FiL asked me to check his will

[EE1980]

I'm not a probate lawyer

FiL asked me to check that his will reflects his intentions. He'd got a probate lawyer to draft it.

I asked him if he was sure he wanted me to check it. I pointed out I didn't do probate and being married to his son means I'm not independent.

He said he was fine with me reviewing it.

So he has left everything to his eldest son (not my husband). The house and land and furniture. Not one thing set aside my husband - nothing sentimental.

They're all very close and loving so not fall out. My husband is hurt. Will never say he is. Loves his parents and wouldn't want anything from them (though happy to take from mine).

Was it a bit unreasonable for my FiL to ask me to review his will when my husband os left out completely?

It may not be a farm but it will be rented to famers?

I'm not certain... but it must be , as OP said it wasn't a farm, but mentioned land and ''rent'' so it 'stays in family'

I knew of someone who inherited land which they sold- but that wasn't a farm either- just random fields her dad bought.

The inheriting family tried to get planning permission for seven houses but failed {GOOD!} as the villagers were up in arms.

I know it's difficult but I would raise this with your FIL. My parents wills have always been very clear. Everything was to be evenly split between my sister and myself. A few years ago, after my father died, my DM had her will changed so that if either of us predeceased her, our share would go to our children. she went to a solicitor and asked them to re-do the will. She then asked me to review it. I was shocked to see that the will now said that if either of us predeceased her, our children would inherit our share - only if they were aged 25 or over. Like you, I didn't didn't feel it was my place to criticise her decision, but at the time my sister's children were aged 31, 25 and 22. My children were aged 21, 16 and 13.

I didn't say anything at the time, but after a lot of thought, I called her and asked if that had had been her intention. She was absolutely horrified. She had asked for our children to inherit if either of us predeceased her. She hadn't asked for any caveats. The solicitor had taken it upon herself to add that. My DM had assumed her wishes had been complied with and not bothered to read it, but asked me to read it just to make sure it was ok. Even when she asked for it to be changed, the solicitor still took it upon herself to add a clause stating that money would be held in trust until the beneficiary was aged 25.

Thankfully my DM is still going strong and all her grandchildren are over 25 now. In the end it's your FIL's decision, but, maybe your FIL's solicitor has misinterpreted his wishes. You should probably check that the will actually says what he intended it to say rather than feeling hurt over this.

It's not loving to leave nothing to one of your children. That is the opposite of a loving father.

I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask FIL why he has left everything to the other son and his request to you to check the will reflects his intentions could either be to let you and DH know so that you have confirmed with him that it reflects his intentions (hence harder to contest later) or to open up a discussion because he is unsure he is doing the right thing. I think he would expect you to be wondering why it has been drafted like that. He may be being pressured or he may have some reason for it but you and DH will always be wondering about it if you don’t ask him. It will also help you establish if he is being pressured, confused, of sound mind etc.

My father cut me and one of my children out of his will leaving it all to my brother, his wife and children and a lump sum gift to my youngest. No explanation and we were close when he was alive with me organising some of his care, taking him to hospital visits etc. I have always wondered why but I can’t ask him after his death. Had my suspicions about coersion but hard to prove. You have the chance to find out so why not ask?

What a nasty spiteful man he is. It could be a test to see if his son has the guts to challenge.
You know now. Therefore it is up to you. Challenge or cower in the corner.
If you challenge It can't get worse with the FIL.
Hide away then come back in a few years time after he is dead and whinge about unfairness.
Consult a solicitor now and find out the legal situation re that fucking Will and your own position in your own marriage, after the FIL passes.
Keep that advice to YOURSELF for now.

Having worked in a few law firms as a legal secretary with wills, probate etc, I’d say it’s good to have dialogue sometimes on what’s in a will.
But I’d also say, wills and money bring out the worst in people.

Have also had a few family experiences (I think most of MN have!) of families behaving despicably re wills and what they feel they’re deserved or not.

I only have DB and SIL and their 2 DC to leave anything to do they’ll get the lot. Or a cats home!

I’d also challenge cultural norms eg in Ireland with farms etc, aren’t there less farms there now? So maybe the cultural expectation of leaving land/farm to eldest son is outdated? Stepdad’s family are Irish and none of his brothers and their families farm at all!

this is how generational trauma and malice gets passed on. Be careful, OP. If your keep living like this, toeing the line and imagining that you a full grown adult do not have any choice but to bow before the "elders" and live like a prisoner (despite being educated and financially stable), you will end up just like the elders. You will become the very thing you now hate.

Or, like another MNer said, the regrets you will have to live with will be so crushing and huge you will find it difficult even to breathe, later in your life.

So what if this so called family ostrasiced or isolated you? Good riddance to filthy rubbish. Getting divorced and isolated would be the best thing to happen to you, because then you would be free to start afresh and create a better future for yourself - which would be a million times better than the life you are leading now, little more than a prisoner of your own mind and surrounded by terrible, manipulative people.

Generally anyone can contest a will if they think it’s invalid. You can’t contest a will before the person has died.

There are various ways you can contest a will but as of approx 8 years ago, it’s expensive and lengthy to do this and generally you have to prove eg if a son/daughter that you’d need to depend on the money left (not saying that clearly!) so eg if you’re under 18 or physically/mentally disabled.

There is a lot to unpick here.

This is not a loving and close family.

You are not happily married. Are you in a controllong relationship?

Do you think your FIL is aware of this and giving you a message that he does realise this or is he a controller and controlling your husband.

It was cruel of your FIL for you to be the messenger.

Whatever the reason the dynamic is off. I think you need to think about your own life and where you should end up. Sounds like you have a good job and dome property behind you if you wanted to make a move. Are you waiting for the kids to grow up? Whatever get all your ducks in a row and make a plan xx

You mean his family are wealthier than yours - not better?

As you're married, whatever you inherit will be your husbands.

When it comes to wills and inheritances, nothing surprises me. For a family claiming to be so close knit, they are ensuring their two sons won't be in the future.....

OP, you’ve said you are white British, but is your DH’s family? Many cultures still have the view of giving everything to the eldest son.

You need to contact womens'aid. And get out of there.

You can move to your own family @EE1980. You can be free - you don't need to live as though you're slowly suffocating. And btw if you are prevented from speaking by implied threat of divorce, that IS coercion.

All marriages are not like this, I promise you.

Interesting that your DH believes his family is better than yours but is happy to accept any cash coming from your family. More than a little hypocritical!

From what you have described, this isnt a massive fortune.

Are PIL under the illusion that they are posher than you and this is what posh people do?

This would be my guess.

Yes, because farmers have it so easy, don't they?

From your description of your marriage, it sounds like you need to divorce him long before the inheritance comes along and he plans how to spend it!

My thoughts entirely. Spiteful old cunt

It wasn’t odd. It was intentional, so that your DH will know he’s been left out. I’d say FiL was testing the water to see what the reaction would be. If I was your DH I’d be telling him how hurt I was and ask if there was any reason he wasn’t even left something of sentimental value.

Is it the case that your FIL lives in a house with land (like a family farm) that was passed down to him?

Will the brother who inherits be running the family estate/ farm?

The more I read of your thread Op, the more I think Callieachian may have hit the nail on the head. I did at first think he was showing it to you now so that you couldn't contest it in the future, as this would show some acceptance of the situation, however unfair it is, but I think you should now be prepared for the other eventuality. 🙁

You say you have children; have you asked your 'D'H if he will do the same to them?

Absolutely this! He asked you to check if the will reflected his intentions in the sure and certain knowledge that you are so cowed that you wouldn’t say, ‘well if your intention was to leave everything to John and for my DH to inherit nothing, then your will certainly reflects that.’

Even a probate lawyer wouldn’t be able to advise unless he asked FIL further questions.

Not so I am afraid. Highly unlikely that will happen unless the person was financially dependent upon the testator. People writing wills can basically do what they want.

He's already got my inheritance planned on a camper van

How DARE he?

Seriously, OP, talk to your family and see if they can take you in. This whole situation is bizarre, and the more you share, the more uncomfortable I am about you being with him and his family.