Kids Football sideline spat

[Lionessmummy]

OK- this is my first post so please be gentle.

My 8 year old DS is passionate about football. It's not just a hobby It's a passion. I fully support him and take him to training, extra practice, matches etc... It's very much become our bond which we both love.

I would also like to add that academically my DS doesn't excel, he sits and watches all the other kids at school get certificates for maths, spellings, star of the week which he accepts no problem because his goal is to get player of the match on a Sunday.

This weekend I had a little spat on the sideline with another parent because I was encouraging my DS and he thought I was acting more like a coach rather than a parent? I was telling my son to keep on his toes, keep his chin up, keep moving into space etc.. all which my son loves and appreciates. He said I was bang out of order and should let the coaches do the talking. He said they are all playing for fun and should be enjoying the game (which I don't dispute) but my son wants to win, wants to compete and wants to achieve. Is my son wrong in wanting to win?

AIBU to think who the f**k do you think you are?

I absolutely love my football weekends with my son but this has really made me not want to be part of this team.

But these aren't professional matches! It is a bunch of kids developing their skills and having fun.
It shouldn't be about creating atmosphere for parents it should be about creating the best environment for children. Besides, we still cheer the kids on we just don't instruct them.

Find a new team OP. At my sons football (who is a similar age btw) all the parents talk to eachother, all shout instructions and all shout encouragement to all the kids. I will shout ' amazing 'X', move into space now' to any kid on the pitch as do every other parent. Funny how we win every week

At my sons football - age 6. Two dads arrived, stood in front of where I was sitting and started roaring get in his face David, get in his face (ds's face) which I felt was a bit much. Also as this was the bloody mess around before the actual training started. I despair. DM used to make a holy show of us roaring from the sidelines as kids but I will caveat that with she only ever shouted lovely ball, come on Team or Well done team. Never specific instructions.

of course you do and YOU are the reason why, of course.. 😂😂

I love how some posters insist on pretending they can't see the difference between normal encouragements and cheering, and being a wannabe-coach as described by Gary Lineker above.

When 10 people shout random nonsense when YOU are playing your sport, how much do YOU actually take in for a start?

I'd also love to know, do you also "coach a bit from the side" when your child is doing all the other music, drama, martial arts, cricket, riding, racing clubs kids do at that age? (again, as opposed to encouragement like any normal and civilised parent will do), do you coach then or is it just reserved for football?

I think encouragement is fine. “Come on Jack” “well done Jack” etc

coaching isn’t.

Lots and lots of experience on the sidelines of kids sports teams.

Are their other parents who do this ? @Lionessmummy

Absolutely. Yep. They are always a few..
Would I want to stand next to them? NO

Are they a PITA? Yes. ( See the OP )

Do their kids do any better than kids with "quieter" parents? Of course not.

What I've found is that by about age 14 parents calm down. Their child tells them to STFU or the parent realises that their kid isn't the new Messi.

And can I point out that all the kids want to win.

Find a new team OP. At my sons football (who is a similar age btw) all the parents talk to eachother, all shout instructions and all shout encouragement to all the kids. I will shout ' amazing 'X', move into space now' to any kid on the pitch as do every other parent. Funny how we win every week

🤣🤣🤣🤣😆😆👌🏼

There are some seriously unintentionally hilarious people on this thread. 😂

How would it be if you applied the same level of encouragement to his academic side? He will need it even if he follows a sporting career or joins an academy. You could incorporate it into maths, reading, etc and equally make it a fun thing to share.
I agree that shouting parents are an absolute pain at matches and they often get told to stop at matches here.

The FA have become quite hot on all this. We parents have to sign up to a code of conduct, there’s a designated area where we stand (the ‘respect’ line) and a match day delegate to monitor behaviour and liaise with the coaches.

Isn’t this the same for all leagues?

@EaudeJavel talk about being clueless some more 😂😂😂

Older kids don't stand for it. Do you have older ones @thiswasabadone ?

like your helpful "coaching' you mean? 😂

Love how you avoid answering any question that might put a slight damper on your behaviour

Hi everyone

I am the original OP of this thread and having read some of the feedback I feel the need to update on developments.

After reading some of the comments I contacted my son's coaches to get their take on the situation. They agreed that it can be frustrating to hear parents on the sideline shouting, however, they feel that the encouragement I give ALL the team is well received and they have no problem with it. They don't feel I have overstepped the boundaries of a parent and feel that my son responds well to the odd 'stay alert' comment. I just want to add at this stage that I'm not constantly shouting, just the odd encouragement here and there.

It has also come to light that the reason the other parent (who confronted me) was disgruntled was because my son was tasked with the position his son usually plays which he didn't like. That's more of a him problem imo.

100% it's my sons team not mine 🤷‍♀️. I have no desire to play in my son's football team 😂 but the parents do get invested, we do fundraise for equipment, hunt around for team sponsors, run the tea stall, so when I say it makes me feel like I don't want to be part of the team, that's what I'm referring too. After the confrontation it just makes me feel uncomfortable moving forward.

I have spoken to my son this morning and he said he likes me watching and encouraging him. His words were 'I want you to pay attention to the game and not just stand and chat like the other mums' his words not mine.

I do appreciate your feedback and I will defo take note, especially being more mindful not to make coaching comments to confuse my son and the players. I came on here to get opinions and other points of view (which I certainly got!)

Whilst here, i do feel the need to say that some responses were unfortunately mean and aggressive. Parenting doesn't come with a handbook and I thought this platform was somewhere where we can seek guidance and advise. Not judgement and jumping to assumptions (there was a lot of that)
For the record i do invest a lot of time in my child's education. He struggles and I do all I can to help and support him. My child is happy and healthy and just absolutely loves football.

I'm signing out now but again, would like to thank everybody who gave constructive advise, it really is appreciated and i will take it onboard.

For the record, I won't be coming here again, as many of you are just too unkind.

YABVU

Im a football parent and parents like you, who tread on the toes of the (often unpaid/volunteer) coaches, make football a really unpleasant experience.

I also don’t know any children who enjoy being bellowed at on the sidelines. You’re lucky the coach hasn’t told you to STFU as well.

I highly doubt any coach is overjoyed with bellowing parents shouting instructions. But we will never know because it’s the internet and we are taking the OP’s word for it

As a qualified football coach with decades of coaching and playing experience i would suggest your input will in the long run be a negative to your child.

Your ds needs to learn to think for himself on the pitch. He needs to think quickly and naturally. If he spends his developing years listening to mummy telling him to switch on, move here, go there, what happens when you are not there?

These early years are where he should be able to relax, form relationships with his team mates and coaches. Learn who to listen to and how to concentrate on his own game.

I am not coming at this from a yabu POV. I took years to learn that sometimes the most powerful lesson is to keep quiet and let them learn. You being involved is important. As many well dones as you can muster. But try not to coach them. If the team coach is any good that is the only input you need to be giving.

Oh dear. Positional competition. Lovely. This is getting worse.

Hindsight is wonderful thing I know but sports parents need to chill out.

Obviously no one here has ever heard you OP @Lionessmummy but I know I'm referring to a type of parent that I have seen repeatedly.

Don't be that type.

And don't underestimate the absolute support of any other parent who isn't coaching from the sidelines.

😂😂😂

Thank you so much @Tessasanderson . This is the kind of feedback which is appreciated and definitely noted 😊

@GodDammitCecil it's not an over exaggeration. Many of these comments are simply unkind, making out that what the op does is horrendous behaviour when actually it's incredibly common. They aren't being constructive, they are just being unpleasant towards the op. But this is MN so I'm not sure I'd expect any better.

I've spent many many years at youth football and am yet to see a game where all of the parents remain silent all of the time (apart from the tragic attempt of silent sideline weekend which everyone hated). I've seen parents behave appallingly shouting abuse at their own kids and others. Referees who are often only kids themselves getting abuse. It's disgraceful sometimes. But what the op is describing is not harmful and wouldn't irritate me one bit.

And yes for the record of course I'm not comparing youth football to professional football 😂 my point was that football is the type of sport that spectators react to. There is always a good atmosphere and that's great for the kids too. Everyone is buzzing at the end of a game win or lose. I'm just grateful my sons team is made up of active, involved parents not tight lipped MNers who are probably too scared to make a peep for fear of being judged as annoying 🙈

@EaudeJavel bless you! Have a nice day 😂

You do sounds like you're sucking the fun out of it for everyone really.

I have spoken to my son this morning and he said he likes me watching and encouraging him. His words were 'I want you to pay attention to the game and not just stand and chat like the other mums' his words not mine.

I don't think anyone thinks you shouldn't encourage him and pay attention to the game. Like opens have said, saying 'good pass' or clapping is not the same as shouting instructions about toes.

I'd have squashed him on him policing you chatting to other adults though.