Kids Football sideline spat

[Lionessmummy]

OK- this is my first post so please be gentle.

My 8 year old DS is passionate about football. It's not just a hobby It's a passion. I fully support him and take him to training, extra practice, matches etc... It's very much become our bond which we both love.

I would also like to add that academically my DS doesn't excel, he sits and watches all the other kids at school get certificates for maths, spellings, star of the week which he accepts no problem because his goal is to get player of the match on a Sunday.

This weekend I had a little spat on the sideline with another parent because I was encouraging my DS and he thought I was acting more like a coach rather than a parent? I was telling my son to keep on his toes, keep his chin up, keep moving into space etc.. all which my son loves and appreciates. He said I was bang out of order and should let the coaches do the talking. He said they are all playing for fun and should be enjoying the game (which I don't dispute) but my son wants to win, wants to compete and wants to achieve. Is my son wrong in wanting to win?

AIBU to think who the f**k do you think you are?

I absolutely love my football weekends with my son but this has really made me not want to be part of this team.

Yes it is a special team. The kids are brilliant.

No need to die on my behalf, grow up. 🙄

All teams are special to the parents of the kids in it?

I have never once seen the kids actually take any "advice" or "coaching" from their parents on the sidelines. Shouting "get into a space" or "pass to X" has no effect on the game whatsoever, the kids never ever do any of it because they can't hear you properly anyway. So do us all a favour and stfu.

OP have you played a team sport yourself? It’s impossible for a kids to hear the instructions yelled at them by their parent. If they do stop to listen they’re taking their eyes off the game. If ALL the parents are shouting instructions as someone here is suggesting it’s an absolute mess! Let the coach do the coaching, the parents’ job is to clap and cheer for every player on the team.

I’d also suggest having a look at your priorities. For a lot of kids playing sport is the highlight of their week, it certainly is for my DS. But that doesn’t make him special or more likely to succeed. I’ve seen a lot of parents pour everything they’ve got into their kids’ sporting dreams. None of them have grown up to be professional athletes. Several are now very directionless young men who’ve abandoned the sport because they didn’t ’make it’ and have done poorly at school because they were so focused on sport. We shouldn’t be teaching kids to give up on anything they’re not ‘the best’ at.

No kid is going to thank their parent for getting into a ‘spat’ with another parent on the sideline.

Shouting encouragent is lovely. Coaching is not. No matter how great you think you are / your kid is.

Just leave it to the actual coaches.

Reminder: he’s 8. It’s not the World Cup.

This is a good read about Why kids give up sport.

Hint - being a yeller isn’t helpful.

I took my dc to a team that sounds exactly like t(e one @Valhalla17 is describing.
'Gentle encouragement' and coaching from the sidelines.

Three games we managed before going elsewhere. He was like a nervous wreck being 'gently encouraged' from random men. And he wasn't an anxious child by any stretch of the imagination.

It was supposed to be an enjoyable experience and it was supposed to be about the children. Not the parents.

There is no other situation where you take a young child and let a load of adults instruct them at high volume.

My dd is learning to drive at the moment. With one instructor. He's not going to open the windows and be gently encouraged by other people who can also drive. That would be confusing.

It actually feels as though parents on THIS thread are the agresssive bullies that we encounter on the sidelines every Sunday.

What do you mean @Valhalla17 ?

That some other parents are yelling at the children in your team or in your league in an aggressive and bullying way?

Ha my children have made it blatantly clear to husband and I that they won’t listen to anything we have to say and they take their direction from the coaches. We always have a happy debrief, with lots of encouragement and laughter, after the matches. There’s just no need for this shouting from the sidelines from anyone, it’s really annoying.

I watched one boy shout back at one of those ‘encouraging parents’ on Sunday (not her child) and he pretty much politely told her where to go. I did have a wry smile!

@Valhalla17. good try! Wow, you really are entrenched and convinced of your own importance. This is exactly why there should always be a policy of excluding parents like you from games. There is where I am and I wouldn't allow my kids to play if there were parents like you allowed.

Every team I have encountered has strict guideline rules for parents, which includes not giving instructions. It undermines what they have been told by the coach. It’s incredibly rude to give instructions when you don’t know the specific instructions the coach has given them. It confuses the players and has a negative impact on the team. If you did that at most teams you’d be banned from the matches.

@Lionessmummy I mean this kindly. Your child is unlikely to be a professional footballer (statistically).
I’d let him enjoy the football and focus your energy on listening to him read every day and reading to him for a good chunk of time every day, play maths games in the car, read non fiction books with him to support whatever topic he’s learning about this term, take him out to museums, galleries, etc. There is so much you can do to support him academically.

Forgive me if you do all of these but the tone of your post was quite “he’s not academic - shrug” Academic support helps every single child, whatever their ability.

Parents shouting on the side lines helps no-one, other than the odd “well done”. At our school parents are not allowed to shout instructions or shout for individual children - were allowed to clap and make general noise but if I shouted “get into space” or whatever I’d have a coach telling me politely to shut up. It’s distracting and we’re not the coaches. Also, if I go wild screaming and shouting when an 8 year old scores a goal, that’s a bit shit for the other team. They’re 8. And I couldn’t give two hoots who wins anyway. My dc know that so long as they enjoy playing I really don’t care who wins. The winning is in enjoying the game as far as I’m concerned!

It's our Harvest Festival today. We've rehearsed...but I'm really hoping that a few parents will be yelling out encouragement from the audience.

That will only improve the performance I feel.

We are signing all three songs so there are bound to be mistakes that some gentle encouragement and 'some coaching' could sort out.

I don't suppose put off any of the children being instructed from all areas of the hall because the encouragement will only be positive.

@QuillBill 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Whether you're right or you're wrong, I would have minded my own business if I was him. Not his job.

As a football mum - don't be that parent, you aren't the coach, it's distracting to other kids and undermining to the coaches. Shout good job, bad luck, keep going etc all you like but don't be trying to coach him from the sidelines.

@EaudeJavel lol I wouldn't say I'm one of the parents pissing everyone off. I don't shout much at all in comparison to some of the other people stood with me on the sidelines. Maybe the odd "clear it!!!" or "get in the box!!!!" but that's as far as it goes for me.

People acting like this sort of thing is crime of the century are detached from reality. You may not agree with it but the response to what op said she does is so disproportionate it's laughable.

I believe you have the best of intentions and perhaps are not aware of why this type of behaviour is generally seen as a big no-no. I'm surprised your son's coaches haven't let you all know their expectations around sideline etiquette which is simply support your child, and the team, but leave the instructions and coaching to the coaching team who will have specific aims and plans based on training and pre match planning etc. No child needs different voices in their head. Your son is driven and enjoys it so let him and let him enjoy the support and his mum on the sideline, there for him and cheering but not telling him what to do. I assume you cheer for and encourage his team mates also?

Nobody’s said it’s the ‘crime of the century’. Why the massive over-exaggeration?

Everyone’s all for positive encouragement - to all players (not just your kid).

It’s just coaching on the sideline that’s frowned upon.

I think you’re the one who’s ’detached from reality’.

I can’t believe anyone who’s spent any time on the sideline of kids’ sports doesn’t understand this.

Leave the coaching to the coaches. Your kid can’t hear you, for one. And the coaches know all the players - not just your darling Johnny. So they’re far better placed to coach the team. It is a team sport, after all.

Haaa I know. I expect OP to be given 40 lashes on the penalty spot at this rate!

there was absolutely nothing passive-aggressive in that comment, I couldn't have been more direct 😂. You prove my point in term of conflicting instructions and mix-up of understanding.

IF you ever finish your "coach training", do come back and tell us how you enjoy parents shouting and not letting you put a word in!

I have very rarely seen 1 coach with kids, it's usually 2. That's already 4 adults coaching the kids on the pitch. Your "helpful" group of parents is just making noise and disturbing everyone, your players included.

The way we see it as parents, we are part of the team too.
Oh we all understand you see it that way. And we are all telling you.. no, you are not. You are not part of the team either when you go and support whatever Premier League you support 😂

I absolutely can imagine what kind of team you are, the bloody nightmare we all dread to meet, and not because we are remotely worried our kids will lose to. Because you are a pain in the arse, living through your kids.

I"d love to know how not pretending we are the coach is making anyone a bully? 😂

I used to be a bit like you OP, but I’ve decided that I’m not helping anyone, me included, by feeling so invested in what’s going on! None of my kids are likely to become professionals, and extreme competitiveness in children doesn’t endear them to their peers either. The mixed messages coming at them from everywhere just doesn’t help.
I would say that you need to find a way to help your son become more engaged in his school work for his sake!

At my ds club I don't think what you have des ribed would be a problem. We tried the silent football thing a couple of times and I didn't like it not being able to say when they do well or give some encouragement.

@WishIwasElsa there is a difference between shouting well done and shouting instructions. No-one has a problem with the first but no parent should be shouting instructions.

Do you shout instructions at your child if they are in a school play or do you clap at convenient places?