Partner and 18 year old?

[Cuppacakey]

Feel silly for writing this but need others views to see if I’m looking at it wrong or not.
a few months ago I found out by overhearing my 17 year old partners niece and him talk that he gave a lift to one of her friends.
Fast forward to last night (partners nieces 18th birthday party) myself and partner and our daughters attended. Our youngest daughter was dancing on the dance floor and said 18 year old dancing with her. My partner got up and took photos of our daughter with 18 year old. Now I thought that was odd. My partner wasn’t taking any photos of myself with daughters on dance floor? Later the said 18 year old came outside and my partner gave her a hug and kiss and said hello. He did put his arm around me and when I tried to make conversation with her she still didn’t give me any eye contact and just spoke and looked at my partner.
Am I reading this completely wrong or the vibes I picked up are questionable?
we are 34 and 35 and it just felt all a bit weird to me.

Tell her Dad and see if he thinks its ok.

How would she know who her dad was though - given that it’s a friend of her partners’ niece ?

Given Russell Brand's dalliances with 16 year olds I think we'll see more of this.

It's becoming normalised.

If my partner, I'd not only throw him out but would be shouting about this creepy predatory behaviour by him to niece's family, mentioning photos, giving a lift, adding her on FB and fact she blanked you at party. You have every right to be suspicious of his very dodgy behaviour and gaslighting.

He thinks you will back down with time OP. Show him you mean business. 17yr old probably flattered by his attention and equally as disrespectful IMHO.

Keep strong OP you deserve so much more than this immature, disrespectful integrity lacking creep.

Oh id find him,

What a cunt! Tell his nieces parents what is happening. As a mum to a nearly 18 year old DD this is sickening. Keep strong and stand your ground. YANBU at all!

With SM it would not be hard at all.

Giving somebody stranded in the rain a lift (whether they’re 17 or 70)? No problem imo.

accepting a friend request? I wouldn’t have cared about that.

the behaviour at the party and the vibe? I would have been upset as well

his reaction to this? Holy crap! That screams gaslighting and trying to cover up something. I am so sorry!

and whether he’s “just” trying to hurt you or actually meeting her.. gross and emotionally abusive imo.

Do you have a joint account / accounts? Own your own home? Do you work?

I can't believe he just left without trying to explain or anything. OP I think he's been wanting to leave you for a long time now.

I really hope this creep doesn’t worm his way back in with the OP.

He's absolutely up to something. He's shaging her or trying to. Innocent people don't behave like this.

The way he reacted to @Cuppacakey demonstrates a lack of care and a lack of respect. The relationship is dead.

He's definitely up to something from everything you've said. It seems he was trying to cheat earlier in your relationship and got away with it so thought he could just tell the (OP) silly woman to shut up and that it was all perfectly acceptable and just in her head and continue as normal. He probably can't believe that you really want him to leave so only took a few things and will come back for the rest assuming you'll be upset and beg him to stay. Please don't.

Please pre-empt this by having his stuff ready packed to hand to him. Don't bother to engage in conversation with him, although if he does insist on having a discussion just say that you hope your DC won't start dating 25 year olds when they are just 17 and what kind of dirty old man/woman would be such a pervert?

I second the calls above to inform the niece's parents of this.

There's definitely something going on

Because he’s so fucking cocky that he thinks the OP will be begging him back within a few days.

He no doubt thinks he can punish the OP by walking out like she asked, not contacting her, doing what he likes with whoever he likes and go back later when she starts missing him, crying down the phone that she made a mistake and wants him to come home. That’s what he is expecting.

He does not think for one minute that the OP is serious and could ever actually leave him. When that penny drops and reality sets in he’ll be breaking his back to “explain” everything I promise.

Agreed

Just heard from him...

" Hi I’m not too sure it is u want me to do or say but I feel I’m always saying sorry or always in the wrong or always need to change so ile say it again, Sorry. I’m gonna stay here for some time and let u gather ure thoughts as to what it is u want. If u would kindly let me see the kids on ure accord that would be lovely. Hope ure ok and we can try make a fresh start one day when u feel up for it. I do honestly love u and hope ure all good, u and the kids are all I want in life just without the drama xx"

The house is in my name so I don't have to worry I also have my own car and full time job.
Some things I am smart about.

This. He may not realise or he may be flattered, but 18 year olds can get huge crushes on older people, and it's the older jet don who just take responsibility and behave appropriately.

Are you married ? Then the house and car in his name mean nothing . And I would be replying just that . In fact I would go to q solicitor straight away. In fact I give the same advise to every client , f you have things in common make sure you keep any related paperwork or accounts safe .

You still need legal advice. ASAP.

Do you have a joint account / accounts? Keep track of all finance related paperwork or information currently kept in your home (his and yours!)

He sounds manipulative.

Saying that he doesn't want drama is making out you are being unreasonable for (quite rightly) questioning his actions. He is denying his own responsibility in it.

What he really means is 'You and the kids are all I want in life.....plus to be able to do whatever creepy fucking things I like without you ever questioning it'

Don't let him back in. Get legal advice.

Gross. A non-apology!
He’s trying to slide back in and pretend as if nothings happened. He’s counting on you to back down but he clearly is still not willing to discuss the clear red flags he’s raised or begin to make amends by deleting her from Facebook.

He said “sorry” but is subtly implying you’re irrational, hard to please and he doesn’t know what he should be apologising for. I mean sorry for what?!

sorry for not telling you he gave this young girl a lift ? For taking pictures of her ? For not removing her from Facebook? for refusing to discuss it with you?

After all this he’s showing zero willingness to discuss it properly and calls it ‘drama’. he clearly has something to hide!

And I’m pretty sure he is worried that if you got to the bottom of this, that his other indiscretions will come out somehow. Sorry to say but I doubt this is his first rodeo.

It is definitely good news you have your own car and full time job though and you’re not financially reliant on him.

He’s not as smart as he thinks - if you’re married the house being in his name means nothing as it’s a marital asset. If you’re not, then the courts will consider the childrens’ welfare first and the primary caregiver to the children usually gets to live in the house.

As for the other things he’s said, as far as I can see, what was posted upthread is actually happening. He’s contacted you blaming you for being suspicious. Don’t fall for it. When he says ‘I’m gonna stay here for some time’ where exactly does he mean, given that his parting shot was that he was going to this girl ? He’s behaved appallingly and hasn’t explained a single thing, so until he does, he doesn’t get over the doorstep and I’d be wary about giving him unsupervised access to the children given that this girl may be in the picture.

To be honest, I wouldn’t be able to get over this - especially since he’s done something similar in the past. But if you decide to go along with his ‘fresh start’ plan ffs get your name put on the deeds or the mortgage for the house and make sure finances are sorted so that he can’t just scarper with the lot.

Sorry for confusion I did " " on his message. The bit about house and car is me. We're not married and they are in my name. I got taught to be able to stand on my own and not get caught with nothing.

I haven't replied to his message because I just feel if I said anything no matter how polite it would escalate and he wouldn't get it still.

He'll come back, tail between his legs, because he wants a roof over his head and meals on the table. But you can't trust him - he's a proven philanderer and he'll just be more careful and less obvious from now on. Sorry OP 💐

That’s not even close to an real apology to you that’s a:

”sorry you found me out”
“sorry I don’t want to live in my holiday home it would be easier for me to live with you and have you run around after me while I keep playing behind your back”
”sorry but I’m not admitting anything so don’t tell my family I’ve been basically perving around my nieces school friends”
” sorry just sweep it under the rug and let’s pretend you’ve made this mess because you’re mental”

What a nonsense.