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Original poster

Partner and 18 year old?

324 replies

Cuppacakey · 01/10/2023 05:12

Feel silly for writing this but need others views to see if I’m looking at it wrong or not.
a few months ago I found out by overhearing my 17 year old partners niece and him talk that he gave a lift to one of her friends.
Fast forward to last night (partners nieces 18th birthday party) myself and partner and our daughters attended. Our youngest daughter was dancing on the dance floor and said 18 year old dancing with her. My partner got up and took photos of our daughter with 18 year old. Now I thought that was odd. My partner wasn’t taking any photos of myself with daughters on dance floor? Later the said 18 year old came outside and my partner gave her a hug and kiss and said hello. He did put his arm around me and when I tried to make conversation with her she still didn’t give me any eye contact and just spoke and looked at my partner.
Am I reading this completely wrong or the vibes I picked up are questionable?
we are 34 and 35 and it just felt all a bit weird to me.

OP posts:
Lennon80 · 01/10/2023 19:18

He’s in his mid 30s and adding young girls to his Facebook?! He sounds dodgy OP I think our senses about things are always right! What a prick!

cheddercherry · 01/10/2023 19:20

More than that you really shouldn’t have to settle with this. You sound like someone who wants to be loved and wants to be in love, this doesn’t sound like that.

He’s categorically not the best you’re going to get, you could throw a rock in a shopping centre and hit 100 men better than this guy. He’s really not worth the shit on your shoe, as the old saying goes! Imagine the next few months enjoying all the festivities feeling a weight lifted you’re not dealing with having to worry what he’s up to, face everything being twisted so you’re crazy. You can relax, you can breathe and you can make yourself happy instead of being made miserable. Go out with your friends, spend time with your family. Imagine waking up knowing you don’t have this shit to deal with.

Lilibert456 · 01/10/2023 19:36

cheddercherry · 01/10/2023 19:20

More than that you really shouldn’t have to settle with this. You sound like someone who wants to be loved and wants to be in love, this doesn’t sound like that.

He’s categorically not the best you’re going to get, you could throw a rock in a shopping centre and hit 100 men better than this guy. He’s really not worth the shit on your shoe, as the old saying goes! Imagine the next few months enjoying all the festivities feeling a weight lifted you’re not dealing with having to worry what he’s up to, face everything being twisted so you’re crazy. You can relax, you can breathe and you can make yourself happy instead of being made miserable. Go out with your friends, spend time with your family. Imagine waking up knowing you don’t have this shit to deal with.

This

Louise303 · 01/10/2023 20:08

I would get rid of him he sounds like a creep I would shame him and mention it to his family. The girl avoiding your eye contact and him only taking pictures of her shows it is not just one sided. I would try to check out her facebook if he has her on there he is probably on any other social media she has.

Mummysgogetter · 01/10/2023 20:11

Cuppacakey · 01/10/2023 19:05

Currently sat in my car 🚗 n a lay-by to get out the house and just told my best friend. Crying my eyes out as she also thinks it's suspicious when I said about the phone always going in the bathroom when he showers etc. feel like I'm being made out to be mentally unstable by thinking the way I am and that I shouldn't be so daft when I didn't go looking for this.

@Cuppacakey I’m so sorry you are being made to feel like this - he really is a piece of s**t! Do not allow him to treat you this way- gaslighting you and making you feel like you have mental health issues. He is not treating you like a loved, cherished partner - he is being downright cruel and uncaring. He is so brazen in his actions that it beggars belief!
get rid of him (I never say this) and leave him to his own demise - let him be free to go after the 18 year old - see how happy he will be in reality.

Chestnutz · 01/10/2023 20:19

His response is very telling. If he was innocent I would have expected him to be mortified that the behaviour could be construed that way and change it. The fact he’s now gas lighting you and locked down his phone means that he doesn’t intend to rebuild your trust. I don’t think there’s much coming back from this one now. Sorry OP.

NewName122 · 01/10/2023 20:44

Sounds wrong doesn't it. Why are some men so gross.

Original poster
Cuppacakey · 01/10/2023 21:13

Put kids to bed and then I asked him to leave. He replied with "are you joking? Give me a reason why? I'll happily go but know this is the last time. You doing this will push me away for good, your mental"
I said I wasn't comfortable with him taking photos of an 18 year old and then he started calling on his phone and said he was calling her and going to see her after he's left.
I feel sick to my stomach and crying 😭

OP posts:
youtwoandme · 01/10/2023 21:19

It hurts, but at least now you know. What a vile man.
Please don't let him come crawling back and begging you when it all goes wrong with her, because it will.

PandaExpress · 01/10/2023 21:23

Was he being serious about calling her and going to see her OP?

happsy · 01/10/2023 21:30

Wow what an absolute scumbag to do that to you! Let him go op. It just means you were right about him. Can you call your best friend to talk at least if she can't come over? Sorry you are going through this.

PandaExpress · 01/10/2023 21:35

17 year olds are so vulnerable to predatory men. It's an age that older men who want girls think is acceptable. And lots of girls that age are really coming into their beauty, so feel at the height of sexual power over men (or so they think) But they are just kids really. There's a reason so many older songs feature 17 year old girls.
I shudder to remember my 17th year. It was definitely my wild faze and the time I remember being openly leered at by men frequently. Yes, at 17 they know what they are doing and are old enough to know better, but it's the most dangerous time for making bad decisions and messing up their lives.
I really hope you are wrong OP. That he's known this girl through his neice, since she was young and he's just being brotherly. It doesn't look good though 💐

mommatoone · 01/10/2023 21:37

OP- I think his response to all this tells you all you need to know. 💕

Lennon80 · 01/10/2023 21:40

Calling her and going to see
her? Was this said facetiously ? Surely he wasn’t admitting it? What a head fuck for you. He sounds dreadful.

pollyroo · 01/10/2023 21:42

What a creep.

He's awful OP.

Get rid Flowers

Therealjudgejudy · 01/10/2023 21:46

What a total creep he is

cheddercherry · 01/10/2023 21:47

He’s vile and you definitely are not mental. He’s literally just proved you to be in fact 100% sane and right about what was going on.

I’m so sorry that you’re so upset but you really are better off without him. Rally your friends and family and treat yourself and the kids. Sometimes it’s harder to lose something because it’s the end, and endings are hard and change is hard, rather than actually missing that person themselves. You might be missing the idea of what you wanted that relationship to be more than the reality of what he made it.
He really didn’t deserve the care and thought you were giving him, and I assure you, your kids are better off not having a man around who speaks down to their mum the way he did.

You will heal from this but he will never be more than a lying dirtbag.

Nicole1111 · 01/10/2023 21:48

Don’t let him gaslight you in to thinking this is a you problem. His behaviour is at best suspicious and creepy and his response says a lot. You deserve better. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise

JMSA · 01/10/2023 21:49

My head hurts reading this. Are you suspecting your husband of fancying his niece?

Louise303 · 01/10/2023 21:54

It sounds like he wanted you to know with the comments that you will push him away for good. I think he probably wanted a little fling with girl and has been caught out so will try to blame you for being paranoid.I wonder what the girls parents would think I have a 19 year old and I would be raging. He is sick how would he feel if a married older man tried to use his niece this way.

Neodymium · 01/10/2023 21:54

Cuppacakey · 01/10/2023 21:13

Put kids to bed and then I asked him to leave. He replied with "are you joking? Give me a reason why? I'll happily go but know this is the last time. You doing this will push me away for good, your mental"
I said I wasn't comfortable with him taking photos of an 18 year old and then he started calling on his phone and said he was calling her and going to see her after he's left.
I feel sick to my stomach and crying 😭

sounds like you did the right thing. Gosh what a vile man. Creepy as hell chasing after someone of that age. I would message your niece and let her know. I don’t think you want him back but maybe she could talk to her friend

SofiYol · 01/10/2023 21:54

Let him go. Seriously, however much it hurts stay strong and make him leave.

He’ll be on his knees begging in a few weeks when reality smacks him in his vile fucking face and the whole world thinks he’s a pervy old man. I hope you slam the door in his face when that happens.

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 01/10/2023 21:55

18 year olds don't use Facebook Confused

SofiYol · 01/10/2023 21:56

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 01/10/2023 21:55

18 year olds don't use Facebook Confused

You should tell the numerous 18 year old family members I have on mine, I’m not sure they got the memo.

FlamingoQueen · 01/10/2023 21:59

Well done for kicking him out - this is not going to end well. I’m sorry you are going through it x