if I've wasted anyones time here.

OP posts:
OnedayIwillfeelfree · 01/10/2023 23:38

That’s not a loving family, they are playing favourites/divide and rule. That’s @ choice they have made. If they want to play games, let them. No need to feel guilty as you slowly distance yourself. The favoured sibling can be responsible as they get older and more frail.

Longdarkcloud · 01/10/2023 23:38

I’m reminded of a case where a wealthy man and his wife made identical wills each leaving everything to the other.
Later the wife returned to the solicitor and made another will in favour of their DC, swearing the solicitor to secrecy. In due course the wife predeceased her husband who when he learnt of the new will, came into the solicitor’s offices screaming blue murder.
The wife was much put upon by her husband and we all felt pleased she’d been brave enough to have the last word.

Original poster
EE1980 · 01/10/2023 23:38

@anon12345anon because my DH would divorce me.

Because the wider family would hate me. Isolate and ostracise me. So that's why I can't ask.

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 01/10/2023 23:38

Mari9999 · 01/10/2023 23:35

It is amazing that people have such varied ideas about entitlement to someone else's money. Most people would not appreciate their parents telling them how to spend or appreciate their money, yet they have no qualms in thinking that they should have a say or be a recipient of their parents resources.

Most parents would not want their last act to be one that would leave their bereaved child confused and hurt.

I don’t care if my parents spend all their money having a great time in their retirement years, good on them quite frankly.

I would however be massively hurt if they left everything to my sibling, and nothing, even sentimental things, to me at all.

Bellyblueboy · 01/10/2023 23:39

Mari9999 · 01/10/2023 23:35

It is amazing that people have such varied ideas about entitlement to someone else's money. Most people would not appreciate their parents telling them how to spend or appreciate their money, yet they have no qualms in thinking that they should have a say or be a recipient of their parents resources.

if my parents left their entire estate to my brother and left me out I would be devastated.

its not about money - it’s about what you meant to them. My parents are far from perfect - but they view our inheritance as a way for them to still look after us once they are gone.

of course we are financially independent adults - but still.

everyone is different - maybe you would be fine about your parents not want to give you anything. I would be hurt. In the same way I would be hurt if they gave my brother a Christmas present but not me. It’s not the money, it’s the deliberate act of exclusion.

SemperIdem · 01/10/2023 23:39

EE1980 · 01/10/2023 23:38

@anon12345anon because my DH would divorce me.

Because the wider family would hate me. Isolate and ostracise me. So that's why I can't ask.

Why would he divorce you?

It seems an unusual family, that you have married in to.

Bellyblueboy · 01/10/2023 23:40

EE1980 · 01/10/2023 23:38

@anon12345anon because my DH would divorce me.

Because the wider family would hate me. Isolate and ostracise me. So that's why I can't ask.

Do you feel safe in this marriage and in this family? It’s doesn’t sound safe and it doesn’t sounds like you are valued.